It is the fifth time that Zayaan and I are hanging out. I am wearing a purple dress with a pattern, leggings, converses and a black bra underneath. I think my bra was from H & M but I am not sure. I look pretty fine today and simple. I am not PMS either. I think it is actually my time of the month that day. I feel fine and not too tired.

I get out of the station and walk to the car. Zayaan and Karim are there. I am used to Karim third wheeling on our dates at this point.

I sit in the backseat. Zayaan is wearing a long-sleeved navy blue shirt and Karim is wearing a light tank top. We get in the car, and before Karim starts driving, they both put sunglasses on. Karim has a super-man-themed car. 

While Karim is driving, Zayaan starts taking snaps of us. I get a snap notification and see that it is from Zayaan. The caption of the snap is "Squaaaaa", as in squad. 

We start driving away. They drive up to staples. We get out of the car and I grasp on to Zayaan as usual, holding his one hand while he holds a package in the other hand. We reach the staples counter and Zayaan tells the employee, "I want to return this package" and then hands him the package.

"Okay, you are. good to go". 

Then we head to a supermarket nearby and Zayaan starts looking at sodas there. He grabs three for him, myself, and Karim.

While we are waiting on line, I am clinging on to Zayaan as usual. Karim stares at us hugging and then asks, "Can I get a hug too? Now that we are friends and all."

"Sure" I say, feeling past the point where I feel like he is a stranger or that I have to ask Zayaan for permission to hug him. I mean, I have hugged him before so why not now again. 

I let go of Zayaan and go for Karim, wrapping my arms around him and staying like that for a few seconds, grasping him firmly. It feels kind of good hugging him too.

After we let go and I go back to Zayaan, Karim says, "She's a keeper" to my surprise. "She's a keeper because she gives good hugs. Usually, people give bad hugs and they half- hug for like a second but she gives good hugs." Looking back, I wonder if he just said that to make Zayaan jealous that I wholeheartedly hugged Karim and not just half-assed it out of respect.  It went from me being too shy to give Karim hugs to me giving him good ones.  Who would have known?

We get to the line and he takes out his credit card to pay. 

The total cost of three canned drinks comes out to $2.25. I think they were $0.75 each. I get surprised because it seems like Zayaan is scared of his card getting rejected. His eyes are wide with fear.

"You should be getting that $135 dollars back " Karim assures Zayaan. He is referring to the return he just made at staples.

"Hey, I can go get my wallet," I assure Zayaan. I can not remember if Zayaan either said nothing or "You don't have to." I love feeling helpful in these moments. I don't care if my manz is broke. We can be broke together. All I know is that he is mine and I am his and we are both each other's firsts which is so special <3 I think is so special how we are both of each other's firsts and onlies and nothing can ever replace that or come close to being that special. I don't care if I find anyone richer than him or better looking than him. At the end of the day, I will never be able to find this special bond with anyone else. We have something exclusive that I can not get with anyone else and that means the world to me. It felt like it was the most important and special thing about the relationship. Little did I know that later on, once this was no longer the center of our relationship anymore and no longer hold value, there would be nothing left to our relationship to keep it special. Our relationship would collapse when that was the only thing holding it together when we did not have anything else in common. If he kept that in common with me, I don't care what happened between us or how far he fell, I would have forever stayed loyal to him.

I am surprised that Zayaan is worrying about his card being declined because he seems to live a pretty lavish life, driving cars and having fun every day. He also told me how he lives in a rich neighborhood in New Jersey and that his dad is a doctor and mom is a nurse so I was surprised that he was worried about money like that. He almost seemed even more worried than me who does not come from a well of background but I was making some money at least- though not a lot. Fortunately, Zayaan's purchase goes through to which he seems relieved.

Once he purchases the drinks and we walk out of the supermarket, Zayaan hands me one of the drinks. I am surprised. I did not realize that he bought the drink for me. That is so sweet. I feel really happy. I grab the drink and open it. We both start sipping it in the car. It is pretty sweet. As we sip the drink, Karim asks, "So what do you wanna do?" 

"I don't know," Zayaan answers, equally as lost.

"Wanna go back to my place?" Karim asks.

"Sure," Zayaan says.

It is such a peaceful moment just sitting there sipping soda. I love it. It was the simple peaceful moments like these that I miss the most. Us just chilling out.