SeungHyun held his breath as he could hear footsteps move around in his living room. Someone was walking around like he had nothing to do, like he was checking out the room. Maybe he was waiting for him to get in there? Judging on the steps, they seemed soft and were perhaps not meant to be heard. SeungHyun’s heart beat so hard that he was worried it would leave his chest any time soon. If he could just get upstairs… But the stairs would make a loud noise and the person would come running immediately. On the other hand, he wouldn’t be able to get up those stairs with that sprained foot.

“I know you are here somewhere!” A deep manly voice exclaimed from the living room. SeungHyun froze and his heart had never beaten this fast ever before. Upstairs… He HAD to get upstairs. A loud crash was heard outside and SeungHyun flinched but kept down a scared yell. Who was that psycho? And how in the world had he gotten access to his house? That thought perhaps scared him the most, how he had gotten inside without him knowing. From what he knew of, then there were no open windows and the security alarm was .

“Just come out TOP. The light won’t get back on, until I turn them on again.” The voice said out loud from the other room. Clearly he had dropped the disguise and his footsteps weren’t quiet, but he just walked around now as it suited him. SeungHyun softly put his head against the wall and took in deep breaths, but silent. His foot hurt so much right now, and he would be unable to anywhere like this, and running would be impossible. Why did he call him TOP? Wouldn’t a person who broke into his house and looked for him like that – sounding like he wanted to kill him, use his name? Wow this was getting out of hand. Slowly he managed to take a step along the wall, but was about to cry out from the pain in his foot. *Okay, just take a deep breath and walk on that stupid foot! You are acting like a sissy. Just get the upstairs!* He thought to himself, and took in the deep breath. It was now or never… He placed his foot down on the ground, clenching his teeth as the pain shot through his whole body, and he wasn’t even supporting his weight on it. This is not going to work… His foot was absolutely useless right now, and it would be impossible to get upstairs as quick as he had to. If he just took one step up the stairs the psycho would hear and he would find him. The thunder was still going on outside, and there were still a few lightning’s, but it had decreased a lot. When he saw another light at the end of the passages, he saw a figure move like a shadow. He held his breath and his heart was still pounding like crazy. The shadow disappeared immediately after he saw it.

“Come on TOP. I will find you sooner or later! Just because it’s a big house, doesn’t mean I can’t find you. If I have to break all your stuff to do so, I will.” The deep voice told him from somewhere in the hall. If he went upstairs now, he would be screwed. That would mean he wouldn’t be able to get up there. But just as he thought that, he heard the noise from the stairs as he stepped on the first staircase step. For some unknown reason, the crazy man stepped down from it again and moved around in the hall. One of the only ways he could go, would be this, if he didn’t go back to either the kitchen or the living room. Even though God wasn’t a good friend of his, he made a silent prayer inside of his head, hoping that someone would help him right now.

“Fine!” The voice said and a table by his door was flipped and a few things on it broke or made loud noises when it hit the floor. The man went to his living room, and all sorts of things were being smashed, or broken. Even his huge flat screen TV was destroyed as it was hit with something and after that pushed down on the floor. SeungHyun bit his lower lip as he heard his house get torn apart by some monster. By now he was glad that it wasn’t him, who was getting all that “sweet” attention from the jerk, but if he caught him, he sure would. In the kitchen, stuff was destroyed too and he took this as his shot. The man wouldn’t hear anything through all that noise he made, and maybe he would be able to jump up the stairs while he was making his mess. Right now he wasn’t even sure he wanted to see his own house in its new condition. He bit his lower lip harder and shut his eyes close, before he took in a deep breath and opened his eyes again. While bending his knee so the foot didn’t touch the ground, and a secure hold on the wall, he managed to jump a few steps. When he neared the end of the passage he looked to the side where the man could perhaps be, but the loud noises from the kitchen was still sounding in his house, so he wouldn’t be here in a second to get him. As quickly as he managed to, he jumped to the stairs, because there was no wall to hold onto, he was about to fall a couple of times but he stayed on the one leg he had to walk on. When he got to the staircase, he held onto the banister and listened to hear if there were something changed. The noise had stopped in the kitchen and he froze. If the guy came now, he would be fully exposed and wouldn’t be able to safe himself. From the kitchen he heard a crash of different glass that smashed to the floor. If he had just destroyed his wineglasses, he would cut his throat…

“TOP? I think we have something to talk about! Why don’t you just come in here and we can have a friendly chat like old mates!” The man said and he could hear the voice move from the kitchen to the living room. It was now! With all his strength he jumped upstairs on one leg and supported his body with the banister. The sound he had made from doing so must have been heard. When he was finally at the top, he tried to catch his breath, but he knew that there was no time for that, so he “hurried” to his bedroom. Carefully he closed the door behind him then the man would have to check all 5 rooms if he didn’t pick the right room first. With a few jumps he went to his bed and sat down, quickly looking through his stuff in the last drawer in the nightstand beside the bed. He picked up a large metal box and opened it. With a few movements he filled the gun with bullets. It was a little difficult because of his shaking hands, but he managed to. He clicked the bullets into the gun and unlocked it, so he would be able to shoot him, if necessary. The footsteps found their way up the stairs, and he heard a loud crash when the first door was opened, just beside his room. While finding his way along the wall, so he could stand behind the door when he opened it, he could hear the footsteps move away from the other room.

“Don’t be a coward TOP! Come out and play with me! You can’t hide forever.” The man’s voice said, just on the other side of the wall where SeungHyun stood leaned against on. His heart was still pounding like crazy and his breath was out of control. He knew that if this guy made a sneak attack or scared him more than he was by now, he would shoot him without thinking about it. A crash was heard from the door across the hallway and the man went inside. SeungHyun could feel that it would be really bad if he started to mess up his office. Then he had to strangle him or something like that. All those papers and stuff there were in there, wouldn’t be able to be put together again as they were supposed to. But by the judge of the footsteps, the man left his office and went to his bedroom door. For a second he closed his eyes and focused so much on not getting surprised by the crash he was sure to hear in a minute from the door next to him. But he did get surprised, and when the door hit the wall right beside him as it went fully open, he saw the person step into the room. A loud gunshot was heard and SeungHyun froze to his spot as he had just pulled the trigger.

***

DaeSung sat up from the couch with a start. Something felt wrong and he wasn’t sure of what it was, but it just felt wrong. He scratched the upper part of his chest and thought about it. Actually he hadn’t heard from SeungHyun all day, and maybe he should call him, just in case. Just to check on him. He dialed his number and let it ring out until the answering machine went on, and he hung up. SeungHyun would always answer his phone! Unless he was asleep, but would he be asleep at this hour? It was only around half past 9? He put down his phone and looked out into the air. No, there was nothing wrong, right? Nothing could be wrong and if there was something, he would have heard. Maybe he should call again, just in case! So he dialed the number again, but with the same result. With a deep sigh he leaned back against the couch and put his hands behind his head, trying to think clearly.

***

JiYong left his room to get something to eat. It was really late already, but he hadn’t been hungry until now, so he decided he should get something. When he went outside his room, he quickly looked to both sides in hope not to find SeungRi. While walking to the kitchen he could hear the TV was on, and he guessed that SeungRi was watching something, but he got surprised. SeungRi was sitting in the kitchen with a spoon down in a can of ice cream, reading something on his phone while eating. JiYong raised an eyebrow when he noticed the sunglasses that SeungRi had on. Had he really hit him that hard?

“What are you doing?” JiYong asked in a demanding tone to know, trying to sound harder than he actually felt. SeungRi looked up from his phone, but very slow, because he had already heard him in the hallway.

“I’m eating ice cream and watching a thing on my phone, Mr. Obvious.” He answered him with a careless voice. Right now he didn’t give a single damn about him, and to be honest, he just wished he would go back to his stupid room and leave him alone. JiYong sighed and move to the table.

“I didn’t mean to hit you. At least not like that. But can’t you see that it was a ed up plan? It hurt my feelings that you would do something like that. Gaining back my trust and then you would just hurt me like that? Panda, it’s not that I hate you for liking me, but liking me like that… It’s wrong. I don’t want you to fall in love with me, because I can’t repay those feelings. You are just a friend. A really good friend, but… Just a friend to me.” JiYong explained, getting a sad look behind the toned glasses so he couldn’t see his eyes.

“You called me Panda…” Was the only thing he said in return. JiYong couldn’t help but a smile a little. He hadn’t even realized it when he had said it, but now he heard it very clear from his own thoughts that repeated his words.

“Yeah, I did… Can’t we just let all this slip and think about something else? I’m getting sick of all this drama, and I really want to just live comfortable with you, without getting caught up in fights all the time. For god sake, we aren’t girls!” JiYong said, smiling a little by the last. SeungRi nodded and put down his phone on the table.

“Okay, we let go of the drama.” He answered him, smiling a little to him, but he didn’t feel like smiling. Instead he felt like crying or hitting his head into a wall, something like that. His heart was broken, but he couldn’t tell that to him. JiYong nodded with a smile, happy to be on the same page again.

“Thanks Panda. I’m happy that we can get along again. And I’m really sorry for hurting you. Is it okay?” JiYong asked and looked a little worried at him, trying to see if there was anything wrong with his face, but the glasses covered it all.

“Yeah, it’s just a small bruise, it will go away soon.” SeungRi assured him, and put the spoon from the ice cream in his mouth, before he put it back in the can.

“Can I see?” JiYong asked carefully, getting a little closer to him, if he refused he would just take off the glasses anyway. SeungRi shook his head and shrugged.

“There’s not much to see.” He answered carelessly and put a new spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. JiYong raised a brow and took off his glasses in one swift move, revealing a large bruise that covered most of the space under his eye. JiYong looked at him in shock.

“I’m so sorry Ri! I didn’t mean to harm you like that! I’m sorry!” JiYong exclaimed and kept saying sorry while SeungRi took back the sunglasses. With a deep sigh he got up and put his phone in his pocket. He put a finger on JiYong’s lips to keep him quiet.

“You acted when you felt helpless, and this was the consequence for me to plan a stupid game like that. It’s me who’s sorry, and I should never have done something like that. Now, no more drama. Don’t say sorry again. I don’t want to hear it.” SeungRi said and took back his hand. JiYong looked at him with an apologizing look in his eyes.

“I’m so… But… Okay yes, no more drama. Forgive me for hitting you?” He almost begged and SeungRi looked helpless at him, not knowing what to do with a devastated person like him right now.

“You are forgiven, now I will go to bed. Sleep well Hyung.” He answered him and left JiYong standing confused in the kitchen. JiYong sat down on the chair that SeungRi had just been sitting on. Even though they had just ended the drama, he felt like it just started. What was he supposed to do? SeungRi liked him, they lived under the same roof and he wouldn’t be able to avoid him even if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to… Oh what a mess… Slowly he got up and walked towards his room, but a weird sound from SeungRi’s room made him stop. He looked at the door and made his way to it. Should he knock, or just leave him alone? Oh what the hell…

“Are you okay?” JiYong asked from the other side as he softly gave the door a few knocks. SeungRi looked up from his bed and put on the sunglasses again, not only to cover his swollen eye.

“Yeah, of course. I’m going to bed Hyung. Let me at least do that.” He answered him and dried a tear away that had made its way down his cheek. JiYong didn’t care and so he opened the door to SeungRi’s surprise.

“You have lied better than that before Panda.” He said, sounding almost accusing. SeungRi looked at him, even though JiYong couldn’t see that his eyes were actually looking straight into his own.

“Why do you keep calling me panda?” SeungRi asked a little confused about the weird change of nickname.

“Because of the cute panda in the sink and I know you like them. On the other hand a lot of our fans call you panda, so I thought I could too.” JiYong answered him, smiling a little to cheer him up.

“It’s nice of you, but you don’t have to.” SeungRi answered him, feeling a little shy by the name. It meant so much more and it was so different when he called him that. The feeling of the name was so much more tasty and likeable when he heard it from him, and not a thousand screaming fans. There were emotions behind it. He knew there was.

“Oh well… You are a panda.” JiYong a little and went to him, sitting down next to him on the bed. He put a hand on his back and softly caressed his hand on him. SeungRi smiled a little, and the comfort felt really good right now, almost like he knew he had been crying. Oh well, he probably knew anyway.

“I’m not. Panda’s are cute and lacy, plus they eat really much and like all the time.” SeungRi said and made a small sniffle, not even aware that he was going to. But it made an alarm ring inside of JiYong’s head.

“Well, you are cute, and at times lacy. From time to time, you also eat a lot.” He teased, though a little worried for him. SeungRi laughed quietly and pushed his should with no power.

“I’m not lacy and I don’t eat a lot. But I am cute.” He answered him back with a tease. JiYong chuckled and nodded.

“True. Now we should perhaps go to sleep. Or at least you should. You look really tired.” JiYong said and took back his hand from his back. SeungRi nodded, sending him a weak smile.

“And don’t cry. It makes me sad seeing you like this.” JiYong added to what he said and SeungRi bend his head down, looking at his hands in his lap.

“It wasn’t really my attention that you should see it.” He answered him and got pulled into his arms. JiYong kissed the top of his hair, and held him close. SeungRi couldn’t do anything else, than enjoy this moment to the fullest.

“I want you to be happy.” JiYong softly whispered to him, letting him go again from his embrace. SeungRi smiled a little, but sad.

“I hope we can solve this in the best way possible.” JiYong said and let his fingers run through his hair. SeungRi nodded and sent him a wider smile, but not more convincing than the first. JiYong looked into his sunglasses, hinting where his eyes were from the shadows of them behind the glass. He took off his glasses and put them on the bed, looking at the bruise he had given him, still feeling regret for doing so. Suddenly he found himself leaning closer to him, like he was dragged by a magnet, and placed his lips on SeungRi’s. It felt like a small sensation in his body when their lips touched, and his fingers were already in his hair again. SeungRi got surprised by the kiss, but melted into it immediately, hoping for it not to be the last. If it was out of guilt or just because he wanted to, he didn’t care. He got a kiss and that was more than he could ask for.

***

SeungHyun could feel the blood leave the wound his stomach that the bullet had caused. His own ghost stood in front of him with his arms crossed and leaned up against the doorframe, looking down on his real body, slowly dying from the blood loss. SeungHyun had fallen down on the floor when he had shot his ghost in the stomach, but was hit himself instead. His hands tried desperately to stop the blood from leaving his stomach, but it seemed hopeless. When he had fallen down, he had dropped the gun by his side, and he knew it was completely useless against the ghost. It would only hurt him instead, that much he had figured out.

“So, TOP… Should we have that chat, or what?” His ghost asked him, careless about his dying body. SeungHyun breathed hard and tried to get as much air as possible.

“Why do you call me that?” He asked in wonder, but the pain was clearly cutting through in his voice.

“Isn’t that what you call yourself? I thought you left “Choi SeungHyun” behind you when you became a rapper for your group.” The ghost almost spit out the world like he was insulted by him.

“What are you really? Are you some kind of old version of me, or something like that? I’m still the same…” SeungHyun said, feeling a little dizzy by now. But he knew he couldn’t just die. That would be too easy for the ghost of him.

“No, I’m not an old version of you. I am your future. That person you will become in just a few minutes. And no, you are not the same. When you confessed your love for him, you became another. You became vulnerable and weak.” The ghost said and moved away from the doorframe. He saw himself get a little closer, like he enjoyed watching him died slowly.

“You are not me, and I won’t become you.” SeungHyun said with a hoarse voice, feeling the pain spread in his body whenever he just took in air or talked. The ghost laughed a little because of him.

“No, you won’t become me, because I will take over you. What do you think the world would think when they hear that the big T.O.P is dead, and killed himself? Would they figure out that it was because you were gay and didn’t dare telling the world? Your band will break and none of them will ever be those persons you know now.” His ghost said with a gloating voice. SeungHyun clenched his teeth as he looked at his own reflection in front of him. Couldn’t this just be a dream, and then he would wake up in a minute?

“DaeSung will know what happened, and he knows that I would never kill myself.” SeungHyun answered him through clenched teeth, still losing blood from his wound.

“Well, one person won’t be able to convince everyone that this wasn’t your own doing. Remember, that everything down stairs can be yourself who destroyed it, and I don’t leave fingerprints, even though that wouldn’t matter if I did, because we are matching. Nothing will prove that you didn’t do this. You held the gun yourself, and it wouldn’t take a genius to think that the gun could just have been turned around.” The ghost said, making SeungHyun miserable by that thought. Maybe DaeSung wouldn’t even believe what had happened. No one would know the truth…

“Why did you follow DaeSung? Why are you after him and what about that stupid necklace in the box?” SeungHyun quickly asked, making a small sound when he clenched his teeth together and shut his eyes closed for a second out of pure pain. The ghost laughed a little.

“I thought you two figured that one out when you talked about the story together? Or am I just the one who is confused? TOP, you should think about it. I don’t give a damn about that thing in the box! I want to hurt YOU. And I hoped that if I gave you the leading thread to the necklace, your girlfriend would give it to you, if you hadn’t talked about the death scenes. Then he would die, and you would become miserable, and I would be able to claim you. But it didn’t turn out like that… So I just took a short cut.” His ghost said and SeungHyun realized that nothing of this had anything to do with DaeSung. He was just a piece in the puzzle. It started feeling like he had to sleep, but he refused to close his eyes for more than a blink. He had to get down to his phone, and he had to do that quickly. But with a wound in his stomach and a useless foot, made it seem impossible.

“But why? What is it that you want from me so badly that you would want me dead? Aren’t I the one who creates you to live, or what you want to call it?” SeungHyun asked as he tried to get up. The pain was unbearable, but he just had to manage it.

“A desperate person called me back here a while ago, and I had to obey to let us die. I’m not your ghost or what you are calling me. I’m your shadow, your half, the one you can’t live without and I am You.” The unreal SeungHyun said. The real SeungHyun mumbled the last sentence for himself, trying to figure out what the ghost, that wasn’t a ghost, meant.

“Who was the desperate person?” SeungHyun quickly asked. The ghost of him shrugged like he didn’t care, and he wasn’t going to tell him anyway.

“Tell me! Who was it?” SeungHyun demanded and with the strength of his voice, he got the strength in his body to get straight up. Still leaning to the wall, and holding a hand to his stomach that was bloody. The other hand was holding onto the wall and left a handprint of blood, making small lines down the wall of the blood.

“You…” The ghost whispered as he disappeared into the air. SeungHyun looked around in confusion. He hadn’t asked about dying and he never wanted to die, especially not now! Somehow he managed to make small jumps and hold on to his stomach at the same time. After a long while, he found himself in the living room, guiding his way to the couch and the table with his phone. Everything was a mess, and as far as he could tell, there wasn’t anything left that wasn’t ruined somehow. He let himself fall down on the couch that in a minute would go from perfect white, to deep red, but he didn’t care. Everything was gone too, so whatever with a couch. With a shaking hand he called the emergency number and told them that he was hurt and his address – and they had to come quickly. When he hung up, he could feel the blood leave his stomach on his hand. Even though he kept it on the wound, the blood just didn’t stop. If he was going to die, the last thing he would do was to call DaeSung. And so he did.

A/N: I'm sooo sorry for disappointing you guys! ;) *Laughs* I just needed to update once more before I took a few days off! I ended the other chapter so bad, that I couldn't force myself not to do another! I know this one is almost just as bad xD But I hope you won't hate me. ;) So please read and leave a comment :D Love you all and take care while I'm gone!!