Faith's POV

"Good Day Ms. Santiago,

I have to send it here because my partner shouldn't see this at the cafe's official email. Can we meet up at another cafe right after the deal with Ms. Awane? Thanks."

Sincerely,
Abelaine Trinidad"

Parang kanina lang kaka add saka follow niya lang sa akin sa social media sites, tapos ang bilis niyang magsend ng message. Para saan kaya ito? Saka bakit hindi dapat malaman ni Sela?

Anyways you all probably know me na. Maybe you're curious kung bakit ko nagawa ang lahat ng iyon. Why didn't I let them hear their sides after the incident? Why did I block her? Gugustuhin ko pa bang ibalik ang lahat ng pinagsamahan namin? Galit parin ba ako sa kanya?

The answer is...... 

Hindi ko alam. 

I missed her so much, pero sa tuwing naaalala ko yung pangyayaring iyon bumabalik yung sakit. But did I go hard on her? Do I have to go far na ib-block ko siya at hindi papansinin? Do I really have to break the friendship we built? Ewan nalilito ako.

Siguro naman alam niyo na kung paano kami naging close ni Sela and what's our friendship like all throughout the years. But let me add my point of view:

It all started noong may narinig akong nagtutugtog ng gitara. That's my favorite song. Ika ko noon. I tried to find kung saan nanggagaling ito hanggang sa nakita ko siya, chill na nakaupo sa teacher's table. Pinanood ko siya. OMG ANG GALING NIYA! MAGANDA PA! I was fangirling that time. It took me a few more minutes bago ako biglang nagsalita. Kinabahan ako nun sa hindi malamang dahilan. That's the time I knew, gusto ko siyang maging ka-close. I want her to be part of my life. I still remembered my heart beating so hard when we jammed to "I See The Light". Yung pwesto namin, parang yung scene talaga sa Tangled. For some reason I was imagining lanterns around us, and we're floating sa water. Why am I even daydreaming? And with a girl? I'm not homophobic nor a self-proclaimed straight person, but I feel like we're an impossible pair. Kahit pa minsan nababaluktot ako bakit parang ramdam kong hindi kami pwede. And it's not like magugustuhan niya ako so....

Time passed and we've been the closest among the bunch. Pinakilala namin close friends namin each side and parang naging close na kaming lahat. Lahat ng gawain ng best friend ginawa namin. Gala pag tapos na exams, mag-aral nang sabay, chikahan, sleepover, pranks, trash talk, etc.. Doon ko nalamang mahilig talaga siya sa music stuff at pangarap niyang maging artist pagdating ng araw. Kaya ako naman itong nag fangirl ulit at pinangako sa isa't isang laging magiging andyan sa important events ng buhay namin.

We were around Grade 9 I think that time? And that was the year when Yohan transferred to our school. He's so handsome and actually suits my ideal type. I was fangirling but not like how I fangirled at Sela. She noticed it of course and that's when I can't shut my mouth talking about him. For some reason I felt like she wasn't as hyped as before, but I let that slide. Maybe it's just mood swings. Syempre buwanang-dalaw you know. With Yohan as my top-crush for that time, I suddenly forgot what I felt when I was daydreaming about her. Maybe this is right.

Time passed again, grade 12 na kami. We're still super close and again I can't shut up about Yohan. Why when I really had feelings for him already? Well he's nice, gentleman, athletic, smart, cute, ok for short she's soooo my ideal type. Then time came when I just realized, he's now courting me?? Of course a typical friend would immediately tell the good news to her best friend, and that's what I did. I told Sela na nililigawan na niya ako. I'm happy about it, pero for some reason I felt bad too. Bakit nga ba?

Ok let's go sa time na nag ice skating kami. Nagpasama ako kay Sela sa CR para mag practice ng confession. Noong siya nag-sabi ng "I like you", I suddenly felt my heart beating. Wait no you can't be like this. Ika ko sa aking sarili. I shrugged it off and I pushed through the confession.

Ayun naging kami ni Yohan, and natural nagd-date kami. Pero I observed something. Pag kami lang ni Yohan masaya, pero pag sumasama si Sela I feel so comfortable and double happy. Dahil siguro best friend ko siya and sanay akong the more the merrier.

I also remembered the day na nirelease ng 48G yung new song nilang "Sweet Memory". Knowing what Sela's dreaming for, I'm beyond proud watching and listening to it so many times. Btw noong pinapakinggan ko yung song bigla kong nakikita si Sela. I don't know why arrrggghhh!

Grad Ball came, and it's the first time they'll perform the song live. As I was watching, all our memories since grade 7 came through my mind. My eyes were only glued at her, so is hers. It seems like kami lang yung tao rito. But suddenly Yohan held my hand and I smiled at him. Oh right Faith my boyfriend ka na.

Now it's the dance part na and si Yohan partner ko of course. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed being with him, but my mind is filled with someone named Marsela Mari Guia. Kapag nakaka-tiyempo tina-try kong tingnan kung okay ba siya sa table. I know she's alone.... oh. May kasama siya sa table pero hindi sila nag-uusap. But seeing Sela's eyes, parang gusto niyang kausapin ito. Please huwag. I told mentally. Sela stood up and went somewhere else, I was relieved.

Bigla kong gustong mag-CR, para narin makadaan ako ng back stage. I told Yohan and he insisted na sumama. Wala naman akong magawa. I did my business sa CR and I noticed the girl a while ago. Hinayaan ko nalang. I went to the back stage to check on Sela. I really want to see her and chitchat a bit. Pero hinanap ko muna si Yohan. Nasaan yun? Tinry kong hanapin. Hanggang sa may marinig akong ingay.... galing back stage. I checked what it was about and..... I saw Yohan kissing Sela. I never felt so angry. Seeing the guy I admire and my best friend that I admire maybe kissing. Noong nakita ko si Yohan I really felt like punching him. Pero hindi ko na ginawa. After kicking him out I suddenly saw Sela...  hindi ko alam gagawin ko noon. Should I be mad, sad, or what?? My heart, mind, and conscience keeps on telling me not to hurt her..... But hindi yata nakaabot sa kamay, labi, at paa ko ang directions nila. I hurted her using these. And what I observed is...

Why didn't I felt guilty when I slapped Yohan? But kay Sela..... It felt worst. Tangina parang wala na akong mukhang ipapakita. Para akong naduwag dahil sa ginawa ko. Kaya I did the stupidest thing that I thought, block her sa social media sites.

5 years later I saw her again, but with another girl. After all this time na akala kong straight siya, she's been like a bendy ruler. Ewan ko pero I felt panghihinayang. Biglang pumasok sa isip ko yung mga what if's. Kung alam ko lang sana noon.... wait tangina nalilito na ako. Gusto ko ba siya? Why does it matter?

And why am I hurting seeing her love another girl?

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Basically Faith's thoughts. Btw if nalilito kayo just ask away. Medyo napahaba lol.