I took a shower and ate breakfast in a daze, giving my parents one-word replies. Because my eyes were still red from last night’s crying fit, I wore sunglasses on my way to school. It was a sunny day, in contrast to my gloomy mood. Kids riding school buses, couples walking hand in hand from the grocery, and then there’s me. Puffy-eyed, guilty and everything. It felt like I was the worst person to step foot on this place.

 

“Why wear sunglasses, Ji?” Ji Sung immediately asked me by the time I arrived at school. “Are the media people starting to follow you?”

 

“It’s nothing; the sun hurts my eyes.” I try answering her casually, yet I feel like crying again. I’m this sulky when I get in to arguments and fights with my parents or friends. I know, I should just forget it, but there’s something about it that tells me I’m a bad person for being a let-down.

 

However, the smart Ji Sung didn’t buy this and quickly took off my glasses, gasping at my puffy eyes. “Doesn’t seem like it. Really, what is going on with you? You haven’t been telling me stories like you used to.”

 

“I’m sorry, it’s just that…” I begin, keeping my composure, but the professor arrives.

 

“You have some explaining to do.” She said, pointing a finger with me and going to her seat with my glasses. Classes passed by quickly and surprisingly, I did well despite my inner struggles. Since my practice will start at 3, Ji Sung and I decided to have lunch at her café, and I have to spill the beans, at least. I trust Ji Sung, and I know this will lessen some of the negative feelings I tried to contain. I even tried to eat even though my appetite jut flew out of the window.

 

“Now, where do you want me to start?” I lazily ask her.

 

“I don’t know. Ever since you started training I guess. And that overworking incident.” She replied, waiting for me to start. 

 

“Promise you won’t tell anyone else.”

 

“I Promise.” She replied, raising her right hand.

 

“Promise you won’t squeal or have any weird reactions.” I add.

 

“Just tell me, please.”

 

I start from the first day of training giving Ji Yong a bad impression, until the time I fainted and stayed at his place for a short time. Even if Ji Sung was about to speak up or say something, I continued with the story. I want to get this out of my system in one huge blow. I also told her about my breakdown with Na Young and finally, the confrontation.

 

“I don’t know,” I say, taking a sip of my strawberry milk. “I don’t even have a clue on why I feel this bad. Am I really that bad?”

 

“Whoa.” Ji Sung just said. “I never knew you became that close to them.”

 

“Maybe it’s because of my past. Or they’re just that friendly.” I shrugged.

 

“Maybe.” She replied. 

 

I buried my face in my hands, starting to break down. “Seriously! This isn’t what I was expecting. I just wanted to be friends with them, that’s all. No, wait! I just wanted to train and get back to where I’m supposed to be. I know I acted rude, but… I just…”

 

Ji Sung went beside me and wrapped her arms around me, her hand gently patting my back. “It’s okay. You’re not a bad person, I know that. Maybe they just misunderstood your actions and so did you. It’s just a matter of miscommunication. It’s not too late to apologize and I’m sure everything will be fine. Try and reconcile with them and after that, you’ll be back on track before you know it.”

 

After I calmed down, she returned to her seat and told me to eat. At this time, I feel slightly better from Ji Sung’s words and after telling everything to her. I know I did cross some lines regarding artists’ privacy, but I trust Ji Sung that she won’t disclose this to anyone.

 

“But seriously, Ji, may I ask something?” Ji Sung asked, tapping her fingers on the table. 

 

“Um, okay…”

 

“How did you get so close to them, especially with G-Dragon?” She said, looking at me with her piercing eyes. Immediately, I felt my face turn red and took a mouthful of food.

 

“Aha! I knew it! The two of you have something going on, don’t you?” Ji Sung pointed a finger at me. “That’s why you’re feeling this guilty!”

 

I almost choke on my food as I tried to explain. “No, no, no, no there’s nothing, okay?” I look at her and she’s holding in her laughter.

 

“I’m only joking, Ji. Your reaction was so priceless, that’s all.” That’s one thing I love about her: she always finds a way to lighten me up whenever there’s something wrong with me. However, her joke somehow made everything more complicated for me.

 

“Seriously, you’re only making me crazier.” I sigh and looked outside, fiddling with the straw on my drink. “Actually, this situation I am in is crazier than I imagined.”

 

Ji Sung nods as I took a sip. “Maybe he’s interested in you.” And that’s where I choke on my drink.

 

“M-Me? Are you crazy? Seriously, Ji Sung!!” I tried to laugh it off but at the same time a part of me wanted to squeal and jump in glee. 

 

No, Jiyonn. Ji Sung is joking. It’s only a joke. There’s no need to be happy and giddy about it.

 

“I’m serious! Who knows? You sing and dance well, you’re smart and to top that off, you’re pretty.”

 

“I tripped and injured myself, I sleep during Math and I’m not as pretty as how you think I am, okay?”

 

“But you’re still hopeful, aren’t you?” She teased. I mouthed a big “No” to her and went back to eating.

 

We spent the rest of the time discussing school related things and anything out of the blue. In the end, I realized that a person should always have someone to run to when they are in trouble. Not a back-up gang, but just someone you wanted to talk to and let out the bad energy. I know I’m currently in a bad situation, but for a few hours, I forgot that when I started talking to Ji Sung. I know it’ll be hard to get things back, but I’m up for the challenge.

 

Before I left, I gave Ji Sung a big hug and thanked her for listening to me when I needed someone to talk to. I left the café with a less guilty heart and made my way to training. I’ll slowly put things back in order.

 

I can do this, I said to myself as I walked to my practice room.

 

"Jiyonn!" A sweet voice came up behind me. I looked back and found Bom in a comfy clothes with a cob of corn in her hands. 

 

"Good afternoon, senior." I bowed and smiled to her. 

 

"Why are you being so formal, it's only me!" She said, waving her hand. "Are you starting practice soon?"

 

"Yes I am, actually." I replied.

 

"Do you want to eat with us later during your break? We miss our new trainee, you know! So please say yes." I instantly felt nervous at her proposal. It's been a long time since I hung out with them, and I don't know what they will think about me joining them again all of a sudden. 

 

If this is the way to get things back to normal, then I will go that way.

 

I gave her the most sincere smile and nodded. "Yes of course. It'll be a pleasure."