DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewer:limalemon :D

Poster: yes!

Description: Very confusing. Who is Beast? As in the band B2st or is it a character name? The very first line makes you confused. You have put way too many commas. Break it down a little. How about-  Living with abusing parents is everything but easy. When her parents leaves her behind, she is left with nothing. Only Beast was there, as her only friend.

When he sees the love of his life leave him to embrace death, it isn't a easy thing to accept. Neither can he move on from her nor he can forget.

When these two lives crosses, change happens. Love starts to form. But the past never stops to haunt them. 

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When you talk about Beast as in the band, I think it would be more clearer if you write it as b2st, that stops a lot of confusion. 

On Yoochun's description: He HAS lost the most precious person to him. Take off the apostrophe. "He is different Yoochun than before. The present yoochun is cruel and heartless, a killer. He is the leader of the toughest and strongest gang of the underground, DBSK. He has enemies in every part of the underground. But he doesn't care. He is out for only one person, Bi Rain. The killer who killed his love in front of his eyes. He can trust no body but his 5 gang members who are brother like to him- Jaejoong, Junsu, Yunho, and Changmin. 

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On to the story: You should start to put some kind of indication that one  person's story ended and the other starting. Because I kept reading then I realized it wasn't sammi's story anymore, it was yoochoon's. So try putting something like a --- or a ***.

And the very begining is very dramatic. I know you want to get on with the story but you could've titiled it a  prolouge or how things started or like 2 years ago. Because it was very abrupt at the first chapter. 

But after that, I honestly have no complaints. I read every single chapter uptodate, which is very rare for me to do in a review because most of the time there is just so much you can ignore. But this story actually kept me going. It is kind of addicting. And it been a while since I read a dbsk fic. I sincerely say well done. 

Try to update a little often if you can.

well you got a new subbie :D

So here it is~

a DB5K story line with Yoochun and OC

Helplessly Falling In Love

by

Dbsk_cassie