Jongins head smoothly nods along to the rhythmic music subtly imbueing the rooms of the youth club.

His hands calmly fumble with questionable decoration that he pulls out from the colorful and flashy boxes the others made together with the new set of decoration for the upcoming new years eve party in the club.

It wasn't even Jongin who spread the idea.

The night of the Christmas party had been such a bomb blast that everyone decided to start the new year together as a club.

„We've all grown so damn close by now“, Lisa had slurred while sloppily throwing an arm around Jongin later that night.

Her breath smelled like mulled wine and vodka and her eyes took on a kind of sleepy but still serious look. How she had managed to still look Jongin straight in the eyes was still a mystery to Jongin.

„Thanks to you Jongiboy. We've never had this kind of … bond before. Ya know“, she sat up straight putting her cup away, „this club feels like a family since you started up here. I never wanna miss this feeling ever again.“

And although Lisa had been trashed as hell this evening, Jongin knew her words were honest and genuine and he had to hold back the grimace in which his face started to contort.

He was genuinely touched.

Something that didn't happen very often in his life to be honest.

„Hey Jongi you know what?“, Lisa started again, giggling like a little fangirl in middleschool, her arm thrown around Jongins body again.

„What is it? Don't ask me to make out with you.“

„Ew no, I wanna suggest something. Let's make a new years party here. Gather everyone and let's make this a night to remember. Les do this!“

It didn't take long until the whole club got scent of this idea and Sehun admitted defeat the second Baekhyun Jongin and Lay stood before him grinning from ear to ear.

Now Jongin stands there, calmly unraveling some lights while the music still causes his body to smoothly move along.

„Stop staring at me Mr. Oh. Y'know that's creepy as hell?“

From the back of the room, a deep, amused chuckle makes it's way towards Jongins knowing grin as he continues to disentangle the lights infron of him, not lifting his head once in the process.

„I thought we're on Sehun now?“

The corner of Jongins lip curl up into a catty smirk as he cautiously lays down the first row of lights.

„You know the walls literally have ears?“

„And eyes. Don't forget I've been here for a little longer than you.“

Sehun pushes himself off the wall, taking long, nonchalant steps towards Jongin who is visibly struggling with the second row of lights.

„Lemme do this“, he says softly, his deep voice downright vibrating in Jongins ears as he takes the lightchain out of Jongins hands who stares at his teacher in confusion and slight irritation.

„It's only some touch-ups I really don't need help.“

Jongin tries to snatch the lights back but Sehun just cheekily smirks into the youngers face as he begins to unravel the lights with skilfull movements of his slender fingers.

Jongins eyes fall on the back of his hands which are strewn with scars, already faded to the most but shimmering in the dim light visibly for Jongin to notice.

He hesitates for a short moment.

Should he ask about them? Perhaps it' something really personal and he really shouldn't be asking but on the other hand … there has been so much that Sehun had already told him that has been beyond personal so maybe …

„What's that on your hands?“

Sehun looks up in surprise, first at Jongin then the back of his hands.

For a split second his face takes on a pained expression but as soon as Jongin believed to notice, it fades away into nothingness.

„Ah, it's nothing, just the simple consequence of having to build everything important to you on your own.“

He smiles at Jongin but it's clear to him that Sehun isn't genuine right now.

„You know it wasn't easy building this club with just two guys and a ag full of stupid dreams and expectations. That took some serious setbacks and scars in the process.“

A deep frown digs it's way into Jongins forehead.

He puts the lights down.

„I've been dishonest too many times in my life now. I know when someone's lying to me.“

The expression of slight and perhaps pretended nostalgia rapidly changes into mild shock. All colour of the usual subtly tinted cheeks now turns into a pale white undertone as he let's down the row of lights with a slow, awkward movement.

„I'm way too obvious am I?“

A small apologetic smile curved his perfect lips upward while his hands still nervously fumble with the lights.

„I expected you to be a better liar than me now that you have such a juicy past“, Jongin amusedly returns and sits down on the sofa in the back of the room, grabbing two bottles of the current stack on the go.

Letting out a beaten sigh, Sehun follows, lazily slumping down on the plushy fabric of the sofa while grabbing the bottle that's handed over to him by Jongin.

As he opens it, Sehun begins to talk in a deep, dark voice: „You know life is gonna you hundrets of times if that's enough. You should know that better than me Jongin. I have been royally ed several times in my life and things didn't get over without leaving traces.“

He takes an absentminded look at his hands before continuing.

„I've already told you about my past and that I'm not as innocent as I seemed to be. However, there were times in my life when I truly thought I'd had the chance to be happy, if only in some hidden secret space.“

Sehuns face reddens as he pauses for a moment, obviously hesistating about continuing or not.

He takes a short look around as if to make sure no one's eavesdropping before turning to Jongin again.

„The story I'm going to tell you might be awkward to the bone for you but hell you asked for it.“

He takes a deep breath.

„You know there was a time I had been engaged.“

Jongins face instantly falls off once hearing about it. „Y-You were what?“

„Engaged“ Sehun repeats looking down on his hands, „but … it was not a woman.“

It takes Jongin a moment to fully grasp what Sehun had just told him.

Before he could stutter out any word, Sehun continues, his face brickread.

„I know what you must be thinking right now. There were few people at that time understanding what I was doing. That's why it had been a secret. It was back then in college.“ He takes a generous gulp of his bottle and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

„I'll spare you the details of how he got into a relationship“, he takes a cutting look at Jongin who still sits there utterly confused with his hands tangled in an awkward knot.

„And if it's ever the case that I'm drunk infront of you wheeing my out please kindly shoot me a load of sedatives yeah?“

Jongin could muster a stiff snigger, part of him quite enjoying the thought of Sehun with a tiny dart in his neck.

„Anyways, we wanted to elope once we were both done with college as our parents were both extremely conservative. Especially my mother never made bones about being predjudiced against homouals.“ He stops, his eyes taking on a reminiscent expression.

A long pause stretches between them, filled with nothing but awkwardness and a hell lot of questions, with one leading the way.

„What happened? You're onviously not engaged anymore, let alone married. And the only person living in your house is me together with my mom.“

Is he mistaken or has that been genuine hurt painting Sehuns expression for the tiniest amount of time?

„I wish I'd know …“, Sehun mumbles with his deep, resonating voice.

„I feel like everything broke down in a matter of a blink of an eye.“

Jongin frowns deeply, even more confused than before and still wondering why the hell they started this awkward convo in the first place.

„That means …?“

Sehun sighs in resignation. „That means we parted ways in a huge fight. The type of never talking ever again even if hell broke loose. I've never seen him again.“ He empties his bottle in a few gulps, slamming the bottle down on the table with a little more momentum than intended. Jongin shrinks in shock, slightly jumping from his seat in the process.

Sehun notices although Jongin vehemently tries to hide his momentary fright.

A small chuckle rumbles out of his plump lips, exposing a row of perfect white teeth.

The dazzling smile quickly eases off the awkward tension of the situation as the focus now shifts to Jongin acting like a frightened puppy.

„I should continue preparing the party before some more humiliation creeps upon me here“, he states with a sarcastic smirk and quickly moves on decorating the place.

„Don't overwork yourself, there are still some folks that can get moving as well. You've already done so much Jongin.“

Within the tangled mess of lights, Jongin manages to mutter: „Thanks for reminding, perhaps I call up Lay and Baek later on.“

Although Jongin is busy with the decoration, Sehun a questioning eyebrow at him, his hands stemming in the sides of his toned body.

„Are you really gonna do that or are you gonna continue preparing this event alone?“

At his povoking comment, Jongin leans his head over to take baffled a look at Sehun.

„See you've been doing this all almost on your own, what's wrong Jongin? You've always been a teamplayer and never a lone wolf, let alone some kind of altruist.“ Right before Jongin could retaliate, Sehun shuts him off with a hearty laugh. „I know you boy, believe me. So better be honest with me.“

With a defeated sigh, Jongin lets down the lightchain and climbs down from the table, sitting himself on the edge of it.

„I don't know, I feel like I owe you something for letting me live with you“, he mutters almost inaudibly.

His head faces some dustroll on the ground as if it's the most interesting thing on earth right now. He feels a stinging heat creeping up his neck up onto his ears, ultimately filling his face with a burning hot sensation of pure embarassement.

The pasta he had for lunch has to be nothing in color compared to his cheeks now.

It does not really help the situation that Sehun keeps silent for a tormenting amount of time while Jongin uneasily fumbles with his hands.

After what seems like an eternity, he senses Sehuns presence besides him but refuses to look up and make eyecontact.

It is not until he feels a warm sensation around his back that startles him with surprise.

Did Sehun just really lay an arm around his back for Christs sake?

Before Jongin could even elaborate his thoughts, Sehun finally begins to speak.

„Do you really feel that way? If yes I am terribly sorry.“

The semi-formal way of speaking oddly doesn't resonate with the amicable, almost intimate gesture he now does to Jongin.

The younger still refuses to look up.

He is so tensed up from the sudden touch that his body refuses to move an inch or breath properly. The sensation is just so foreign that Jongin wishes that Sehun would finally take his arm off and establish the usual friendly distance between them again.

„It's not your fault“, he finally manages to utter out with a crackling voice.

„I just … well we've never had anyone being so generous with us. All I've ever learned from life is how to fight your way through. And trust me I'm not proud of it.“ He lets out a small sigh, looking out of the window for some distraction while he sees Sehuns slender fingers outta the corner of his eyes move gently over his shoulder. He couldn't help but admire the perfection this man radiates even in the slightest inches of his body like his hands. But before he could get distracted too much by his wandering thoughts, he quickly snaps out of it and continues: „I'm not used to all this still after so much time. And that's why I feel I need to pay this debt somehow even if it's just something like preparing the party. Sorry for being stupid.“

Against the odds, Sehun does not dig deeper into the topic but instead let's out a chuckle and finally pulls his arm back.

An instant wave of relief washes over Jongin and he straightens his back that has been crouching from the previous tension.

„Just so you know Jongin, I'll find ways to make you pay.“

Jongins heart stops.

Did he really just say this?!

Find ways to make him pay sounds everything but innocent to Jongins spoiled ears and he can't fight of the pictures starting to occupy his mind.

He stares at Sehun with his eyes wide open in absolute disbelief, not able to utter out a single word.

It doesn't take long for Sehun to break out in deafening laughter, contributing to Jongins utter confusion.

„You should see your damn face right now, this is hilarious! Oh my god Jongin what on earth are you thinking?“

Jongin turns his head away, not able to supress an amused smile though.

„Oh you really don't wanna know …“

He honestly doesn't wanna tell Sehun about the stuff going on in his mind without permission but the latter probably knows already anyway.

„I uhm … should continue. I'll call up the boys to help me.“ With that said he quickly shuffles out of the room with his phone already up his ear.

Oh geez, what on earth was that??

Oh Jesus, I'm so sorry for being MIA for so long but the holidays got the best of me and now I'm stuck in some exams I need to ace ;P 

Nevertheless I've found some time to write another chappie and I really hope you like it <3 I hope you have all been fine and got into the new year with a blast :D 

Love you my beautiful cupcakes <3

On  side note: I also didn't wanna post anything regarding the death of Jonghyung as it just didn't feel right and I was completely in shock for several days ... RIP Jonghyung, SHINee will forever be my first Kpop band <3