“HyunSun, just sing.”

I pout.

“What if someone hears me?”

He rolls his eyes. “We’re in a sound proof room. There is no way that someone will hear you.”

I bit my lip. “Will anyone walk in?”

He takes his forefinger and thumb and pinches me across the mouth. “That’s not going to happen.”

He hands me headphones and I examine them.

“With these you can sing into the mic and hear yourself.”

I put the headphones on. “What do you mean?”

I jump hearing myself echo.

He laughs. “I want to hear you sing a song on your own. The two of us will practice afterwards.”

Sing, sing what?

“Do you know Quasimodo?”

He hands me the music sheets and I feel my eyes soften.

“I love this song.”

He smiles wildly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

I notice he’s making a weird hand signal to  two way mirror and the music and background vocals reaches my headphones. Chills run down my spine.

I open my mouth. “Gaseum gadeukhan geudae heunjok nareul sumswige haeyo.”

My heart can’t take it.

I keep singing and when I get a minute and a half through the song I start to cry.

Jonghyun looks concerned but I keep going.

I have to prove myself. It doesn’t matter the song. It doesn’t matter that I’m a girl pretending to be a boy. I have to prove that I am willing to sacrifice anything to debut. I will never have a love like this song. My lifestyle will not permit it.

I drop the music sheets and sing full heartedly into the mic.

I have to prove myself.

I have to debut as the best.

I have to let go of something I will never have in order to achieve my goal.

Suddenly Jonghyun is rubbing my shoulder to comfort me.

Tears won’t stop streaming down my face.

“Your voice is beautiful.”

I look at my hands in disbelief, the hands that signed away my childhood.

“You sing with your heart.”

I look to Jonghyun. That wasn’t his voice.

“Your voice is beautiful,” the boy repeats.

Jonghyun groans. “Hyung are you serious?”

I cringe. “Hyung?” as in Onew?

F-CK my life.

“HyunSun, you sing from your heart. It’s a very beautiful place.”

He knows.

“Thank you Oppa.”

---

“Were you ever going to tell me?” Onew asks sitting down beside me.

I don’t dare look at him.

“At some point…yes.”

Now over half of SHINee knows. What will the director think when he catches wind of this?

He sighs. “What are we going to do with you?”

I furrow my brow. “Excuse me?”

He sits up in his seat.

“Well, obviously we have to keep this under wraps.” He rubs his forehead. “There has got to be a way to keep the director from finding out.”

I grab his hands.

“Oppa! You’re on my side?!”

He looks at me and then coughs before looking away.

“Why wouldn’t I be? You’re part of SHINee now. Even if you’re only a trainee, you’re one of us for the time being and I intend to treat you like a member.”

I grip his hands and bow my head.

“Oppa, teach me to be a good leader like you.”

He laughs awkwardly.

“You can let go of my hand now.”

I do and he wipes the side of his jeans.

A bit odd but whatever, my secret is safe!

“Just don’t let Taemin find out or else the whole world will know.”

I nod my head.

Onew takes a good look at me and then smacks his forehead. “You’re that trainee from yesterday.”

I nod again.

“So wait, you’re the…oh god, this is too funny.”

“What?” Jonghyun and I ask in unison.

“The girl who unraveled the flaming charisma is sharing bunk beds with him.”

I cover my face with my hands.

“Stop saying stuff like that.”

He laughs.

“It’s not like you like him.” He coughs. “Do you?”

“Aniyo! I don’t even know the guy. We just share a room.”

Jonghyun cracks up laughing.

“You two are so close, yet so far.”

I point a finger at him.

“You’re supposed to be helping me.”

“I’m sorry; you’re just too cute when you’re acting like a girl.”

My cheeks burn.

“O~ppas! Stop teasing me.”

They look at me dazed and then I snap them back to reality.

“We have to keep this from Taemin and Minho at all cost.”

Onew scratches his head. “Do the twins know?”

“Hell freaking NO.”

He looks at me shocked.

“Sorry, but there is no way that I’m going to tell them. They may be older and such but they are as mature as a pair of four-year-olds.”

“Didn’t you just meet them?” Jonghyun asks.

I sigh. “It was only an hour but one is a lady killer and the other is a toddler…not the kind of people I want to tell my secret to.”

“I see, so only Jonghyun, Key your manager and I know right?”

I think about it and start to laugh.

“What is it?”

“Donghul knows.”

I can’t stop laughing.

“Are you okay?” Jonghyun asks.

I gasp for air. “It’s really –heh– not funny.”

I begin to double over and wrap my arms around my stomach.

“What?”

I look at them. “You won’t believe this, but that kid hit on me. ME! And I’m supposed to be the leader of his group.”

I continue laughing until I fall out of my seat.

“HyunSun?”

I roll over onto my back.

“What am I going to do?” I sniff.

They both lean over looking at me.

“I can’t lead a group of boys when two of the three have already tried hitting on me and the other is a lady killer.” I sigh and cover my eyes with my arms.

“HyunSun, you’re showing your stomach.”

I quickly sit up.

“You just need to be strong,” Jonghyun says sitting next to me.

Onew laughs. “What he said, and if all else fails us Hyungs can help you out.”

I smile.

So this is what it’s like to be in a group.

It’s nice.

“HYUNG! Minho stole my hairband!”

I look up startled.

“Oh hi HyunSun,” Taemin greets me and then redirects his attention to the Hyungs. “Minho took my hair clip!”

Onew wipes his forehead. “Taemin do you really need it right this second?”

Taemin looks to Jonghyun for support.

“To be honest you don’t even have enough hair to use a clip.”

The maeknae looks at me.

I struggle for words.

“I’m sorry, the Hyungs have a point. Why did Minho take it?”

He huffs like a kid. “He’s playing stupid basketball, again.”

I laugh to myself.

So this is another side to being in a group.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

im so so sorrrry that this update is late T_T

my laptop got sick and i've been kicking it old school with pen and paper for a few days.

I've got a few more chapters writen down and i'll try and update them when i get the chance to. I'm a little busy trying to get my music and photos back. a lot of it got lost too ._. but luckily i was able to save SHINee and BIg Bang. CN Blue and MBLAQ didn't make it sadly. T^T

anyways i'll try and update morewhen everthing gets fixed.

much love,

meng.

PS. next chapter has bunches more of Minho in it...finally. :)