I vigorously knocked on the door. Please open the door, please be at home, please don’t be mad… I kept repeating in my head as my fist just kept hitting the door. I couldn’t help it, I was filled with adrenaline and I needed to talk to him. The sooner the better.

As soon as I heard the unlocking of the door I looked up in shock. I froze the moment TOP came into my sight.

I have to admit: I looked like a mess the moment I left my apartment in a rush – and most likely still looked that way, but TOP wasn’t exactly looking that great either. He was wearing sweatpants with a tight grey shirt and on his head he wore baseball cap, which let shadows fall over his eyes. Shadows, nonetheless I could still see the dark circles underneath his eyes as well as that his one eye was a few shades darker than his other. He narrowed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he looked down at me. I could guess what he was thinking and those thoughts weren’t pretty.

“I-I was drunk,” I stuttered.

TOP raised an eyebrow. “You were drunk,” He took a sharp, short breath. “Great excuse for your behaviour last night,” His voice was hard – with a tad of huskiness that was probably caused because of the alcohol.

“It’s not, I know it’s not,” I said while shaking my head. “But you should know how my mood is able to swing when I’m drunk,”  As I spoke those words I mentally cursed myself – I came here to apologize but the more I kept talking the more gasoline I was throwing in this fire.

TOP scoffed softly and then walked back into his apartment. The way he turned his back to me I thought he was done talking to me, but seeing that he left the door open I took the opportunity to try and apologize once more.

“I’m sorry for hitting you, I really am,” I said as I walked after him. TOP froze at my words, still not turning to face me.

“You’re sorry for hitting me?” He asked in a tone that was even lower than before. “That’s it?”

“I don’t know what else to say-”

“This black eye,” He turned around and took of his cap, letting the light finally hit the dark colours that circled his eyes. “Is the least I’m upset about,” I blinked at him and didn’t know what to say or what it was that he really was upset about. “You know, you could’ve told me. We’re supposed to be a team, you and I, but I know you’re hiding stuff from me,” I didn’t know what he was talking about, I could be anything. There were so many things TOP didn’t know, stuff that I was hiding as well as that his company was hiding from him, that I didn’t know which one he was talking about. The fact that I was hiding so many things from him, actually made me feel guilty and I couldn’t help but hope that he somehow figured all those things out.

He sighed. “You still have feelings for him don’t you?” His eyes bore into mine, showcasing the emotions his face didn’t. He probably could see all the emotions I was trying to suppress as well. “Ji Yong. You still like him don’t you?”

I bit down hard on my lip as I just stared at TOP. The moment he said those words something in me broke and I was trying hard not to show any of this. He was right – out of all the things I was hiding from him this was the one things I didn’t consider him to know. It was also the one I was trying to forget, but it was just so damn had. When he saw me struggling to keep a straight face, he unclenched his jaw – making his face a lot softer. “I should’ve known,” He sighed. “When the two of them showed up together, I should’ve known you could have had trouble with it,”

I let my eyes wander to the ground as I recalled the image of Dara and Ji Yong together. TOP was right, I wasn’t even close to being over him.

“I guess I should’ve given you some time to work things out before this happened,” I knew what he meant by this. This was us. But – even though I felt myself get eaten up from the inside the moments I thought of the happy couple – I already put it aside. There was no possibility of him and me getting back together, a fact that definitely made it easier to forget him. But most of all: I was happy with the man I was looking at right now.

I took a small breather and somehow managed to find the courage to walk to him. He watched me every step, not knowing what I was doing now. The moment I was close enough to him I took a hold of his hand and entwined his fingers with mine. I smiled sheepishly. “I think I have had enough time for that now,”

~

“O god no. I should go to him,”  He closed his eyes and bit on the backside of his lip as the words she spoke were replayed in his mind. “I’m sorry for bothering you, I’ll hang up now,”

G-Dragon had opened his mouth to say something, but before he could have  produced any sound the phone started beeping. A sigh had escaped his lips as he lowered his phone. She had already hung up before he had found the courage to say anything to her. He clenched his teeth together and tightened his grip around the phone in his hand. Why couldn’t he say anything to her? She had told him exactly how she felt. The words he had hoped she’d say for so long. But now that she told him, he couldn’t tell her how he felt. Even though he knew she was awaiting an answer from him, craving for him to feel the same. But shock had taken over him and he was unable to say anything to her. For the first time he knew how it felt when you weren’t able to express your feelings. He wasn’t afraid of it… or was he?

A flash of anger took over him and he threw his cell phone to the other side of the room where it collided with the floor. Now, once again she went to TOP. Once again she hung up to go to him and he couldn’t take it. He had told himself so many times that he was over her. So many times that he actually began to believe it. But every time he saw her he just couldn’t help himself but feel this desire to talk to her. To hear her voice. To see her smile.

To see her smile for him.

A frustrated yell echoed through his house as he tried to let out his anger. He wasn’t angry at her or TOP, no, he was angry at himself. He had tried to keep his distance from her. He had tried to go on with his life, just like he did after she had left half a year ago to go back to Europe. Somehow he had been able to get his life back on track quite fast after their break up. But now that she was around again, it turned out that getting over her wasn’t that easy. So that was why he tried dating someone else and then: there was Dara. He had known her for years, she was sweet, funny and really pretty. Everything a guy would want in a girl. It turned out she kind of liked him as well, so before he knew it they started to go on dates.

But how could he have known that she still liked him?

He sighed and walked to the bathroom, to get a look of his groggy face in the mirror. But he could only look at himself with disgust. He shook his head as he looked himself right in the eyes.

“You’re a coward, Jiyong,” He dropped his head and let another sigh escape his lips. “A stupid coward,”

Yep. I'm really back. I guess, sort of. Hehe. Hope you all liked the update! ^^