Chapter image by the lovely Imbyul <3 Go PM her for a request

“Don’t lie to me from now on,” he said, after a short pause, “No matter how bad and awful it is, you and I both want the truth.”

“What if there’s something we don’t want to say? Then, what do we do?”

She seemed sincerely curious with her question,which made the Fourth Prince wonder if she was hiding anymore secrets. Part of him knew, however, that she asked for future reference (although he sincerely hoped there wouldn’t be the need for future references).

But she did have a point.

There were some things that he thought she didn’t have to know either.

“Just say you don’t want to say it,” he told her, “I really hate people being vague and lying.”

“That’s what I’ll do then.”

He stared at her and saw the sincere look of regret on her face. Her lies had driven her to almost hurt herself with a pin; it was fortunate he had the sense to stop bothering her last night. But the Fourth Prince knew he wasn’t so innocent either; he lied to her about agreeing to marry his brother’s daughter.

The trouble was not just on her shoulders.

“I won’t lie either,” he promised her.

And he was sincere with that promise.

--

It didn’t help that he remembered how he promised he wouldn’t lie to her during their first lifetime. But her silence was the most pressing issue at the moment.

She hasn’t said anything.

The aftermath of the Nari telling Ha-Jin about the marriage incident was pretty messy. There wasn’t much screaming, but the model did take advantage of the silence, of Jae-Yeong’s shock, and Ha-Jin’s supposed vulnerability.

“Yes, he’s marrying me,” she told Ha-Jin, in the presence of Jae-Yeong and Ji-Hyun, “He needs me more than he needs you.”

Jae-Yeong warned Nari against her attitude; even Ji-Hyun calmly reminded the model about her manners. But she insisted, throwing a bunch of hurtful words towards Ha-Jin, who remained silent during the ordeal. Jae-Yeong had had about enough and was about to take matters in his own hands when Ha-Jin beat him first.

Before anyone could say anything, she slapped Nari hard across the face and without another word, she went her way.

Jae-Yeong ended up chasing after her while Ji-Hyun was left to subdue the raging Nari. She walked so fast, he thought he would never catch up. When he grabbed her hand, that’s when she stopped.

And now here they were.

Jae-Yeong took advantage of the silence by telling her about the marriage – of how the company was going to ruins due to Il-Sung’s mistake, how Nari’s family proposed the marriage to save them all, and how his father thought of it as THE only solution. He hadn’t gotten to the part about his biological mother because he felt it was too much information.

Ha-Jin’s face said it all.

She was caught between shock, hurt, and other emotions in the basket, but her face merely reflected a blank stare matched with her wide eyes. Her lips trembled – at first, willing to say words, but ended up zipping tightly.

It had been five minutes now.

Oh my god, say something, he screamed in his head, Anything!

It would’ve been far better if she punched him or screamed at him, demanding to know why he he was supposed to marry Nari. She could call him names or say that she’d never felt so betrayed – anything but the silence.

Finally, she spoke.

“I thought you said you would never lie to me again.”

That hurt.

She looked at him and he saw that her eyes were indignant yet also close to tears.

“No matter how bad and awful it is, you and I both want the truth,” she quoted him, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Didn’t know how to tell me?” she asked, “I texted and called you for days, so worried with what was happening to you. When I saw you, you barely said anything. You just said that your father is sick and you’ll be fine. You had plenty of chances to tell me.”

“You could’ve just said, ‘Hi, yeah, by the way, my father might marry me off again’ or ‘I have to marry Nari’ to save the company,” she continued, “You could’ve told me how you were doing. I was left in the dark for days and now I find out from that witch herself.”

She was frustrated and angry, obviously; despite that, however, Jae-Yeong couldn’t help but think how adorable she was when she was angry.

“How could you not say anything?” she asked him.

“I didn’t…it’s not that easy to say,” he argued, “Things happened and the next thing I knew, the company was going down, my father’s sick, and I have to get married to make things right. It’s a lot to take in and I didn’t want to involve you.”

“Why not?”

“Because—I didn’t want to cause you too much grief.”

“And hearing about you getting married is not causing me any grief?”

For someone smaller than he was, she looked so big with her indignant attitude. Jae-Yeong didn’t know if she was angry or sad; this was what he feared. He didn’t want to cause her the same pain his first marriages did.

He didn’t know how to talk back in that situation.

She was trembling a bit, he could see that. It had been days since he had a proper look at her face and that was painful enough. He didn’t think he’d be seeing her like this.

Before she could scratch him, he rushed towards her and enveloped her in a hug. He felt her struggling, telling him that hug wasn’t enough to wipe away her frustrations.

“I’m sorry,” he told her, “I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know how to take it all in myself.”

She looked at him with those big, beautiful eyes.

“Who said you could take it all by yourself? Why do you want to do it alone?” she asked him, her hand caressing the back of his head, “Why do you think I’m here again?”

He buried his face in her hair.

“Didn’t I tell you that I will never leave you alone?” she continued, pulling him closer.

Her words were so comforting, Jae-Yeong considered himself an idiot for not telling her sooner. He pulled her by the waist and wished they could stay like that forever.

“But it looks like you’re leaving me alone,” she said, “Because you’re getting married.”

Ha-Jin gently pulled herself away from his touch (which made him whine a bit) and looked at him seriously. He wondered how she managed to keep such a cool composure. Wasn’t she angry or anything?

“That’s not for sure,” he assured her, “I mean…ever since the company got stuck in a rut, Father thinks accepting Kang Shin-Jae’s proposal is the solution. The wedding preparations were done anyways…all they needed was a new groom.”

“Is there no other way?”

“Right now? Nothing,” he said, “People are losing their jobs because of what happened – and that’s our major concern. The money comes and goes, but it’s not the same for the people. It affects South Korea’s numbers. That’s why Father wants us to get this through – so we can reduce the casualties and get the economy running again.”

She was looking at him with such worry.

“My god, this is the 21^st century,” she remarked, “I thought arranged marriages shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

“I know,” he sighed, “But…that’s one of the many situations I’m in now.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her response. It was funny how they were discussing the marriage thing so casually in the middle of the nearby woods. Not casually, but there weren’t tears or anything. It was almost as if Ha-Jin expected it to happen or her lifetime as Hae Soo toughened her up for emergency arranged marriage situations.

“I don’t know why this is happening again,” he confessed, “It’s like bad déjà vu. I’ve been trying to figure out why…I just…I don’t know. What’s the point of being born again if it’s the same cycle, just a different time period?”

Ha-Jin’s hand touched his face. She must’ve sensed his frustrations. He took her hand and rested his cheek, breathing in the scent of her hand lotion.

“You know, I asked Ji-Hyun about that when I first remembered,” she said, “He told me it’s all about second chances.”

“Second chances at failing?”

“No, I think it’s something else,” she said, “Believe me, I’m still trying to figure out. But if you think about it, there’s so much about our previous life that might need fixing.”

She was right about that.

“We just have to know what that is.”

Ha-Jin caressed his cheeks, a sad smile on her face. This was the reason why he didn’t want to tell her anything—he didn’t wish to burden her anymore. As Wang So, he had burdened her beyond what she could handle. It was no wonder she died early. He recalled the guilt during the last days of his life.

In silence, Ha-Jin and Jae-Yeong reveled at each other’s presence. The latter was still confused with the comings and goings in his life. He was unsure of what the future held and what choices he had to make. But one thing was for sure –

As long as she was there, he’d be okay.

--

He never really thought he’d be back in school. It’s been years since he visited his alma matter simply because he never had the reason. But here he was, back at Korea Univeristy, perusing their libraries for yearbooks.

It was very fortunate that he kept his alumni ID; otherwise, he wouldn’t have gained access.

As he walked past the shelves, looking for the yearbook section, he couldn’t help but think about the happenings these past days.

It’s been a week since his father’s operation and the revelation of his biological relations. The aftermath was something straight out of those dramas Tae-Won used to enjoy. Both his brothers needed a day or two to fully digest the reality of Jae-Yeong being their half-brother, not an adopted one. Jae-Yeong feared Il-Sung would throw a fit. He almost did, but was later subdued at the sight of their father’s difficulty in breathing.

Nothing, however, compared to his step-mother’s reaction.

Just the thought of it made him felt nauseous.

He entered another room and saw more books, but the smell of ancient paper told him he was getting closer. A buzzing movement in his coat distracted him from his thoughts. Jae-Yeong swiped for the message, texted, and moved forward.

To say that Hwang Shin-Hye was furious was just an understatement.

If anyone could go beyond fury, she would be it.

The three brothers didn’t intend for her to find out by accident. The intern nurse was to blame for the spill of the news; he just went inside, thinking that she was Jae-Yeong’s biological mother. When she heard the news, she went ballistic.

She almost scratched the nurse with her sharp fingers. When he was gone, she almost went for Jae-Yeong. Fortunately, Tae-Won blocked her, insisting it was unfair for her to get mad at their eldest brother. She wanted to go after her husband, but her love for him was too overwhelming, the worst she gave him was a silent treatment.

Now was the right time to get away from his step-mother’s grudge.  Il-Sung had to book her an all-day spa treatment just to keep her cool.

The company still had problems; everything was still closing, but his brothers took the initiative to find out a solution.

“You’ll need some time out, hyung,” said Tae-Won, “We’ll deal with it for now.”

“Yeah, they can’t say anything bad about you right now,” added Il-Sung, “You’re not adopted after all.”

Nari’s family was still insisting on the marriage and occasionally sent e-mails to remind them about it.

But that wasn’t the one thing on his mind right now.

“Jae-Yeong!” came a sharp whisper.

Jae-Yeong looked for the voice and saw Ha-Jin waving at him from the nearest section. Immediately, he approached her and gave her a brief hug. She was the perfect person to bring in this search.

“I’ve browsed through the years already,” she told him, handing out three yearbooks, “I checked out the information Ji-Hyun. These years should match up.”

He looked at the stack of books, then at her.

Today, nothing else mattered.

He was going to find his mother.

--

(Two days ago)

“I want to know who my mother is.”

He said it so bluntly, but Ji-Hyun would understand. Anyone would.

“Of course you do,” said the presenter, “It’s only natural for you to want.”

Ji-Hyun rose from his study table and poured himself a glass of bourbon. He offered Jae-Yeong a glass but the latter refused, wanting to take this conversation sober. He knew himself; if he took one swig, it might not be the end of it.

“I know,” replied Jae-Yeong, “I just…hoped you could help.”

Jae-Yeong didn’t really expect the presenter to know much about his father’s college life. After all, he only met Hwang Kwang-Soo during their late twenties. Of course, if his father kept his first love a secret, Ji-Hyun wouldn’t know about it. But he just needed the extra support.

The presenter looked at him.

“I expected you to ask me about this,” began Ji-Hyun, “So, it’s only fortunate that I did my research.”

He surprised Jae-Yeong with a stack of files and folders from under his desk. Jae-Yeong’s eyes widened as his senior started perusing through them, like nothing happened.

“Did you just research on my father?”

Ji-Hyun smiled. “I’m very good at snooping,” he explained, “Especially if it involves the people I love the most.” He took out an aging photograph from the file and handed it to the eldest Hwang. Jae-Yeong approached the table and took the photo, staring at the face of his twenty-something father along with his twenty-something friends.

“That was taken during one of your father’s summer vacation trips,” said Ji-Hyun, then he handed another stack of photographs. Each one had the same group of people – his father and two of his friends. It was all strange to Jae-Yeong; his father rarely talked about his youth.

“Those are two of his closest college friends,” pointed out Ji-Hyun, “Park Gong Woo,” pointing at a gale looking youth, “And Ji Eun. From what I remember, your father talked about having two best friends at Korea University.”

“Okay, so how does this relate to my mother?”

“I did hear somewhere that one of his friends might have been the key to this ‘special girl’,” explained Ji-Hyun, “If I guess correctly, one of his friend’s sisters. Both Ji Eun and Gong Woo have sisters, so you’ll have to find out which sister is which. Gong Woo, however, passed away six years ago. It’s no wonder I remember him a bit – your father asked me to accompany him to a funeral and it was his.”

Hwang Kwang-Soo had attended countless funerals already, Jae-Yeong lost count.

“So, a sister of one of his friends probably introduced my mother to him?” concluded Jae-Yeong.

“Yes, you’ll have to figure out which one of them,” answered Ji-Hyun, “When you do, I think it’s pretty straightforward.”

Jae-Yeong gazed at the happy photos of his father’s youth. He wondered why Hwang Kwang-Soo never said anything about his college days; did his mother have a hand in it? It was only that time when he woke up did his father tell the story of his younger days. Jae-Yeong had never seen that face of longing before.

It was the voice of someone who missed a huge part of his life.

The knowledge of his mother being out there somewhere, however, distracted him from his father’s longing. Right now, what he wanted was to find this woman because he was sure it was one of the reasons why he came back.

Perhaps, the gods realized that he deserved the love of a mother in this lifetime.

--

“…your father’s probably somewhere here.”

Ha-Jin’s voice brought him back to his senses.

She was busy looking through the yearbooks for any signs or clues of her father’s friends and their sisters. Apart from the yearbooks, she also had her hand phone on standby in case they needed the internet for help.

She was taking this search way too seriously.

“What are we looking for again?” he asked her.

“The sisters,” she answered, “If we find clues about the sister, we’ll know which sister introduced your mother. Don’t worry, I’ve got my phone ready in case we needed to call someone.”

Jae-Yeong found himself mesmerized by her as she looked through the yearbooks and took down notes. She was just wearing a simple shirt and jeans and her hair tied in a ponytail that fell behind her back.

“This must be weird for you,” she said.

“Huh?”

She looked at him. “Realizing that you’re actually a biological child,” she said, “Finding out that maybe your mom is still out there.”

He started opening the yearbooks. “That’s true. I never really expected or thought about it. When they said I was adopted, it made sense,” he admitted, “My step mother wasn’t exactly much of a fan of me, so I finally understood. But this…this is really a surprise.”

Ha-Jin opened the alumni directory, searching by batch.

“You must be happy,” she said.

He sighed.

“I guess…I am?” he said, “I mean…I don’t know. I’m practically searching for a stranger here, but somehow, I sensed that a part of me wouldn’t be complete if I never met my mother. If I didn’t ask the questions…I’d live my life knowing I bypassed the chance to meet her.”

“Maybe that’s why you’re here again – to find your mother,” she said, “I know you weren’t in good terms with your mother before…and now, apparently.”

“I thought about that. Maybe it is.”

Ha-Jin touched his shoulder and continued looking at the yearbooks. He, on the other hand, gazed at her, appreciating the fact that she shared his sentiments.

Maybe his second life’s side purpose was to bring him back to his mother.

But he had to know who she was first before he came home. Looking at the stack of books, he knew it was going to be a long day, but he felt optimistic. Ha-Jin was here; he wasn’t alone and there was a possibility that he could meet his mother soon.

She didn’t know what to say, but she told herself to calm down. She didn’t have to say anything, anyway. He didn’t know.

Why was she so shaky inside?

Calm down, Go Ha-Jin. Calm down.

It has been approximately eight hours since the discovery.

She found herself running all the way here from where she came from. He told her not to say anything about it, but her tongue was itching to do so. He did warn her that saying something might jeopardize the plan, so bit her lip and held her cup of coffee tightly.

Was it possible to just drink the coffee now, burn her tongue, and be mute?

Still, the realization was priceless.

As she tried to compose herself, she mused over the fact that life could be unpleasantly humorous and coordinated at the same time. The past and the present, the reality of everything else. She didn’t know, however, how he would receive that piece of information.

There was no proof yet, but it was blatantly obvious.

She looked at him when he didn’t notice. Ha-Jin felt glad with the discovery, but she worried for him. Would he be alright with it?

Finally, he noticed her.

“Ha-Jin, noona,” said Ji-Woo, “Are you okay?”

He ran quickly, feeling his heart pounding wildly against his chest. His breathing was short, but he didn’t care. He had to resolve this as fast as he could.

He had been to three stops already and she was nowhere to be found. He asked countless people already and still, they could not find her. Why was it that whenever he needed someone, they just had to be gone?

There was still no proof but deep inside, he knew it made sense. That phone call was enough. That photo was enough.

Everything was enough.

But would she recognize him?

He was losing all hope when he still couldn’t find her. He knew that there was a chance of tomorrow, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He had to ask, she had to answer. He didn’t know how things would play out, but he didn’t mind.

He just wanted to know.

It’s been an hour of looking and running. He felt his legs giving up on him. Jae-Yeong figured that he could at least take a break; after all, five minutes won’t hurt. Plus, the room was nearby so maybe he could just sit down and think.

But he was so impatient already.

Sighing frustratedly, he went to Room 157C, expecting to see his brothers inside. He imagined them wondering what happened to him, where he’d been too, and why he looked so flushed. His step mother might be in as well, but that wasn’t what he wanted to see. She might kill him for all he knew.

He opened the door and went in.

None of his guesses were right, but he wasn’t alone in the room.

Standing beside his father’s unconscious figure was a woman who held his hand. She was staring at him and the look on her eyes reflected the exact same longing he had days ago – longing and regret. His presence notified her that she was not alone, which let her see him.

He didn’t know what to say.

She seemed surprise too, but judging from the look in her eyes, he knew she knew. She might not know about the search, but she knew the truth about him.

Nurse Lee Yoon-Ah probably knew that she was his mother.

--

A/N: Hey, it’s me again. I’m sorry it took a long time before I updated. A lot has happened: I started writing a Goblin fic (Sunny X Grim Reaper. Check here), I got promoted, and I’ve been watching kdramas. I’m interested in watching Samidang Lights because it has the same theme as SHR and Goblin, apparently. Let’s just hope it’s not a tragedy.

I guess there’s just something about fan fics ending that makes me write slower. I want every scene to make sense eventually, to be perfect. So please forgive this author-nim. I want to end with a bang <3

Tell me what you think!