“Hello, Na Young!!!” I greeted her a little too enthusiastically when she entered the practice room.

“We haven’t seen each other in just a day and now you greet me like this?” She laughs. “If this keeps on, I might think you’re on crack or something.”

I choke on my spit thinking of myself on crack. Never. Bubble tea’s enough to keep me energized. Also, my dad also told me that I might be moving to the “new” apartment tomorrow afternoon since he and Mom went to buy the needed furnitures today. I’m actually going to live independently in two days! Two days! Yesterday was also my dad’s birthday and he loved the present that I bought for him. We decided to eat at his favorite restaurant in celebration and Bong Shil baked her signature cheesecake. I smiled to myself thinking that this week may be a good week for me.

“This afternoon, we’re going to focus on your dancing. First, you’re a pretty good dancer and we might focus on that when you debut. Second, because you need to maintain that energy and flow you have when you’re dancing. Lastly, the President’s planning on holding this YG Family showcase soon and we’re thinking of choosing you as one of the back-up dancers with me and some others.”

My eyes widen in shock. “Me? Back-up dancer? Showcase? What’s this about?”

“I don’t know either.” Na Young shrugs. “But you know Hyun-suk sunbaenim, he find a way to surprise people. So, shall we get started?”

For almost three and a half hours, we’ve been on the floor stretching and dancing. It’s really tiring if you ask me since the past week we focused on acting (not that I have any intention of becoming an actress or anything) and etiquette, but I’m lucky that I’m still here. Anyway, I still couldn’t get my mind off the fact that I am one of the back-up dancers for the upcoming YG Family showcase. I know it’s shallow for me to be like this, but still, a chance is still a chance and I have one in front of me!

“Na Young…” I called her, lying down on the floor. “Can we eat or take a break or something? I’m really tired.”

She takes a towel from my bag and tosses it to me. “Okay fine. Just keep it easy on the carbs. And no sweets for now. So far, you’re doing well; keep it up!”

I thank her before she leaves and change my soaking shirt to a comfy hoodie. I take my phone and wallet then head to the canteen. As I was on my way to the canteen, someone suddenly taps my shoulder and I almost shriek.

“Calm down, it was only me!” Dara sunbae said, holding me by the shoulder. “Gosh, I never knew you were so sensitive!”

I bowed to her before taking a deep breath. “Sorry, sunbae I’m really like this.”

“No need to call me sunbae, Dara or Dara unnie’s fine if you insist. On your way to the canteen?” I nod. “Then let’s go together!”

She takes my hand and we head to canteen. We pick out a couple of sandwiches and drinks and go to a table nearby. While eating, she tells me about the upcoming YG Family showcase and how she was nervous.

“I mean, seriously? A showcase is pretty much like a concert, and I’m not really in the best condition so I’m really anxious about things.”

I take a bite of the sandwich before replying to her. “I think you’re going to do just well, unnie. Just take a proper rest, if possible, and drink your medicines. That way, you’ll be better in no time!”

Dara unnie takes both of my hands and shakes them. “Thank you, Jiyonn! I sure will do that!”

What I like about Dara unnie is that she has a genuine personality and is very down-to-earth. Despite being one of the most known girl groups around Asia (and probably the world), she always thanked everyone and never forgot the people that helped her to be where she is now. Because of that, I felt guilty because at one point, I became envious of her and the relationship she has with Ji Yong. I blush at the thought of it and I looked down to hide my face.

“I heard from Na Young that you’re going to participate as well for the showcase,” she said. “Is that true, you’ll be with us?”

I shyly nodded. “I’m still having mixed emotions about it to be honest. I mean, I can dance to save my life but there are lots of other good trainees and back-up dancers here and they probably have more experience than me so I guess that’s it.”

I look at Dara unnie again and she’s looking at me with an amused expression. “Sorry unnie I tend to get carried away with these things.”

“No, no it’s fine!” She said with a wave of her hand. “But seriously I think you deserve it, not because we’re friends but I know you can do it. You’re more than what you think of.”

We spend the rest of the break time together talking about different things. I kind of hated to say goodbye to her because it feels nice to talk to someone like Dara unnie; in those few minutes we shared, I felt like she was my big sister and longed for that. But anyway, I better focus on the practice until tonight.

When I got back to the practice room, Na Young informed me that we were going to meet with the artists, back-up dancers and the staff for the initial practice for the showcase.

“Calm down okay. I can see you look very pressured.” Na Young said. “You can do it. Come on now, let’s go.”

The huge practice room was filled with people in casual attire, hats and beanies. My knees started to weaken but Na Young gave me a pat on the shoulder to assure me that everything was okay. Aside from Na Young, I knew no one else. Until the artists came in. I wanted to go to them and greet but I realized that in this kind of situation, I’m just a trainee and they are my seniors. It’s all about business tonight.

I sat together with the trainees and although it was initially awkward. Looking around my co-trainees, I noticed that someone was also looking at me. He was a guy about my age with short-cropped hair and when I glanced at him, he waved and I waved back.

Well at least I know someone else in here.

Then short-cropped-hair guy moved and sat beside me.

“Um, hey there.” I said.

“Feels pretty nerve-wrecking, huh?” He asked. “I’m Heejun by the way.”

“Nice to meet you, Heejun, I’m—“

“Jiyonn Lau.” He grinned. “Pretty much the talk to the trainee town during the past month.”

“W-What? Me?” I replied.

Heejun grins again and I notice the small dimples in his face. “Former girl at SM Ent., then moved here.” He leans closer and takes a look at me. Automatically, I lean backwards.

“You do look exactly the same from before…”

“What do you expect anyway?” I ask.

“Nothing really.” He replies, then we notice the staff had already begun the small orientation.

“Whoops we better start listening.” Heejun whispers. “Better not have these dictators yelling at us.”

I laugh at his use of words in reply. Throughout the orientation, they discussed the concept for the showcase, they allotted time for practice and some boring bits. I peek at Heejun and notice that he was sleeping halfway through the orientation so I decided to pay attention instead; it was better than taking a risk despite how boring the orientation really is.

The orientation ended and we were starting to be grouped according to the role we’ll have at the showcase. Heejun also woke up after a staff called his attention.

“Not my fault we’re this tired.” He whispered in reply. Some groups of trainees and dancers started to move out of the practice room and the artists were separated to their respective groups for their performance.

“…Jiyonn Lau, Heejun Park, you stay with Mijung…” a staff said and continued mentioning other names of trainees.

“Who’s Mijung?” I ask. Heejun pointed to a lady wearing purple sweats that was starting to warm up. A couple of trainees and dancers were with her as well.

“That’s Jo Mijung our trainer. Let’s go now.” He said. I glance at Na Young who was also starting to move out. She smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up.

When we arrive to Mijung, I noticed that Bom unnie, TOP and Ji Yong were also with her. The nervous feeling in me started to increase, assuming that I’ll be performing with them but it was Bom unnie that smiled at me and made me feel less pressured.

“So I see you are friends with Bom?” he teased. “Can you give me her number?”

I laughed. “Are you her fanboy or something?”

“I guess so. Who wouldn’t kill to be friends with her?” He shrugged. We sat down and Mijung reiterated the concept for the performance. After that, the basic dance steps were taught and for a three-hour practice, we weren’t doing much. To be honest, everything kept on changing from the music to the formation. Even Heejun, who seemed to be a chill guy, was starting to get annoyed.

“This isn’t working Mijung,” Ji Yong said. “Maybe we could give you more time to revise your thoughts or something.”

Everyone in the practice room fell silent, waiting for Mijung’s reply; it’s a huge blow for a choreographer when an artist tells them that their concept . But Mijung nodded and said she was feeling pressured since the announcement of the showcase was not expected. In the end, we were going to resume our practice after two days but Mijung will keep us updated about the concept.

“So basically we did this all for nothing…” Heejun pouted.

I shrugged. “Hey cheer up. At least you’ll be performing with Bom unnie.” Heejun replied with a grin and after saying our goodbye’s and nice-to-meet-you’s, we parted ways. I made a quick trip to Mi Rae and buy bubble tea when someone poked my shoulder. Behind me was Ji Yong with his signature grin.

“Hey there.” I said, completely forgetting about formality and when I remembered, I was supposed to bow at him but he stopped me halfway.

“Don’t. We’re not at the agency.” I merely nodded and waited for my turn.

“Aren’t you going to me or something?” he whined after a minute of silence. I turned around to face him and raised my brow.

“You don’t really look like you want to talk. See? Your eyes are dead tired and you look pale.” Seeing him like that made me worry and although I’ve seen a lot of artists push themselves to their limits, it was still weird to see someone who looks like they were going to pass out face to face. I was supposed to tell him to take a rest when it was my turn at the counter. Fortunately, Mi Rae was at the counter tonight so she immediately knew what I wanted to order and as I about to leave, Ji Yong stops me and tells me to wait for him. After that, we walk to the bus stop in silence when I finally decided to break the ice.

“So, am I supposed to say something like, ‘what’s going on with you’ or ‘are you okay’ because you’re not talking at all?”

“I’m tired.” was all he said. I didn’t know what to do so I asked him if he wanted to rest at the benches around and he reluctantly agreed, asking if I won’t arrive home late.

“I don’t really care.” I blurted. We sat at one of the benches near the bus stop when Ji Yong decided to rant out all the stress and pressure from work. Their comeback date was pushed back twice after their suggestions failed to pass the standards of the company and they were pressured to think of a new concept.

“I mean, after those songs we’ve written and all we’re going to think of a new concept. After those days of brainstorming all we got was a simple ‘no’ and ‘think of a new concept’? Do they even know how they kept our hopes up for the nth time?” He said, finishing the last of his bubble tea. “And now there’s this damn showcase! I swear everything’s going crazy.”

I don’t really know what to say after hearing this. I was afraid that whatever I say might make the situation worse so I stayed silent, barely nodding whenever he would go on ranting. A couple of buses also passed by but I tried to ignore it. Anyway, I decided to give my two cents regarding it in the end.

“You guys can do it again—“ I paused when he looked up at me. He looked really, really tired. “I mean brainstorm again. Just keep your own pace and try to ignore the pressure. Of course you can’t think of a new concept in a blink of an eye but as long as, you know, put your everything in it, it’ll all be worth it. You’ve had a number of comebacks before so you made it through and you will again.”

I looked back at him and realized that there was a faint smile in his face and I lost my trail of thought. “I don’t remember how it is to make an album or something, but don’t lose hope. That’s just it.”

Ji Yong didn’t speak and I felt as if I hit the wrong buttons altogether so I looked away, hoping that a bus would arrive. I was expecting that he would argue and say that I don’t know anything about it but he smiled and thanked me.

“I don’t want to go back through that part where I have no idea on what I’m going to do, that’s all.”

At this point, I sighed and held his hand. “You’re not going to let it happen again, okay? Trust me, you’re not; you won’t go back there, the others won’t let you go back there, and I won’t.”

I didn’t know how long I’ve held his hand but before I let it go, he quickly squeezed my hand.

“Thanks.”

To be honest, it wasn’t the reply that I was expecting, but I let it slip away. The only thing that I didn’t was the fact that I was holding his hand and he was holding mine and it felt different. Like it was telling me that things are bound to change soon.