DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewed By panda_and_llama

Title: Great title, a little bit generic if you ask me but it does the job of catching a reader’s attention and highlighting what kind of genre a person should feel when reading the story. It told me a little about the plot but didn’t give away anything major which is a tick for you.

Foreword/ General Presentation: Brace yourself for this one. The title gave me great expectations, expectations that were let down by your awkwardly worded description with a typo. Yes it does the job but there was so much potential for a better foreword that I felt let down. Let me reiterate the age old rule of creative writing: show, don’t tell. But, considering English is your second language, I’ll let it pass. I felt the character profiles were unnecessary and the trailer was interesting to watch but a little too long for my liking and again, with countless typos. I also noticed you hyperlink many images which is a strict no no for me because it completely bypasses the “show not tell” rule. Describe to me the Kora Diamond, don’t just slam a picture in my face. And referring to your characters with pronumerals (Girl A and B) makes them seem like objects which is NOT a good thing. Characters are not mathematical symbols, they’re human beings. 
Also, thoughts are highlighted in red, while the hyperlinks are in blue and the rest of the text is in black, making for a very confusing presentation of your story. Clean it up a little and your fic will look so much more sophisticated. In the future, annotate thoughts with quotation marks or by italicising them. The poster suited the story quite well, it had a very Hawaii Five-O fee l to it which worked for me because I’m a fan of the show.

Plotline: At the first chapter, I was already confused. If she hates KAITO KID so much (there is no need to caps lock his name) why did she let him go? Was it only so you could employ the tagline of your story “Catch me if you can”? And from the trailer, I remember Kaito kid to be Kai so the fact that she woke up to his face the next day and went to school with him utterly baffled me. And then in the second chapter, it was reinforced that she didn’t know who Kai actually was. And in chapter three, you provided a character profile smack bang in the middle of the chapter was disconcerting and completely unnecessary. A simple introduction as a best friend would’ve done the job, a profile complete with a picture is overkill. I provided a few tips you might want to consider when continuing to write this fic. 

- Invest in a beta reader/editor because as you said, English is not your first language. It might be worthwhile getting someone to look over it and edit any mistakes you might have missed yourself. 
- SHOW NOT TELL
- Try not to use too much Korean. It may seem like its helping give the story a more authentic feel but you do have to cater to wider audiences who may not be Korean and to some more mature readers, this can seem pretty juvenile.
- ~ This is the tilde sign, a sign that appears for absolutely no reason and it happens to be my AFF pet peeve. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be cute or what but it does nothing to enhance the meaning of the story and is used in mathematics as a approximation symbol.
- Try to be more careful with your time elapses. *FIVE MINUTES LATER* can be explained n simple words such as “a period of time later” or simply a dividing line would make for a much more polished feel. 
- Build more depth into your characters. I want to know how they feel and think. I don’t want to look at them and be like “oh they’re cool”. 

Overall enjoyment: despite all the flaws, I think you’re just starting out and I’m probably being too harsh on you. I was able to enjoy the story despite my discomfort and I found some moments entertaining and heart-warming.

So here it is~

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN 

BY

I_LOVE_ME