“Then don’t think I’m G-Dragon when you’re around me. Act around me as if I’m Kwon Ji Yong. Just that.”

I can’t.

It’s been days since he last said that and ever since, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. His face, the way he looked at me when he said that and how calm and relaxed he sounded as if he was sincere with his words. And once I find myself thinking about that night again, my heart would skip a beat and I would have to take deep breaths.

No.

I don’t like him. Nope.

I can’t, I told myself as I scribbled his name on my notebook then quickly erased it.

Well, to be honest, my feelings for Ji Yong have been very, very complicated. There are days when I think that he’s really nice guy and that we can get along like friends, and there are days when I just want to give him a good smack in the head for being, well, him. He gets very annoying at times, asking questions then repeating it over and over again then sometimes he’s very snobbish. One time, I remember passing him at the hallway and I greeted him, but he ignored me, just like that.

“Good morning, sunbae,” I said, bowing as well to make sure he notices. But to my surprise, he doesn’t even look at me and just walked by.

Throughout that day, I kept asking myself if I did something wrong for him to ignore me. Was I too ugly that day? Did I wear mismatched clothes?

“One large kiwi bubble tea, a plate of chocolate chip cookes and a healthy salad for the brooding young lady,” Mi Rae’s voice snapped me out of my dilemma. “Well, someone seems to be deep in thought today.”

“Oh, sorry!” I said as she laid my food on my table. “Just, you know, thinking about… stuff.”

“Boys?” She replied with an impish look on her face.

I felt my face warm up, but I shook my head. “Of course not! You know, university and all that. Life, in general.”

Mi Rae gives me a quick pat in the back. “You’re still young, dear. You have a lot of things to be happy about!”

I thank her and Mi Rae went back to the counter attending to the other customers. After taking a few sips of my bubble tea, I plug in my earpods, take out my copy of Pride and Prejudice and started out from where I left off. I’m not really a fan of these classic novels since I’m more into the sci-fi, mystery and thriller genre, but since it was required for us in class to read it, I had no choice. But so far, it’s pretty interesting and I love Elizabeth Bennet. I am already halfway through and I couldn’t put the book down. I love Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy’s banter, and even if I swore that I hated Mr. Darcy, as the story progresses, I find myself drawn into him. There’s just something about his personality, his very complicated personality that makes me want to know him more.

And for some reason, when I read through, I couldn’t help but compare Mr. Darcy and…

Wait. No. Just no.

I close the book and take out my earpods, running my fingers through my hair as I try to get my mind straight.

It’s not a bad thing to have feelings for Kwon Ji Yong. I mean, he’s good-looking, responsible and charismatic. He’s really talented and on top of that, he’s very humble as well. Any girl would fall for that. But I just don’t want to. I don’t want to have feelings for someone who I know will probably reject it (I’m a bit of a prideful girl), so as much as possible, I don’t want to develop feelings knowing that there is no chance that those feelings will be reciprocated. And I really want to focus on my studies and training as of now.

So now you know why I am pretty much in denial of everything.

 I finish my salad before jotting down a few reminders on my planner, when I notice a shadowy figure near my table. I immediately look up and, to my relief, it was Heejun.

“Hey, China girl, are you alone?” He said, glancing over at the seat across mine.

I nod and fix my things. “You can take the seat.”

“That’s great!” He said, all of a sudden. “Ji Yong, I got a table now!”

Great.

When he approached out table and took a seat, I give him a small smile and waved then turned my attention to Heejun.

“Is this is the reason why you asked if I was alone? So you two can have instant seats.”

“Fluffy chairs.” Heejun corrected, leaning back. “Right, Ji? When at Mi Rae’s shop, always go for the fluffy chairs.”

Ji Yong nonchalantly nods and high-fives Heejun. “Yep.”

I don’t remember seeing him sit on the fluffy chairs during the times he disturbed me here.

I roll my eyes at them and looked out the window for a while. Looks like this won’t be a quiet afternoon.

And it’s proven true when Heejun began talking and asking questions. Weather, food, furniture and sports. Honestly, I have a feeling that Heejun used to be a radio in his past life because he is very talkative. I stopped reading my book because he just keeps on talking and since he is a good conversationalist and that we are friends, he and I ended up talking while Ji Yong was texting someone on his phone. Heejun and I were talking about football when he noticed the only person on the table who was typing something on his phone.

“…put your phone down, Ji. You’ve been on the phone with your dear Kiko all day; you haven’t even listened to me.”

I was just going to ask Heejun if his grandmother’s record store has vinyls of this artist and there goes everything. See, this is exactly the reason why I don’t like developing feelings for someone. In the end, you’re just hoping that the feelings will be requited, and sometimes your hopes go to waste. It wasn’t like my heart broke, but deep inside, I thought, “Right… her.” All this time I thought Ji Yong has feelings for Dara unnie or something then there’s Kiko. Pretty, sweet, charming, everything.

I totally forgot what I was going to tell Heejun.

Thankfully, Heejun went back to talking about records and vinyls that I distracted myself from the dizzying feeling in me.

“Speaking of records, when are you going there? I mentioned to my grandmother that you want to check out the shop and she wants to meet you. Most of our customers are usually middle-aged people or hipsters who wanted to collect vinyl records.”

I shrug. “Maybe next week, I might drop by. I kind of miss listening to The Beatles from the phonograph.”

Just then, Heejun’s eyes went wide. “You listen to The Beatles?”

“Since I was a kid! I love The Beatles!” I reply, to which he gives me a high-five and tells me that he loves the band, too.

“We have their complete records so you really should visit!” He smiles, then sings a few lines from Can’t Buy Me Love. We ended up finishing the chorus on a happy note before he tells us—more like me—that he was going to meet his friends.

“Are you staying here, Ji? Or you’re going somewhere as well?” Heejun asked Ji Yong as he was about to leave.

Please leave as well. Say you’re going back to your office or something.

“I think I’ll stay for a while.” He replied. “I’ll see ya around.”

Heejun smiles. “I guess I’ll go on ahead. Be kind to each other, okay?” He grins, patting us on our backs before he went to the counter and said something to Mi Rae.

When Heejun left, I take a little peek at Ji Yong, who was looking at the counter, then he immediately faces me and asks me if I wanted to buy something.

“Um… no. I think I’m okay with this,” I reply, looking at my now-empty plastic cup and plates. When he sees it, he smiles and stands up.

“Don’t worry, it’s on me.”

When he goes to the counter, I let out a deep breath and hold the empty cup.

“Then don’t think I’m G-Dragon when you’re around me. Act around me as if I’m Kwon Ji Yong. Just that.”

Where do I start?

I was getting lost in my thoughts once again when I hear that familiar beat. The iconic strumming of guitar followed by the beat of the drum.

Two of us riding nowhere, spending someone’s hard earned pay… And the gloomy thoughts I had earlier were wiped away by my favorite feel-good song.

We all have that song which makes us cry, that song which, once you listen to it, you feel like you’re in love when you’re not even in a relationship. You also have songs which, once you listen to it, quickly puts you in a good mood. For me, this is that song. I don’t know, maybe I’m just that moody, but I felt relieved once this song played, and it was a good coincidence because Heejun and I were talking about The Beatles earlier. There were times when the shop played their songs, and it will always have that calming effect on me. Talk about great timing.

I didn’t realize Ji Yong was already back not until he tapped my shoulder and gave me my drink.

“It’s passion fruit bubble tea, one of their best-sellers,” he says as he took the seat across from mine. I thank him and take out again my book. I take another glance at him and when I see him on his phone (again), I sigh and opened the book. I feel my heart sink a bit because I was expecting that we talk, but then again, he’s on his phone and I have a book to finish. There’s nothing I could do about that, anyway.

“Pride and Prejudice, I see.” Ji Yong said, and I look up from my book.

“University requirement.” I cleared my throat. “I’d rather the professor let us read something… more interesting.”

He leans closer to the table as I lean backwards. “Then, what’s interesting for you?”

It took me quite a while before I could think of something because I was still distracted by the music and his face only a few feet away from mine.

No, I don’t like you. No.

“Hm, something historical. With a bit of mystery in it. I don’t know, something like that. Something that makes me think.” I try not to meet his gaze as I replied, so I immediately went back to reading.

``I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.'' He said, and from the tone of his voice, I knew what it was. I closed my book and shot him a look.

“Great, thanks a lot for spoiling me.” I half-yelled at him.

“Because you’re too distracted with reading; you’re not even talking to me!” He said, snatching the book.

“Well you’re on your phone so—“ I retorted, when he took out his phone and placed at the corner of the table along with my book.

“Any problem now?” He raised an eyebrow. I look at my book and his phone and thought that maybe he wants to talk to me—

No, don’t get your hopes up.

I slowly shake my head and look outside. Now I feel awkward. What do I say now?

“There you go again,” Ji Yong said. “You’re being like that again. Earlier when we were with Heejun, you’re talkative and all, even singing to a Beatles song. Now you’re all quiet.”

I opened my mouth to reply when another favorite song of mine, Strawberry Fields Forever, started to play, and I kind of smiled, remembering how my mother got so emotional listening to this song.

“…Easily distracted, likes reading historical-mystery-ish novels and is talkative to selective people.” He said, peering at me. “That’s you, huh?”

“I like this song, okay?” I reply, smiling proudly. “Now don’t be so loud and so I can—“

“…Feels extra proud every time she hears a Beatles song. Favorite: Strawberry Fields Forever. ” He adds.

I give him a puzzled look. “Are you making, like, observational notes on me?”

“In fact I am.” He grinned.

“That’s a bit scary…” I said, taking a sip of my drink. “You know, if you keep on doing that, you might end up like the crazy stalker fans out there. God, that’s just scary. To be honest, I know you guys have those crazy fans, but um, don’t end up like them.”

As to purposely insult me, he gets his phone from the corner and pretended to take pictures of me. Wearing that mischievous smile of his, he playfully imitates the stalker fans as if he was one of them. I felt my face flush red and I tried to make him stop, showing my hand at his phone, only to make him continue and laugh.

Why does he have to have that kind of smile? That ‘I’m-annoying-you-but-I’ll-be-cute’ kind of smile anyone couldn’t resist.

It’s basically the kind of smile any girl would fall for.

“Stop it, okay?” I said, but I ended up laughing. “It’s not funny!”

“It’s not funny, but you’re laughing.” He replied, still pretending to take pictures of me from different angles.

“Wah, you’re pretty in person, noona!” He said, imitating the high-pitched voices of the fans.

“Stop it!” I said, then reached out for his phone so he could finally stop taking pictures, but he moves his arms away.

“No, no I won’t!” He said, laughing.

At one point, I stopped reaching for his phone and I just looked at him, smiling, laughing, being Kwon Ji Yong. If this is the what he meant with what he said nights ago, then I guess I don’t mind being like this. Playful arguments, banter, and more laughter. I can get used to this, I tell myself.

Then a voice in my head tells me that, this is just how we will be, just like this, and I don’t know if I should feel happy or sad about that. It’s like I’m in this dream and I have a choice whether to stay dreaming or face reality.