Mi Young’s POV

“Oh, umm Key and I bought some pillows for everyone so I’m delivering them. Here is yours.”  I said and put the pillow on his bed.

“Thanks.” He smiled. She walked over to his desk and asked with her eyes if she could look.

“Go ahead.” He chuckled. “It isn’t much. I’ve been kind of stuck lately.” She looked over and read the words written in his handwriting.

“I wake up and open my sleepy eyes

It’ll be tomorrow in a little bit

I feel bad for letting the day pass by so fast

My heart attempts to hide

Time passes by hectically

Will we get so used to our fluttering feelings

That we’ll feel them as a definite thing?

I’m sad over pointless worries”

“Want me to sing it for you? It may help me…” he asked

I quickly nodded. I had never heard his voice live so this was exciting for me.

He smiled and began singing the words he wrote down.

I quickly clapped afterwards. He had the most beautiful voice ever. It was perfect.

 “That was amazing! You have such an amazing voice! And the lyrics are great!”

He smiled and nervously scratched the back of his neck,

“Thanks… haha. For a while I was stuck on this first part and I just couldn’t think of anything. I didn’t have time to come home and organize my thoughts so everything was thrown everywhere. I was honestly about to give up until today. It’s kind of because of you too. I’m not meaning to sound weird or like a lazy but after you cleaned my room I felt a whole lot better. I would normally walk in here and just feel so claustrophobic and I couldn’t do anything since we have such late schedules. But thanks to you I felt really refreshed today. And somehow I got inspiration to write. So thank you.” He smiled and my heart started to speed up. I knew I was blushing hard but I couldn’t control it.

“No problem. I’m happy I could help. You guys have been nothing but nice to me and so I wanted to repay you guys. Especially because of my attitude. I felt bad… but I can’t really control it so I tried to make up for it.” I smiled.

“You seem to be feeling a lot better and you’ve even been smiling more so it seems like staying here has helped you a lot and I’m really glad. Can I ask you one thing though?”

I nodded.

“Do you really hate Taemin? In all honesty, can you look me in the eyes and say you do?”

I hesitated. I used to be able to say yes immediately, without hesitation but for some reason I couldn’t.

I wanted to say something but I couldn’t. I didn’t know anymore.

I heard him laugh and looked up, “That’s all I needed. Don’t worry. I won’t pressure you to answer anything you don’t want to. I just care a lot about Taemin. He is a hard worker and he’s very important to us all.”

I nodded. It was all I could do.

I walked out of his room and hurried to the next room, Minho’s. I put his pillow on his bed and then went to Key’s room.

Next was Onew.

He was reading a book when I knocked on the open door.

He looked so peaceful…so…unlike Onew.

“Yeah?” he called out.

“I have a new pillow for you.” I walked in slowly.

“Ah, ok. Thanks.” He smiled brightly and took the pillow.

I turned to leave but heard him speak again, “Oh, Mi Young. I just wanted to say thank you. Really, you don’t know how much that meant to me. We barley get time off to clean so our house always feels stiff but now it’s easier to breath in. it’s nice to feel free in your own home.”

I turned and smiled, “really, it was nothing. It was to repay you guys for being so kind to me, so don’t worry.”

I was about to leave again but I changed my mind and turned around once more.

“Onew… I’ve got a question…”

“Yeah?” he moved over on his bed and told me to sit.

“Well… you guys are always saying you have such busy schedules… and I was just thinking about it…but isn’t it kind of hard?” I took a seat next to him.

“Haha, it defiantly is. Especially for the younger ones in the group. Once we made our debut it was non-stop schedules.  Taemin barley went to school. Same as Minho. None of us get to see our family very often either so in a way it is really hard. The schedules run really late and sometimes we don’t get to sleep before performing again the next day.”

My brows furrowed at this, “Then… why do you do it?”

He took a deep breath, “you know, I’m not really sure. We each have different reasons for me, this was a dream come true. I’ve always wanted to become a singer because singing was my passion. It was what made me happy and still makes me happy. For Jonghyun it’s the same. He was in a band in junior high too. I’m actually quite jealous of him. He’s got such talent… and Minho…well I’m not too sure. I guess he was a model before but I guess he eventually auditioned. I don’t know but he seems happy and we wouldn’t be complete without him. For Key… well he comes from a family that wasn’t too supportive of his decision. He was very close to his grandmother too. He knew what he wanted to do and so he begged and begged until finally they allowed him to pursue his dreams. He’s actually our second best dancer. Taemin of course is our first best dancer. That kid. He said everyday when he got home from school he would learn another dance just by watching videos online. He may not be the best singer but he defiantly can’t be beaten when it comes to dancing. He is so serious about it.”

He chuckled before he continued;

“He knows each dance by heart. When he messes up onstage, it’s because he’s trying to make us feel better for messing up. I caught him one time trying to do it but he just denied it. He is the youngest yet he is so smart… but anyways, back to the question, I guess what I’m trying to say is that, we all knew the risks of auditioning. We all knew how we would have to sacrifice things in order to fulfill our dreams and so we did. The reason we can get through the days is because we have each other and we all work equally as hard to do our best. We are like a family and so we are able to help each other out no matter what.”

 A family… something I’ve never had…

I stood up, “Thank you Onew… that helped me out a lot.”

“No problem… and I wouldn’t mind if you joined our family… I’m saying you’re welcomed here, not just because you cleaned our house but because it just feels right.” He smiled and I could feel my eyes getting watery. I quickly thanked him and then headed out. I went straight to the bathroom and locked myself in.

That’s when I fell apart.

A family…

To the PAST!!!

10 years ago.

I remember clearly, as it was carved into my mind by my father.

It was a birthday party for me. My mom had set everything up. I had just turned 7 and she was finally well enough to plan everything herself.

My mom had a heart condition. It was slowly getting better but it was a known fact that she would never really be healthy again.

Appa hated it. He loved her so much and to see her like this killed him.

However, whenever she saw me, she put on her best smile, no matter how hard it was.

Finally the doctors told her she was healthy enough to be out and about, planning my party. I was so excited to have her home.

Back when we lived in a two story house that reminded me of something that popped straight out of Alice in Wonderland.

We even had a nice garden in the front that wrapped around along the side of the house.

That day though, did not go as planned. I was too excited to have mom home that I couldn’t stop jumping around and dancing around the house.

We had music playing so we could decorate to the sound and I couldn’t stop singing.

She told me I had a beautiful voice and that she knew I would be able to be famous one day. And for a long time, that’s what I wanted to be.

We were in the kitchen and she was cutting so vegetables at the table while I danced around it laughing and giggling. She looked up at me and smiled every once in a while and would sing a line or two.

I was being stupid and I couldn’t stop dancing and jumping around like an idiot. When my hip hit the side of the tall shelf in the corner of the room and curled into a ball right at the spot and whined in pain.

The next thing I heard was my mother’s screams as she ran over to me and used herself as a shield from the huge China tea pot that was sitting on top of the shelf I had ran into. The only thing I could see was blood and my father ran in and pulled her off of me, screaming and crying. He called the police and tried to calm her breathing but her heart was racing too fast and she couldn’t take it.

The loss of blood didn’t help either. The pot had landed right on top of her head and blood dripped down her face.

I could only watch in horror as she tried to give me the best last smile she would ever give me again.

That’s when the drinking started, then the beatings. He would blame me. I killed her. It was my fault. If I hadn’t been born the love of his life would still be alive and healthy.

It was all my fault.

Soft sobs escaped my mouth and I curled up in a tight ball on the bathroom floor.

I tried to control my breathing but it took a while. I just needed to be alone.

I knew they could probably hear me by now so I forced myself to get up.

Sorry Taemin… I’m going to need your room again…

I splashed my face with water and tried to make it seem less noticeable that I had cried.

When I was done I knew I wouldn’t fool them but that was the best I could do.

I took a deep breath and walked out. I headed straight to the living room and saw Jonghyun, Minho, Key, Onew, and worst of all, Taemin’s eyes on me.

I could tell they were trying to act calmly and not pester me about it but I knew they were worried.

“Ehehe, sorry…Taemin… I’m kind of tired… would you mind if I used your room one last time…?”

His brows furrowed, “Of course not. I wasn’t planning on taking it away anyways…” he said in a quiet voice.

I forced a smile, “Thanks… sorry again... goodnight.”I waved and turned around and headed straight to Taemin’s room.

I lay in Taemin’s bed with the lights turned off and the blanket far over my head.

The memories kept stabbing into my mind and I couldn’t get them out.

I tried hard to hold back my sobs but I couldn’t, that is, until I heard a knock on my door.

I didn’t know how much time had passed since I went to laid down but I had assumed it had been a long time. If I had to guess, I would say a couple of hours.

“Yes…?” I let out in the smallest voice I had. I pulled the blanket down just enough for me to look over the cloth at the door.

I hated sounding so… weak.

I expected it to be Taemin but instead I heard Key’s voice.

“Mi Young… can I… come in…?” he had the door open a crack and was looking in.

I nodded my head slightly, not wanting to be rude.

I pulled the blanket back over my head and turned to face away from him. I didn’t want him to see me so weak.

He walked over to my-Taemin‘s- bed and I didn’t have to see his face to know he was frowning.

“Mi Young… Do you want to talk…?”

I took a deep breath.

No Mi Young. Be strong.

“About what?” I asked, trying to make it sound as if nothing was wrong.

“...Are you ok…?”

“I’m fine. I’m feeling a little… sick that’s all. I think I ate something weird. My stomach is acting up. don’t worry. I just need sleep.”

He let out a sigh.

Sorry Key… I don’t like talking about it.

I thought to myself.

“Ok… if you want to talk… or get out that ‘nasty food’, you know you can come to me… When I said you’re my daughter I really meant it, ok?”

Daughter… why…?

“Thanks…”

“I’ll leave now...”

Right before his footsteps vanished I decided to ask him something, to try to lighten up the mood,

“Key?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re… still going shopping tomorrow… right?” I wanted to sound strong to him. I wanted to make sure he knew I was ok. Well, as ok as I can get.

But still, I didn’t want him to think of me as weak. I couldn’t tell him what was bothering me.

He chuckled and I knew I had at least gotten rid of some of his worry.

“Yes, that is, if you’re feeling up to it… oh and… Taemin… he was really happy when he saw the bed. I tried to tell him it was from me and it was my idea, just because I know you, but I could tell he didn’t buy it. Sorry.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little.

Key knew me.

We haven’t known each other for that long but he can still read me pretty well. Who knows… maybe… I can accept this place as my new home… with a new family…

“Thank you Key.”

I didn’t have to look up to know he was smiling.

He vanished out of the room and again I was left alone.

What would it be like if I did accept them as they were accepting me…? would that even work? They’re famous... obviously there would be problems... does their manager even know about me? can’t they get in trouble…?

All of that was concerning me, but at the same time… I felt happy that they did accept me.

I thought I hated Taemin… and now I can’t even say that I do.

What is wrong with me? I never used to show this much emotion. Why am I so different now?

Did I change… or was this always how I was but just hidden under everything?

Is this how I would’ve been if mom hadn’t had left us…? Would I be a happy and nice person…?

Would I even… know Taemin...?

What would it be like… if I never met him? If Appa hadn’t become abusive… if Umma hadn’t had died… would everything be different…?

Ok, so i had this typed up...but i couldn't figure out if i wanted all this to happen quite yet. btu in the end I decided that that was the best way it could go so I had to move passed my writters block and continue on. sorry to make you wait. I hope you enjoyed this little crappy chapter.... haha well the end is crappy but yeah... and can anyone guess what song it is that Jonghyun is writting...?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDfX8rFWKak&feature=relmfu

Yep that's right. I went there. ahahah

Random GIF time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ing love these gifs.

Haha you guys are probably all like,

We've seen these gifs all before! get on with the damn story Rain!

OK LAST ONE AAHHAHAHA ok i'm done