DISCLAIMER:

I AM NOT A CRITIC, I AM JUST A NORMAL READER WHO WILL HELP YOU WITH HOW A READER LIKES YOUR STORY

Reviewed By panda_and_llama

Poster:Yes!

Title: The title is eye catching enough but lacks in creativity and sophistication in the eyes of more mature readers. The Queenka’s Nerd already gives away a lot of the plotline, just by reading the title I already knew there was going to some kind of bet or dare and a popular person falling in love with someone of a lesser social status. This is not a criticism as when I first started, I wrote a lot like you so lease don’t take this to heart. Maybe you could play on more important parts of the plotline such as their rivalry and Eunbi’s weaknesses?

 
Foreword: I’m glad you kept the layout clean and simple without random confusing colours and fonts and the pictures included with the character descriptions were cute. However, this is a view upheld by many reviewers on AFF which is the fact that character profiles can be unnecessary. As your characters are pretty straightforward, I can understand why you explained them in the description but as a reader, I’d like to figure out your characters by reading the story not the description. Maybe try and find more creative ways to present your characters rather than just writing a few sentences describing them such as the use of quotes, min-scenarios and other. 
I liked the poster and it definitely suited the cute and bubbly feel of the entire story and the introduction was good. However, I found it slightly awkwardly worded so here is how I rephrased it. And maybe find a quote about love that is a little more emphatic and impactful? Unexpected love is a very widely explored subject so I’m sure a quick search on google will help you find a more unique quote to really catch a reader’s attention.
“Love is the most unexpected amnesia. It lets you forget about more than 6 billion other people in this world.”
Except she never expected amnesia to come in the form of Yoo Youngjae, the school’s resident nerd, a fact only reinforced by his goofy classes and stupid hair. Cha Eunbi is the school’s sweetheart, adored and loved by everyone with legions of fans falling at her feet. A simple dare finds their two very different worlds collide spectacularly.
(YEAH NOT MY BEST EFFORT)

Plotline: The plotline unfortunately not very unique so as I was reading through, I was hoping for some twists and turns that would really surprise and entertain me. I felt the pace of the story went a little too fast, not allowing the characters to develop properly. To be honest, I felt like the characters were a little shallow and some of their logic was a little warped. Their feelings seem to develop out of the blue and some characters were slightly unnecessary. If you don’t plan putting someone in the story for a purpose, whether it be for humour or to provoke a chain reaction of events, I suggest you don’t put them in there at all. I felt Mina was almost never mentioned.

I also think you could pay a little attention to proof reading your story so here is a list of common mistakes I found in this fic:
- Don’t forget to use full stops at the end of sentences
- Try not to add in random Korean, it doesn’t do much for the story and you have to cater for a wider audience rather than just Korean
- ~ Try not to use the tilde symbol as it is commonly used as a mathematical symbol for “approximately” and in order to write in a more sophisticated manner, showing not telling is a must. Don’t do the talking with symbols.
- It’s also better to show thoughts either with quotation marks or in italics rather than using the asterix. 
Overall enjoyment: It was a decent enough story and some bits were quite funny and entertaining. I have to say, Youngjae was really adorable! :D You still have room to improve by working on the whole “showing not telling” aspect. I hope you find my comments helpful! :3

So here it is~

Romantic Comedy featuring YoungJae and OC

The Queenka's Nerd

by

InfiniteLC