SeolHyun's POV

I almost fall off the bed when Jooheon says hey to me. He is so going to think the wrong thing of this. 

"It's not what it looks like", I blurt out and Wonho's head snaps into my direction. Like he's hurt. 

"Sure it's not", he walks past us and grabs something from his messy side of the room. 

I turn with him and still feel Wonho's hot gaze on me. When is he going to stop that? I'm not looking at his on purpose. He knows that too. Which is probably why he gives up in the end. I see his hair move a little as he shakes his head. 

"I'll be gone in a second so you can continue whatever you were doing", Jooheon winks at us and I almost groan out loud. 

Jooheon gets what he came for and closes the door behind us again. I feel so aware of the boy sitting next to me on the bed, his gaze hasn't stopped boring holes into my face ever since Jooheon came in. I refuse to look at him, but in the end I have to make him stop staring. 

"What?" I ask him, a little laid back, or trying to be.

"What did it look like?" his eyes squint at me while I feel my heart beating loudly. 

"I'm lost." I'm sure there's a confused as look on my face. 

"You said, and I quote: 'It's not what it looks like.' I'm asking: 'What did it look like?'" I roll my eyes at him. Of course he has to make a big deal out of everything. 

"I'm a girl, in a guy's room, on his bed and we were holding hands", I gesture at the both of us and he just does this crooked smile he has. 

"So what? We're just friends", he tilts his head to the side, clearly amused. 

"You know that. I know that. Jooheon might get the wrong idea since he doesn't know that", I state and he just laughs it off. 

"He knows because I told him." 

I'm sure my face has gone from: annoyed-as- to what-the-actual-. He just laughs even more while I punch his arm. Which leads me to have an ache spreading down my arm. When did he get this strong? God, I miss Shin Hoseok, the person he used to be, so much. 

"You talk about me?" I'm still nursing my hand while he looks down at it too. 

"Of course I do. You're an important part of my life. And so is Monsta X. But at this stage only Jooheon knows because I always get home so late", his smile vanishes a little while he takes my hand in his. "Does this hurt?" he twists it to the side a little and I groan. "I'm taking that growl as a yes." He chuckles a little while getting the first aid kit from the kitchen and soon returning to me. 

"It's fine. You don't have to do that", I shake my head at him and start to pull back, creating some distance between the two of us. 

"You're hurt and I want to take care of you. Like I used to", he whispers and I'm transported back to an earlier time. Way back in the past. 

Flashback

"Seollie, are you alright?" Hoseok takes me in while letting me inside of his house. I don't even bother looking around and go straight to the roof, where we always sit. "Talk to me." He insists. 

"What do you want me to say?" Tears are welling up in my eyes and he sees. His arms are around me faster than a race car can hit you on a track. His hugs are warm and strong, they make you feel right at home. I cry into his shirt while his hand pats my back slowly. I wince at every touch. 

"Oh no", he breathes out and pulls back. I try not to look at him and instead I look at the sky. It's the only thing that can make me forget about a night like this. "Fresh bruises." He states and just stares at me. 

"They'll heal", I whisper and finally look at him again. His look is one of the saddest things I have ever seen. 

"That's not the point", he shakes his head and leaves me alone on the roof. I try to lay back, but I can't. It hurts to even move these days. The stars are the only things keeping me company now. I wonder what Hoseok is doing. "Here", he finally says while he closes the door behind him. 

In his hands is a first aid kit. He opens it and gets out some wipes and disinfectant. He puts some ointment on my bruises to make them heal better. It's not the first time we have gone through things like this. The cuts he treats with the disinfectant and seals them up with band aids. The band aids don't have animals on them anymore like they used to. We've outgrown those. 

"All new", he smiles and pulls back a little to look at me properly. 

"Why do you even bother taking care of me?" I ask, in complete disbelief. 

"Because you are my best friend. You're hurt and I want to take care of you." His statement is pure and so full of conviction that I can't do anything else but believe him. That's all it takes for me relax into another warm embrace. 

End of flashback

I shake my head furiously while I completely pull away. "Please don't." I beg of him and he looks at me more confused than ever. 

"Why not?" his voice cracks a little at the end. 

"I don't need someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself", I state and then get up from his bed. Having him this close makes it hard to think rationally. 

"I thought we were getting somewhere with our friendship", he sighs and closes the case again. 

"We are. Just not there, not yet. I'm not sure I can go there ever again", I sigh and grab my jacket from the chair where I hung it. "I have to go now." 

He doesn't stop me or walk me to the door. I say goodbye to Jooheon on my way out and close the door behind me. It takes me a while to find my way back to the dorms, but it's still light outside when I get there. The girls are inside and lively as ever. YeonA is the first to notice I'm back and almost flies over to me. 

"Where have you been? Out with.." she starts but I cover . 

"Don't you dare say his name", I almost growl, but she gets the message pretty quick. 

"Fine. Did you meet?" She's more casual now as she asks. 

"Yeah. We talked a little", I tell her, not lying at all. I'm just not telling her where we went, that's all. 

"Okay, did anything happen? You look upset about something", she's genuinely worried about my well being. 

"Just stressed out because of all we have left to do", I sigh and again it's not a lie. I'm always thinking of the debut first. Except for when Wonho invades my mind in mysterious ways. Like now for instance. 

"You're not alone", she reassures me and hugs me in the process. MiNa sees and comes over to hug us both. In the end we're all engulfed in a group hug while giggling. What would I be without these girls? My girls? We are going to have to spend a large  part of our lives together and I'm glad it's them who got chosen to be with me on this journey. 

"Thank you, I love you guys", I said with a big smile and they all giggled again. 

"Thank you, for taking care of us!" EunHa compliments and drags me into the kitchen. "I'll make dinner tonight, okay?" 

I'm kind of worried because we either always order in or I cook. Letting things go is not my strongest suit so I'll need to work on it. This is the perfect opportunity to do so and I try to relax. Half an hour later I can hear them struggling with the food. They've never cooking their entire lives, so now we're going to have to face the consequences of it all. EunHa shoots me an apologetic smile while she puts some burnt chicken on the table. I try not to chuckle since they all put so much work into it. In the they give up and grab the ordering pamphlets from the fridge

"What do we want tonight?" JiHee asks while flipping through them. 

"Nothing too greasy, the company told us to lose some more weight..." SooMi complains while sighing. I frown a little. 

"When did they tell you? When you were writing your rap?" I inquire and she nods. 

"They came in and told us we need a few more pounds lost before the debut..." her eyes are so sad because of all of us, SooMi is the one who likes to eat the most. 

"Oh, no! They are being ridiculous", I state and they all look up at me. Usually I'm the one to agree with the company because of all they've done for me. But this is no laughing matter for me. The girls are skinny as they are and don't need to lose another pound! "Don't listen to them." 

We order pizza, the biggest one we can get, just to piss them off. We'll probably regret it in the morning, but who cares anyways. Tonight it's about all of us, together. Not about the company or debuting, no it's about being friends. A family. One I never really had. 

"That reminds me, how did you learn to cook so well? Weren't you like 15 when you joined?" MiJin asked with a mouth full of cheese pizza. I stiffen a bit and then relax again. They are not here. 

"I used to cook all the time, learned at an early age", I say in a monotone voice. Talking about the past is still so hard for me, that's why they mostly don't ask any questions about it. I'll tell them in my own time. 

"Well, you're amazing at it", MiJin beams and I try to smile. I could think of some people who thought it was never enough. Shaking my head, I clean up the stuff on the floor and get rid of the boxes. Wonho hasn't texted me either. I think he's mad and hurt somehow. But of all people he needs to understand my need to be independent. I'm the only one I can trust, no one else. Even he left me when I needed him most. He's trying to make up for lost time, but it doesn't work that way, at all. It takes a lot of time for me to just adjust to Wonho being in my life again. He'll have to accept that. 

"I'm so full!" YeonA yells out and falls back onto our carpeted floor. She stares at the ceiling. "This dorm is way nicer than the last one." 

"I know right..." JiHee follows her lead and looks at the ceiling too. 

"They could've set us up here earlier", EunHa jokes and falls back too. 

In the end we just lie there like that. No one's talking, but we don't need to. The peace and quiet is something we never had in our other dorms. There was always someone making some kind of noise. This time we are able to just relax and think of nothing else. 

"Do you guys think fans will love us?" SooMi asks a little insecure. 

"Have you read the comments online?" MiNa asks while sitting up again. "They are pretty positive." 

I smile as I sit up too. She's right. The people are expecting us. Soon our trailers will be released and it's on. We'll have to compete against big groups and new groups. It'll be so hard, but worth it. 

"At least we have each other", MiJin sighs and we all hum in agreement. There is nothing else we need.