Chapter 5

With and Without Oh Sehun

I nearly stumbled onto the wall and managed to pick myself back up when my vision became clear again. I had a minor headache and the roaring hunger in my stomach was having no mercy and certainly not making things any better. I thought my stomach had accustom to not eating lunch anymore and waiting until I got home to stuff myself, but I guess not. I didn't want to go to the cafeteria since that's where he most likely was, and I really wasn't ready to hear about what people had to say about me storming out of class this morning like an idiot. So if I had to choose between starving or hearing words be said about me and seeing his face, then the answer should be obvious. 

I peeked my head around the corner just to make sure that he wasn't there before making my way to my locker. For once I was glad that my locker was part of the side of school where not a lot of people went to. I guess I could be staying here for now on unless I find a better place which I haven't yet and don't think I ever will. And oh, you might be wondering what happened to me by the time I got back to class. Thankfully it was already lunch time and my teacher was understanding about my "headache" and not feeling well, which I think was karma because I sure as heck felt like sh*t now. 

I opened my locker and began to stuff my books in there that's been taking space in my backpack. And here we go again. SeRene. I wanted to just destroy myself for constantly thinking about these things that were negatively affecting me, but I couldn't help it. Out of all people, why her? I mean I knew we were going to have to move on some day (although I didn't expect it to be this soon), but why her? I just couldn't understand. I'd prefer him to be with anybody but her, whether it be those crazy girls who's had the longest crush on him or an old lady (Disgusting. I know. But you know what I mean). I just really didn't like her at all. 

Just then, my ears winced to the sound of footsteps brushing against the tile floor. And I don't know how I do this, but I knew right away that it was him. It was as if he just has this atmosphere and energy around him whenever he comes around that I could sense. I began to hastily put my things away in order to leave. If I knew that he was going to show up then I wouldn't have taken my time or even come here in the first place! I really just wasn't in the mood to see his face or be anywhere near him right now. 

Putting the last of my notebook in the locker, I quickly grabbed the locker door and slammed it shut... Until I let out a screech of pain as the locker door came flying back out again. I dropped down to my knees in agony as I wrapped my hand around my finger that was held close to my chest. Way to go Han Areum you stupid idiot! I clenched my teeth together as I tried my best to hold in the pain... Completely forgetting about the other thing. 

"You okay?" 

It was as if the pain disappeared and was never there the moment I realized who or what caused me to slam my finger in the first place was still here. I slid my left hand to my side as I stood up and properly closed my locker this time. I didn't care to answer his question or even look at him. Now he wants to act like he cares? I really wasn't in the mood. I then picked up my backpack from the ground and put it over my shoulder before walking the opposite direction. However... 

"You know just because we're no longer together doesn't mean we can't be friends."

I stopped in my track as I thought about his words and how ridiculous it sounded. Friends? He thinks we can just act like there was never anything in between us and our 3 almost 4 year relationship never happened, and we can just be friends? Does he hear himself right now? A sense of anger was starting to pick up in me when I felt like his words was out of pity and not sincerity. His ex-girlfriend was still crying and heartbroken over their breakup, and reassuring her that they can still be friends will definitely make her feel better! Yeah you wish. 

"I'm good." I replied without ever taking a look at him. It was really best if I didn't turn to look at him and this conversation didn't continue. However, he didn't seem to understand that.

"Look Areum. I'm sorry-"

Again with the "I'm sorry". I turned to face him this time because of the little patience I had left. "I think there's one thing you don't understand about after a relationship Sehun. There's no such thing as being friends."

He seemed to be baffled by my response, but it was the truth. There is no such thing as being friends after a relationship. It's something that all people who goes into a relationship understand and is well aware of. I guess to Sehun it's totally something new and unheard of. And plus, he expects us to be friends with the way he is so carefree and enjoying his life while I'm still trying to get used to all of this? 

Just then, the anger and disbelief that was starting to pick up in me began to die down when I noticed something odd about him that caused me to raise an eyebrow in confusion. Where was he staring at? Because he sure as heck wasn't staring at me. His eyes was wide open and hasn't moved at all and was completely concentrated on something below my waist. And I wasn't sure if it was my headache and hunger that was causing me to sort of be out of it, but there was something unsettling in his eyes... 

He quivered his mouth open and raised his trembling hand to point at something near me, but nothing other than stutter came out from his mouth. I looked down to see what was causing him to act unusual all of a sudden, until I finally realized what it was. 

Strolling down my index finger and dripping down onto the ground was my thick red blood. And for some reason, I have just come to realize the pain from it again that I forgot after slamming it. I shifted my eyes back up to look at Sehun and saw that his eyes and lips and hands were trembling with anxiety and fear. His breathing picking up even more. 

I brushed my bleeding finger on my skirt before hiding it behind me where it was out of his sight, and brought my eyes to look at him again. "I wish you and Irene the best." I then left the trembling and frightened Sehun where he was as I turned around to walk away. His fear of blood was no longer my concern.


I entered the house and immediately ran up the stairs before my mom could catch me and start a conversation. Thankfully she was still on the phone for some business talk while my dad was casually laying back on the couch with his feet on the coffee table. After safely making it into my room as if I just ran through a war that was taking place in my own home, I dropped my backpack onto the ground and buried my face into my pillow.

When thinking back to how I broke down just a few hours ago in front of everybody, I just wanted to place myself in a hole and never come out. I was still hurt but was it really necessary for me to cause a whole scene in front of the class and hide myself in the restroom that the class president had to tell me to come out? I still wondered how he knew that I was in that particular restroom since it wasn't those ones where a lot of girls went to. And how awkward must he have felt to have no choice but to enter a girl's restroom because it was his job to make sure his classmates didn't skip class. 

I turned around and laid flat on my bed with my arm rested behind my head while looking up at the white ceiling. It wasn't working again. My mind wasn't filled with ease and calmness like I have hoped to find after spending a long and torturous day at school. People were still staring because I gave them yet another reason to. As hard as I was trying to block out their words and whispers, it didn't seem to work this time because now their repetitive words of "why did she run out like that" or "she overreacted" was all that I could hear in my mind.

Yet there was another side of me where I just wanted to place them in my shoes and see how they would handle the situation of finding out that their ex-boyfriend who they still very much like and cannot forget has already moved on. I gave myself a mind of reassurance that it wasn't my fault for acting that way since I wasn't prepared or expecting it at all. It just hit me like a curveball and I didn't see it coming. 

And before I could even control what comes next in my mind, an image of his petrified and terrorized eyes flashed before my eyes. The rest of my day at school could have been worst if I had to be stuck in the same room with that jerk and hear constant blabbers about his new girl. But I didn't hear any of that because he didn't show up to class after that encounter with him during lunch. And now I couldn't help but feel a horrible sense of guilt for leaving him in fear when he saw blood streaming down my finger that I idiocticly slammed.

Sure I cried a handful today because of him and it was his fault that my finger was bleeding in the first place, but still, I wouldn't want someone to leave my side if I was facing my greatest fear. The fear and plead for help in his trembling eyes was all that I could think of and now I felt like I was the bad one here. I was filled with so much guilt and regret and concern for that jerk that I even thought about calling him to check up on how he was doing or if he was okay. Knowing from experience, his fear of flood was no joke and something not to be taken lightly.

However, it didn't take long for me to think about his new girlfriend and that she could take care of him. After all, it wasn't my place to take care of his phobia anymore but rather hers now. I then decided to snap out of it by distracting myself with the fact that he deserved it for causing me to make a fool out of myself. I brought my focus back to the white ceiling where I was slowly able to find a sense of calmness.

... But next thing you know before I could even realize or process what I was doing, I was now sitting up at the edge of my bed with my phone held next to my ear. The guilt got the best of me. Damn it Han Areum. It really wasn't needed nor necessary to check up on him! He wasn't a little child anymore and was more than capable of taking care of himself! But I was just so worried and couldn't stop thinking about the time when I first learned about his phobia a few years ago. I was just as traumatized as he was when he was sitting on the ground with a bloody knee and shaking in fear. It wasn't that I was scared of the blood, but the way he was breathing so fast and his whole body was trembling and he was literally going into panic mode, I could not help but feel scare too. The look in his eyes today was no different than the look in his eyes that very day. 

I began to anxiously pace back and forth in my room while nervously chewing on my nail (a bad habit of mine since childhood). It was still ringing and I was ready to explode because of how long he was taking to pick up. I then wondered if this was the right thing to do since we were no longer together and he might get the wrong idea. But again, I had to. I couldn't rely on his girlfriend to take care of him since I had no idea where she was or what was up with her missing school for a few days now. And plus, she probably doesn't even know about this phobia of his nor know how to handle it. 

And before I could question myself any further, the ringing finally stopped and I was brought to the voice mail. A heave of relief came out yet there was disappointment somewhere in there too. I was relief to not have to explain to him why I called to check up on him, but it only made me more anxious to know how he was doing. The fact that he didn't pick up the call was quite worrying. Was he okay? 

I then thought if I should call him again just because he might have missed my call. I even thought as far as going to his house to check up on him! That's how worried and horrible I felt about abandoning him like that.

A sudden thought then crossed my mind and hit me pretty hard. What if things were reversed and I was the one trembling in fear? What would he have done? Would he have comforted me and reassured me that everything was okay? Or would he have just walked away like I did today? I know that I'm the one who sounds like a jerk right now, but I'm more than worried about him and want to know about his condition and if he was okay. But if it was Sehun and he did walk away, would he have also felt guilty and regretful and be checking on me? I didn't seem to know the answer and I rather preferred it to be that way. That question could only be answered depending on which Oh Sehun I was talking about. The one whose eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me or the one who threw everything away and seemed fine? 

I decided to not think any further and allow my mind to rest. It really felt like it was overloading on too much thoughts and it could literally explode any second now. I then forced myself out of bed and went downstairs to grab some snacks to fulfill my stomach that's been going through so much lately. I decided to also carry a light conversation with my parents just because I preferred to speak and answer rather than torture myself with guilt that I can't bare with. 

 

~End of Chapter 5~

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.