I nearly tripped at mat in front of the hospital, but I didn’t let it stop me from bolting to the emergency room with Baro. I ran through the front desk, and towards the emergency room but the nurses stopped me from going in. I was flailing my arms while trying to get away from them and follow wherever they were taking Baro.

“You don’t understand.” I said leaning on the nurse who was trying to stop me, “I-I need to be with him.” I was crying like a baby almost breaking down on my knees.

My knees felt like jelly, my heart was pounding really hard inside my chest. I felt like something was stabbing my insides, and I can’t breathe. I was hyperventilating, not because Baro was doing something to make me blush, but because of all the things that’s been running in my head the whole time we were on our way to the hospital.

“Please-please-please..” I said clasping my hand on the hem of the nurses uniform while kneeling on the floor, “save him-” I know I look stupid begging at her to help Baro. I was helpless, and that is the only thing that I can do

The nurse with the name Norma written on her nametag held me up, “We need you to calm down.” She said rubbing my back, I realized it was what I needed someone who could make me believe that Baro is going to be okay. “We’ll make sure to do our best.”

I was covering my mouth with hand still sobbing in tears as Norma guided me to the waiting room. She pushed me to sit down and told me to wait there. She assured me that Baro is going to be okay before she left.

I felt like I want to run in my room, cover myself with my blanket. My heart was hurting like hell, I don’t even know what the feeling is. This is not happening.

Seconds later, Sandeul, Gongchan, Shinwoo-ssi, Jinyoung, Yoonji, Ji-Hae, and Lee Joon came running in to the waiting room. Everyone was wearing the same expression, they looked scared and worried.

“What happened?” Yoonji demanded the second she got closer to me, and I just can’t help but to cry again. She pulled me into a hug. “Ji-Un? We’re here okay?” she held me even tighter.

Yoonji pushed me away to look at me, she gave me a look that I’ve never seen from her before. She looked so helpless, scared mirroring how I was feeling right now.

I sobbed, “I don’t know.” I answered her question, “They haven’t told me anything yet, and won’t let me see him. They haven’t even told me what’s wrong with him.” I was even more terrified.

Everyone was just there wearing horrible expressions, I don’t even know why Lee-Joon was there. But, I guess Baro will need as much as many friends he could have to help him get through this.

“Where’s your mom?” I don’t know where my question came from, but I just know any mother could be here when her son is about to die.

“I haven’t told her.” YoonJi looked away as if holding her tears in.

My friends that had come all took seats on the couch, Lee-Joon was only looking worried. Ji-hae was sobbing, and at that moment I want to comfort her. She loves him, I know, so she might be feeling the same way I am right now.

 Sandeul was pacing around the waiting room. Jinyoung was uncontrollably tapping his feet on the floor. Shinwoo-ssi was slouching on the couch, his hands on his eyes, and by the looks of it, he’s crying. Gongchan, stayed calm his hands were clasped together but he was bowing down his head.

“Excuse me,” a new voice now said, and we all snapped our heads to see that it was a doctor that was speaking to us. “Do one of you happen to be Hun Ji-Un?”

I gulped as I stood from the sofa, “that’s me.”

The doctor now nodded, “Baro has asked to see you.”

I thought my heart jumped right out of my chest, “He’s awake?”

The look on the doctor did not make me feel any better. He didn’t smile, but she was not exactly frowning as well. I don’t know if I should feel excited or scared. Baro was awake, and the doctor didn’t seem to look happy about it.

He quickly led me through the hallways, and I was growing more and more terrified by the second. I didn’t know what was wrong with Baro, I could only find out when I see him.

The doctor pushed the door to the ER “You can go inside.” He said when I halted for a moment in front of the door.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat, not knowing what was waiting for me inside. He could be fine, and that nothing serious happened, I maybe freaking out over nothing. 

I let out a breath before walking inside. What I saw shocked me, and I didn’t know how to respond. Baro was lying on the hospital bed with multiple doctors surrounding him and he was hooked up to different types of machines. I could hear a heart monitor beeping slowly, and I didn’t know if it was good or bad.

“Ji-Un” I heard Baro breathe now as he said my name faintly, this caused the doctors to turn their attention to me,. I immediately recognized one of them, it was Dr. Byun Hyun, but my throat felt dry to even say anything to him.

Dr. Byun Hyun cocked his head toward Baro, as if asking me to move closer to my boyfriend. Biting my lip to stop myself from crying, I took few steps forward until I was right beside his bed. I crouched down beside him and took his hand, swallowing back my tears as I stared down at his weak and tired face.

“Ji-Un..” Baro breathed again, his voice was low and raspy as he forced his eyes open as wide as he could go. “I’m not dead, right?”

“Baro…” I sniffed, wiping the tears away from my eyes now, “of… of course you’re not…”

“I thought…” he bagan now, and I don’t know if he should be talking or not. The doctors didn’t try to stop him, so I thought it was okay for him to do so, “I thought… I was dead” he smiled faintly

I felt my body freeze, knowing he could actually be gone by now if the paramedics didn’t come to help us, “You’re fine..” I replied shakily, not knowing what I was supposed to say now, “I’m right here, Baro. Stay with me…”

I didn’t even stop my tears from falling now, because I know there was no use in doing so. I kept listening to the heart monitor, only feeling a little better every time a slow beep come from it.

“I’m right here…” I swallowed now, clutching onto his hand even tighter now, “So you’ve got to live, okay? You’ve got to pull through and recover. You’ve got to be okay.”

“Ji-Un…” he croaked now, “I feel cold, please just hold my hand..”

I heard the heart monitor skipped a beat, and I could have sworn my heart did as well. I stood up straight, still holding his hand, and having absolutely no idea what I was supposed to be doing right then and there. The doctors continued to stand around Baro’s hospital bed, but none of them sprang into action like they have to be doing something.

“Baro…” I gasped now, more tears leaking through my eyes as I crouched back down next to him quickly, “please, stay with me, Baro. Please, don’t leave me please. Come on, we still have to finish our song, remember? We only have few verses and no tune yet. We have to finish it or else we’ll fail.”

Baro didn’t respond, and I ended up squeezing his hand tighter. The doctors took a step closer, but I wasn’t about to move from my spot next to him. He wasn’t dead; I couldn’t let him die.

“I love you” Baro whispered to me now, sounding so weak and plain that it broke my heart, “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Baro…” I sobbed, placing his hand against my cheek. “I love you, too. I love you so much.”

He closed his eyes then, and this caused me to squeeze his hand tighter. If he had any strength, I’m sure that he would have squeezed back as well. The heart monitor was still going; he was still alive. He wasn’t going to leave me. Not yet.

“Do you think heaven will look as good as they describe it?” Baro wandered out loud, not opening his eyes as he asked me.

I bit back a sob, “it will.”

The heart monitor suddenly skipped another beat, and then began going slow now. Before I could even react, the line went flat and the long piercing sound etched into my brain forever. Baro’s hand went limp into mine, and it dropped from my grasp. All I did for one split second was stand there.

But after that split second was over, I was being pushed out of the way by the doctors who desperately made their way over to save Baro. I stood there, unable to move as they tried to save him, but then everything sinks in.

Baro was dead.

I don’t know if I screamed or not.  “No, No!” I sobbed, trying my hardest to break through the crowd of doctors, but with no use. “let me see him! Please, I need to see him! I need to see him! Baro! Baro, wake up! Please don’t leave me! Wake up, please! Baro!”

I nearly collapsed in sobbing mess onto the floor, but arms looped around my waist and picked me right up off the ground before I could. I was surprised, but this didn’t stop me from screaming and shouting and kicking as the person carried me out of the ER.

When I was set on the floor in the hallway outside the ER, I looked up and saw through my blurry vision that it had been Dr. Byun Hyun who had carried me and taken me outside. But after about three seconds of being silent, I fell against the wall outside the ER and continued sobbing my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Ji-Un…” Dr. Byun Hyun swallowed, wiping his own eyes as he looked down at me, “I’m sorry.”

I stood up and tried to compose myself, I still have to tell my friends, and one of them is his sister. How am I going to tell her that her older brother is dead. The love of my life is dead. I turned away from Dr. Byun Hyun and walked back to the waiting room. I took all my will power, but my legs felt like jelly.

I wiped my eyes, making myself stop from crying for only a few seconds. I couldn’t walk, but I strode to the waiting room as if nothing was wrong, though I was breaking inside. I almost looked like I was in a trance. This all felt like a dream, but I know it wasn’t. My heart is aching way too much to be a dream.

I pushed the door open to the waiting room, and all my friends turned to look at me. Gongchan was the only one to stand up, and I don’t know if he can tell that something was wrong or not.

“So?” Sandeul asked, “What’s going on?”

I couldn’t be strong any longer. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t say a single word without choking over them and bursting into tears. So instead of answering them calmly like I wanted to, I let out a sob and went running to Yoonji, who immediately opened up her arms and let me cry into her shoulders, she was sobbing in tears with me.

She placed her hand on my back. I don’t have to tell them, they all knew what had happened. I don’t know how everyone reacted, but when I heard the door burst open, something told me to look toward it. It was Hanna, she was breathing heavily. She looked at me and everyone’s pain stricken face, then she realized what happened.

Her eyes filled with tears, and I let go of Yoonji and darted to Hanna, I clung my arms into her as soon as I we got close enough. She hugged me just as tightly, and I started sobbing again.

Jinyoung was holding Yoonji who curled on her knees trying to comfort her, his eyes were bloodshot red as well, and I know that he cried and still trying to hold it. Gongchan, was back to his previous position staring at his feet, though he was trying to hide it, he was crying because his shoulders were shaking as he sobbed. Shinwoo-ssi was covering his face with his palm, while biting his lower lip while crying.

Ji-Hae was crying as well, she was wailing just like I did. But, Lee Joon was there to rub her back, trying to comfort her.

I snuck a peek at Sandeul who was only sitting on his seat in shock, like he didn’t believe that his friend is dead. After a few moments of him just sitting there, he sprung up from his seat and started pacing behind his chair, as if he had no idea what else he should do. Suddenly he punched the wall.

I pushed away from Hanna’s hug and went to Sandeul, I held his shoulders as he was facing the wall. He turned to me, and there were tears streaming down his face. I stared at him for a few seconds, then I wrapped my arms around him. I wanted to cry as well, but Sandeul just lost his best friend, so it’s now his time to sob all he wanted.

This isn’t fair. This was all happening so quickly, and it was killing me inside. I didn’t know what I’d do without Baro, and it made me want to crawl up to a ball, and never come out. Without Baro, my life is back to what is was before.. Meaningless.

I heard the door swung open, which made me pull myself away from hugging Sandeul. It was Dr. Byun Hyun , whose face was also streaked with tears just like all the rest of us.

“Ji-Un…” he seemed to be out of breath. “Baro… he’s alive.”

I stared at the doctor for a moment, unable to say anything as the rest of my friends crowded closer, I swallowed clearing my throat forcing myself to ask, “What do you mean?”

“I mean, he died.” Dr. Byun Hyun sighed now, wiping at his tear stained cheeks, “but, we were able to revive him, he’s alive, but he’s unconscious. We don’t know when he’ll wake up, but he’s alive.”

I swallowed the large lump in my throat, but I still felt like I was going to choke and die. I felt my heart drop to my stomach. Everyone around started crying again, this time for joy, but I was too shocked. Baro is alive.

 He was unconscious, but he was alive.

Baro was going to live.

I collapsed onto my knees, unable to take all this any longer. I felt so weak from all the crying I had done, and I didn’t think I have enough water in my body to be able to cry again. Now that I knew everything was going to be okay, I started crying. Burying my face into my hands sobbing again.

I was just happy that Baro was okay. I was glad he wasn’t dead. He was alive and he’s not going to be leaving me anytime soon.

+++

…after two weeks…

I hate hospitals. Well, who doesn’t? I mean, the smell of sterile halls and the awful tasting food. My heart squeezed at the sight of the hospital as Sandeul pulled into the hospital’s parking lot. The car barely came into a stop before I flung open the door, raced across the parking lot, through the lobby, and up in the sixth floor, where Baro’s room is.

Sandeul didn’t even ask me to slow down, because after two weeks, everyone knew it was useless.

When I reached the familiar blinding room, I was startled to see that everyone was already there. We all visited of course, but rarely at the same time. I my eyes furrowed in confusion, I don’t even have any idea why everyone was here.

Ji-Hae was curled up in an armchair in the waiting area. She was fast asleep, while resting her head on Lee-Joon’s shoulder. Jinyoung was sprawled in the sofa and he looked like there was a bomb waiting to explode on his head. He was staring on the floor, a depressed look on his face. Beside him is Yooonji, she had dark circles around her eyes, she been tending to her brother though Hanna had told her that she needed a rest.

The person I couldn’t help but focus on, though, was the woman who was sitting on the chair that was beside Baro’s bed. Shinwoo-ssi and Gongchan was talking to her. I stared at her face, and then it struck me, she looks like Yoonji though there are few resemblance with Baro, she’s his mother.

My eyes grew even wider when she turned her gaze at me, this is the first time that I’m going to meet Mrs. Cha. And I don’t know how I should act in front of her. Then all my insecurities flew away, when she stood from her chair and went closer to me with a smile on her face.

“You must be Ji-Un-” she stared right through me, she’s got the same eyes as Baro, and it just made you want to answer her question immediately.

“Yes ma’am” I said while bowing my head to her.

I was hoping that she would say something, but instead she just pulled me into a hug. I was stunned for moment, but I gave her a hug as well. “Thank you…” she whispered, and I feel that she was holding sobs in her breath. I gave her a comforting squeeze.

I didn’t know what to say, I swallowed as she pulled away from me, “Do you want to see him?” she said smiling,

She then held my hand and walked me over to the bed, my knees were so shaky I probably would collapse. Tears started flooding my vision again as I stared down at Baro. His eyes were closed, his usually beaming skin was pale, and his chest raises and fell slowly.

I hate how frail and weak he looked in the hospital bed, hooked up IV’s and beeping monitors when he should’ve been out there in the real world, hanging out with his friends and laughing.

A sob escaped my throat as I grasped his hand to mine, squeezing it tight. Of course, he didn’t squeeze back. I didn’t expect him to, since he hadn’t been awoken since he was brought in the night everyone thought he was dead.

“Ji-Un..” Baro’s mom whispered, “he’s going to be okay.” She said in a soothing tone, just like every mother who would try to comfort her child when they get a oo.

I nodded while giving her a weak smile. I tried my hardest to quiet my sobbing. I couldn’t get hysterical here, not when his mom is right here, I don’t want his mother to be more worried. But looking down at his peaceful face, I felt tears blur my vision. Baro wasn’t going to wake up. It’s either he’s going into a coma forever, or die while he was in it.

But when his hand, twitched mine, I jumped, but I didn’t pull away from him. His hand was now clutching mine and it made me feel… hopeful. Baro is going to wake up. This was his way of telling me to hold on. All I had to do is wait…

“Ji-Un…” his mom called for me, as if she noticed how Baro was clutching my hand as a response to my hold. She gave me a hopeful smile, as tear fell from her cheeks.

I smiled at her not letting go of Baro’s hand.

She moved over to my side placing her hand on top of mine and Baro’s. “He was already giving up when I last saw him.” I turned my head to look at Mrs. Cha, “He came back to Korea because he’s had enough of everything, he just wanted to end it.” her voice was hurt, and her eyes were twinkling with tears, “He came back, to see his friends, and tell them… that he’s no longer fighting his cancer. He told me, he needed to get away from us, Yoonji and I, so that when the time comes- so when he’s gone—we’re already used to it. And we won’t be as broken as we will be after he leaves.” Tears are now flowing down her cheeks.

I don’t know what to say. Baro was already giving up, he came back to say goodbye to his friends. He was back because he’s ready to face it. Face the fact that he’s not going to be with his friends any longer, he left Canada so his mom would get used to not having him around.

“what made him lose hope?” I asked, my voice came like a whisper.

Mrs. Cha looked at me, “He lost the will. He felt like he’s becoming a burden to me and Yoonji. He felt like if he stays longer, we’re just giving ourselves false hopes.”

I swallowed as lump formed in my throat as it felt dry, “But then, I received a call from his friends, Hanna, and Dr. Byun… practically everyone..” her lips form into a smile. “they told me he’s back into writing songs.” Her face lit up, “He stopped three years ago.. when—when we found out about his cancer..”

Why is his mom telling me this now? I don’t even know how to react to everything that she was telling me. Somehow, I thought of what ifs. Thought of the things that could have happened if he hadn’t left, what could’ve been if he stayed in Korea.

Would he like me if he stayed?

Would he even dare talk to me in campus?

Would he even try to get my attention like he did at the café?

What if he’d be like all the kids in campus who ignored me?

Would I be even friends with him?

 I swallowed a lump that had formed in my throat, our fate could’ve been different if we had met before. Sometimes the world can really be unfair. If I had met him before, there would be no doubt that I’d have a big crush on him, but he’ll never know about it. I even doubt that he’d glance over at me.

Should I be thankful that he became sick and left? Or should I wish that he’s healthy and stayed here with his friends? I’d rather have the second one than to see him here in his hospital bed. I’d rather met him three years ago, and just hold a crush on him at least he was healthy, I could just love him from a far.

“Are you alright?” Baro’s mom placed her arms around my shoulders as I started sobbing again.

I just nodded. Then she pulled me into a hug, she hugged me so tight, her warmth felt comfortable that I don’t want her to let me go. I have never felt this warm before, I never met my parents. I grew up as an orphan, which made me feel like I’m always neglected. I got used to being alone, crying my heart out alone when I was bullied. But, right now, as his mom holds me, I felt like this is all that I need all this time. I can’t help myself from sobbing again as she held me even tighter,  

“Thank you…” she whispered in a sincere tone, “for bringing my son back..” she was sobbing now. “You have to stay strong, okay? He needs you…”

Then she let go of the hug and went to the table beside Baro's bed. She took something from the drawer, it was a blue notebook, it wasn't new but it doesn't look like it was worn out as well.

"Here." Baro's mom stretched her hands, handing me the notebook, "maybe you should read some of this.."  I lift my hand, still unsure if i should take the notebook from her hands. She gave me a warm smile as an encouragement, I took the notebook from her, still unsure what the notebook is for, "it's a notebook that Baro had since the time he came back to Korea, when he started to write songs again. "

I  stared down at the notebook, that was now in my hands. I gulped as the notebook started with my name.

Ji-Un. Her name is Ji-Un

I raised my head to look at Mrs. Cha again, she gave me another smile. I took a deep breath before turning another page. That's all that was written on the first page, but I felt like my heart faltered out of my chest again as smile crept out of my lips. It was one of the most romantic things ever written.

Today, I keep noticing everything

Our walking distance, hand motions,
the way I look at you
The jacket I bought for today
Ah, I don’t know. With my embarrassed cheeks,
my heart that’s going to see you, keeps heating up
What should I say
What should we do together today

*I have finally asked her to go out with me. I can't even sleep because I waited for her message the whole night last night. Does she even know how nervous I was thinking that she would reject going out with me? AISH~! 

P.s. That Sara is going to pay for bullying Ji-un

P.s again. I don't want to sound like a ert, but she was so warm and soft when I hugged her.

I never really thought that I'd be able to read this. He sounded so happy writing this song. His smile that he gave me during that morning I met with him outside my dorm was too playful that I thought he was up to something to make me payback for his ruined shirt. I was laughing but tears were pouring down my cheeks as I read his messages after the song.

Hey, be honest with me, who was that?
Who was it that you could link arms so naturally?
No matter how good I am to you, it’s all for nothing
Who’s fault is this?
Was giving you everything a sin? This isn’t right
I thought this might happen but
I really didn’t know it would actually happen
I should just eat, but what should I eat?
 

*I saw her talking today with the new guy. Lee--something... Lee-poop? I don't even know what his name was! I felt really jealous when I saw her talking to him, made me want to rip off the guys head. I don't even know why I'm writing a song about it. It's making me mad.

I smiled after reading that page, I guess the guy he was talking about here was Lee-Joon, there was no doubt. He never really admit it whenever I ask him, but it was obvious because everytime I ask him if he's jealous of Lee-Joon his face turns read and he grits his teeth.

I don’t know how you thought of me
A man who moves fast?
I don’t know what I should say first
Shall we hold hands first?
The kiss mark that you left on me last night
All night long, I feel so good
I’ll go to your house before the sun rises
Sleep well, Aphrodite
 

*I can't believe I kissed her. I've been wanting to that since I realized that I've fallen inlove with her.

P.s. I swear I'm not a ert, but she's got soft lips. I hope I didn't scare her. 

I bit my lower lip upon remembering the time when he first kissed me. It was indeed one of the most magical things that has ever happened to me. And I can't wait to feel his warmth again.

I only come back to my senses after getting slapped on the cheek
I learn the hurting feelings of an immature love
My girl’s backside that I can’t hold back
She’s leaving… My girl’s leaving

*I hurt her. I hate myself so much right now, I don't even know if she's ever going to forgive me. I really wanted to hug her, not to push her away. How am I going to take her back, now that she hates me too much.

He wrote this song the night after he pushed me away. I don't think about what had happened that day anymore, in fact, I don't want to think about it ever again. But, the fact that he hurt as much as I did, made me believe that he truly didn't mean to hurt me.

So fine.. I’m talking about my girlfriend,
So fine.. and you can’t touch her,
That innocent girl is my first love ,
But these days, she’s trying to become really pretty,
I keep getting nervous.. I worry that I'll lose her.

*I wish I could just tell her how happy she made me. But.... I still have to tell her.

This was the last song in the notebook. Though it mostly contained of songs, I know just by reading each lyric I was able to read whatever is running inside Baro's mind. He was usually too serious, or too happy. He doesn't talk much about how he felt, but I was happy to have finally learned everything.

We stayed at the hospital until the end of visiting hours. Baro’s mom asked me to have dinner with her and Yoonji. She asked me about how we met, my life, and my plans after college. Yoonji was not talking that much during the whole dinner, she was quiet and still in shock. She’s close to her brother, and just seeing her so helpless made me want to just hold her hands as we wait together for her brother.

They drove me home right after the dinner. And that night somehow, I was able to sleep peacefully after two weeks.

+++

Another week passed, with no change on Baro’s part. I grew more and more worried by the day. Thankfully, I have a math test where I could focus on. Otherwise, I would’ve grown crazy as the day pass. I was taking my math test, Baro hasn’t been in school which made the place look boring. I was never bored in school.

My desk was cold, ever since Baro had been put to the hospital, everything felt so much colder. It was like all my warmth went with him. Everyone in campus seemed to understand what I’m going through because they been giving me their looks of sympathy.

 And then my phone started ringing, it was Baro's mom.

I can't answer the phone because I’m taking my mathematics exam. I need to pass my mathematics exam or else I can’t graduate. If I will not answer her cal, definitely Baro's mom will get angry me.. But why is his mom calling so suddenly..

My heart started pounding really hard.  

"Sir!" I shouted as I raised my hand to get my professor’s attention “May I excuse myself, I really need to answer my phone it's an emergency” I immediately ran outside the room as my professor nodded his head telling me to go ..

"Hun Ji Un~~"

His mom started..

 “Yes?”

I replied, my voice was trembling as I held my phone to my ear.

“You need to get to the hospital now!”

She sounded frantic on the other line.

The next words that she said made me bolt my way out of the campus. Two words. Just two words made me sprint to the hospital. I am one of the failing students in my track and field class, if my professor would see me now he’d definitely give me an A. I didn’t even bother to get my things in my classroom, I don’t even care if I fail my math test. I need to get there.  

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N:

Did I scare any of you?

I know this chapter is really sad, but you shouldn't be upset beccause I was really planning on killing Baro and that was it. He's not going to be revive, he's just going to die. 

But since it would be too heart breaking to kill a love while it's at its early stage, I didn't do it. :)

Next chapter is going to be the verdict. What do you think are the two words that made Ji-Hae run to the hospital?

Leave you reactions in the comment box. :)

Love lots :*

P.S. The songs are English translations from their real songs in their "In the Wind" and "What's going on?" Album.