The semester is almost coming to an end. Start na ng finals season, and just like most UP students, kulang rin ako sa tulog. It’s funny because nag-iiba talaga ‘yung atmosphere dito sa university kapag exam season. I don’t know how to best describe it. Gloomy? Lowkey apocalyptic? Okay baka exaggerated na ‘yung apocalyptic pero makukuha mo talaga ‘yung “I’m doomed” energy sa mga makakasalubong mo during times like this. Everyone looks tired. Eyebags and all. Tapos may iba pa na humihiga or natutulog sa hallways.

 

Anyway, I spent the whole weekend locked in my condo. Pinadalhan lang ako ng food ng parents ko, and I’m thankful for that kasi kung hindi sila nagpadala, I’ll just depend on food deliveries.

 

Reviewing for our finals felt a little weird though. Since Winter and I became friends kasi, nagkaroon kami ng agreement to study together every weekend even though virtual lang. Hindi ako makafocus sa pagrereview because I was waiting for her to call or send a message at least. Pero hindi naman siya obliged to do so, but I still expected something.

 

I tried my best to forget the conversation I had with Gigi after ng sleepover ko kanila Winter, but I just can’t. Hindi naman because gusto ko or crush ko si Winter like Gigi said, but because it keeps on replaying in my head every time na nag-iinteract kami ni Winter. I’m trying my best to play it cool every single time dahil ayoko naman na mapansin ni Winter. I don’t know what to tell her if she suddenly asks why I’m being uneasy around her.

 

Hindi ko naman pwede sabihin kay Winter na I’m thinking about the possibility of me having feelings for her lalo na ngayon. Lalo na ngayong she’s always hanging out with Somi.

 

I don’t know what’s the real score between them, pero lately, they’re always together. Madalas silang sabay tuwing lunch, and may times din na after class namin ni Winter, Somi’s already waiting for her outside our building.

 

The other day, I asked Winter if pwede ba kami magsabay for lunch. I just miss spending time with her, and sakto rin naman because Yeonjun is busy with a final requirement. I used one of our pair lab activities as a reason, pero she already had plans with Somi na pala. She invited me to join them naman, but to be frank, I don’t want the three of us to go together. Gumawa na lang ako ng excuse and told her na nakalimutan kong may plans din pala ako with my friends. Buti na lang same free time talaga kami nun. I had lunch with Gigi, Yeji, and Ryujin that day instead.

 

“Bakit pala hindi kayo sabay ni Yeonjun ngayon?” Yeji asked me before she took a bite of her food.

 

“He’s busy today,” I replied nonchalantly.

 

“Eh si Winter? Bakit hindi mo kasabay?” It’s Ryujin who interrogated me naman.

 

“She’s with Somi.” I didn’t look at them as I answered, and tinusok ko ng tinidor ‘yung chicken ko.

 

“Rina, that chicken’s already dead.” I can tell that Giselle is holding back her laughter. Ryujin and Yeji look stunned too. What did I do? Kumakain lang naman ako dito.

 

“Ah nasabi nga ni Ning na dito din pumapasok si Somi,” Ryujin spoke again.

 

“You know her too?”

 

Ryujin nodded at me. “Hindi kami close tulad nila Ning and Winter… Nakikita ko lang siya dati minsan pag pumupunta ako kanila Tot.”

 

“Who’s Somi?” Yeji looked at her girlfriend.

 

I was about to answer her question with “childhood friend,” but nauna si Ryujin magsalita.

 

“First crush ni Tot,” natatawa niyang sabi.

 

I raised my eyebrow at that, but I quickly composed myself. I didn’t know na naging crush pala ni Winter si Somi.

 

And that strange feeling in my stomach is back again.

 

“According to Ning, si Somi daw ‘yung gay awakening ni Winter.” Ryujin made quotation marks with her hands as she said gay awakening.

 

I put my spoon and fork back sa plate ko. I don’t know but I suddenly lost my appetite.

 

Rina, get a grip. Why are you even affected?

 

Maybe I’m just disappointed that Winter did not tell me? We tell each other almost everything. Well, it’s none of my business naman.

 

I lifted my head, and nakatingin sakin sila Yeji and Giselle while Ryujin’s busy munching on her food.

 

“Why?” I mouthed. Yeji shook her head, while Giselle pursed her lips trying not to laugh.

 

“Ang lungkot pa kaya nun ni Winter pag-alis nila Somi. Nag-US kasi sila after elementary graduation.” Ryujin continued her story-telling.

 

Lalo lang naspospoil mood ko while hearing more details, but at the same time, gusto ko rin malaman. I just stopped paying attention to whatever Ryujin is saying, at tumingin na lang ako sa side ko.

 

“Aray, babe! Bakit ka nangungurot?” Ryujin’s voice was so loud. I can see from my peripheral vision that Yeji has this stern look on and she eyed me before she looked at Ryujin again.

 

“Are you not gonna finish your food?” I shook my head at Gigi. “You barely ate.”

 

“I’m full na.”

 

There’s a cat na dumaan, and I decided na ibigay na lang ‘yung leftover chicken ko sa kanya.

 

It feels strange. Masyado yata akong nasanay na I’m always the one with Winter, na ako lagi ‘yung unang iniintindi niya. Maybe Gigi’s partly right. Maybe what I’m feeling is really jealousy, but platonic jealousy lang.

 

I’m currently on my way to class right now, and ito ‘yung first final exam ko this week. I am holding my notes in one hand, while holding a cup of iced coffee in the other. Bigay lang ni Yeonjun ‘yung iced coffee because he thought I’d need it since magkausap kami kagabi while reviewing.

 

Speaking of Yeonjun, habang tumatagal, the more my conscience is eating me up. He’s a nice guy, but I am really not interested. I don’t want to prolong this na because I don’t want to give him false hope. Pero naisip ko na it would really be awful of me if I dump him during finals season. That’s why I’m planning to have a talk with him kapag tapos na lang ‘yung sem.

 

I arrived a little early today pero nandito na rin ‘yung classmates namin. May iba na tahimik lang nagrereview, while nagtutulungan naman ‘yung iba.

 

I noticed na wala pa si Winter, pero may 15 minutes pa naman before mag-start ‘yung class namin. I just can’t help but worry since maaga naman siya pumapasok tuwing Tuesday and Thursday. Maybe she’s just running late today dahil napuyat din mag-aral. I scanned my notes na lang for the last time to prepare myself for the exam.

 

Now, I’m really worried. Nandito na ‘yung professor namin pero wala pa rin si Winter. It’s so out of character para sa kanya na umabsent on important days like exams week.

 

“Okay, class. Pagbigyan ko kayo ng last 5 minutes bago tayo mag-start sa exam,” our professor said. Our class thanked him naman, and I brought out my phone kaagad para mag-send ng message kay Winter.

 

karina [10:01 a.m.]: winter, our prof’s alr here and exam’s starting in a few minutes

karina [10:01 a.m.]: did you wake up late or are you not going to class today? i hope makareply ka soon so i can tell our prof

 

I placed my phone on my desk after I sent her the messages. I tried to maximize ‘yung last 5 minutes para magbasa pa nang onti, but I’m now distracted as I’m anxiously waiting for Winter’s reply.

 

“Tago na lahat ng gadgets and notes. Start na tayo. Blue books na lang dapat nasa desk niyo.” I brought out my blue book and took a last peek at my phone before I put it inside my bag. Hindi nag-reply si Winter sa message ko. Is she okay? What happened kaya?

 

While taking the exam, I can’t help but look at the door from time to time. Baka biglang dumating si Winter. I’m halfway done pero there’s still no sign of her.

 

What if something bad happened to her while papasok siya? Pero if that were the case, someone would have called our professor right now, diba?

 

I set aside my worry muna and tried to finish the exam as quickly as possible. I’ll try to call her na lang pagkatapos ko dito. Isa lang rin naman class namin today. Sa Thursday naka-schedule ‘yung final exam ng afternoon class namin. Wala kaming class mamaya since our professor decided to give it as an extra time to review na lang and to finish our requirements.

 

I’m one of the people who finished the exam early. I really tried my best to answer as fast as possible dahil sa pag-aalala ko kay Winter. I brought my bag na pagdala ko ng blue book sa desk ng professor namin para I can leave the room na kaagad.

 

I checked my phone and hindi pa rin nakakapagreply si Winter. I tried to call her but she’s not picking up. Buti na lang I have Ning’s number, so I decided to message her instead.

 

kars [11:49 a.m.]: hi ning! sorry if i’m disturbing you pero do you know what happened to winter ba? exam namin today and she didn’t come to class. she’s not replying din kasi sakin. thank you

 

Ning’s not replying din. She’s probably busy rin dahil patapos na rin naman sem nila sa UPM. I’m so distraught right now because what if Winter got into an accident or something? God. I am such an overthinker. After a few minutes, nag-vibrate na phone ko.

 

ningie [11:56 a.m.]: hala sorry ngayon lang nakareply

ningie [11:56 a.m.]: di nakapagsabi si winter sayo? absent muna siya today kasi kahapon pa yun may sakit. baka tulog yun kaya di nagrereply

ningie [11:57 a.m.]: papasok dapat kanina kaso nag-nose bleed at nilalagnat pa

 

I felt a little relieved after reading Ning’s message. Akala ko kasi kung ano na nangyari kay Winter. But lalo lang ako nag-worry after remembering na working both sisters niya and her mom too. Is she alone right now?