Lu Han’s POV

I open to the front cover of the notebook.

…

Lu Han’s Journal

To Mei,

My gentle rain after a long drought

My colorful sunshine after a thunderstorm

Mei= Lu Han’s Lovely Lady

Lu Han= Mei’s Guardian Angel

…

“Why ‘lovely lady’?” Mei turns to me and asks curiously.

“Well, Se Hun calls Min Young his ‘baby girl’, so I decided to call you ‘my lovely lady’” I answer, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Again, her cheeks turn that rosy pink color that I love.

“I like it” She says, hugging me a little tighter.  

…

When you left, I promised myself I would try my best to not look at other women; little did I know, I didn’t even need to try because I could only see you. When you left I promised myself I would try my best not to forget you; little did I know, you already held that special place in my heart.

January 31,

Lay is funny. I guess you don’t know him as well as I do, but he’s a definitely a wild child. On stage and during training, he’s as focused as a professional athlete. His love of dancing is what keeps him going, never tired, never bored… always having a blast. Today, Lay and I were dancing alone in the SM dance studio, the one with clouds in the background. He told me one of his important dreams had come true: being a dancer. Then, he asked me if I had reached my dream. I told him yes, being a singer was one of my dreams. When Lay was taking a break, I looked out the window of the 11^thstory room and thought of you. I could almost hear your musical laugh. My other dream was to find love and happiness, and I found it when I met you. I wonder what Lay’s other dreams are.   

…

“Are you going to read everything?” Mei asks.

“I think I’ll just read a few entries. I’ll read the others later. Remember, I wrote an entry each day for a year.” I answer.

…

Every day I dance fueled by the thought of your bubbly personality, I sing with the image of your face in my mind, and at night, I pray to find you at my doorstep the next morning as if the sun delivered you halfway around the world.

February 21,

Xiu Min took me out to eat today. He loves steamed buns. For him, the toughest part of being an idol is the dieting. I wish he was given the luxury of being the kind of person who could eat a lot and gain virtually no weight at all. Despite the hardships he faces, Xiu Min puts on a bright smile everyday and I admire him so much for that. I remember the years I missed my family in China, but it’s nothing compared to my longing to see you. The worst occurs at night, when I stare at the starry sky alone in my dark room. Mei, time is soaring by, will you come and slow it down?

…

 “So you silently suffered alone? Lu Han, you should’ve called…” Mei says, her eyes staring to tear up.

“I know, but you feel awkward talking on the phone. I didn’t want to be a burden” I say softly.

“BURDEN?!?” Mei shouts. “Lu Han that’s the last thing you are. How can you even think…?”

“You’re here with me now, that’s all that matters. If I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t be able to realize how truly special being with you now is. It’s the rough times in life that make you really appreciate what you have. I am able to experience true happiness now” I say.

…

Today the interviewer asked the Exo members if we had girlfriends. I said no because to me you are much more than a girlfriend. You are the dazzling lady who has submerged me in your colorful world.

April 12,

Today was Se Hun’s birthday. The members had a special surprise party for him, and as you can probably guess, our maknae was delighted. He was extremely happy, but his eyes lit up when he saw Min Young. While the rest of us played video games, Se Hun sat alone with Min Young. I notice Tao looking over at the two of them and smirking. Then he made a comment about how he preferred, good-looking girls with nice bodies. All of the members laughed. Some people may see Tao as totally shallow, but I see him as a completely honest guy. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

…

I’m inviting you to open your heart and join me in my world. I want to show you my favorite places in China and South Korea, the secrets hidden in my past, and the person I am. Then I want to descend into your world, and learn everything about you, the most important things and the trivial details, that to me will be as important as the air I breathe.  

May 20,

Baekhyun, Chen, D.O., and Su Ho literally all have the voices of angels. I have this theory that just by hearing them sing, I myself become a better singer. Baekhyun tells me to sing from my heart, and just by watching him sing, you can tell that he puts all of his emotion into his voice. Now, when I sing, you are my emotion, my voice, and my audience.  

…

I have descended into your world.

My dream is to be your guardian protecting you from all that is harmful. Will you allow me to wrap my arms around you for an eternity? I will try my very best to never hurt you. Please tell me if I ever cause you despair.

July 6,

Kris may seem like a serious guy who rarely smiles, but in reality he’s extremely caring and kind. He always falls for Tao’s aegyo, and takes responsibility for all of the members. I have learned to be more like him in the way he cares for others, and I can only hope that one day you can lean on me. I want to be able to get rid of your troubles and wipe away your tears.

…

“Lu Han you’re so poetic. When I was in America, all I was thinking was that I if I couldn’t get a visa, I would either 1. Swim across the Pacific Ocean, or 2. Fly to China, and run across the North Korean border. Of course then, I would either drown/be eaten by a shark, or get shot at the DMZ.” Mei says scrunching her nose cutely.

I can’t help but laugh. “I got a better one, 3. Wait for me. You can trust that I’ll find you no matter where you are in the world.” I say.

…

According to the decay theory, our memories are supposed to fade overtime, but why is it that my memory of you shines brighter each day? Perhaps I’m getting to ahead of myself with my constant thoughts of our future.

August 8,

I want to embark on an endless journey. A love story is a never-ending story. Will you play the female lead in my love story?