Truth & Lies

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  Hours went by as they always did; nothing really seemed to change, as I sat there on the ground. The only thing there were noticeable was how the sun slowly went down, and soon was about to be replaced by the darkness of the night.

Now and then, a knock would be heard on the door, as my mother or Luna tried to get any kind of contact. Sometimes they would try to start a conversation, but right now every kind of contact with them seemed wrong. It was kind of a punishment towards myself as I pushed them away, pushed them out of my life.

Another couple of hours went by, when everything was bathed in darkness from the night outside. A knock was once again heard on the door, but no one said anything. With my eyes glaring towards the door, like i was expecting someone to step inside, I waited for the person to speak.

“Nana?”

Finally a voice could be heard. Without any kind of hesitation I got up from the floor and almost stumbled towards the door, where I immediately placed my hands on the doorknob, but without the intentions of opening it.

“Are you there?”

Don’t answer him… Don’t answer him… Don’t answer him!

“Yes,” I answered and immediately closed my eyes in regret.  Why was it now that I answered him?

“Can you let me in?” He asked a bit careful from behind the door.

For a few seconds I hesitated, but this time there weren’t a voice, which told me to not let him in. It wasn’t even telling me to stop when I slowly let my hand slide down to the key to turn it around and unlock the door.

The door handle slowly moved down, as I quickly stepped away and stood face to face with Kris, who slowly closed the door again. Silence slowly went over us, as we stood there awkwardly in front of each other. My eyes were fixed on my feet; I almost didn’t even dare to look up in the fear of meeting Kris’s famous death glare.

“Listen Nana,” Kris started and looked around in the room like he was the one to avoid eye contact. “I’m really sorry about what happened before; I didn’t mean to push you to tell me it, it’s just...”

“You don’t need to apologize,” I said and finally looked up to meet his eyes. I couldn’t be a coward forever and avoid him; I couldn’t forgive myself if I stayed like this. It wasn’t right to ignore Kris, he had been there from the start and had supported me, even when I yelled and screamed at him. He had stayed there the whole time. He took care of me and protected me from the people who wanted to hurt me.

I could feel my heart slowly start to beat faster as our eyes met.

“I should be the one to apologize,” I said and tried the best as I could to not look down at my feet again. He was literally staring into my soul, but it wasn’t like the other thousand times he started at me, this time I was pretty sure on that I saw something calm and patient in his eyes. “It was wrong of me to get mad”.

I sank the lump, which had gathered itself in my neck. I could feel how I was on the edge of looking down, it was just a question about time before I would turn against myself and look down like an ashamed puppy or a kid who had done something it shouldn’t.

“Aish,” I heard Kris sigh, but before he was about to say something I quickly interrupted him:

“But to be honest,” I said and intertwined my hands with each other as I took a deep breath and stared directly into his dark eyes. “I think…. I want to tell you about it”.

He looked a bit shocked at first, until he slowly nodded and gave me a little smile. This time I couldn’t keep looking into his eyes, a blush spread across my cheeks as both of us walked over and sat down. To my luck Kris sat down on the floor right beside my legs, as I sat on the bed.

I started to tell him everything, to be honest. I told him about how MiYoung had almost been obsessed and I told him about how the things had started to turn out badly after the incident in the cabins a couple of weeks ago.

He didn’t say anything nor did anything; he just sat on the floor and listened to what I had to say. The only thing I noticed was how his arm had found its way around my legs and now was hugging them, sometimes he would get a bit tense, especially when I mentioned how the guys from the library had returned and how their “job” now was finished, if you could call it that.

As we sat there I wished that I could pull my legs towards myself. I wanted to hold them close to my chest and just disappear. It felt so wrong to tell him about this, I couldn’t see his facial expression so I didn’t know how he reacted to what I told him. Was he disgusted? Did he want to end our friendship and avoid me forever? Call me a ? A ?

As I slowly neared the ending, a lump had gathered itself in my throat. It felt like my own body tried to prevent me from telling him more.

I had told him what he needed to know, the only thing I couldn’t tell him was how ed up my head had turned out, how the voice in my head had started to become clearer and clearer after the incident. I didn’t tell him how wrong and disgusting I felt or how wrong it felt just to tell him about all this things. I couldn’t predict the future; it was all up to how he wanted to handle it.

Silence once again fell over us as we sat there beside each other. I bit my lower lip and closed my eyes, deep inside I wished that I never told him about what had happened the last couple of days, but on the other side… it was best if someone knew.

I was about to say something, when Kris suddenly moved. He let go of my legs and quickly stood up before he let himself fall down onto the bed right in front of me. I didn’t even get a chance to react or say anything to him, before his arms locked around me in a hug. His long arms were reaching around my shoulders and held me as close as possible.

I didn’t know how to react or if I even should react onto it, but the only thing I could think of, was hugging him back. I slowly lifted my arms from my lap and placed them around him in a careful way. Like all the other times I had hugged him or been standing near him, I could feel his body heat against mine. He was always so warm and comfortable. I couldn’t help but feel safe in his arms; it was like every bad things around us disappeared to be replaced with good and safe stuff.

“I’m so sorry,” He whispered as he buried his face in my shoulder.

Like a few minutes ago, I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t even know why he apologized; he didn’t even have a reason to say sorry, he hadn’t done anything wrong at all.

“W-why are you apologizing?” I asked a bit hesitant.

A few minutes went by, before he once again spoke: “I weren’t there to help you, when you needed me the most”.

I wanted to ask him about what he meant by that, but for some kind of reason the words wouldn’t escape my lips. He was wrong. He had always been there for me, when I needed him, maybe he couldn’t realize that, but that was the truth. He had been there the very first time I needed help, he had been there when MiYoung had been a to be honest, and he had been the one who had slept for hours in front of my door the make sure on that I was okay.

“You always were there,” I whispered more to myself than to him, but of course he heard it. His was after all, right beside my head. “So don’t apologize”.

His grab around me suddenly tightened so our bodies were literally pressed up against each other. We were so close that I could feel his heartbeat against mine. For the first time I couldn’t help but to smile.

With closed eyes I placed my head against his shoulder and just relaxed. It reminded me about the time in the cabins; it was the first time Kris had showed me another side of him. I had always thought that he was cold and mean to be honest; it always thought that he was selfish and only thought about himself, but all that changed that day. Of course my impression had also been changed after all those times I saw him with Luhan and how the both smiled and laughed.

“Nana,” He suddenly said and pulled away. With both of his hands placed on my shoulders he looked down at me with a serious facial expression. “Please tell me, if there is anything you need or want to talk about. I will always stay here and listen to you no matter what… it’s the only thing I’m asking for… That you will come to me if there is anything you need, alright?”

After a few minutes, where the only thing I could think of was what I should answer him, I finally nodded.

“I promise,” I said and showed him my pinky.

With a satisfied smile, he let his elbow go back in a awkward way before he locked his own pinky around mine before he pulled them away from each other again. A promise had now been sealed.

“But I still need to do something about MiYoung,” I said and looked up at him for any kind of advise about what to do.

“It’s not like I know much about girl problems,” He said and placed the other hand on my back as he pulled me in for a hug once again. “But the only thing I can say is that you should just confront her, tell her that it was a misunderstanding or whatever you want to tell her”.

I nodded and looked down at my lap. Confront her? That wasn’t going to happen. I already knew that she wouldn’t listen to me; she would ignore me and probably start yelling at me because I was with Kris now. I already knew that she would get mad at me and probably try to get some kind of “revenge” because of our little misunderstanding.

“I’ll try,” I mumbled and looked up at him. I tried to give him a smile but it ended up in a grimace instead.

“Good,” He said and brushed a tot of hair away from my face, before he carefully let go of my and stood up. “I’ll just go get some water… wait for me!”

I nodded and smiled as he backed out of the room and left me alone. I could hear him as he walked through the living room; I listened closely until I couldn’t hear his steps any longer.

I quickly jumped out of the bed and almost ran towards the phone which still laid on the table, where I had left it before Kris had entered the room a few hours before. I grabbed the phone and quickly found the number I was searching for.

It only took me a few minutes to write that message, and even before I almost had a chance to press ‘send’ Kris entered the room with a glass of water in his hands. I was now sitting on the bed as nothing had happened and smiled at him as he once again sat on the bed beside me, this time in a more normal position with both of his legs placed on the floor.

“Call her tomorrow and tell her that you wants to see her, alright?” he said and poked my arm.

“Alright, mr. bossy,” I said and smiled the most fake smile I ever had shown the world.

I’m sorry, Kris… Please forgive me in the future…

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Author's Note:

Sorry for the late update, but we finally have a nice weather in Denmark! ^^

The chapter is called Truth and Lies, so the question is now, what is truth and what it lies? and most of all, who is lying? Alright, it might be pretty obvious, but why not? >_<,

Buuut like always, i hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter, personally i really enjoyed writing it, so I hope that you enjoyed reading it! ^^  

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