DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewed By panda_and_llama

Poster: Very nice! I really like this poster.

Title: Although this title is quite generic, it caught my attention and immediately gave me of what the story entailed. With such an interesting storyline, I could see a much more explosive title but its good as it is right now.

General Presentation/ Foreword: I have to say, I loved the poster, it represented the feel of the fic perfectly and I’m not going to criticise it (despite some small flaws) because it is someone else’s work and it does the job a poster should do well enough. The foreword was written without unnecessary character profiles and created an atmosphere of suspense and I thought the soundtracks were a nice little touch. The quotes or excerpts from the fic at the bottom provided just enough insight into the story without giving it away too much so well done, overall for this section of the review. I also found it considerate of you to provide a glossary because I find when reading fantasy fiction, the kingdom names and whatnot can be hard to memorise.

Plotline (logical flaws and originality, maybe a little bit pg grammar): I’m not going to expand on logical flaws because your story is of a fantasy genre and you can bend the rules a bit, within reason. After reading the first two chapters, I kind of the gist of what was going on but the jumps between scenes (I suppose you were trying to foreshadow a terrible event ahead which admittedly, is a hard thing to do) confused me quite a bit. Work on making more sense out of each chapter and pacing the story so it doesn’t jump from one place to another. However, I found myself intrigued in every chapter which is a good thing because filler chapters are a sign of lack of inspiration. Apart from some tense jumping and wrong use of pronouns, the story was of a decent grammatical credit. 
I haven’t seen a lot of fantasy stories on AFF involving EXO without the ideas of “mamaverse”, angels, werewolves and “guardians” so I was pleasantly surprised you put your own personal twist on a completely overused concept on this site. And your writing style was quite engaging but I think you should focus a little more on the sophistication of the descriptions you sue in the story. Sometimes, they feel chunky and don’t flow very naturally. You used a lot of typical fantasy genre names such as “Lumia” which is totally okay but the number of characters added to the original confusion I felt when reading this story. Try not to overwhelm your readers with a barrage of complicated events and characters. 

Characterisation: You managed to provide me with a very clear idea of what kind of hierarchy would be going on during the course of the story but I felt little to no connection with Kai and Kyungsoo, the main characters of your story. I understand you were trying to establish a setting so readers could comprehend the fantasy world you were creating but they also need to empathise with the main characters and understand their motives and feelings. Instead, I found myself liking Eric more than anyone else in the fic. The meeting of the twins was underwhelming, I thought it could be a lot more explosive and if you built of the hype to it properly, would make more a truly shocking event in the fic. I don’t understand Kai’s niceness and sense of justice as he beats up people and saves animals. It all seems a little too “avengers” for me. Characters need to have a human element to be four dimensional. 

Overall enjoyment: So far, I’ve really enjoyed it and you congratulate yourself on a new subscriber! I’m excited to see where you take this and I also look forward to seeing your writing improve.

So here it is~

The Cursed Twins 

by

--YatLuvG