Chapter 25 “Aches”

            It was Thursday in the morning. Miki was staring blankly into space during their second subject. For the past few days, Miki had suffered sharp piercing sensations on her chest everytime she saw Kazumi with Yuto. She couldn’t understand why she felt that way. She loves Kei but she can’t help but have these feelings. She envied Kazumi although she was angry at her at the same time. Thoughts rushed through her head and for a while a tiny voice began to speak.

                “Ne, ne, do you remember when Hey! Say! JUMP was first introduced to you by your friend?”

                “Yes I do. I do remember.”

                “Kazumi showed you a picture and asked you to pick a member. You weren’t able to choose but you pointed at a guy anyway. Then she told you his name and said that you should try and research about him, right? After getting to know that person, you slowly began to like him. Kazumi wasn’t at all interested before but when you told her about his talents, she came to admire him too.”

                “I don’t get you.”

                “Can’t you see? She likes him although he’s not her ichiban. After all, Yuto is part of the top JUMP members that she likes. Also, she’d find it delightful to be able to spend time with Yuto. Take the Christmas party for instance, she enjoyed dancing with Yuto. She’s even lucky that Yuto danced with her first and not you.”

                “She likes him...”

                “Yes she does. And it’s okay for you to feel angry. Even though you pushed Yuto away, you wouldn’t want him or your friend to be close with each other. She should be finding time to spend with her ichiban and to not mind Yuto. But look what she’s doing now. She wants not just her ichiban, but to bother with yours as well because anyway, you already have Inoo.”

                “No. No... I don’t believe you. She wouldn’t do such a thing.”

                “It’s the truth... She’ll take him away from you when you’re not looking.”

Miki covered her ears and screamed “No!” She didn’t want to listen anymore. Her emotions stirred. They were confusing her and so was the tiny voice that spoke loudly in her mind.

                 Kazumi and Ryn noticed and asked her what’s wrong. She displayed a smile to hide her dilemma. They had just been dismissed from their last morning class when Miki received a text from Inoo. He wanted to take her out to lunch. She hid her expression of revulsion and asked Kazumi and Ryn to join them. Kazumi agreed but Ryn told her that she would be meeting her big sister at the boarding house.

                Just as they reached the main gate, Miki got excited when she saw Inoo. She ran towards him and put her hand around his arm. Kazumi approached them and greeted Yuto who had just appeared.

Inoo: “I forgot to mention in my text that Yuto would be joining us. Is it okay with you?”

                Miki stared as Yuto conversed with Kazumi. “I... A... Um... Yes, I’m fine with it. Anyway, I invited Kazumi to come also.”

Inoo called the attention of the two and they left the school. Kazumi and Yuto were walking in front of Miki and Inoo.

Inoo: “So, where do you want to eat?”

Miki answered that anywhere was fine but her attention was fixed on Kazumi and Yuto.

                They went to find a seat after they ordered food in Mcdo. Inoo sat beside Miki and Yuto sat beside Kazumi. Miki didn’t have the knack to eat but she had to as to not worry Inoo. She stared with bitterness as the two conversed.

“How could it be like this? Kazumi… Why? How could you do this to me? I can’t believe it.”

                They returned to the school and Inoo told Miki that he would pick her up after classes. Miki told him not to but he insisted since they would be dismissed at 8 in the evening.

                During the rest of the afternoon, Miki and Kazumi had been conversing and laughing about Hey! Say! JUMP but deep behind Miki’s smile was great displeasure. What the voice inside her head was talking about turned out to be true. They had a thirty minute break and Miki was busy listening to music. Kazumi and Ryn were busy talking so she rested her head on her arms on the arm chair. She closed her eyes and focused on listening to the music. The next song that played was a song that she hadn’t listened to for a while. “Teardrops on my guitar” was the title. This made her reminisce all the times that she had spent with Yuto; their first encounter, tutoring him in English, seeing him sleep, having lunch with him, going home with him, sitting under the starry night sky together, arguing all the time, playing the guitar and drums, walking around the park at night  and laughing together.She remembered them all. She covered her face and tears began to fall. She had to stop. “It’s all in the past. It’s all in the past,” she convinced herself.

It was now 6 in the evening and they were having a discussion.

Until now, Miki couldn’t stop thinking about it.Her feelings during the Christmas Party had recurred. She had had enough of this. She couldn’t take it any longer. Pain, hatred and jealousy poisoned her heart and it had affected her thinking.

“Miki,” called the instructor. She immediately stood up and placed her hands on the back of her classmate’s arm chair. As the instructor gave out the question, her vision began to blur. She gripped tightly onto the armchair’s back and asked the teacher to repeat the question but her hearing had turned faint. She couldn’t make out what the instructor had just asked. She couldn’t bear it. Everything went blank and as she collapsed, her head hit the edge of Kazumi’s armchair.

Everyone was shocked. Kazumi tried to wake her up. Miki’s phone fell on the floor and when Kazumi knelt down, unknowingly, Yuto’s number was dialled.

Yuto was waiting at the main gate with Inoo. He noticed that his phone was ringing so he pulled it out from his pocket. It was Miki. She was calling him. He quickly answered it but just when he thought that he would hear Miki’s voice, instead Kazumi was shouting out her name.

Yuto panicked and tried to ask what was happening. Kazumi didn’t answer and continued to shout “Wake up!” Yuto turned off his phone and dashed up the stairs. Inoo asked what’s up but Yuto was already gone.

Some of their classmates gathered around her including Ace. “What’s wrong? What happened to her?” he asked. Kazumi couldn’t answer his question.

He approached them and placed his hand on her forehead and saw that she was burning up.

“Eh, didn’t you notice anything strange about her today?” he questioned.

Kazumi shook her head.

                “You were with her for the whole day and you didn’t notice that she was having a fever.”

They didn’t know what to do because the school’s clinic was already closed.

“Kazumi, do you know where she lives?”

“Yes, I do.”

Just as Ace was going to pick her up...

The door unexpectedly opened and everyone turned to see who it was. “Miki,” Yuto called out.

Ace recognized the familiar face that he met before.

“Yuto,” Kazumi responded. Everyone quickly moved aside and let Yuto pass. “What happened to her?”

“I don’t know either but right now she’s burning up,” Kazumi answered.

Yuto attempted to wake her then Miki tried to open her eyes but she felt too exhausted.

“Wh... What’s happening?” she asked.

“Don’t worry,” Yuto said as he picked her up.  Then the instructor asked who he was and where he was taking her.

Kazumi answered on his behalf and the instructor allowed him to take her. Miki heard that it was Yuto and complained, “Put me down! Put me down right now!”

“I can’t. You’re sick. I have to take you back,”Yuto replied.

Miki complained and tried to push him. She continued to struggle when they went out of the room. With all the energy she had left, she used it all to push Yuto away. She broke free and fell on the floor.

“Miki! Stop doing this already! You’re sick! We need to get you home right now,” Yuto answered back.

“Let go off me! I can manage on my own!” she yelled and slowly tried to crawl away.

                At a distance, Inoo had appeared. He quickly ran towards them and asked, “Miki! Miki, what’s wrong? What happened to you?”

Miki grabbed hold of his shirt and began to cry. “Kei! It hurts! I can’t take it anymore! My head hurts. I feel so weak.”

Kei placed his hand on her forehead and found out that she’s having a fever.

“You’re sick. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“I didn’t want you to worry. I thought that I would be able to manage. Also, I didn’t want to miss out in class.”

“I need to take you home now.”

“No! I don’t want to go home! I want to stay with you! Don’t leave me alone please!” Miki pleaded.

Inoo carried her and they left.

Kazumi took Miki’s things and asked permission from their instructor to leave. The instructor agreed and told her to hurry. Just as she got out, Kazumi found Yuto standing in the hallway.

“What are you still doing?”

“She doesn’t want to see me.”

“Stop it! Whether or not she doesn’t want to see you, we need your help. She needs your help also.”

                Kazumi pulled Yuto and they rushed to catch up with Inoo. As soon as they arrived at the hotel, the other members asked what happened. Inoo didn’t have time to answer and took Miki to his room. He laid her on the bed and removed her jacket, shoes and other extra clothing. Everyone gathered in side the room but Inoo asked the others to leave. Kazumi brought out her thermometer from her paraphernalia and took Miki’s temperature. Yabu was in the room so Inoo asked him to get some water and towel.

“38.7 degrees Celcius,” Kazumi told Inoo. “I’ll get some medicine.”

Yabu immediately returned and placed the small basin of water and towel at bedside. After that, he left the room. Inoo dipped the towel in the water, wringed it and wiped it on Miki’s hands up to her upper arm. He did it for a few minutes then lastly, placed the towel on her forehead.

                Kazumi returned with medicine and a glass of water. She placed it on the table and just before she went out the door, she said, “Just call us if you need anything.”

He held her hand and said, “I’m more worried right now. If only you could’ve told me earlier then we might have been able to prevent this.”

Miki was unconscious but she was breathing heavily.

“Where am I? Kei! Kei, where are you?”

“He’s not here. We’re the only ones here.”

“Who, who are you?”

“I’m the tiny voice that lies deep within your thoughts.”

“What do you want?”

“I don’t want anything. The question is what do you want?”

“I don’t understand what you mean.”

“All this time, you’ve been experiencing pain, hatred and jealousy.”

“So what if that’s the case.”

“I’m here to help you sort out your feelings. You roused me from slumber because you needed my help.”

“How are you supposed to do that? You’re just a voice.”

“But I’m not just any voice. You’re very confused right now.”

“And you’re adding to that confusion of mine.”

“Silence my dear. Because of your tangled emotional state, it has affected your physical and mental condition. You haven’t been eating properly, you keep having insomnia, and you haven’t been able to concentrate in school either. You’ve strained you heart too much. Because of this, your body’s resistance dropped.”

“My... My emotions are not tangled. I’m just having difficulty in getting rid of it.”

“Are you sure you want to get rid of it?”

“Yes, because I have no use for it.”

“Is that really your reason?”

“If you don’t want to believe me then there’s no use talking to you.”

“I’m taking into account your answer but for me, I think otherwise.”

“What makes you think that? I’m the one in charge of my feelings. I can choose to let it disappear when I want. And feeling pain, hatred and jealousy is part of getting rid of that certain emotion.”

“I am able to say so because you don’t really want to get rid of it. You don’t want to forget him. That’s why all this time you’ve been jealous.”

                “No. I hate him! I hate him so much!”

                “You don’t. You don’t hate him. He’s very important to you and you don’t want him to disappear from you.”

                “What do you know? Did you know that he’s caused me a lot of pain already? It’s true that we’ve been through a lot of happy times together but by the time that we had the Christmas Party, he told me that he likes Kazumi. That took a toll on me. I guess I expected too much. Why would I expect him to like me? He sees me as a friend.”

                “Are you sure about it?”

                “What? You’re going to say otherwise again. Look, I’m willing to forget it all. Besides, if he likes Kazumi, then fine. I won’t even care if he’ll keep on saying it in my face. I can’t force him not to. I’ve lost so the best thing to do is to give up. It’s useless crying over spilled milk. I don’t want to waste my time anymore.”

                “...”

                “See, now you understand. I’ve moved on.  I have Kei now. He cares about me and I care about him too. And being with him makes me happy.”

                “If you think that Yuto doesn’t like you then why would he bother trying to talk to you?”

                “He probably needs help with Kazumi. Or he wants to say sorry because he’s hurt me a lot of times. Whatever it is, it wouldn’t matter to me anyway. He’s wasting my time.”

                “I’ll ask you again, what is it that you really want?”

                “I told you, I don’t want anything. All I want is to be with the one I love. The one I care about and who cares about me.”

                “Alright, if that is your answer then I won’t argue with you about it. But I’m warning you, the feelings that you’re trying to remove will rebound and it will be much stronger than you’ll ever imagine.”

                Everything turned black and Miki tightly gripped Inoo’s hand.

Inoo: “Miki? Are you okay?”

“K... Kei, where am I?” she managed to ask weakly.

“You’re at the hotel. You didn’t want me to take you home so I brought you here. That reminds me, you need to take some medicine.”

                He wrapped his arm around her as he helped her sit up. He placed the medicine on and offered her water.

“Kei,”

“What is it?”

Tears rolled down her cheeks as she said, “I’m sorry for worrying you like this.”

He wiped her tears as he spoke, “Shh... Don’t say anymore. Right now, you need to rest.”

                He helped her lie down then he suddenly remembered that he had to call Miki’s brother. He took out Miki phone and found that there had been several texts from his brother. He checked his time and it was almost 9 pm.

                He stood up and Miki grabbed the edge of his shirt. “Onegai. Don’t leave me here alone.”

“I won’t think of leaving you so sleep now. I’ll just call your brother and tell him what happened.”

“Okay then.”

                He went out of the room and dialled a number.

Keele: “Hello! Miki, where are you?! I’ve been texting you for an hour already!”

Inoo: “Hello, Keele. It’s Kei.”

Keele: “Kei? Where are you? What’d you do with my sister?”

“I didn’t do anything to cause her harm. She’s with me here at the hotel. She fainted when she was in school. I told her that I would take her home but she insisted on staying with me.”

“Why’d she faint? Is she sick?”

“Yes. She’s having a fever. I’ve given her medicine and now she’s sleeping in my room.”

“Is that so? Well, don’t think of doing anything foolish or I won’t forgive you.”

“I don’t plan to. The only thing I plan on doing is nursing your sister back to health.”

“Okay then, as long as she has someone to take care of her then its fine. Make sure to inform me if she gets better.”

“I will and thank you for your understanding.”

                He returned in his room and looked after Miki.