Uneasiness
The Lost PrinceI wonder how she's doing? I stepped out the courtroom after a long day of court discussion. amid the fatigue, my mind is constantly thinking of Mirai. since we returned to the palace, I was so busy tying up loose ends from the missions and tending to the small big matters that Yabu and Hikaru reported to me . besides that, Riko is experiencing so much cramps and nausea that I had to devote my remaining time to stay by her side. in fact, I haven't met Mirai for 3 weeks since we came back. for some reason, she asked her servant to send words that she will be busy with some Shiroku matters and that she'll not be attending court. what exactly is she busy with? I wonder if she needed help? she's always there for me and yet I don't have time for her.
"Inoo~ I'll be going to Mirai's chamber. let Riko's servant know that I'll not be going over today"
"I will~"
I walked down the passageway leading to her chamber. I'm feeling exceptionally excited meeting her after so long. there's so much to tell her, not forgetting about whatever that's bothering about her about Shiroku.
********
Unknown to Ainosuke, Mirai has summoned Yabu, Hikaru and Yuto to her chambers for a secret discussion. The guards weren't sure of her underlying intentions and were feeling uneasy over her instructions, but they had been sternly warned to do as she said.
"what's the strength of Aoihoshi's armed forces now and how's the training going?" Mirai has tasked Yabu and Hikaru even before leaving for the missionaries to help build up the Aoihoshi's military might so it need not depend on Shiroku's in the times ahead.
"we have a comparative number of 10,000 strong fleet for front-line deployment, and an additional 5,000 special force who are highly trained in combats."
"good. and you did keep this from Ainosuke, right?" Mirai had asked the three of them to keep all the instructions they received from her a secret, though the three guards were unsure why.
"yes. The king is unaware of this military strength we are building. he is told only of the original 2,000 fleet. the 15,000 we are training now are stationed on the rural outskirts of the city, away from his surveillance"
"I knew I could count on you, Yabu and Hikaru. You definitely live up to your high repute among the guards"
"your highness, you are too kind~"
"no, you're too humble, General Yabu." Yabu blushed at Mirai's praises and didn't know how to respond.
"Hikaru, have you gathered information about what I've tasked you?"
"yes, your highness. the people of Aoihoshi are contented with the King's performance, and the positive sentiments have grown exponentially after the success of the missionaries spread beyond the towns. The news of the soon-born heir also increased the people's confidence in the stability of the Tanaka lineage."
Mirai felt relieved from Hikaru's updates, but also felt disappointed at herself as she did not play a part in contributing to the success of his husband.
"Queen Mirai, is there something troubling you? what are you planning?~" Hikaru called out to her when he noticed her in deep thoughts and knitted eyebrows.
"just continue to monitor the situation. when the time comes, I'll tell you guys. it's for the better of Aoihoshi and your king, so don't worry."
"we aren't worrying about this, Queen. we are worried about you. we may not be Chinen or Daiki who you share your feelings with, but we do love our Queen too and we hope you give us a chance to understand you." Yabu added with agreement from Hikaru and Yuto.
"We know Riko's pregnancy has sent you numerous heartaches and sleepless nights, and we know you didn't want to bother the King at such times. We are always here for you,Queen Mirai" Hikaru continued.
"Thank you all... for everything. if there's one thing I like about Aoihoshi, it's the people who make it up. You royal guards are the most kind-hearted bunch I've worked with. you've made my stay here extremely enjoyable"
"Queen Mirai~ what you're saying, sounds like a farewell speech? please don't scare us." Hikaru asked
"Where am I supposed to leave? this is my home, isn't it~" the three guards nodded in unison, although the silent guard seemed to be a little hesitant. Mirai dismissed them from her chamber, and the three guards exited with doubts and confusions over Mirai's plans.
"Queen Mirai, can I have a word with you in private?" Yuto returned after parting ways with Hikaru and Yabu.
"sure, what is it about?"
"please don't do anything that will hurt yourself or Ainosuke."
"whatever I do, is for the best of him. I'll not do anything that will harm him" Mirai tried to convince Yuto but he seemed to stand firm on what he believed.
"pardon me for saying, you may be able to fool others, but not me. I know you are planning to sacrifice yourself for his happiness, though i havent figure out exactly what, but I suggest you don't."
"Yuto, you don't understand..."
"no, you don't understand. you're completely underestimating Ainosuke's love for you. that said, whatever you're planning will have adverse effect"
"w-what are you two talking about? what are you planning, Mirai?" Mirai and Yuto's argument was interrupted by a third voice which Mirai has not heard for a while.
"n-nothing. i am just asking Yuto about updates regarding you. i ain't planning anything" Mirai was obviously startled by Ainosuke's unannounced entrance. Both Yuto and her gave a guilty-stricken face that Ainosuke felt a sense of betrayal. He was sure that they two were hiding something from him.
"I'm not deaf. I know what I heard so don't try to hide it from me"
"I said it's nothing. you're hearing things." Mirai signaled Yuto to move out of the chamber to save him from his difficult position.
"I'll excuse myself first" Yuto quickly exited the chamber because he knew he would be caught in between the quarrels if Ainosuke decides to grill him for answers.
"are you planning to rebel against me? that's why you were suddenly involved in Shiroku's forces which are stationed here" Ainosuke moved forward and sternly accused her.
the close proximity and anger gave her an adrenaline rush and her face flushed uncontrollably.
"how could you say that?! you are accusing me of staging a rebellion against my own husband?! I'm so naive to think that you trusted me after all we've been through. but such accusatory words came so easily from your mouth, I must think otherwise."
"then how else should I guess?! your face tells me that you are lying, and I hate people who lie to me, you know that!!!"
"the thing is, you don't trust me! I don't see a need to continue this meaningless conversation if there's no trust between us"
"fine! I have only myself to blame for making a wrong turn into your chamber instead of Riko's. at least she's harmless"
"get out! I don't wanna see you!" Mirai was so hurt by his last line that he forcefully pushed Ainosuke out of her chamber and shut the door. She leaned on her door and clutch her heart as she suffers a momentary acute heartache. She cupped to stop her cries from escaping while silent Tears ran down her cheeks.
Ainosuke, why must you be so mean? We haven't met for so long and there's not much time left, why do you've to hurt me like that. Ainosuke, I really wanted you by my side and I should be happy you came, but~ why must it end like this~
Ainosuke leaned on the other side of the tightly shut door, clenching his fist and tightening his jaw. He raised his head 45 degrees up to stop his tears from overflowing. He knew he was wrong to say such hurtful stuff to Mirai. He knew comparing her to Riko is something that will really break her heart, and even his, but it came out of his mouth too easily. no amount of regret can turn back time. he has stabbed a dagger into her vulnerable heart...it's irreversible.
Gomenasai~I didn't mean to.
Both heartbroken love birds sat on both sides of the door, thinking over the happy memories they forged over the years. they knew their relationship is already experiencing unrepairable cracks, and that the uneasiness and uncertainty will only increase as the time goes by.
and they were right.
*******
"your highness, your eyebags are horrible. let me help you apply some concealer" Mirai's servant took the makeup stash and applied on her master's frail face after a whole night of tears.
Mirai hurried down the corridor to Dowager Umi's personal dining room where she has been summoned earlier in the morning. She carried a heavy heart as she made her way to the room without delay, but a very strong feeling of uneasiness kept surfacing in her mind.
when she entered, she saw Riko and Dowager Umi already sitter and having their breakfast. On the long table, she saw an extra 2 sets of cutleries and she realised that Ainosuke was invited as well.
"take a seat, Mirai" Umi signaled the seat between Riko and her.
"thanks for the invite, mother"
"since you call me mother, then there's something I need to tell you~"
"what is it about?"
"about your conduct. I've been watching you. yesterday, you quarreled with Ainosuke right?"
"I..."
"yes, you did, and it was a bad one. do you know Ainosuke has been very stress lately, and he is running on less than 3 hours of sleep per day. he wanted to be fair to you by visiting your chamber late into the night, since he has spent quite a bit of time with Riko after he came back from the missionaries, but yet you threw tantrums!"
Mirai's heart wrenched it seemed like her heartstrings tore. her tears are fighting to escape her eyes but she tried all she could to hold it in.
"Queen Mirai, I'm sorry to take up all Ainosuke's remaining time after his mountain of work. he's indeed very exhausted, so I hope you could understand him better"
Mirai looked at Riko and she felt the kind of bond Riko shared with Ainosuke since birth. Hyun mentioned the attachment the siblings have and how they both cared for each other without having to speak their minds. Mirai's jealousy made it even harder to endure the current situation that she felt like hiding herself and letting it all out!
"yes, learn from Riko. As wives, especially as Queen, you have to understand your husband and support him when he's having the most difficult times. By day, he has a whole lot of work to tend to, by night, he has to accompany Riko. As the Queen, the least you could is to lighten his load and not to burden him with your childish tantrums"
Mirai tightened her jaw and her hands clutched her dress to hold in her tears. She shall not cry in front of nobles, as her parents had trained her to. She felt that suddenly no one, not even Ainosuke, understood her pain. She felt alone...
"Thank you for your teaching and reminder. I apologise for all the distress I caused to Lady Riko, Dowager Umi and my lord" she's on the verge of crying, and she knew she could not hold on anymore.
"there's something I need to attend to. I'm sorry I have to excuse myself." she stood up only to be stopped by Ainosuke's entrance and Umi's call.
"I insist that you stay for breakfast. it's only through such gatherings that familial relationships stay strong and bonded"
Mirai sat back down, avoiding Ainosuke's eyes. He joined the seat opposite his 2 wives in a confused state of mind since he couldn't catch what her mum was implying.
Umi and Riko looked at the dark circles around Ainosuke's eyes and knew instantly that he hasn't slept well the whole night.
"Are you okay, Ainosuke?" Riko asked. Mirai was too embarrassed to raise her head and the pain in her heart continued to torment her.
"of course I'm okay" he replied with a brief smile.
"I believe your queen has something to say to you~" Umi looked towards Mirai and gave a stern look. Mirai got the hint immediately and she realised that she had to lower herself in front of Lady Riko to make a formal apology for the 'ruckus' she caused yesterday and for her 'childish' behaviour. Her pride could not withstand such embarrassment and her heart cannot endure one more stab.
"Gomenasai my lord, for all the distress I caused you yesterday. I have failed as Queen, to assist my lord through thick and thins, instead I added to your burden." She gave a 90 degree bow to the three other people on the table and the servants present in the room. it was such a painfully awkward scene even for the onlookers Chinen, Daiki, Yuto and Yabu who were stationed outside the room.
Ainosuke has never heard Mirai used such formal honorifics on him for a very long time, it made him feel like they returned to the time when they still shut their lives from each other. at the same time, Ainosuke was shocked that last night's quarrel travelled to his mum's ears, and was even more shocked that Mirai has to apologise.
"M-Mirai... it's okay" Ainosuke ushered her back into her seat, but throughout the course, her face is buried in her food, refusing to look at anyone's eyes. Ainosuke wanted to take a good look at her face, but there was almost no chance for that. She excluded herself from the table conversations and hence, in no time, Mirai has gobbled up all her food.
"thank you for the breakfast, mother~ I shall make a move first"
"Mirai~ I'll exit with you" Ainosuke wanted to rush after her.
"My lord, there's no need to send me out. please finish your food and Lady Riko needs you." Ainosuke was dumbfounded by her outright rejection and felt bothered by her expressionless face.
She quickened her steps and exited the room, bumping right into the 4 guards.
"Queen Mirai~" Yabu and Yuto blocked her way so they could carefully assess their Queen's emotional state.
"why are you tormenting me too?! is it funny to see me in such embarrassment?!"
"no~we didn't mean that. Queen Mirai, all we wanted was to check if you're okay" Yabu replied on their behalf.
"I'm okay~why would I not be" she took in a deep breathe and wiped her tears from her face before walking past them confidently.
that really worried the guards, as they knew that Mirai is hurting in the process of masking all her sorrows and heartaches. they rather have her break down in tears than act brave in front of everyone. What's worst is that They felt their Queen drifting away from everyone who cares for her, isolating herself and cutting herself from all connections. if this goes on, she'll definitely collapse from the heartaches.
but there's nothing they could do.
Ainosuke, on the other hand, sat at the same spot, pondering over the last expression Mirai showed when she looked into his eyes. he swore he hasn't seen such damp eyes full of indescribable sorrows and pain coming from her. that look of hers penetrate deep into his heart and left behind a lasting impression.
"Ainosuke~ Son!" he was so engrossed that he didnt even hear his mum calling him.
"ah~ yes, mum"
"what are you thinking about?"
"nothing~"
"if there's anything, you can tell me, or Riko. but now, why not take a rest from work, bring Riko for a ride on your horse"
"I don't know how, mum. won't it be dangerous for me?" Riko asked with a worried face.
"Ainosuke will be careful, won't he?"
"yes~ I'll protect you, don't worry" Ainosuke was actually not in the mood to bring Riko out. instead what he wanted was to go look for Mirai, to comfort her.
"we can ask Queen Mirai to come along. you two hasn't been spending much time because of me, so why not the three of us go together. we can ask Chinen and the rest too. it'll be fun" Ainosuke felt uneasy having Mirai around. He didnt want to be caught in between the 2 ladies. All he yearned for is some alone time with Mirai, why is it getting so difficult to even fulfill this simple wish.
with his mum watching, it'll be weird to reject Riko's suggestions, so the answer could only be a Yes. But he was immediately overwhelmed by feelings of uneasiness for what will happen during the ride.
************
Mirai trailed close behind Ainosuke in her horse. Her vision focused on Ainosuke who is tugging Riko in front of him on his horse. To be honest, she is feeling downright jealous of Riko, as Ainosuke only rode her once and it wasn't in this carefree mood. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked from their backviews but held it back anyway. She cannot be seen crying over such trivial matters after the dowager's stern reprimand, especially when Chinen, Yuto, Yabu and Hikaru riding alongside them. But unknown to her, the guards have seen through sorrows.
the four guards exchanged glances of helplessness, as they all sympathised with their Queen's situation. They were silently hoping that this trip could relief some of her sadness, but it only seemed to aggrevate it.
"Ainosuke~Ainosuke" Riko called out to her husband who is embracing her from the back to secure her on his horse. He may be physically here, but his mind has wandered to Mirai, still engross over her sorrowful expression in the morning.
"ah, yes. shall we stop here for a while. I think everyone is tired." Ainosuke called out to the rest. He carried Riko down from her horse and wanted to walk over to Mirai for a talk, but was turned down.
"I'm going over to the lake to refresh myself." Mirai excused herself, and all 4 guards knew she just wanted to escape from the awkward gathering. They positioned themselves at a distance to grant her some personal space.
Ainosuke felt frustrated with her hostility and decided not to stand by and watch her in isolation. "Watch over Riko, I'm going over to Mirai for a while."
"Ainosuke~" she held his sleeves. "I'll be back soon" he turned and smiled to her before leaving her sight.
Mirai stood at the same spot where she first saw Ainosuke in tears after they saved him from Minoru's capture. It is also where she first confessed her feelings to him. She reminisced those days, at the same time, she couldn't help but regretted. If I never told him I love him, then our relationship will not have blossomed, and so it would not have turned out this way. Things would have been much easier if we both did not dive into the sea of love. If only, it remained contractual, then things would have looked much brighter, and i wouldn't have to do this~
She teared as the days of the future firmed up in her mind. If everything runs as planned, this could be last time I'll visit this place, filled with our memories.
"Mirai~" her thoughts were interrupted and she was surprised to see Ainosuke standing a step behind her. She must have been so absorbed into her thoughts then she didn't hear him approach.
"my lord. If I'm obstructing your view, then please allow me to move somewhere else, so that you can enjoy the scenery" Mirai stepped away only to grabbed in the arms by him.
"Why are you being so polite? I don't want you to use honorifics on me. and I never asked you to leave, I wanted to enjoy the scenery with you, not alone."
"My lord, it's my wrong that I disregarded all formalities since marriage. It's only correct to set things right now."
"Mirai~ I know you are still upset over yesterday, and this morning too. I don't know what my mum told you, but I don't need your apology. I'm the one who should be sorry for the hurtful words I said to you. I swear that I'll not doubt you again." Ainosuke pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. She buried her face on his chest and felt comforted after all the emotional struggles she endured since yesterday, but yet she knew she should not be enjoying this moment.
"As a King, you should never trust someone unconditionally. All great Kings fell eventually because they overly trusted the people around them. Haven't you learn from your late Akiyoshi's mistake?" she uttered as she released herself from his arms.
"I agree. but we can trust each other, didn't we promise on that?"
"I realised we can't."
"you are still angry over yesterday. I am sorry Mirai! I shouldn't have doubted your loyalty and faithfulness."
"no, my lord. You're right, you should be wary of me. I'm princess of Shiroku with an army, strong enough to wipe out yours in less than a day. If i decide to rebel, then you will meet your doom." Her words sting his heart and gave him an unsettling tension.
"w-what are you saying? You are saying all this to spite me right!"
"I'm merely giving you a reality check!"
"Fine! I thank you then. Can we not talk about this? I don't wanna end up quarreling with you everytime I manage to spare some alone time with you." He forced her into his arms again, but this time, Mirai struggled and pushed him away.
"what's the matter with you! why are you so intolerant and irritable these days?! You are acting like a spoilt brat!"
"yeah, I am. didn't you hear from your mum... I'm childish, so go to Riko! You'll have a much fun time than quarreling with me. I never asked to see you!"
He was so furious that he raised his hand at her. He was so pissed that if Yuto didn't stop him, he would have gave Mirai a tight slap.
"I deserve the punishment. Yuto, let go of him." She shut her eyes as if preparing for the impact.
"no, your highness. Ainosuke, get a grip off yourself. If you land a finger on her, you will definitely regret later" the 2 tall guards Yabu and Hikaru shielded in front of Mirai, while Chinen and Riko watched the confrontation from a distant.
"You're crazy. Since you wanna be alone, then I'll give you ALL the alone time you need. I'll go have fun with Riko as you, my honor wife, suggested." He shook away Yuto's tight grip and stomped towards Riko.
"I have no mood to continue this ride. Riko, let's go back" He didn't give a chance for Riko to accept nor reject. He just carried her onto the horse and rode off with his final instruction "the rest of you can accompany your Queen back."
Chinen, Yuto, Yabu and Hikaru stared blankly as their King rode off in a speed of light, not turning back to look at the first wife he left behind.
The guards saw a drop of tear rolled down from her eyes.
"It's getting cold, your highness. Let's return to the palace." Yabu said. Mirai wobbled back to her horse as she felt weak after the fierce confrontation. Indeed, Ainosuke has never raised a finger on her before, and this is the first time she has angered him so much that she saw herself as his enemy.
"Your highness, if you don't mind, let me ride you back." Chinen offered with a smile, but deep down, he and the rest were worried of Mirai's health. She seemed too traumatised to be riding.
Chinen carried Mirai on his horse and wrap his body from behind her back. First, Yuto, now Chinen, Mirai felt the comforting warmth and scent that cushioned her heavy heart. She looked at the 3 guards who escorted Chinen's horses and they each gave her a smile so bright as if saying that everything will be fine.
Tears ran like a opened tap, as she recalled the confrontation. She was startled when Chinen lightly pulled her in to lean onto his chest.
"Our Queen cannot be seen crying, isn't it. Your tears are precious"
"Chinen~"
"That confrontation is too deliberate, Queen Mirai. I saw through your act, and I believe Yuto did too. I haven't figured out the reason for you shunning away from the King, and making him distant from you and even hate you; i don't know why you are isolating yourself and not allowing him to mend your broken heart. But whatever your plan is, I and the rest of the guards will give you our trust and support. So, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, please let me know," Chinen smiled, and instantly Mirai felt like she wasn't alone."
Everything is working as planned. I have slowly paved my way for the final chapter. Thank you Chinen...as well as Yuto and Daiki who have always been by my side. Yabu and Hikaru too. When the day comes, please remember what you said. I hope you will not be disappointed with that side of me.
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