How pathetic my life is...

I just wanna die.

What am I thinking? I'm always pessimistic about my perspective on life.

This horrible situation is eating me. Am I really that hideous?

I'm already 21 and in college but still, I'm single. Can you imagine that?

When I was in Middle School, I was a pariah. Well, still am. Before, they always liked to bully me. Putting pranks and spitting vicious words right in my face but I didn't care. I can always control my emotion. That's why I can't die, I can't kill myself. That's a stupid thing to do. I will never do that to myself but sometimes, I wish I never existed.

And what do I expect? To have a girlfriend? Yeah. That's also one thing, they call me dyke because I prefer girls than guys. I don't like guys. They are arrogant and haughty. Most of them are douchebags.

Since then, the bullies became more harsh and severe. I felt like I have an infectious disease.

It changed a bit when I stepped in college, just a bit.

They call me nerd or weirdo and I still don't have friends. Students don't like to see me with them in public. They still insult me, put some pranks minus the physical abuse. They aren't immature like before, thanks God. I'm quite chuffed with that.

I exasperating sighed.

I know some may think that I'm overreacting about this matter but I don't have normal life.

My parents died in an accident when I was little and I grew up with my grandma. We lived in Jeonju.

I don't have friends. For real.

Can you conceive that? A person with no friends. I'm just alone when it comes to school.

Don't blame me if I don't have any but I swear, I tried to and when I initiate to be friends with others something bad will happen so it will end bad.

Still, I'm glad because my grandma is always there to cheer me up. She never leave my side and she motivates me.

Currently, I'm in Seoul to continue my studies and she's still supporting me financially. I'm thankful because I got the scholarship here. I told my grandma that I wanted to work to help her but she refused it. She said I need to focus on my studies. And since I'm a scholar here, they also provide me a dorm for free.

I always do my best in school because I want to give my grandma a good life in return. I want to have a good and stable job after I graduate then support her.

I'm just a typical girl who wants to give my family a better life though my life isn't that normal.

My grandma is my only family. She's all I have.

I woke up from my reverie when someone coughed purposely. I frowned looking up from my sandwich.

I'm in my fortress and I thought no one goes here. I'm on the rooftop eating my lunch.

"You're really a weirdo huh?" A beautiful voice said. I turned to her. I gasped and gaped at her.

No way she's real.

"W-what?"

She giggled and walked towards my direction. I gulped nervously.

"You're weird," she reiterated. She stopped in front of me and she's smiling.

Gosh. It's Kim Seolhyun, one of the famous jocks here in the campus. She swims for the University and she's the ace. She's adept in many things too that's why many students admire her plus her commendable beauty.

Why is she here?

And OUCH, she thinks I'm weird. I sighed in defeat. I will never be her friend.

Then she sat next to me and my heart started to race "I've been here for about 10 minutes and you didn't notice me. You were just staring at your sandwich, you were spacing out."

"W-why are you h-here?" I squeaked. . As I said, I'm awkward when I talk to others.

"Why not?" What a smart mouth.

I avoided her eyes "Students don't go here," I timidly said. I swear, I feel like my heart will burst anytime soon.

"I know... That's why I'm here."

I looked up at her but when I met her gaze, I quickly averted my eyes from her.

"Why are you here?" She asked the question back.

"I just want to be alone," I lied. I can't just say that I don't have friends. She will think I'm a creep.

Oh come on Kim Taeyeon! Do you think Seolhyun will be your friend? Don't be delusional!

"Really? Am I disturbing you?" She asked concern.

I shook my head "N-no... You're not."

She smiled "We have the same class in Literature and Algebra right?"

I barely nodded and just clammed up. She knows. Ugh. She knows that I'm nerd and an outcast. to .

It disappointed me, I gave myself false hope.

"And I know something about you..." She smirked.

I held my breath.

"Yes. I'm a loser. I don't have friends that's why I'm here alone. I'm that weird, nerd, outcast and dyke. Many students don't like me," I quickly said in a sharp breath.

Seolhyun gaped at me then her expression softened "I don't care about them and it's sad to know that you don't have friends."

My eyebrows snapped together in confusion.

"I just want to say that I know something about you. I know that you are smart. And yes, you're a bit weird awhile ago but I think it's cute." She smiled genuinely.

After hearing that from her. I wanted to cry but I stifled my emotion.

"You don't have friends? Well, it's my plesure to be your very first friend," she offered a hand to shake.

I blushed. She's so pretty. I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous by her stare.

"You're so cute Taeyeon, let's be friends. Please?"

Oh gosh! She knows my name! I can die now and that's a joke! 

I can't die. I want to be her friend! I mentally squealed.

I shook her hand "Friends."

"I'm Kim Seolhyun."

"I know."

"I'm glad that you know, Taeyeon."

Oh fudge.

 

×