I was planning on going home and enjoying dinner with my parents but instead, I’m stuck with a much nicer Ji Yong asking me to eat dinner with him.

“I can’t,” I bit my lower lip. “I’m having dinner with my parents.”

“Then… At least coffee or something. Please spare just 15 minutes, I just really need to talk to you.” He replied, stammered. So I agree and we walk to a nearby café.

This is awkward,I think to myself as I sigh and take a sip of my cold drink.

“So,” I said, breaking the awkward silence. “I’m—“

“When I saw you cry earlier,” he interrupted, staring at his empty cup. “I realized how stupid I am. I’m supposed to guide you throughout training as your senior. But look what I have done. I made your first day as a trainee bad, insulted you for a couple of times and even told you to quit. I’m such a jerk, idiot, ... I’ve put you through a lot of trouble… It’s about time I stop affecting your training.”

It was strange. I can’t really explain why or what, but he seemed really sincere. And I said earlier that I’m not forgiving him as a senior. Great. That’s what I hate about myself. I forgive people easily. My conscience easily fools me, just like now.

But, wait. Have I forgiven him or something?

What am I even going to say after this?

“It’s okay I you don’t respond or whatever.” Ji Yong said, and I look up in shock. “I just want to let you know how sincere I am with this apology.”

“No.” I replied, avoiding his eyes. “I mean, yes. You did make my first day as a trainee bad, insulted me for a couple of times and told me to quit, but that’s nearly half or what I went through before. Honestly, I guess it’s just one of those hurdles I have to go through before finishing this race.”

He stays silent, listening, and I feel more comfortable with it.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, and I mean it, And, I have to apologize as well. I’ve been really rude and informal to you. I forgot that I’m just a trainee and you’re my senior. I forgot about that and acted stupidly. Not just this morning, but since we met. I got really pissed off and my emotions just got the best of me. There. I’m sorry, too.”

I was expecting something like, “So, are we friends now?”, or something similar, but I felt that pang of guilt as he looked at me straight in to the eye and said:

“From now on, I won’t bother you anymore. I don’t want to be a hindrance to your training. I’m going to avoid you now.”

My jaw drops as I try to comprehend what he just said. This is not what I had in mind.

“Wait!” I shouted, and the people at the shop looked at our direction. But I ignored it. “I know what you did was awful, but… you can’t do this. This is not what I had in mind.”

“Wasn’t in mine either.” He replied, staring out the window. After that, I wasn’t able to reply anymore. I was already panicking in my head. I have no idea on what I’m supposed to say or do. I feel like I’m going to cry with all this. Just a moment ago, I was so happy that I was able to be back on track, and now, it feels like I’m lost again.

 “Well, I wouldn’t want to make your parents wait for dinner.” He said, getting up, leaving. In an instant, I stood up and followed Ji Yong. This is really awkward in a way I feel like I’m this silly and annoying girlfriend chasing her boyfriend after a quarrel. I shook my head with that thought.

“Wait, please!” I shouted when we were on the streets.

He looked back at me with what seems to be looks of hurt and anger. “What is it now?”

“Not this way, please. I know I have hurt you, but let’s just pretend none of this happened. Start over again as senior and junior. Please. Honestly, I wasn't expecting everything would end up like this. Just, please.” I pleaded, tears staining my already tired face.

“I’m sorry…” was all he said, before turning his back on me and started walking.

I’m such a bad person. What have I done? I wasn’t asking for any of this! All of a sudden, everything comes crashing down on me. The way I treated him during our first meeting. The time I left him after the karaoke night. The short time I stayed over at his place after I fainted. All the rude things I have told him. Why now, when it all fell apart?

I had no idea on how I dragged my body home, but when I got there it was already dinnertime. Steak and potatoes, how Western. However, with the stuff that happened earlier, my appetite left along with Ji Yong.

“Aren’t you going to eat, dear?” Mom asked as I was heading to my room, eyes puffy.

“I’m full. I had dinner with friends. Sorry for not calling you or anything.” I replied, not looking at them. Somehow, I don’t want to be more of a burden to them than I already am to others.

“I’m kind of tired, so I’ll be sleeping early. Good night, Mom, Dad.” Before they could ask any more questions, I ran straight to my room and crashed on to the bed, crying. I can’t take it anymore. This became so complicated. I only wanted to train again to debut, not getting in to an argument with a senior and end up avoiding each other.

Now I really don’t know what to do tomorrow.