SeolHyun's POV

The girls have been very understanding and in a way it has brought us a lot closer than before. Wonho accepting me like this makes me want to open up to more people. Including my bandmates. They mean the world to me. Almost as much as Wonho. I know I'm holding on to him a bit too much, but I don't care. Wonho is the guy I want to spend a big portion of my life with. Wether people like it or not, we're together. 

The reason we're not telling people is because our careers would be over. I wouldn't be able to sing and dance like this anymore. We both know what it's like to be high on the fan chants of your fans. I don't ever want to lose that feeling, neither does Wonho. But we don't want to be separate either. It's so difficult to deal with right now. I'm sure all of Monsta X know about us by now. Wonho was bursting to tell them. My girls haven't said a lot about it, except for their support. They know it's hard for me to let people in. Especially MiNa. Somehow she's been taking this the hardest out of all the girls. I still wonder why. She doesn't talk to me like she used to, nor does she spend a lot of time around me. She's sticking around EunHa the most for the time being. I'm guessing she needs time to process this. 

"Girls, this is our last stage!" I call them over to the couch. We have been practicing our asses off for this last stage. Day and night. Every time we got off stage we used to practice our routine once more. All through the day you can find us dancing and singing. We've been spending a lot of time with the vocal coaches and they've been very supporting. Which doesn't leave a lot of time for me to meet up with my new boyfriend. He understands all too well. When this is over we're getting a few days off. And I intend to spend a lot of them around Wonho. 

"I'm actually sad", SooMi says with a little pout. Of course she would. Our main rapper is always so tough on stage, but like a little kid off stage. 

"It went by way too fast", JiHee joins in and sits down beside SooMi. In the end we're all sitting in a circle. It feels intimate somehow. We haven't been calm and collected like this for a while. Becoming a band is a whirlwind of things happening around you. Now the dust is finally settling and we all wish it could last longer. The madness is kind of appealing. 

"We'll just have to prepare extra hard for our comeback!" I encourage them. Some smiles seem to appear on their faces. They're feeling a bit more energised now. Which makes me feel better too. To be honest, I've been scared. I've been scared for fans not liking us, for me screwing up on stage, for the girls not being liked by anyone. And most of all: for it all being my fault we didn't succeed. This just proves that I really want the best for my girls. Now and always. They deserve as much. 

"We'll do that", finally MiNa says something in my presence again. She's been soo eerily quiet, it's been killing me. I send her a grateful smile while settling down. We've chosen our outfits ourselves this time. No cutesy high school uniforms or something, this time it'll be us. Like we really are. And we hope the fans will appreciate it. The effort we put into things. 

"Let's go", I say while getting up and taking some of their hands to help them. It'll be a long day, but I'm sure it'll be over way too soon when we get there. It's always like that. Filming takes such a long time, but it's always over too soon. 

The car comes up front and our manager leads us inside. It doesn't take long for us to be on our way. There'll be a lot of people in the studio again since there have been several comeback stages and a few debuts too. I remember how we were a few weeks ago. Now it just seems so normal. The most normal thing to do. But we can't forget how special it all is. 

"Are you excited for our break?" MiJin asks YeonA in the back. I'm right in front of them. 

"It's the first one we've had in all our trainee years, of course I am! What are you going to do?" Her voice sounds so bright, just the way she is. 

"I think I'll go home for those few days. It's been over a year since I've been able to see my parents. And my little brother of course. But he won't be so little anymore, will he?" She jokes a bit to herself. "You?" 

"I think I'll do the same. My big sister has been calling me and asking me to come home sometime. We used to be so close", YeonA gets a bit sad at this point. It all makes me think too. They all have a home to go to, but I don't. I don't ever want to see those people again. What if they keep me there? What if they just claim I went missing and really kill me? I can't think of that at all. They creep me out. The last looks they gave me were out of pure hatred. Telling me to never come see them again. 

It makes me sad to think I have no home whatsoever. Wonho is the only type of home I've ever known, but he's just a person and not a place. There's no house that holds special memories for me. No grandparents that used to take me out for food or a walk in the park. I have absolutely nothing to go back to. 

"Why are you looking like that?" MiNa asks me a little more hushed. The girls have switched to another topic behind me. 

"I was just thinking of what to do during our days off", it's not even a lie. 

"Aren't you going home too?" She asks with caution. It's always been a sore spot for me to talk about and she knows it. The fact that she even dares going there proves that our dynamic is changing. 

"I don't have a home", I admit and MiNa takes my hand in hers. 

"Your home is with us", she reassures me and I'm almost in tears. This is the nicest thing a person, besides Wonho, has ever said to me. And I kind of feel like that too. They make me feel like they're taking me in as a part of their family. 

"I'm sorry", I say, sniffing a little to hold back the tears that are already welling up in my eye sockets. 

"For what?" she seems a bit confused. 

"For whatever I did to make you angry", I say while wiping my eyes. 

"Sweetie, I wasn't mad. At all. I was just disappointed I guess," MiNa admits to it. She turns her head away to look out of the window. "We've been friends for a while now and I've never been able to get you to open up about anything. I used to think you would open up on your own time, but you didn't. And then Wonho comes around and makes you spill everything. He puts your world upside down and you even like it. It's weird, but I was kind of jealous." 

The confession strikes me in the heart. It sends a pang of pain down my veins as I squeeze her hand. Her explanation really is valid. I've never once told her anything and I tell Wonho everything now. I would feel the same way if I had been her. 

"I'm sorry. I'll tell you everything in a little while. It's just that Wonho already knew a big part of it all and he was there to witness it too. I have trouble opening up, but this thing with Wonho is making me wanting to open up. To you guys. And if I ever tell anyone else, it'll be you. Promise", I tell her while leaning over to rest my head on her shoulder. She's been here for me like a sister and I won't ever forget that. 

"You better", she jokes and makes me thing that we're in the clear now. I'm relieved to see how fast we can resolve things between the two of us. It just shows how strong our friendship really is. 

The car arrives at the broadcasting station and we get out. There are a few reporters standing outside and they take our pictures as we walk out. Some fans our waiting for us too. They're holding up signs telling us to do well on our last performance. I make the girls stop in front of this group of mixed gender fans. 

"Hello everyone! Our name is: Hugs&Kisses! Nice to see you!" We all bow as I do our little intro. The people in the crowd smile at us and bow a little too. They're really friendly. "Thank you for your support! We'll go all out today." I promise them something they can really count on. We've been living up to this point for the past week. We're doing an extra song from our album, written for someone special. In this case it's for our fans, who've been supporting us from day one. 

We say goodbye and go inside after a few glares from our manager. He's so careful these days. He doesn't want to make a mistake, ever. Which is why he takes even better care of us now than he used to. He makes sure we have food and drinks, always. Next to that we get good spots on the show and we get to choose our own outfits, which was a real must for me. Never again will I wear something so cliché again. Although it did give me a chance with Wonho. I smile while thinking about that day again. 

"Let's go on stage for the last time!" Our manager calls us out and we all bow and put our hands together. 

"On the count of three", I say. "One, two, three! We're the best!" We all say that last one together and smile. Our friendship has grown so much since the first day we met. We go on stage and greet the fans first. After a few questions we prepare to do our first song. It all goes smoothly while performing the choreo. We finish up and then sit down on some chairs. The last song is a ballad, written by all of us. We want the fans to know it's for all of them. I pour all of my emotions into my singing and hope they understand. Without them, there would be no me. And that would just . 

That song ends too, we're all crying and I see some of the fans do the same. We say goodbye to them for the last time and we're off. It's all so emotional, I need a minute. "I'm going outside for a second." 

I walk outside and find some stairs to sit on while looking at the sky. It still unnerves me and settles me down in a weird kind of way. I feel at ease when I look at them. 

"Still looking at the stars to calm down?" A familiar voice says and a smile creeps onto my face. I have no idea of how he even got in, but it doesn't matter. He's standing in front of me with a large bouquet of flowers and the smile I love so much. I get up and walk over to him. 

"The memory of us looking at them calms me down", I admit and take the flowers. "Thank you." 

"Nothing is too much for my girlfriend", he says it with such pride that it makes my heart blossom. 

"You're an idiot", I proclaim and he puts one arm around my waist to pull me into his chest. 

"Your idiot", he tells me right before his lips come crashing down on mine. And I realise he really is all mine.