Chapter 4

With and Without Oh Sehun

"You're coming to my house party tomorrow right?" Chanyeol asked. 
"Yeah I'll be there," Sehun replied. 

House party? Since when did Sehun start going to parties? This thought and question was the only thing that I could think of throughout the course of the day. Even laying in my bed and staring up at the ceiling was not providing me with a sense of ease and calmness that I had hoped for. I didn't want to believe it or even think about it, but has Sehun turned into a different person? The Sehun I knew always dedicated his time to family, friends, school, volleyball, (and me). I don't recall any time for parties since he never seemed to be that kind of person, or mainly because I wouldn't allow him to be.

It's not like I was those controlling and overprotective girlfriend who was always up on their boyfriend's a*s and provided them with no freedom. I allowed Sehun to go do his own things while I did my own because I felt like it was needed in a relationship. We didn't need to be together all the time, but I also made sure to keep him on track on school and his priorities. 

So this whole idea of Sehun going to a party was new and a surprise to me. We were no longer together but I kept having this urge in me to tell him to focus on his studies and volleyball. But that wasn't my place anymore and it kind of hurted.

The only thing different about the next day of school was that it was a Friday and there was a 2 day break after. Other than that, everything was the same. The news about the breakup was still spreading around and reaching people for the first time, and it was seen as a big shocking news. I guess you can say that the "star" couple that's been together for almost 4 years was finally over which people didn't expect. But of course, some girls saw this as a chance to go after my ex-boyfriend who they have been secretly crushing on for a while now- the same girls who thought that Sehun was "too good" for me and would always roll their eyes whenever Sehun wasn't around. But I guess I could somewhat understand why they felt this way since Sehun was more on the popular side while I was just an average and quiet girl. 

Along with that, I tried my best to avoid the places that I thought Sehun would be at. I'd spend my break and lunch alone in front of my locker whenever I was sure that he wouldn't be there, or in the restroom. I was still trying to find a good place to keep myself at where there was preferably nobody else around. 

When the weekend finally hit, I did nothing much but trap myself in my room where I felt the safest and can breathe with ease. My mom did suggest that we go shopping, but I was afraid that we would run into him even though it was highly unlikely. He wasn't the type to go shopping but I just didn't want to risk it. 

I was still hurt and trying to recover at the same time, but it got to a point where I realized that I needed to do something to keep myself distracted. And what better way to keep yourself emotionally distracted than to fill yourself with a bucket of vanilla icecream while watching Korean dramas. Genuis right? But no matter how good looking Song Joongki was and how much he made my heart thump, I couldn't stop thinking about two things. 

Whose voice was that during the phone call with Sehun? And what was he doing at the party? Did he really go after all? Was he having the time of his life because he was finally free? Was he getting wasted like every other typical teenager these days? And yet here I was being a big hypocrite- hating him with every one of my guts but still thinking about him nonstop and his well being. I really needed to get myself together and make clear of what my true feelings were towards him. 

But before I knew it, it was as if the weekend passed by in a flash and never happened. The first thing I did when I got to school on Monday was slump over on my desk. I decided to skip out on going to my locker just because I didn't want to take the chance of seeing his face. And once again, the whispers were still going around non-stop as if it made me feel any better. I guess at this point the whole school's heard about the news. 

However, there was something new that I heard for the first time while sitting in my seat and eavesdropping on my classmate's conversation. Does it count as eavesdropping if they're literally screaming their words out loud that even people from across the world could hear? The popular kids were blabbering about the party which I'm assuming was Chanyeol's house party that Sehun was invited to and probably attended. The simplest way to describe the party according to these kids was that it was "lit" and "poppin" which I could not help but snicker to myself because of their usage of words. They should really update their vocabulary. 

I decided to drain out their voices because of how annoyed I was becoming with their constant talk about the party which I'm sure wasn't all that like they said it was. I turned to face the window which I was glad to sit next to because of the view outside instead of having to only look at these pesky people. I guess the only positive thing I got from this break up was getting better at blocking out the unnecessary and irrelevant stuff. However, of course that wasn't possible if someone was screaming at the top of their lungs in which someone just did. 

"ATTENTION EVERYBODY! WE HAVE A NEW COUPLE!" Baekhyun screamed. 

I rolled my eyes and continued to stare out the window. Never have I ever wanted to punch someone in the jaw so bad for screaming so loud, especially if it was not even anything serious or significant to me. New couple? Who cares! 

"Speaking of the devil," Baekhyun continued which I assumed caused everybody to turn and shift their chairs towards the door and "devil" who had just walked in. 

Really Byun Baekhyun. Just learn to shut your mouth for once-

"What should be your couple name? SeRene? HuNe? I think I like SeRene better!"

Se.... Rene? Se... As in...? No, that can't be. He would never-

"You weren't out of it when you asked her out right? Especially with how you couldn't even speak properly or open your eyes." Baekhyun teased. I then heard a familiar chuckle and for whatever reason, I was able to connect it to the person who I knew was the owner of it. An image of the way his eyes lit up whenever he smiled then flashed before my eyes. 

With no more patience left in me because of the great amount of curiosity and denial I was in, I turned my head to look at this Se-devil that was currently the center of attention. And it was at that moment when I realized that I should have gone to my locker instead. 

A sudden rush of emotion began to pick up in me as I bit down on my lips and tried to not lose it. My hands trembling and my mouth quivering with a sob that wanted to escape. I was at the breaking point of bursting and bawling without a care in the world. I felt so hurt, betrayed, angry, broken, confused, embarrassed, and pathetic all at the same time. One side of me wanted to be strong, another wanted to let everything out, while the last wanted to give him a good punch to the face for doing this to me. And as if things couldn't get any worst, the room went quiet and it wasn't the good quiet that I liked. I can feel everybody's eyes on me and some of them were full of pity while others were satisfied with what they were seeing because I deserved it. What exactly did I do to deserve this?! 

I then stood up from my seat and stormed out of the room with my bangs covering my tearful and red face. I was so distraught and upset by this point that I didn't care about how pathetic I looked.

As I was making my way out of the room, the corner of my eyes caught a slight movement of the devil's head that watched me walk out. 

It wasn't even 2 months ago where we were named as SeUm. But now here he was with another name- SeRene.


I covered my mouth and shut my eyes tightly whenever the door squeaked its way open and footsteps entered and chatters were heard. I felt like I was suffocating as I tried to not let out a whimper before they could leave the place that I was in. A deep breath was exhaled when the door shut and I confirmed the silence with my ears. Not even a second after doing this did I allow the tears to run down my cheeks and drip down from my chin and drench my shirt again. I was well aware of how foolish and woeful I looked after storming out of the classroom after finding out that my ex-boyfriend had already moved on. But I couldn't help it because of the sudden rush of emotions that overcame me before I could even realize it.

I was struck with so many questions and anger as I thought about what happened about half an hour ago. I still couldn't nor will I ever understand how a person can be so inhumane and move on so fast. How was he able to let go of everything we ever had in order to create the same memories with another person? How was he able to move on so fast and give another person his attention and love when I was still dying for his?

At this point, I didn't know what to do with myself anymore and how to deal with everything. I felt so wounded and distressed and devastated while the person who was causing this to me was doing just fine. Another river of tears flowed down from my eyes as I thought about how happy I was when we were still together and how I was the only person that he ever wanted. I even started to feel a sense of pity for the girl from the past who was not aware of how miserable she was going to be when the time of going separate ways finally came. I wanted to just tell her to hold onto his hands tightly and cherish his cheesy smiles and the way he looks at you with admiration because they were not going to be hers forever.

My chest was now tightened and beating with pain as I allowed myself to be torture like this. But I couldn't help it. I loved him, and yes, love. Because that's how I really felt towards him right now. I know that 10 years from now I was going to look back at this and feel stupid and embarrassed for using such a strong word at such a young age towards a man who doesn't even give a damn about me. But 10 years was still a long way to go and I was still a young and foolish high school student who doesn't have a complete understanding of the word, and how and when it should be used. So yes, I loved him.

A small sense of thankfulness and gratitude entered me when my mind was distracted momentarily and I had to force back my tears. I remained scrunched up at the corner of the restroom stall that I've been in for a while now as the door squeaked open and footsteps entered. I laid my head back on the stall to use this as a chance to calm myself down again and allow my head and eyes to breathe and rest before the owner of these footsteps could leave. However . . .My heart began to beat fast and a flinch of startle came upon me when there was a knocking on my restroom door.

Why was this person knocking on my stall door for? I sure as heck know that the other stalls were not occupied. I remained still and quiet with the thought that she'll move on and go away if I didn't reply back. However, she did not and the knocking only continued.

By this point I was starting to become a little annoyed with the constant knocking especially since I wasn't in the brightest mood and there was still a part of me that wanted to cry. I was ready to swing the door open and give a piece of my mind to this bastard that was still knocking. If I saw through the mirrors that the other restroom stalls were still open and unoccupied then I don't know what I might just do-

"Areum-shi."

My heart jumped as the voice rang through my ears. Cold sweat began to form in my body as I remained still without breathing the slightest bit. Why was this person in here? Hundreds of images of people's face began to flash in my mind as I tried to connect the voice to who it could possibly belong to. But even so, this person had no right to be in here and I felt like my sense of privacy and space was violated.

"I'm going to need you to come out now. You cannot stay in there forever," continued the low and thick and calm voice.

My eyes then opened wide in shock when I realized who was the owner of this voice. "Ye-yes. Just a moment," I stuttered. I struggled to get up with the fuzziness in my leg due to the fact that I was sitting down for a while now in the scrunched up corner of the stall. "Can you please wait outside? After all you shouldn't really be in here," my shaky voice continued.

I let out a breath of relief the moment the door shut and I was sure that the person was no longer there. But just to be safe, I peeked my head outside the stall door before allowing my body to fully exit from the smelly pothole that I hid myself in, which surprisingly enough provided me a sense of security and comfort. I began to splash water on my face as I stared at myself in the mirror. As expected. I looked tired and my eyes were bloated.

I then exhaled a deep breath and closed my eyes as a way to calm myself down before entering the place of hell again. I was filled with so much anxiety that I was scared my leg could collapse on me any minute now and I would go back to crying. But I decided to squeeze my hand tightly and bite down my lips and be strong. Crying all day wasn't going to do me any good as much as I wanted to. With one last exhale and word of encouragement to myself, I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened it in order to leave my safezone.

But before I could even fully exit the restroom, I saw a figure who was leaning against the wall right next to the door stand up straight and uncross his arms before turning to face me. My body turned to face him but my eyes remained on the ground. I felt a little embarrassed to be honest that someone like him had to tell me to come out from the restroom. I don't even know how he knew that I was in that exact restroom and stall. But what else did I expect from the class president, Do Kyungsoo.

"Let's go," he said as he turned around and began to walk.

"Am I in trouble...?" I mumbled. "I wasn't feeling well so that's why I-"

"It's not my business to know why you skipped class. You could save it for the teacher. I'm just here to make sure that you return to class."

I then swallowed my words as I watched his back that was still walking ahead of me. Although his words sounded a little rough, I was a little thankful. At least someone didn't care to know why I trapped myself in the restroom. But more than that, at least someone forced me to come out from the restroom which gave me no choice but to it up. If it wasn't for him then I would still be drowning in my tears and be at the edge of emotional and mental exhaustion by any minute now.

 

~End of Chapter 4~

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CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.