DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewed By panda_and_llama

Poster: Yes.

Title:

Rushing Blood gave me the chills and at once I knew it would be either an action or supernatural fic so good job on giving us an interesting title that didn’t give away too much of the story. However, I thought it was still a little crude I would go for something more subtle like “Red Waterfalls” (I know it sounds lame, I’m trying) but keep it as it is, I’m satisfied enough.

Foreword/ General Presentation:

I liked the presentation, it was clean yet the red quotations marks and small excerpt from the story were super engaging. I personally don’t think the foreword should be bolded because it gives off too heavy of a feeling and the quote from a song at the bottom is misspelled. Cemicals should be chemicals. The poster was super lovely and suited the feel of the fic perfectly so I’m kind of impressed and it’s very hard to impress me. As I read the chapters, the chapter titles were a clever touch and the biohazard symbols were perfect. Even the pictures that replaced the poster as a chapter banner were well suited for the content of the story.
Plotline: You got me hooked by te first chapter and by hooked, I mean really hooked. The thing with writing is that you can the best descriptions and grammar but sometimes you lack that voice, the voice that is just engaging and exciting. You have that voice which is a god given talent. However, you could improve on some awkward phrasing and also the descriptive aspects of your story. The pace was good and I felt like something useful was happening at every chapter which is a good thing because one of my pet peeves are filler chapters that do nothing to develop the story. 

However, this dystopian society/test subjects concept is overused and I wanted to see what kind of spin you’d put on it to give it a personal touch. With these sorts of plotlines, I can almost guess that there will be a huge rebellion and in the end, the world will be rid of evil. However, I still have to applaud you for making something exciting happen every chapter. I was going to point out Jieun picking up a “stray” as a logical flaw but as I read on, I found she probably had her own motives to do so. I do find Yoshi’s immense strength confusing and strange, was it a result of her being a test subject or what? It isn’t specified so it is lightly unrealistic. 

Characterisation:

I do have to say that characterisation is probably your weakest point. I found despite all the exciting plot twists and whatnot, I could find little empathy with Yoshi and Jieun. You need to expand on their motives and feelings and even up to now, (and I’ve read to the end) I don’t have a clear idea of what kind of person your main character. Is she sarcastic or naïve? Sweet or troubled? Your characters need to have four dimensions for them to feel human. 

Overall Enjoyment:

I loved this story. In an objective view, it’s not a spectacular stunner but I still enjoyed the way that you wrote this in a simple yet unique manner. You’ve earned yourself a new subscriber and the title of “most enjoyable story this reviewer has reviewed”. Good job, I’ll be keeping up with your updates to see what direction you take this story in.

So here it is~

Rushing Blood 

by 

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