Jessica’s POV (Present time)

Did you experience the feeling of doubting our friendship?

I did.

It was the most confusing feeling. I did want our friendship but there’s this urge inside of me that wants our friendship to be much more than that.

But I can’t risk that because I know you won’t be returning my feelings for you. If I can’t be your lover then I’m more than willing to be ‘just a friend’ to you. It’s way better than having you out of my life.

We were drifting apart and I’m not stupid not to notice that.

You went to Seoul University as Yoona and Seohyun while I went to Jeonju State College (A/N: Is there such a thing? IDK). After that phone call, we eventually made up. At first, I convinced myself that nothing will change between us just because we were distant from each other.

Like always, I was totally wrong.

I learned that Yuri went to the same university as you. You were so happy when you called me during the first week of classes and told me about the details of your confession to her. You finally did it. You also told me that she likes you back and you’re officially together.

It happened too fast that I can’t seem to catch up.

It was then that your calls became less frequent. You usually call me every other day with the constant stories of your dates with Yuri. A few weeks later, it became once a month and after my birthday you didn’t even bother to call me anymore. I also tried calling and texting you but to no avail.

I can’t understand why you were ignoring me. At first, I thought it was because of our distance with each other and that you were just busy with school works.

I’ve had friends in my school just so I won’t feel lonely. They were Sooyoung, Sunny, Chaerin and Taeyeon. I remembered that they were always there for me whenever I needed comfort. Though the four of them had been friends since they were kids, they never let me feel left out. They made sure that I felt comfortable with them.

And I did.

But I missed you.

Nevertheless, even the four of them cannot replace you. No else comes close to you.

Sunny’s aegyo is no match for your cute puppy eyes whenever you wanted something. Sooyoung’s appetite is nothing compared to your obsession with strawberry ice cream. Chaerin will have to battle you for being the ‘Fashion Queen’ and I’d rather hear your loud, husky voice on the phone than hear Taeyeon’s beautiful singing.

See that? I have as my friends…

But I long for you.

            Only you can make me calm whenever I’m on ‘HellSica mode’. Only you call me Jessi. Only you know when I’m upset about something. Only you know where my ticklish spots are. Only you know how to ‘properly’ wake me up.

            Most of all, only you can make happy

            And make me suffer… all at the same time.

            Well, you thought you know me so well, huh?

            As the matter of fact, you don’t.

            You don’t know how much I love you and maybe you will never have the chance to know. Years of being best friends and you’re still oblivious to my feelings.

            Even after graduating from college, we never talked. Then I found out that you’re now living together with Yuri. I almost fainted upon hearing the news but thankfully, Taeyeon was there to comfort me.

It was only through our old friends like Yoona and Seohyun that I know how you’re doing. You neglected me for some time but I still care for you too much. I always take the opportunity to ask them about you since you work for the same company.

             I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore. This has gone too far. You talk to them. You talk to your old friends but I was an exception. I wasn’t one of them.

            What happened to our promise? What happened to us?

            I never asked for anything more than our friendship. I held back my feelings for the sake of our friendship and this is what I get?

            The worst part is that you never gave your reason whatever that is. You just left me without a single word said. That’s why it kept me wondering up to the point that I almost barged in your office just to get you to talk to me. Only if Seohyun didn’t stop me…

            When you’re gone, I tried to think of valid reasons why you did that. It came down to two things. One, you figured out how I truly feel about you. Or two, it has something to do with Yuri. I don’t know which one is it but I’m certainly sure that both were not so good.

            “Sica!”, a voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw her running towards me. She stopped in front of me and looked at me with worried eyes. She took a deep a breath and hugged me tightly.

            “Where have you been all this time?”, she asked while staying still on our position.

            I smiled. “I…” Someone interrupted what I was about to say.

            “Jessica?”

            I never thought I’d hear her voice again.