I remember before we got there that day, Zayaan told me "Hey make sure you look good. I am gonna be looking good that day. We are throwing a party."

I asked him, "Is it okay for me to come?"

He said, "Of course, I want you to be there".

Then at somepoint in the week he tells me, "where those cute little skirts you usually wear". Wow, he  actually likes the skirts I wear? I remember the second time we hung out, my skirt pretty much  came off when I was walking with him and I had to put a safety pin on it. I felt so embaressed.

I make a mistake of wearing a skirt that is way too long on me. From what I remember, I think it had a slit on the side too which I did not like. I paired the outfit with a pink crop top that was uncomfortable. I honestly did not like the outfit that I was wearing. It looked kind of weird. I did not feel too confident in it. I feel tired today.

I hop on the train and then wait in the waiting area of the train station as usual. I hate waiting here. This subway station is kind of sus and there is homeless people everywhere. Usually, Zayaan is already at the train station before I even get there, waiting ages for me, but this time, he is taking a while. 

He finally texts me, "I am here" on snapchat.

I get out of my seat and feel annoyed when I catch a guy staring at me. I look away in annoyance but when I am looking away as I am walking I See Zayaan walking towards me surprised.

"Hey" I say.

"Your out of it?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I am tired.

Karim is in the car and as usual, I hop in the backseat and we drive off.

We get to the school and go straight to Arhaam's dor.

A girl named Tiara is there when we get there. It turns out that she is part arab and part hispanic. 

"Hey this is Tiara" Arhaam introduces us to her.

"Hi" she says very sweetly and softly. She seems shy.

"Hi" I say, and so does my manz Zayaan.

The drinks start making me go crazy and hopping everywhere. I am hopping around and Zayaan is trying to control me. He goes to the bathroom and I try to follow him in and he picks me up and carries me to the bed and plops me down, telling me to stay put. "Stay put!" he tells me. In a cute way. I kind of find it hot that he is controlling me like that physically by carrying me around.

Tiara is watching us as me and Zayaan mess around. When Zayaan has me sit down he grabs me from the waist, picks me up and wraps me around him like a monkey before he sits me down in the bed. 

Tiara comments "Awe cute".

Zayaan has to go to the bathroom. Feeling awkward without him, I follow him into the bathroom. I am so drunk that I do not realize that his friends are watching us.

It feels nice to be along with Zayaan in the bathroom. I am so drunk at this point. I close my eyes as Zayaan s his pants as if I have never seen his before. It feels weird watching him pee though.

I am so attached to him and clingy that even though he is peeing so loudly, I literally have my arms wrapped around his legs, hugging his legs with my eyes closed so I do not have to see the weird sight of him peeing in front of me. I have a big smile on my face though becuase I am drunk and feel so happy just being with him. 

When we come out, I am drunk so I can not really comprehend what they are saying at first but then I realize that they are saying something about me following him into the bathroom when he was peeing.

"Yeah and she was holding onto me too!" Zayaan retorts. I feel a little embaressed that I literally followed him into the bathroom as he peed but too drunk to care honestly. I am having the time of my life, a blast.

I remember following Zayaan into the bathroom again and he literally picked me up, threw me down on the bed and then slapped my before going in.

I remember Arhaam and Tiara leave and then its just Zayaan, Karim and I. Karim takes out a huge alcoholic drink that is really strong I think because he makes such a big deal out of it. I guess it is not as light as these lemon tasty drinks that I am having. Then he starts drinking it and asks me if I want a sip. "Okay" I say and take the drink it. Then I go on my bed and lay down and go on my phone to check my messages on my Lg g2. Zayaan is in front of the bed doing something and he turns around and says, "Hey, give me your phone so I can read your text messages before you send them." I look at him weird. Why does he want to see my text messages? Does he have a controlling side of him that I do not know about that he actually cares about seeing my text messages?

Then he adds on, "You might send something weird when you are drunk that is why". I guess he saw my look of confusion or realized that he sounded weird.

I do not pass him my phone and I think he gives up on the idea. I guess he was just trying and throwing it out there.

I am enjoying being drunk and feeling drunk. When no one is looking, I go to that big alcoholic drink that Keyhaan had me try before, lift it up and start pouring it in my mouth when Zayaan comes out of nowhere behind me, stretches his arms out and puts down the alcohol bottle saying "No, stop it! You had enough!" I do not understand Zayaan. He treats me like a kid sometimes. He always shares the alcohol with me saying that I will not be able to finish my own bottle or gives me less portions. Now he is literally snatching out alcohol bottles from my hands. I lowkey find it kind of cute. I know its not femenist of me and I cringe looking back but I felt cared for knowing that he cared about me to that extent. Maybe I was dealing with little boys too much and guys my age now are different and all of them are very caring and mature now generally.

"I see you" Karim says with surprise. I guess they are surprised that I went from never having drunk alcohol to drinking it on my own accord now. 

"Wanna go on a walk?" Zayaan asks.

He ends up taking me to the lounge again and telling me to take off my leggings. I take them off.  Then he has me spread my legs open. "Spread your legs open. It makes it easier" he tells me. "How do you know this?" I ask.

"My friends told me " he tells me. Can't tell if this is a lie or not... How does he know this.

My legs are wide open and he is in front of my private area now, ready to pop his in.

I am honestly super at this point. All that drinking had made me really and excited to smash Zayaan. It did not even matter that I had just used the bathroom and a lot of my and discharge went away. These alcoholic drinks were getting to me and I was ready to smash and let go of my ity. I did not care anymore. And I did not count the last time we did it even though it felt like I lost it. It did not seem like it went all the way in. The alcohol had really gotten to me because I was thinking, I don't care anymore I just want to lose it already and get my curiousity over with and try it. I was smiling like crazy with excitement under the influence of alcohol. I was not thinking straight and the guilt was no longer there. 

Zayaan is in the middle of trying to barge into my when someone barges into the Lounge and looks at us.

Our heads turn instantly. I am so drunk and having slow reactions. I am confused. Why is this guy barging in and when did he get here?

The guy looks awkward as he stares at us. Me on the couch with my legs spread wide open and Zayaan standing above me ready to go inside me.

He quickly turns around as he closes the door.

"Oh my god he saw us! I feel so embaressed!" I exclaim feeling my cheeks turn warm. 

"Don't worry. Why are you feeling embaressed. You won't see them ever again" Zayaan tries to make me feel better. Wow how is he calm about it? I feel like I am going to die of embaressment. Is this normal?

I can not believe I allowed this to happen in a dorm where people could see us. I felt so whorish honestly.