DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewed By panda_and_llama

Title: This title was good but I really felt that for the explosive content in your story, you could’ve come up with something much more impactful. I did however, like the fact that the “yet again” emphasizes her almost irrational fear of being abandoned. However, the “yet again” also seems to symbolise a sense of resignation, like she’s been through this so many times that she doesn’t even care anymore so be careful when picking titles for one shots. They matter a lot.

Foreword/General Presentation: I love how the description was simple and clean cut without any fancy decorations or whatnot because they simply weren’t needed. I liked the short, emphatic sentences but the bolding of the first letter of each sentence seemed a little unnecessary. The poster was nice and suited the dark, suspenseful feel of your story perfectly. The text was a nice font and of a nice size which was easy on the eyes.
Plotline: As much as I enjoyed reading through this one shot, I have some logical flaws I’d like to point out before expanding on characterisation and content. Try not to add melodramatic events in a story simply because they’re convenient. 

- When getting a divorce, there is something called “alimony” which is a legal obligation on a person to provide financial support to her or his spouse before or after marital separation or divorce. And yes I got that from Wikipedia. So in this case, not only would Yumi’s mother have money but if she was that poor she probably wouldn’t have custody of the children either.
- Custody. Judges usually give children to the parent who is better suited to providing their children with adequate care which in this case I’m assuming is the father. Legally, the chances of Yumi’s mother getting custody are very, very slim. And the law would simply not allow her father to “abandon” his family like that because he has an obligation to provide for his kids.
- Adoption is very rare in a country like Korea due to the high value placed on bloodline so the chances of someone adopting a kid who isn’t as young as a baby are incredibly small. 
- There are many spree killings provoked by unfair treatment which makes Yookyung’s revenge seem realistic to a point. But how she managed to get rid of pretty much every trace of her past two times seems to baffle me.

The suspense was very well managed throughout the story, the pace was good (even though it was only a one shot) and the time elapses were done in a way that didn’t confuse me – they only enhanced the reading experience which definitely a tick for you. Yumi/Yookyung’s slow descent into madness was interesting and the way she married her brother just for fear of abandonment sent chills down my spine. However, her last words seem slightly illogical so I’m not sure if you meant for them to be irrational sounding (as to enhance her psychopathic nature) or to provide extra dimension to the story. How is she not alone? She just killed all the people that she loved, she ensured with her own hands that they were never coming back. Was she trying to build a new beginning or simply go to the afterlife where she could reunite with the dead? Either, way I think her last words should be considered more carefully.

Overall Enjoyment: I liked it; I’ve always been a fan of psychological fiction so this story was right up my alley. However, I feel like more depth needs to go into Yumi’s character because despite all her abandonment, I found very little emotional depth within the text to help readers empathise with her. Anyway, good job on this because I really enjoyed it!

So here it is~

Abandoned, Yet Again

by

Kariwinn