DaeSung slowly finished his food, even though SeungHyun wasn’t finished, he had stopped eating halfway. When DaeSung looked at him once in a while and noticed that he had stopped eating he put down his spoon.

“Aren’t you hungry?” He slowly asked. SeungHyun smiled comfortably at him. He wanted to lean closer to him and touch his face that looked so soft and pleasant. But he couldn’t for DaeSung’s rule about not touching his face. He needed to respect that, even if it was this hard. Instead he managed to clear his throat and answer his question.

“I’m just full. I have had what I needed.” SeungHyun answered him with the warm smile. DaeSung hadn’t really seen him smile like that before. Not in that way. It was almost like his eyes were glistening, and in a few seconds DaeSung was captivated by his very strong eyes that was looking so caring into his.

“You know what?” SeungHyun slowly asked as he kept looking at him. DaeSung’s stomach curled up inside of him like there was something really good coming up. He only managed to shake his head.

“You have taken your glasses off.” SeungHyun said, instead of what he really wanted to say. He had only realized that he had asked the question before, right after he had asked it. So he had been in need to find something to say instead, and it had been the best he could come up with. DaeSung felt a little sad, but noticed it too now, that he had actually taken off his glasses.

“Yeah, seems like it.” DaeSung answered, a little sadness in his voice, but he didn’t want to show in any way, that he had hoped for something else. SeungHyun leaned a little onto the table and supported his upper body with his arms that rested on the table with them crossed.

“Do you want to see a movie when we get back?” SeungHyun offered. DaeSung lit up again, gaining back his hope. He overdid a smile and nodded.

“Yes! That would be great!” DaeSung answered and suddenly blushed a little because of his sudden exclaim. SeungHyun smirked and leaned back a little. He raised his hand and the waitress came to their table with the bill. DaeSung looked wondering at SeungHyun.

“It’s not a liked restaurant for nothing.” SeungHyun told the confused DaeSung. He nodded in awe and understood by now. SeungHyun got up when he had put the money at the bill, and put his glasses on. DaeSung put on his glasses too and pulled up the hat from his shirt. They left the restaurant and SeungHyun opened the car door for DaeSung to step in. He did so, and when the door was closed he giggled and smiled all over his face while making a little dance in pure excitement. When the door next to him opened, he acted like nothing. SeungHyun got in next to him, and sent him a little smile.

Slowly he leaned over to DaeSung, whose heart started beating frantically, and was frozen to his seat. SeungHyun took the seat belt from his side and leaned back. DaeSung heard the click as SeungHyun had locked it. At some point SeungHyun had been so close to kiss him, but had quickly found a way not to do so and safe what he was doing. DaeSung could start breathing again, disappointed, but he could breathe. He tried hard to get his heart back in its normal rhythm, but it seemed like it refused to beat slower.

“We should get back to yours right?” SeungHyun asked right after he had cleared his throat. How big a moron could a person be? DaeSung slowly got his heart to relax.

“Yeah, we should. You know the way.” DaeSung answered softly and leaned his head back in the seat, half looking up into the car roof. This is going to end badly. He already knew. Twice in no time, he had been about to die because of him. His heart had been racing like never before. He felt a touch on his thigh and looked down, seeing SeungHyun’s hand near his knee. After seeing that he looked at SeungHyun a little confused, but SeungHyun just smiled to him before he removed his hand again.

“If you are tired, we can postpone the movie for another day?” SeungHyun offered. DaeSung’s eyes flew open and he shook his head.

“No! I’m not tired at all!” He quickly answered. No way would he miss this chance of being close to him for an entire evening. With none of the others there, and just the two of them in a couch, watching a movie. The thought made him smile when it crossed his mind.

“Okay! Calm down. I wasn’t going to let you go anyway.” SeungHyun teased and laughed at DaeSung’s cute expression when he had asked the question. After two seconds DaeSung joined in the laugh, realizing that SeungHyun hadn’t tried to get rid of him, but had just cared about him. That was so sweet!

SeungHyun drove them home to DaeSung and they got out of the car. DaeSung unlocked the door to his and TaeYang’s apartment, before entering. SeungHyun had been there a lot of times, so he felt home already.

“Let me get something to drink, you can pick a movie while I get it.” DaeSung suggested and left the room before SeungHyun could answer him. SeungHyun smiled, made a little shrug and found the shelf’s with movies beside the TV. He had always admired them for keeping their stuff in order, like the DVD’s was placed in genres and alphabet. At his house it was just placed here and there as they had been put up once he had moved in. He noticed that they had collected his different acting stuff on one of the top shelf’s. Both movies, and both dramas. Cute… After a few minutes of admiration for the DVD’s, he found a thriller. A movie from Korea called “H-Hypnosis”, apparently about a psycho and a lot of murdered people. Some murder investigations, and a weird person who hypnoses people. SeungHyun nodded to himself about his good choice of movie. It would make DaeSung crawl straight into his arms. He smirked by the thought and turned around, just as DaeSung came back with a red wine and two glasses in his hands.

“Did you find one?” DaeSung asked as he put the things in his hands, on the table. SeungHyun nodded a little and the TV, popped the movie into the DVD-player. DaeSung placed himself comfortably in the couch and waited for SeungHyun to sit too. He hadn’t showed DaeSung the DVD, so when the front screen came up, DaeSung flinched. It was red and with blood trailing down the screen. A rather opera-like song was playing in the back while the screen showed a few clips of a man, some clips of the police and a few bloody pictures. SeungHyun pressed “play” on the remote control, and the movie started. DaeSung knew this was going to be hard if he couldn’t crawl onto SeungHyun, but that would be embarrassing as well. Oh what to do?

“I hope it’s good. I haven’t seen this one before.” SeungHyun mentioned as the movie started. The names of the actors rolled on the screen first. Already less than 2 minutes in the movie, DaeSung flinched because of a body in the rubbish dump. How was he going to survive this? He wanted to bury himself into SeungHyun’s shoulder, but he couldn’t do that. Not now at least. But that took a turn, when a woman had been cut open by the stomach and a baby’s foot was sticking out of her and it moved. DaeSung screamed and found his way into SeungHyun’s arms where he hid into his chest. SeungHyun chuckled a little and held him close. His plan had worked perfectly. When the movie sounded like it was getting quieter again, he dared to look up on the screen. He moved away quickly when he realized that he had just been hiding in SeungHyun’s arms. It had just felt so safe and warm, and it was like he wanted to go back to them, so badly. Somehow he started to hope for a new scary thing that could allow him to do so.

“Wine?” SeungHyun asked, as he poured himself a glass. He poured some into the other and handed it to DaeSung, before he could even answer.

“Well, thanks.” DaeSung softly said, and was a little shy because of what had just happened. But somehow SeungHyun seemed unaffected, for DaeSung at least. SeungHyun himself felt like he had had a victory in something he had been dying to get a victory in. Well, on the other hand, it could be like that. The movie went on, and nothing really happened for a while.

“It’s getting boring…” DaeSung muttered and looked at SeungHyun who had just taken a large sip of his wine. He then turned his head and looked at him with a smirk.

“You haven’t been paying attention then. And I wouldn’t call it “Boring”, even though it wasn’t me who screamed and jumped me for about half an hour ago.” SeungHyun . DaeSung blushed shyly. To admit it, he hadn’t been paying any attention to the movie, except when he heard a gunshot, and some people talk here and there.

“I have been paying attention! It’s just a bit boring right now…” DaeSung answered, he knew it was a lie about the attention thing, but he couldn’t tell him that he had been thinking about him and his arms for half an hour.

“You, are boring right now.” SeungHyun teased. DaeSung gave him a sweet smile, and poked him on the shoulder. SeungHyun raised an eyebrow and looked at him because of his poke.

“So you think I will entertain you by being your toy or something that you can just poke as you want?” SeungHyun asked a little teasingly. DaeSung laughed a little and nodded.

“Yes, I think I will use you as entertaining, now you have agreed with it.” He teased back, and earned a suspicious look from SeungHyun.

“I didn’t agree with that!” SeungHyun quickly exclaimed. DaeSung laughed again and poked his shoulder once more.

“You won’t get easily away with that you know?” SeungHyun threatened like a tease. DaeSung laughed louder and his eyes became small lines.

“Of course I can. You don’t want to harm me anyway.” DaeSung answered back as he stuck the tip of his tongue out at him. SeungHyun laughed a little about his way too cute facial expression while doing so.

“You are a kid you know?” SeungHyun just said, not wanting to comment on that he didn’t want to harm him, because he would never do so, but he couldn’t say that to him, it would sound weird.

“Yep, and you’re my Hyung. So entertain me.” DaeSung chuckled. SeungHyun frowned and pointed at the TV.

“That’s your entertainment right there.” He said and let his hand fall down so he didn’t point his finger at the TV anymore. DaeSung slapped his shoulder with no strength at all.

“Let’s do something else…” DaeSung said and sat up on his knees with front towards SeungHyun, who gave him a weird look from his sudden change of position. SeungHyun raised an eyebrow and looked at him with suspicion.

“Then figure out what you want to do.” He answered and shrugged before he emptied the last of the wine in his glass. DaeSung pondered of what he wanted to do instead of sitting here, watching that awfully creepy movie. He knew very well what he wanted most, but he couldn’t say that. SeungHyun watched him while he was thinking and couldn’t help but think he was the cutest thing he had ever seen. He mentally slapped himself for thinking that.

“I don’t know…” DaeSung slowly said when he had come to that conclusion. SeungHyun smiled a little and laughed with a very low voice. DaeSung looked at him a little fake-sad and leaned his head onto his shoulder, with the forehead touching his shirt.

“Not funny…” He mumbled and got his head up from his shoulder. SeungHyun had actually enjoyed the few seconds it lasted, but he knew that he couldn’t say that. It would be too weird.

“I think you are cute when you act like that.” SeungHyun , only to freeze to his spot, after realizing what had just come out of his mouth. He mentally beat him up inside for being so stupid. DaeSung felt his stomach curl together and his eyes widened. *Of course it had just been a tease, now don’t overreact. He just teased you, don’t think anything.* DaeSung quickly thought to himself and stopped looking shocked.

“Don’t say stuff like that.” DaeSung answered with a deep red blush. He quickly messed up SeungHyun’s hair and got up from the couch while SeungHyun tried to save his hair from leaving his head. It wouldn’t, but he just wanted to be sure it didn’t. When DaeSung got up, he looked confused at him.

“Where are you going?” SeungHyun asked and DaeSung smiled. He pointed to the hallway.

“I have to go to the bathroom.” DaeSung said and made a little chuckle before he went out. When he got out in the hallway, he hurried to the bathroom and barricaded himself with locking the door and stand up against it.

“What shall I do? How am I going to say anything to him, and he sure doesn’t feel anything, and what am I supposed to do? I need to call Ji! Damn… My phone is in the living room on the table… How can I possibly get in there, just pick up my phone and leave? I’m so screwed…” DaeSung mumbled it all to himself, just when he heard a soft knock on the door, ripping him out of his thoughts.

“Are you okay?” SeungHyun asked from the other side, sounding a little worried. DaeSung quickly got up from the floor, but as silent as possible. He moved to the other end of the bathroom before he could answer.

“Yeah! I’m out in a minute.” DaeSung yelled, before he softly tip-toed towards the door, and heard SeungHyun walk back to the living room. He sighed deeply of relief. After being sure that SeungHyun had placed himself in the couch again, he unlocked the door and quietly walked back to the living room. SeungHyun took a sip from his wine, and noticed DaeSung coming in, without seeing him.

“You didn’t flush.” He just mentioned with a careless voice, but smirked to himself. DaeSung mentally gave himself a facepalm. He rolled his eyes because of himself, and sat down in the couch.

“I didn’t use the toilet.” DaeSung excused himself and didn’t look at SeungHyun, because he knew he was smiling like if he was laughing at him.

“Of course not.” SeungHyun just said, as he emptied his glass again. He had a feeling about DaeSung now. But he couldn’t figure if he tried to avoid him, or get closer to him. Normally he would just read him like an open book, but this time he wasn’t really sure. Maybe it was his own feelings that made him doubt everything. Perhaps he was just hoping more than thinking about the reality.

“Do you still want to watch the movie?” DaeSung asked hopeful to get away from it. Now there was more blood and murder, and it didn’t really suit him that much.

“I will, until you say what you want to do instead.” SeungHyun teased and finally looked at him. DaeSung smiled a little while thinking. He was still empty for ideas, other than those that couldn’t be real. SeungHyun smiled a little by himself and turned his head towards the screen again. Something inside of him really wanted to hold DaeSung closer, but he needed to push those stupid thoughts away. He put the empty wineglass back on the table and leaned back again, with his legs crossed.

“Do you want something to eat? You know like a dessert?” DaeSung asked quickly, maybe figured out what could postpone that ugly movie. Why did it even exist in their home? YoungBae wasn’t that much of a movie buyer. SeungHyun shrugged and looked at him.

“We could do that.” He answered and got up. Turned off the TV and walked towards the kitchen together with DaeSung, who felt like he had just won a new victory. Also because he had actually turned off the television, meaning he wasn’t going to go back to watch it. A wide smile spread on his lips. More time to talk and get entertained.

“Now, what do you want?” DaeSung asked, and looked in the different cupboards and in the fridge. SeungHyun shrugged and looked around in the kitchen. It was rather clean, considering it was two guys who lived here. And none of them was that much home. It was admirable.

“You got fruit… I’m well suited with that.” SeungHyun answered and locked his eyes with DaeSung. He earned a smile from the angel in front of him, and their eye contact stopped as DaeSung turned around. The fruit was cut out and they ate the small pieces with small forks, designed for desserts.

“You know what?” SeungHyun asked as he looked at DaeSung across the table. This time DaeSung’s stomach didn’t react like last time. Now he just looked at him and shook his head while chewing on a piece of apple.

“I think I like you.” SeungHyun just said bluntly. DaeSung swallowed the piece of apple and was about to cough it up again. He quickly managed to stop coughing and looked at SeungHyun in disbelief. SeungHyun hadn’t even touched the fruit, other than small touches with his fork to an apple piece. He had tried to figure out if he should say it or not, and now he had. His brain felt like it was on meltdown and his stomach was about to explode. Now he could really feel the fright that occurred in him of the rejection he would receive in a moment. SeungHyun turned his gaze up and met DaeSung’s who was now looking in disbelief at him and not coughing.

“What?” DaeSung just asked almost in a whisper as if he hadn’t heard what he had said. SeungHyun frowned and was not going to repeat it. DaeSung swallowed hard and was almost speechless. This was all he ever wanted, but he had no idea of how to react.

“No, it’s a lie… I don’t think I like you… I know I do.” SeungHyun corrected himself, when DaeSung didn’t say anything. When DaeSung had heard the first sentence with the lie thing, he was about to cry, but when he heard the rest, his heart went crazy like never before.

“Bu… I… When… No… I… Wait…” DaeSung could only stutter a few words and had no idea of what he was actually saying. This was so not how it should be. SeungHyun got up from his chair and it looked like he was on his way to leave.

“No, don’t go!” DaeSung said as he thought he was on his way out. SeungHyun was in no hurry to get out. Instead he walked on the other side of the table and in front of DaeSung. Slowly he pulled him up on his shaking legs and put his arms around him. DaeSung felt he should die now. His heart was on its way to jump out of his chest, and he felt like he was on his way to faint. Even though he felt that, he could also feel that he wouldn’t fall, because SeungHyun held him close. Actually he had never noticed that he was rather strong, because he was never really in his arms like this.

“I don’t want go.” SeungHyun softly whispered, in a way that DaeSung had never heard his voice before. SeungHyun softly put a hand on his cheek, with the fingers in his hair and his thumb him just below the eye. DaeSung felt amazing already there. He didn’t care about the skin right now and stuff like that, the only think he could think about was SeungHyun’s gentle touch and the feeling in his body that he would might feel his lips upon his own in a few seconds. Slowly SeungHyun leaned his head closer to DaeSung’s when he quickly pushed away. His hand in his hair like nothing had happened and he blushed like crazy. DaeSung was almost in shock from it, but then realized that YoungBae stood in the door. When he saw him, he started blushing like crazy too.

“Hey. I didn’t see the light was on, so I thought no one was home. Hey Hyung.” YoungBae said while smiling. SeungHyun could jump in relief of not being noticed. But the disappointment from not getting a kiss from DaeSung, felt like a heavy stone in his stomach. DaeSung smiled weakly to YoungBae.

“Sorry… I didn’t know you would be home now.” DaeSung answered with a rather rusty voice, still in shock that SeungHyun had pushed himself away so fast. YoungBae shrugged and smiled warmly.

“Well, I finished what I should in the studio, so I wanted to go home. Have you had a nice day?” YoungBae asked and stepped further into the kitchen, placing a sport bag on one of the chairs. He pulled out a water bottle and put it on the kitchen table near the wash.

“Yeah it has been nice.” DaeSung answered, still a little shaking, though it didn’t seem like YoungBae noticed. Or else he acted pretty damn well. SeungHyun was still too embarrassed to say anything right now, even though the possibility of YoungBae having seen them was equal to zero.

“I’m glad. Did you get what you wanted on your shopping trip?” YoungBae asked as he stood with his back towards them, cleaning his water bottle. DaeSung looked confused at SeungHyun, who looked back with an excusing and sorry look in his eyes.

“Yeah I did. What… What have you done today?” DaeSung asked to be friendly, even though he was so taken aback right now that he wasn’t sure if he actually could be normal.

“Good. Well, not much. The usual.” YoungBae answered and shrugged. He placed the bottle upside down on the table and took his bag. Still smiling like he did when he had entered.

“See you guys later. I will take a shower and go to bed in a little while. Don’t stay up too late.” YoungBae kindly said and turned around to go out of the kitchen.

“Sleep tight. Goodnight!” DaeSung yelled after him. He heard an answer, but not what he said. Perhaps something with “You too”, or that was what he guessed he said. SeungHyun still looked at him, and DaeSung could see his chest moving quickly with his heavy breathing. Both of them were blushing, and they didn’t really know what to do. This was just even more awkward than when it started. A few minutes went by, not moving or saying anything. They could hear TaeYang in the hallway, going to the bathroom and turning on the water after a few minutes.

“Are you okay?” SeungHyun suddenly asked, almost causing DaeSung to flinch at his sudden voice. He nodded a little and still looked rather shocked. SeungHyun slowly approached him and touched his shoulder with a hand.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” SeungHyun excused himself. He wasn’t sure if DaeSung actually liked him back, because he hadn’t said anything else, than begging him not to go, and most people would probably say that.

“Sorry. I will go now.” He added to what he just said and DaeSung looked him into the eyes, begging him not to go, but he was more than speechless right now, to tell him not to. SeungHyun closed his eyes and took his hand back from his shoulder. He was afraid that he had just crossed some boundaries and that it would have a bad effect. One of those he had already been afraid of, before he had even told DaeSung that he liked him.

“I’m sorry.” SeungHyun whispered and walked out. DaeSung just stood nailed to the spot and couldn’t move. He couldn’t even think right now, and his whole body was shaking. How? Why? When? WHAT? It was the first thoughts that suddenly came clear to him when he heard the front door open and close. He snapped out of his trance and ran to the window, before he opened it, just in time to see SeungHyun drive away in his car.

“No…” DaeSung whispered to himself in disbelief. What just happened, actually happened! He wasn’t dreaming or worse, having a nightmare. What should he do? How should he act when he saw him next time? Would SeungHyun even dare to look at him? He didn’t want this to be a thing that got between them, especially not when it was something they obviously both wanted. While standing by the open window, he slowly sat down on the ground. He couldn’t even follow him. Even though this seemed more important than anything else, he couldn’t get himself to step into a car. That would be pure torture, more than this had already been. Maybe he should call him? No… That was too stupid.

When SeungHyun had closed the door he hit his own head with a fist. How stupid could he be? Telling him that and after trying to kiss him? This was pure insanity! He would never get his pride back, no matter how hard he would try. It was so lucky that YoungBae hadn’t seen them. If he had he couldn’t look him in the eyes again either. This was so painful and his whole body hurt. When he drove away, he didn’t notice DaeSung at the window, if he just had, he wouldn’t be here now. His eyes followed the stream of water from the Hanriver that was just below him.

No, he wasn’t about to commit suicide.

He needed to clear his thoughts, and if he went home now, he wouldn’t dare to look at himself in the mirror. His car was parked with the lights on, right beside him. He had his arms on the railing and his forehead was placed on the cold metal between his arms. In this position he could see the water flow beneath him. He knew he needed to do something about all this and clear out the mess, but he was too afraid of what the result might be. When he stood up again and removed himself from the railing, he noticed that he hadn’t any jacket on. It didn’t really matter, because he had a long sleeved shirt on, but that meant the jacket was back in DaeSung and YoungBae’s apartment. Well, they could always bring it to him next time they were together. After all, he had plenty of jackets. How could he even think about jackets right now? He kicked a stone into the water between two metal poles, not in an angry way, more like sad.

After sighing deeply, he got into the car and drove home. He couldn’t stay out there for all eternity and sooner or later he had to look at himself again.