DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewer: KpopperForever

Poster: Yes.

Title: 
It was way too cliche. Not just cliche, but also too long. I wouldn't even have finished reading the title before clicking away, because it doesn't seem like an interesting story. 

Description and Foreword:
I wouldn't be interested in reading this story, mainly because you placed the A/N right at the top. It throws people off from the story once they click on it. Your disclaimer was pretty hard to understand, there were a few errors in it that I had a hard time figuring out whether they were done on purpose or not. If they were, they didn't really make sense to me. Your description had a few mistakes as well. I'll edit it here for you.

You were born as a normal human. You weren't told that you were 30% witch, 70% vampire. Generations after generations, and you were the first mixed blood after so long. You lived an ordinary life, a life as a human. However, on your 17th birthday, your parents decided to tell you the truth. You broke down in despair. Your mother made you go to a school for immortals in Korea, Saccess. The school was hidden deep in the woods, amongst large trees and wild animals that roamed freely. Humans had searched for it, but couldn't find it. There was a shield, a magical cover, around the school, that only allowed immortal beings to enter. Months and months after going to a normal school like humans, you were sent to a school for the immortal. There, you fell in love with a vampire.. But... Aren't witches and vampires supposed to be mortal enemies?

While writing that, I'm confused. If you're mixed blood... How is it even possible? 30% this and 70% that. Doesn't that mean your parents, one is a vampire, the other, a witch? And even that--that would be 50:50. This means generations of mixed bloods, years before you. Maybe you should clear things up?

I'm not a fan of character charts, they give away the characters from the beginning, and isn't the point of a story to discover the characters along the way? The character chart isn't necessary, and the way you described EXO-K planet was way too informal. Since you have seen that Chanyeol's picture doesn't show, shouldn't you either remove all their pictures or add in one of Chanyeol? It's weird when only he doesn't have a picture. A better idea would not to have the character chart altogether. 

Poster and Appearance:
The poster didn't show! Could you either remove the poster or try to make it available for us to see? It frustrated me because I couldn't see it. There wasn't a background, maybe you could add one in? 

Story: 
Ookay... This was pretty confusing. Actually, very confusing. Very. Firstly... The plot.

How do you see a transparent shield? Why are they called EXO Planet? They aren't a planet... Isn't it a little too coincidental that you meet your Grade 4 classmate in this school? Same class? Again? Again, too cliche. There are so many students, it was like a market. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but the fact that you were scolding Jiyoung for not telling you that EXO were in your class was somehow, off. You should have just asked, EXO is in our class? Or something along those lines. If Jiyoung was "looking at Kai",why did you still ask her who Kai was? "while staring at the group of boys" would be better. And then there was the sudden use of the word "" at the end of the chapter. You should refrain from using such words, I'm fine with cussing but some people aren't. In the event that it's not considered cussing, well, it was really out of the blue. "really boring" instead of "boring like " would be a better use of the words. 

The flow.

Was really too fast. The thing is, the description is not the prologue. The things in the description should be happening in the story. They weren't touched on at all. Also, in Chapter 2, already the EXO boys are falling in love with you, Sehun wants to be your friend, and you're thinking that the guys are cute. It's moving too fast, give EXO some time! ^_^ 

Spelling, punctuation and grammar. This wasn't really the biggest problem, because the level of it was consistent throughout and after a while I got used to it. But the grammar and spelling.. I'm a Grammar Nazi, and I nearly tore my hair out reading this story. A few mistakes were the spelling of Cappucino in Chapter 2, "exos are in our class" at the beginning of the second chapter as well. Like I said, it should be, "EXO's in our class?" There's a missing " ' ". Also, there are too many CAPS LIKE THIS AND NOT ONLY DOES IT LOOK UNPROFESSIONAL, IT ALSO HURTS MY EYES. If someone is shouting or raising their voice, just say so. Don't put it in capital letters. Also, you forgot to capitalize many words, you can proof-read your work and make sure they're capitalized. For more mistakes, feel free to PM me so I can help. 

Let me emphasize again, the plot is moving way too fast. It's really impossible for all this to happen in such a short amount of time! You really have to slow it down.

More Input from LimaLemon:

When I was reading it, i also thought it was very rushed. And most of your chapters are all just action, action, action but no description. You kept throwing things that happened, like kai liking her, sehun being her childhood friend and stuff but didnt explain into it at all. You didnt say how kai starts liking or why. Things just doesn't happen. There is always action and concequence in it. 

so here it is~

A story of a Supernatural school with Vampire Exo and OC

Aren't witches and vampires mortal enemies?

by

_KissMe