SeolHyun's POV

This morning is extra hard. It's the morning of my D-day. The day I'll confront my mother with the letter I wrote this night. And I can't wait until it's over and done with. That way I'll never have to see her again and my healing process can really begin. 

Wonho is still asleep on the bed while I'm sitting in a chair, looking out over the landscape of houses packed together. There is something about this scenery that makes you want to think about earlier times, about the times when everything was alright. Except that for me, there are no such times. I've lived inside this bubble of fear all my life, there hasn't been a single day that I haven't been scared and scarred from all the things she did to me. 

After today I hope all of that will change. Finally, I'll be able to start a life for myself. To build my career and maybe even be happy with Wonho. I deserve as much as that. She won't be able to rob that away from me. Wonho is the only constant thing in my life, the only one standing by my side as I try to recover from all of the wounds that were inflicted on me. 

"Stop staring out of that window," I hear him groan from the bed. I shift my gaze over to him as a small smile forms on my lips. His eyes meet mine and he instantly smiles too. "Have you been up long?" 

"For a while", more like the whole night, but I won't tell him that. He doesn't need to worry even more about me. 

"You should've woken me up", he accuses me and shifts to the side of the bed. He then gets up and walks over, pulling me up for a hug. He hasn't kissed me ever since it all went down with my mom, but I'm sure it's because he doesn't want to push me into anything. 

"You were so cute when you were asleep. It would've been such a waste", I muse against his chest as his strong arms encircle me. It's my little safe place. 

"I am not cute", I can hear the pout forming on his lips. He is cute, whatever he says or thinks. I know Wonho wants to be y and appealing, but this is just something he can't escape. He is naturally cute most of the time. 

"Fine", I laugh and pull back a little to see his face. There is the pout I was talking about. It's always present in these kind of situations. I shake my head at him and he kisses my forehead. 

"Are you ready?" his question isn't really surprising. We both know what has to happen today. There is no point in denying it. 

"I don't think I'll ever be ready", I say in a hushed voice. It's true. I'll never be ready for this thing, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have to happen. The sooner we're done with this, the sooner I can go home. My real life is waiting for me there. 

Wonho simply nods and kisses me nose. He seems in a kissing mood and I lift my head a little so he can kiss my lips. I'm so done with the chaste kisses along my face, I want a real kiss for once. He gets the hint and leans down, painfully slow if you ask me. It's like he's asking me for permission to kiss me. That's it. I've had it with this taking it slow. I close the distance between our lips and connect them in a firm kiss. Wonho seems shocked at first but gives in really quickly. His arms are still around me and pull me in closer against his chest as our lips move in sync. The world around us seems to disappear and all I can think about is Wonho and his body against mine. This is what I needed all along, to forget about everything. And Wonho is the best means to an end. One of his hands travels up my back and entangles itself with my hair as we keep on kissing. His lips open slightly and mine do the same. It's as if my body has a will of its own and responds to everything he does. 

His breath mixes in with mine and I honestly can't tell where I end and he begins. Our tongues play together as the kiss deepens. Our bodies are moving together too, stumbling back onto the bed. I'm on top of Wonho as his remaining hand rests just above the small of my back. He doesn't dare go any lower or we'll both lose our self-control. We break apart, foreheads leaning against each other and both panting like crazy. I'm trying to catch my breath. 

Wonho has a huge smile on his face while we both lie there, with heaving chests. I smile too, because it was just what I needed. This kiss was more than I actually needed, but it makes me feel so good inside. The butterflies in my stomach make me feel like I can face the whole world at once. There is nothing more liberating in this world than Wonho's kiss. 

"I take it you liked that?" Wonho chuckles as he looks at my face. It must've given away how I feel about this. 

"How could you tell?" I ask with a slight giggle. I feel giddy. 

"I don't know", he laughs and then shifts a little underneath me. We need to get going, I know this much, but I don't want to anymore. The euphoric feeling has ebbed away and I'm a nervous wreck again. How fast things can change. "Come on, don't be so scared. I'll be there and so will doctor Kim." 

That kind of is a reassurance because they both play a pretty supporting role in my life. They'll step in when needed. Wonho may be a bit more rash than doctor Kim, but I can count on both of them. "Come on." I get up and change into jeans and a cardigan before slipping into my Adidas shoes. Wonho gets into a black shirt and black skinny jeans too. We're both out of the door quickly, down the hall to doctor Kim. He stayed here too since it's the only hotel in town. He opens the door in mere seconds and is ready to go. He had a feeling we would be coming. 

The ride over to their house is nerve wrecking. I feel like I'm going to throw up any minute now. Every mile that passes makes me sicker than before. I haven't eaten anything today, but I can just feel it coming up again. Wonho actually has to stop at some point to let me out of the car. I hit the side of the road hard as my entire stomach comes out in one time. There isn't much to see, but still. Wonho gets out of the car and pats my back slowly, rubbing circles with his thumb to calm me down. Doctor Kim tells me this is all normal. It's a normal reaction for someone to have. It's the nerves. 

We get back into the car while I chew some gum to get a fresh breath. My letter is in my hands, but I know it by heart already. The words are etched inside my brain as I try to repeat them over and over again. They need to give me the strength to face her. This needs to end today. 

The car stops in front of their house. It still looks like a dead place, it always has. Wonho's home always looked so peaceful and homey. This place just looks like death. There is absolutely nothing appealing about it. No one in the neighbourhood even comes near it. They avoid it at all costs. That's probably why they ignored my abuse for all this time. Wonho comes over to my side to open up the door. My hand slips into his as we step up to the front door. They're probably home, they always are. It's the first time in 5 years that I'm going to set foot in this house. In this cage. 

Doctor Kim knocks on the door for me and we wait. The door opens after a few moments and she is face to face with me. She stares at Wonho and me for a second. I don't shy away from her gaze like I did at the hotel. She has no power over me, is what I think. Wonho tries to step in front of me, protect me, but I won't let him. This is something I have to do for myself. 

"So you came running back?" she asks me, grinning, splitting her ugly face in half. 

"I have something to tell you", I say, trying to keep my voice even. 

"And what is that?" she eyes me from head to toe. I'm kind of shivering under her gaze, but shake it off. She won't break me, not today. 

"Let's go inside first", I comment and push my way inside. The smells and light hit me like nothing has hit me before. The memories come flooding back. All the times I screamed and begged for them to not hit me. The times I tried to get something decent to eat and not just scraps of what they left me. It all hits me so hard that I forget how to function for a second. My feet won't move as I stand in the hallway of the house I used to live in. Wonho then brings me back to the present and leads the way for me. He has only been to my place once, to look for me.  It was a long time ago, so I didn't expect him to know where the living room was. But he remembers. He's smarter than people give him credit for. 

"So what is it you want to say so badly?" She's mocking me again as she slumps down in her chair. The same damn chair as 5 years ago. 

I draw out the letter I wrote for her, placing it in front of me to read it. Then she starts laughing, a shrill laugh that resonates in your bones. It sends shivers down my spine. 

"You need to read it to me?" she says in between fits of laughter. I shake my head, trying not to let her get to me like this. This is what she wants. Doctor Kim shifts behind me as I let go of Wonho's hand. I need to be strong. 

"I don't need it because I know perfectly well what to say to you. You have messed with me for the last time", I start saying. She tries to interrupt me but I keep on talking. I say everything that's in the letter, word for word without even looking at it. She just sits there, lifeless, as she listens for the first time in both her life and mine. She's never ever listened to anything I had to say before, but now she does. The words come flooding out, but there is no kind of emotion on her face. It's as if she isn't moved by it at all.

Behind me I feel Wonho shifting closer to me for support. He's afraid I'll collapse when it's all done. And I'm afraid I will too. This is taking so much of my energy, everything I have. By the time I'm finished there is nothing left of me. I've laid everything I have out there, bare for anyone to see and I must say it feels good. It feels good to have said everything that needed to be said over the course of so many years. There's this big weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. I can finally start breathing again. 

"Is that all?" she asks me in the end. Wonho is furious beside me and I can't exactly blame him for any of it. She's making me mad too. Did she really just ask me that? 

"I don't care what you think anymore", is my plain response as I turn my back to her. 

"You'll never be rid of me", she says behind me but I don't grant her the satisfaction of turning around again. 

"Whatever you say", I proclaim and make my way to the door. There is really nothing more for me to say about any of it. Everything has been said and all my feelings have been voiced. This is over and done with. I will now begin with moving on.