I was hungry after the training. I hurried to the dining room with Kyungsoo, got my plate and filled it with food from the campus. The place was already full of boys eating their dinner and talking with each other.

"Baekhyun! Come here!" called one of the boys, which was also in my unit. I told Kyungsoo to come with me and we both sat to the table with the boy. I noticed there were also other boys with whom I had trainings, but didn't know their names yet. 

"I love how you won against major Park! I wouldn't dare to challenge him!!!" said the boy and congratulated me.

I made a quick eye contact with him, but just ignored his comment.

"Did you really do that?" Another boy came to the table and looked at me surprised. 

"Oh, Baekhyun meet Minseok," Kyungsoo introduced the boy who had just joined us. "He is from my unit."

"Yeah, I did it, but it is nothing like that..." I answered this time.

"Nothing like that..." Minseok laughed. "I would do anything to see that. Anyway.... Now you can just pray he won't break your neck on your next training. His arms are actually two times bigger than your neck..." 

"My neck is thin anyway" I responded. "And it is not my fault that major Park has muscles..."

"Your neck probably breaks even faster because of that," Kyungsoo told me. "I was doing a research of how to twist someone's neck... don't ask why, it was for a school project! Completely harmless, but yeah... Baekhyun, your neck could be snapped quite easily by someone like Park!"

"You were the one who told me to step for myself!" I complained.

"Well not literally... I am glad we have Zhang for our main trainer..."

"Who is Zhang?" I asked and I noticed that the members from my unit seemed to be a bit confused as well.

"He is another major," Minseok answered instead of Kyungsoo. "Major Zhang Yixing... He seems pretty good,"

"Lucky you," I sighed and passed through my hair. I wished this all could end, but I hadn't even started and it was only first day. I just wished next days would be better. I was here to get a new chance to live normally, not to lose another one.

"Yaa! Jongin! You're here!" the boy from my unit called and this brought my attention back to the ongoing conversation.

I turned around and saw Jongin coming closer to sit next to other boys behind the table.

"Tell us everything. How was at general Kim's office?" asked the boy curiously.

"It's was hell!!!" he answered. "That Park kept screaming at me and explained to general Kim what had happened. But you won't belive, general Kim just apologised for Park's bad temper and sent me here! Major Park was ready to kill me when general he did that. I heard him shouting from the office after I had left! He is a monster!!!" said Jongin in shock. "Baekhyun, how did you survive?"

I didn't say anything,because I didn't really want to involve myself in this too much. 

"He should keep his temper! That's crazy!" called one of the boys.

"You can just shut up, Minho!" Jongin responded. "You were just standing there like scared baby! I agree with you, Choi, but you are the last one to speak here!"

I looked at Jongin surprised, because I didn't know he had that kind of temper when it came to Minho.

"Do you think general Kim will do anything about it? He can't just leave that Park in peace after that. He is not capable to train us for one day!" said a boy, who seemed to be in the same unit as Kyungsoo.

"I'm not sure about it. Kim is for sure best friend with Park, he wouldn't kick him out and I think he is well trained and probably one of the best soldiers here around..." said Jongin. 

"Who cares, Baekhyun can show him who's the strongest here anyway!" called one of the boys and I tried to avoid everyones look after that comment. My arms were still in pain after that and I was certain I wouldn't do it ever again. 

First 5 days on the Military University passed quickly.

Every morning we got woken up by a loud ringing from the hallway, which woke up everyone in a moment. All of the students were complaining, that the alarm should be changed with something lighter. It souned like a fire broke out and on the first morning I almost ran through the window to save myself!

I didn't like morning trainings, because my muscles felt weak after waking up. Yes, even weaker than usualy which is literally almost impossible!! Another reason why I hated morning trainings was, that it was usually still wet and cold outside.

All of the trainings were hard and made everyone exhausted, so at the end of the day everyone fell asleep immediately. Only a few boys were still walking around late at night and they obviously weren't trained by major Park.

What amazed me, was that major Park ignored me everytime we had trainings with him. In whole week he hadn't said say a word to me and I also didn't ask anything, because I couldn't know what kind of a murder he was planning to do. I tried to stay as far away from him as possible, so I didn't mind being ignored by him.

Major Park however knew how to make us suffer. He sent everyone do 5 sets of running around the campus, trained like he wanted every one of us to have the same muscles as him. Push-ups, pull-ups, plank holding, running, jumping jacks, lunges, and overcomin obstacles. After his trainings everyone felt like he had beaten us up, even if he hadn't even touched anyone. 

I didn't like his trainings and nobody else did.

The story about how had major Park been defeated by a small newcomer spread around very quickly. It was obvious that major was trying his best to hide his bitterness, but the anger in his eyes was too obvious everytime he heard someone mentioning it.

I found classes very boring, so on my second day I had taken one of my favourite books, sat in the back corner of the classroom and read. It was quite annoying since phones weren't allowed at the campus. We actually didn't have much free time, but I still wanted my phone, even though I didn't really like using it much. Sunday was the only day in a week when we could use them and it was quite nice to watch a movie or two with Kyungsoo. 

Professor didn't notice me reading other stuff while having classes, but I still kept my book hiden from everyone, because I didn't want to loose it. 

I could learn very fast and stuff we were learning was logical and obvious, so exams didn't worry me. Trainings and competitions were making me more anxious, so I at least tried to get some peace at the classes.

I also got many new friends who were quite nice to me, however I was mostly hanging out with Kyungsoo, since he had been on my side from the beginning and not only after I had become famous for being the one who faced major Park. I loved to discuss about different topics with him and made jokes about each other together. I was also very comfortable around him, because he didn't try to annoy me when I wanted to have time for myself.

Saturday morning was rainy. It was the last day of trainings, before their first free end of a week. The schedule was a bit different than the one we had through the week. We only had trainings without classes and everything was about to end sooner. However my day got destroyed as soon as major Park lead us outside to the rain for our training.

Everyone was complaining about the cold rain, driping on them. And it was making me annoyed as well. My clothes and hair got completely wet in the moment as I came out. 

"Shut up everyone!" major called through the rain "This is not the worst you will get here! Now why are you just standing there? RUN!"

We all did as he told us. Rain was soaking into our clothes and I could barely see where I was running. I hoped we would be soon able to go inside, but he  kept ordering hard exercises and rehearsals. Soon I wasn't really sure if I was soaked in rain or sweat. Maybe both...

Major Park didn't have any mercy that day. Everyone was breathing deeply and I noticed that the others also had some problems with exhaustion just like me.

"I can't do this anymore!" cried one of the boys and collapsed on the wet ground while doing lunges. 

"Get up!" Jongin said, but it was too late

Major Park already came closer to the boy.

I didn't know him that well, but I knew he had some problems before and he was one of the students on major Park's list of 'the soldiers incapable of doing anything right'... Well we all would probably be on that list oneday, but he was on the top of it right next to me...

"Solider Lee! Why did you come here then?! If you think you can give up like that, you can go and pack your stuff immediately!!!" said major Park with strict voice.

"Sir..." Lee tried to say something, but he got interrupted by major.

"Look at me when you speak!" he called. "Or you can keep your face deep in that wet dirt if you like it more. I enjoy seeing that view!"

The boy on the ground was a whole mess, he pulled himself up and walked away. Nobody expected him to give up that fast, but nobody also thought about stopping him. 

"ANYONE WANTS TO JOIN HIM?!" asked major Park with strong voice and looked at all of us. His look stopped on me and I knew what he meant with that. He wanted me to give up like Lee did. He wanted me to disappear and never come back to bother him. I would like to leave, but I also knew I didn't have much chances to get accepted on any other university, so I had to insist here.

There was no answer on majors question and he ordered us to continue.

"You guys are soliders! You can't just do game over when you are on a real mision!!!" he said while others were doing lunges. "So you should stop crying like 5 years old kids! Act like soliders, cause this is the only way you can be successful here!!!"

Nobody dared to speak up. Everyone was out of breath anyway and all the exercises were making them all weak.

"ANY QUESTIONS!?" he asked and majority replied to him with 'no, sir!'

"Major Park, I actually do have a question..." I said after some time and stood up straight. I wasn't sure about this, but major's last speech made me think a little.

"Baekhyun are you out of your mind?" one of the boys asked quietly. 

"Silence!" major Park silenced the boy and then looked to me. I was surprised of how he could hear that comment, even though it was raining heavily and even I couldn't hear the boy, who had said that and I was standing right next to him. "Ask your question, Byun. After all you are the only one enough brave to challenge me!"

I stepped a little closer to make sure major Park could hear my question. "You said that we act like 5 years old kids... That we don't act like soldiers, but I am sure you were also like that some years ago..."

Major Park rised his eyesbrow on my question. "Well technically this isn't a question, but I will answer this as well... Do you know why I am a major?" he asked, but nobody answered. "I was the best soldier as soon as I started my training here. I never cried like that Lee, I never showed my weak side and just after some years of hard training I was promoted to a higher rank, about which most of you can only dream. I trained a lot and became better and better every time. I hope this answers your question, Byun! I wasn't like you are!" 

I quietly nodded, but then spoke agian. "Sir, so you have a weak point?" I was focused on major. He crossed his arms and thought about my question for a few moments.

"Baek, he can't do push-ups" a soldier mentioned quietly, but major heard that and his eyes darkened. I expected him to burst out in anger, but it didn't happen. Not that time. He just looked at me and stepped closer, so the height difference between us got even more obvious. 

"Everyone has a weaknesses, Byun! Some less than others, but still everyone,"

I looked to the ground and thought about his answer. "I understand that, sir..." I said after some time.

"Well at least you know how to use your brains after all,"

Everyone was kept in silence until we got dismissed. We all walked away relieved, because they could return inside and finaly get dry. I was happy about it as well, until I heard major Park calling my surname again. I was seriously started being afraid of someone calling me by as 'Byun' because of the way major used it every time. 

I turned around and looked in his direction.

"Why did you ask that question?" 

"Sir, you asked us if we have any questions," I said confused and a bit annoyed, because I was still standing in the rain, even though everyone else was already inside. Does major Park really like the rain that much? I asked myself and then focused on major Park.

"Soldiers usually just reply with 'no, sir!' and don't ask personal questions..."

I thought about it and then answered with another question. "Is there anything wrong if I am not like most of the soldiers here?"

Major Park narrowed his eyes and passed through his wet silver hair. "This could get you into trouble, Byun!"

"Or are you just afraid of my questions?"

He stepped closer and I litterary had to look up to see him. "I am not afraid of you, Byun! I never was and I never will be! You just can't ask some kinds of questions! Understood?"

I nodded quietly and avoided his strict look.

"UNDERSTOOD, BYUN?!" he used more power in his voice, which actually scared me now. I almost jumped away from him, but at the end just quickly stepped a bit away. I had thought I had gotten myself over the fear of major, but I obviously couldn't do it. Every place had to have someone I didn't want to have around. My home, my other schools, hospitals and even this campus. I just couldn't be left in peace anywhere.

"Yes, sir. I understand," I answered.

"Well remember that, because you will need this if you want to keep your face in one piece!"

"Sure..." I siged. "...Can I go inside now? It is hella wet here,"

Major Park raised his eyebrow and looked to me with a small smile which disappeared as soon as it appeared. "Just get out of here,"

"We are already outside...." I said while slowly walking backwards.

Major sighed and smiled a little again. This time the smile stayed on his face for a bit more than a second, but it disappeared soon. "Could you already disappear!?" he sahuted annoyed, but he wasnt really angry. 

I left and walked away as quickly as I could to get under a roof as soon as possible. I didn't look back, but I was sure major Park didn't follow me to go back inside. Maybe he just liked the rain a lot, I knew major wasn't like everyone else, but I thought every normal person wouldn't like standing on a rain like that. 

Next day Lee didn't appear at the breakfast. I felt a little bad, because I didn't get a good chance to meet him better. It was a shock for me and everyone else, to see how fast someone could drop out, or get expelled from the university. My unit stayed with 11 members and there wan no sign that there used to be 12 members in unit A2. It made me feel even worse when I thought this could have been me and that I could be the next one to give up like that. Only a week had passed and and the trainings were getting too much. It was probably because of major Park, who wouldn't let us have a break to breathe and also the lack of my strength

That Sunday I spent the free time in my room, using my phone, because I knew I would have to say goodbye to it soon. I also took some time to read a book to relax a little.

Kyungsoo went to play games into other room, so there was nobody to bother me. I didn't really care what were others doing, since I liked to have time for myself. Time when nobody could bother me, say anything or do anything bad to me. I had enough of that. Enough of the pain. I didn't want it, no more.

The time was passing by and the day was coming to its end. Kyungsoo returned back, but I didn't talk to him much and he knew I wanted to be alone. 

"Are you going to stick to that phone all day long?" he asked. 

I looked at him confused. "What do you mean, I was without it for a whole week!" 

"Okay, I had much better time with others. You are missing a lot of fun." he explained. "If you miss your phone, you can use it while being with your friends as well. We were playing some mobile games..."

"I like to be alone from time to time," I sighed. 

"Baekhyun, are you sure you are okay?" 

"I am," I said, but it was a lie. I always lied when it came to that question. I was never completely okay and I would never be. 

Kyungsoo looked at me a bit unsure. "If something is bothering you or you are getting bullied just tell me. I will beat their asses!" 

I laughed. "Yeah the trainings are bullying me, that is all," 

"I guess I will have to beat Park...." He replied, but knew he wasn't serious about it. 

"Do you have suicidal thoughts? Doing that would get you killed..." I said and got from my bed. 

"You survived,"

"Yeah, I did and now I want you to leave me alone for some time, because I want to take a shower in peace!" 

Kyungsoo didn't complain about this, so I left the room and went to the bathrooms. It was quite late so there weren't many of other students and I was able to take a long shower. 

The hot water was falling over my body. My muscles were aching, but the warmth made me relaxed. Water always made me feel better, unless it was a rain while having trainings. 

After taking a shower I used some skincare before heading back to my room for sleep. 

Hallways were empty and dark, but I didn't mind it. I was walking slowly, while watching around the dark. I could hear students talking in their rooms, discussing different topics, playing games on their phones, watching movies or random videos on YouTube.

Right when I placed my hand on the latch of my and Kyungsoo's room, I heard something different. 

There was someone singing on the other side of the hallway. Voice was weak and I could barely hear it but I listened on. I couldn't catch the lyrics of the song but it sounded sad, it made my body feel tired but other way the voice filled me with warmth. 

I used to sing myself a song on the same way when I was in pain, when I was closed alone in the white room waiting for something, for someone to come and save me. I had been singing to myself to give myself hope which I had lost long ago.

I left the latch and slowly walked towards the voice. Closer and closer every moment. It felt like floating in my direciton. On the end of the hallway stood stairs for second floor. I hesitated. I didn't remember all of the rules which were important at the campus, but I knew it was forbidden for students to go to higher ranks' drooms on the second floor. If I was found there I would get in a trouble. 

I heard voice getting weaker and soon I wouldn't be able to hear it. I walked up the stairs and once again followed the voice. On the second floor there was the same main hallway, the only difference was that there was a full length window. Moonlight was shining on the wooden floor and making the place brighter than the first floor. 

I stepped next to the window and looked out. The sky was clear and the moon and the stars were shining down on me. I was glad that the sky got clear from yesterday, since it had seemed like it was never going to stop raining. 

I still heard the voice. The melody made me calm, but inside I felt pain, the pain I had been feeling for past years. 

I sat down to the floor and watched out through the window, while listening to the voice. It made my mind float away. It was no past, present or future for me. And that was what I wanted. I felt my head getting heavy, voice was getting weaker and the silence followed. The moon got darker and dark clouds covered stars. I fell asleep under the window.

I had a dream I never wanted to see. For someone this kind of a dream could be nice but for me it was a nightmare. A bad memory which should have been forgotten. 

I was back in the past as a child. I was sitting on the floor and playing with my toys. Next to me, my brother Woosuk was sitting and playing with me.

"Woo, you can't play that way!" I cried and dumped his head. 

"No! You are the one playing it wrong!" said Woosuk back and ended what we were playing. Room was filled with toys lying around. My hair were messy and Woosuk decided to mess them a bit more.

"Stop it Woo!!!" I yelled when Woosuk's hand tried to ruffle my hair. That time my hair were still balck and long, so they often fell on my eyes and I barely could see trough them. 

Woosuk didn't stop. He was still holding me under his arms and messed my hair. He was much older than I was and that time much stronger than me and this never changed.

When he let me go my hair stood in all directions and he looked like a bomb exploded on me. 

"Perfect!" said Woosuk and later hugged me.

The dream changed. 

I was now in my old living room. I wasn't a child anymore and was about 17 that time. Sun was rising and it was still dark in the room. From the second floor screams spreaded over the whole place. 

Down the stairs came Woosuk, running into the living room. I saw the look in his eyes and returned him the same one. He wasn't my brother anymore. Something changed him. He wasn't the Woosuk I had known for all that years. 

The next thing I saw in my dreams were my hands covered in blood, driping on the floor and soaking into my clothes. Tears from my eyes were falling on my bloody hands and down on the floor. I screamed in agony. 

I opened my eyes and almost screamed, but I realised this wasn't a right moment to scream. Someone was carrying me, so I kept myself quiet. 

I became anxious. I was at the second floor and someone had found me. Without even thinking, I punched the man carrying me and rolled of his hands. 

"AARGHHH!!" yelled the man and covered his face with his large hands.

Breathless, I ran down the hallway to the first floor and then turned in the corner to reach my and Kyungsoo's room. I shut the door behind me with a loud 'BANG!' as soon as I broke in. My heart was beating very fast, I was in shock and I could feel my hands trembling. My fists were in pain, because I hit the person so hard. 

I waited in the darkness and listened, to hear if someone was outside the hallway, but suddenly a light of the room .

Kyungsoo was awake and looked at me with his sleepy eyes.