Chapter 31

With and Without Oh Sehun

My eyes squinched at the image of the drunk man charging at me, feeling as if he was charging at me at this very moment in the car ride to school. My heart raced in anxiety with my fingers in a convulsive fidget. I unknowingly let out a deep breath with the hope that the negative thoughts would slip away into the air. 

"Why are you more exhausted than usual? Did something happen?" my mom's voice suddenly appeared, breaking away the unneeded thoughts in my head. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just had a long day at school yesterday." It was all a lie, but I didn't want her or my dad to worry about me more than they already were. They already had so much on their plate such as the hospital bills and work. Plus, scenarios of how I could have prevented the incident from yesterday were constantly playing in my head with a growing hatred towards myself each time.

I continued to stare outside with the restless thoughts bringing my legs to an uncontrollable shake, and it wasn't until I saw my mom turn to look at me that I realized it and immediately stopped. However, why was she still staring even when I had already stopped?

"Whose sweater is that?"

I looked down at my lap and saw the sweater she was referring to. "Oh, it's Yoongi's. He allowed me to borrow it when we were walking home yesterday and I forgot to give it back."

She nodded her head but I had a feeling there was more she wanted to say.  

"You both are just friends right?"

I was right. "Of course mom."

"Good. I don't want you to be involved with a guy like him," she stated, causing the hair on the back of my neck to slightly stand up. "I didn't even want him to take you home to begin with, but your dad was so persistent about it so I eventually gave in. No hanging out outside of that, you got me? Only from the station to home."

Taken aback, I took a moment to think about the words that came out from . A feeling of disappointment filled me when I realized that she was no different from the rest who judged Yoongi in the same way. An internal bubble of passion wanted to burst and criticize her closed-minded thinking and how absolutely wrong she was. Sure, he used to be a delinquent who always caused trouble in the past, but he wasn't like that anymore. For a moment I even wanted to tell her about how he defended me yesterday, but that would only cause a backfire of nonstop questions. 

I bit down on my tongue and closed my mouth shut. The distress and pain I was in would only result in a messy translation of words that would take the wrong route to my mom's brain. I promise to do it on another day when the time is right. 

When we finally arrived at school, I carefully stepped outside and waved a goodbye to reassure my mom that I was truly fine. Despite the pain, I had no choice but to continue on, not only for my parent's sake but also for mine. Taking it one step at a time would lessen the stress I was already in from being behind in school. I decided to stop by my locker first to grab my materials and also because I needed some time to think about what to say to Yoongi. Do we just pretend that what happened last night didn't happen? Should I thank him again? Should I just not say anything at all? Before I knew it, these questions landed me at my locker without an answer. To make matters worse, the subject of my questions was already there. Since when did he start coming so early?

I swallowed the anxiety lumped in my throat and proceeded to my locker. Every second felt like a year, and now every second felt like a decade as I foolishly tried to open my locker before finally succeeding the third time. Meanwhile, I could see his head turn to glance at me before proceeding back to what he was doing before. The constant question of whether or not I should say something continued in my head, still with no clear answer as of yet because of the ongoing debate with myself. 

Suddenly, I froze to an unexpected sound of a locker clinking and being opened to my right. This sudden presence caused my heart to race and immediately I was reminded of my interaction with him yesterday that I had completely forgotten about. The questions pertaining to Yoongi quickly vanished and was replaced with another set of questions. What did he want to say to me yesterday but didn't? But more specifically, why was he approaching me more than usual ever since I got back? Was I just overthinking about our interaction yesterd-

"Are you going to keep my sweater?"

My thoughts were cut off and my attention immediately returned to the person on my left. It took me a second to realize what he was even talking about until I looked down at my hands and saw that I was still holding onto his sweater. I extended my arm with his sweater before turning back to my locker to do what I do best: pretending that I was busy putting things away.

"What did your parents say?"

Wow. I didn't expect him to jump into this topic so fast, or maybe it was just me who was making it so difficult. "Oh... I didn't tell them."

He stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me with his sharp eyes. "And why not?" He sounded like my mom whenever I didn't do something she asked. 

"Well, because."

"Because?" 

"I didn't want them to worry. Plus, they don't need to know."

"You were physically assaulted last night and you don't think they need to kn-"

I immediately lunged forward at Yoongi and covered his mouth, not realizing what I had just done. "Don't mention that here," I hastily whispered. 

He pulled himself away. "Are you stupid? Why would you not tell them?" 

"Because I don't want to," my voice exasperated loudly. "And if I don't want to then just let it be." I stared at him with my enlarged eyes, belatedly realizing the hypocrisy of wanting to keep our conversation low and private.

The look in his eyes along with the ringing silence lead me into another state of questioning and regret.

"Whatever you want then," said Yoongi coolly as he went back to grabbing the last of his materials. 

It was as if those words struck a late realization of how dumb I was. Why did I burst so suddenly at him? Even more, words wanted to escape my mouth at the sight of him closing his locker and walking away, but nothing, not even a breath of air, came out. Embarrassed and ashamed, I quickly closed my locker and followed him.

"I'm sorry. I don't know why I acted like that just now," I said as my little legs barely managed to catch up.

He kept silence and continued walking. Meanwhile, I was struggling to keep up especially with my aching body. 

"I know it doesn't make sense. And you're right, I'm stupid for not telling them. There's just a lot going on and my parents already have so much to worry about because of me."

I began to question if explaining this to him was such a good idea. Did he even care?

"If you don't want to then that's fine. It's your choice and I won't force you. I guess it was partly my fault for stopping by the store first."

To be honest, that was not the response I expected. I expected something more along the lines of "you're stupid" or "your parents need to know."

"No no no it's not," I quickly said as I waved my hands. I was just happy and relieved that what I worried about the most this morning regarding Yoongi was now out of the picture.

I decided to stop by the restroom first to leave Yoongi to his business. For some reason from the restroom to doing my business to washing my hands and fixing myself in the mirror, there was a strange feeling I couldn't shake off. Like as if I forgot something important such as forgetting to turn off the stove at ho-

SEHUN! I was so focused on what happened and trying to make up with Yoongi that I had completely forgotten he was there at the lockers! Did he hear everything? Of course he did. There was no way that he didn't. I ran my hand through my hair in frustration because now that was another thing added on to my list of worries. I wanted to explode and bang my head against the wall for my stupidity. 

Just then, my phone buzzed through my pocket and I wondered who would text me at such a time like this. In fact, who even texted me anymore aside from my parents and Kyungsoo sometimes? What I saw nearly caused my heart to jump out. Speaking of the devil, why was he texting me? 

"Where are you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I evaluated the message and the name of the sender. Did he text the wrong person? I continued to stare at the text as if that would present me answers of why he texted. It was then when I realized that class was about to start in a few minutes and I immediately wasted no time to make my way out. I went at the pace my body would allow me to and thankfully made it in time with two minutes to spare. 

The constant wondering of why he texted and if he texted the wrong person rolled around in my mind. Did it have anything to do with what he heard at the lockers earlier?

I walked to my seat without looking to see if Sehun was at his desk yet. I didn't know what to reply or if I should say anything at all. For now I was just going to act like nothing happened. Maybe that was the safest way to play it. In fact, maybe he just texted the wrong person which just happened to be me. Yes, that sounds about right.

For the first half of the day until lunch, I came to a conclusion that Sehun did text the wrong person. This may sound stupid for whatever reason, but he never texted again and there was just nothing in his body language during class to tell me that he really wanted to know where I was. From the moment he walked into class until heading to the cafeteria, he didn't seem bothered and rather was his usual self. 

I decided to skip out on lunch today and headed straight to the quad outside. I just wanted time to rest and be alone, and by that I mean be around nobody at all. I guess I was in luck since everybody was pretty much crowded inside with the gray sky looking like it will start pouring soon. The cold wind brushing against my back was sending chills and shivers down my body, but again, the wish to be alone was strong today.

More than that, the incident from yesterday with the drunk man still struck fear in me, and it especially got bad during class. I still haven't fully processed everything yet or even had time to mentally meditate, and that was what I needed the most right now. 

However, my peace was ruined by the same sound that nearly gave me a heart attack this morning. I took out my phone and indeed, I was right.

"Where are you at?"

So he was looking for me after all and it wasn't a mistake. But why? Why did he want to know? 

My fingers began to fidget around the screen as I heavily debated with myself of what to reply. I couldn't ignore him the second time. As much as I had every right to, doing it the second time just felt wrong. 

"In the quad. Why?" Am I sure I want to tell him that? Maybe it's not such a smart idea. But I doubt he'll actually come out here. 

I laid my phone down on the table before doing the same with my head. My body was shivering but it was possible to withstand. I think I might just even take a short nap for a few minutes. I doubt Sehun will come to me. Right? 

After what felt like a century passing, I concluded that he wasn't going to show up, or to be precise, find me at all. He doesn't deal with cold weather as good as he does with hot. I was pretty stupid too for thinking he was even going to show u-

"Aren't you cold?" said a low voice. 

I immediately looked up at the direction of this voice and saw that my doubts betrayed me. There he was: with shivering lips and hair blowing with the wind and hands in the pockets of his jacket. His face was a little scrunched up because of how windy and cold it was, and his shoulders were tensed that looked like they were going to touch his ears. 

"Oh... Yeah, a little but I'm fine. What are you doing here?"

He took a seat next to me without an invitation and made himself comfortable. It was obvious he didn't want to be out here because of his low tolerance for cold weather, but he was still here for whatever reason. 

He ignored my question and began to make small talks of how cold it was and that I was crazy for being out here during such a time. He then brought up several times of how it looked like it was going to rain. 

Meanwhile, I just wanted my question answered. Why was he here? Never in a million years did I think I would be hanging out with my ex-boyfriend again alone. It was difficult at first, but some time after our break up I just kind of accepted that he and I were never going to be like before where we would have moments like this again. It felt weird I have to say, but there was one thing for sure. He had something up his sleeves, and I knew it because well, I dated him for three years. 

I vaguely replied to yet another comment about how it looked like it was going to rain, and now it was completely silent. Definitely awkward too. Was I supposed to put in effort and keep the conversation going, or?

"So," he paused. "Was what Yoongi said true?"

Cr*p. So he did hear. I had an idea what he was talking about but I wanted to find a way to stay away from the topic. It wasn't something I was comfortable talking with my ex nor was it really his business overall. 

"About?"

"The physical assault."

I began to fake a laugh. "He was just being dumb and making a joke. Don't believe what he said." 

However, not a movement in his eyes, cheeks, or lips indicated that he believed me. 

"Nobody jokes about physical assault," he said with a straight face. He paused again and seemed hesitant with his next words. "We dated for three years. I know when you're lying. You do this nervous chuckle."

Oh. My argument of knowing a lot about him because we dated for three years just backfired. For some reason I forgot that as much as I knew the little things about him through the years we dated, he knows just as much about me, or perhaps even more. There was no point in trying to hide it or play it off. For once I actually wished he knew nothing about me. 

I kept my head down and stared at the table without saying a word. What do I even say? Meanwhile, I could see through the corner of my eyes that he was staring at me. His hair was still blowing with the wind but his tense shoulders and shivering lips were gone. 

"Are you... okay?"

The absolute sincerity of his voice and words struck something new inside of me. My doubts and constant questioning of why he was here was gone. An odd feeling in my heart that I haven't felt in a long time surfaced. My fingers began to fidget underneath the table and I could feel a sense of urgency building up. I wanted it to stop because I experienced it way too many times at the beginning of this all and knew what it was. My lips began to quiver and my eyes was blinking numerous times, but I refused to give in to my emotions that were now starting to surface all because of the sincerity of his voice. 

I had to say something though. I just couldn't sit still like this and have his full attention remain on my face that showed everything I was trying to hide. I didn't want to show that I was still scared from last night and needed comfort. But I couldn't say anything. That would only cause my voice to crack and soon enough follow with a sob. However, the runny nose that wasn't there before from the coldness was now forming because of my building emotions and teary eyes. 

"Yeah. I'm okay," I forced myself to say. I bit down on my lips in an attempt to hide the quiver. 

However, once again, he knew me too well to know that I wasn't telling the truth. I wanted to hide away. I didn't want to break down in front of him or show my weakness. But his constant staring and silence broke the last of what was stopping my emotions from pouring out. 

Damn you Sehun for being someone who knows me so well even after all these months. He wasn't silent and staring because he had nothing to say or was being nosey. Instead, it was a method he used to always do as an active listener when I was stressed or going through a hard time. He didn't force me to talk and instead gave me time to think my emotions through and talk when I was ready. Meanwhile, he would stay next to me as a way of support and comfort. And because of this, my emotions gave in. 

I began to sob incomprehensible words of how scared I still was and didn't know what to do and feel. I don't think you truly understand how last night affected me. The setting of it being late at night and me being alone was the start of my fear. The image of the drunk man even approaching me scared me already. The echoes of his foul words and smell of his alcoholic breath clung onto my skin. The flashes of him in my face and lunging past Yoongi to aggressively pull me with his firm hands was the worst of it all. The fact that this man was twice my size and could have easily done worst to me within just seconds if it wasn't for Yoongi was something I didn't even want to think about.

In the midst of this, I felt an arm slowly make its way around my shoulders. A warm breath brushed against the side of my face and hair. The sudden closure caused all the shivers and coldness in my body to be replaced by a feeling of warmth and comfort. It didn't stop me from crying or feeling scared, but instead made me felt safe for the first time. 



Author's Note: Sorry to all the Yoongi stans and hello Sehun stans. 

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CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.