"Hey Ji Eun I have good news".

"What is it?" I ask. I was at work at this point.

"I am gonna drop my parents off at the airport today in New York and I can pick you up afterwards and we can hang out all day."

"Sorry I can't. I have classes all day"

"Awe you sure?"

Ideally I really wish I could hang out with him but I really did not want to miss my classes. To make matters worse, I looked so ugly today, I had literally rolled out of bed and did not shower and did not feel confident at all meeting him like this.

Our relationship was going well. Everyday I wake up to sweet texts from him wishing me morning and giving me morning snaps everyday. And every night pretty much so far he called me to wish me good night. I was so happy. I was head over heels for this guy. Slowly, I was getting even more and more attached to him. I felt crazy about him and could not be happier with a guy like him.

"You are everything I wanted and more" I text him.

"Awee your so dreamy. Your my dream girl! I cannot wait to marry you already" he told me a day or two after our first date.

"Wow really?"

"Yeah I do not want to spend a single second without you. You are my everything" he tells me through text.

Awe how romantic! He just said all these sweet things that I never imagined a guy telling me. I would be lucky if a guy even told me that he likes me.

"Yes, sorry. I can not hang out today"

"Oh okay" he responds. He seems so dissapointed.

Looking back, I regret not telling him we can hang out for a bit today. It could have helped us get used to hanging out in New York and I really wish he had seen my uglier side sooner. I. would have rather him left me sooner than later if it came down to it. Or see me as more than just a hot girl, an object but realize I am a person too who doesnt always look that great. Maybe this could have been his way of seeing my innocent side with the hijab on at school and see me as something more than just a hot girl he wants to sleep with but someone who is innocent and he wants to protect the feelings of, someone who is vulnerable. I do not know.

I tell my friend Wafeeq about our first date. "What did you do?"

"We made out a lot..."

"He is so hot. I wonder what it is like for him to be inside me..." I say dreamily.

"Oh no your fascinating this is bad. Very bad. This is going to end up leading to " Wafeeq is worried. He is biual and religious at the same time. He has slept with a girl before and regrretted it.

"Hey stop fascinating. Also whatever you do, do not let him put any fingers in you. That is really bad. Or else that will end up leading to . If you have to, just rub over but not stick any fingers inside!" he warns me.  I really wish I had listened to his advice.

Zayaan was totally my type and I would be lying if I said it did not cross my mind what it would be like having him inside of me. He was really hot and I was so into him. He was tall and fit and good looking and I felt like we went well together, like he was my soulmate. It also made it really special that we were both s and would be each other's firsts.

I tell this guy whose a doctor that I matched with on Minder about Zayaan.

"He wants to marry me. We are getting married!"  I tell him.

"What? He is only 20. How is he going to marry you?" he seems furious.

I think he was upset because I rejected him because he was too old for me. He was maybe 28 or something and I was only 19 which was way too much of an age difference! He was so offended. He was one of those entitled Indian guys who thought any girl, young or not  would want him just because he is a doctor. It was to his shock that now that he is ready to marry, young girls like myself prefer young guys our age as well, job or not, and that we expect the guy to be a . But this doctor was not a . He had with a white girl and then they broke up because of differences in culture.

"We are going to get married later. It does not matter we are in love!"

"What do you mean love. You just met the other day. He can not take care of you. He doesnt have money."

"Who cares about money. The only thing that matters is that we are in love. We do not need money to get married. Also his parents seem rich."

"So what. He needs his own money."

"I am with him because I love him. I do not care about what he has! You marry for love. Not things like that."

"I think your just with him becuase of the looks. You care about looks".  This doctor, Mo could not believe I would prefer Zayaan over him. I guess he does not realize that there are girls out there that care more about looks and personality than prestige and money for a man.

"It is not just about looks. He has such a sweet personality and makes me feel so special and we are both each other's firsts."

"Alright," if your say so.

Classic. Older men getting mad that younger men with no jobs are getting the young girls. Maybe he should have tried locking it down with a young girl when he had the chance instead of wait so long and expect that his money will get the girls running to him. It does not work that way anymore. Women have their own jobs.