Chapter 13

With and Without Oh Sehun

I slowly dropped down on to the ground and leaned against my bed as I wrapped my arms tightly around my legs that were pushed up against my chest. And at this moment I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. What was the right thing to do anyways? I kept on thinking and thinking about what happened at school today with Sehun, and for the first time I felt like the bad person here ever since we broke up. 

Yes, I deserved this in a way for leaving him alone that one time when he saw my bleeding fingers, but in all fairness I was worried about him and even called to check up on him that caused me to make a fool out of myself. But judging on the way he rhetorically asked how my hand was doing and then just walking away after that answered my worst nightmare- he was not the same Oh Sehun anymore. It was obvious that he was not worry about me even the slightest bit, and that just broke my heart. I wasn't ready to let go of the old Sehun yet in order to get to know the new one, and I don't think I ever will be. 

For the rest of the evening and night, I decided to sleep it off although I was having a hard time to because of my back pain along with the undying thoughts overflowing my brain. The Nurse must have called my mom like she said she would since my mom to came check up on me in my room, but thankfully she didn't wake me up and only sat at the edge of my bed and brushed my hair. She must have got the idea that I had a rough day and was deeply exhausted based on my deep and long breathings. And at that moment for some reason, I felt like breaking down but managed to hold it in and pretend that I was sleeping. I honestly don't know why I felt like crying. I guess it's just been a while since I feel like someone's actually cared about me, and the way she softly brushed my hair which was something that I loved as a child just made me feel safe and loved, and I didn't want it to stop. 

Today must have been a day for me to repent because I was now starting to regret not opening up to my mom and only denying her offer to help instead. I know she was truly concerned about me, but all I ever did was push her away out of my own selfishness. I was stupid to think that I was strong enough to get through all of this by myself, yet here I am feeling lost and broken and begging for help to escape from this hell like place that I dug myself into. I just wanted to wake up and hug her and apologize and cry it all out of what has happened to me so far, but I still don't think I'm ready yet. Just give me some more time mom. I promise that I'll open up eventually. 

The next morning I woke up to an even more aching back along with a major headache that felt as if someone has just pounded my head against the wall, not to mention that my ribs and chest was also kind of sore because of Yixing who slammed into me. I continued to lay in bed despite my alarm that was going off, and for the next few minutes I was debating if I should go to school or not. Was it worth it? I wasn't the type to ever skip school unless it was necessary, although that mindset has slowly started to change since a few months ago. That excitement of going to school was no longer in me, and I'm sure it's already obvious as to why.

But in this case, it was necessary since I was feeling like sh*t. And to make a long story short, I missed out on school for the next 2 days and stayed in bed the whole day. The only time I got up was to grab something to drink or to use the restroom. There really wasn't any room for any meals or snacks. And throughout the day I would ask myself if staying home was the right thing to do because I was now left alone in a house where I have nothing to do but think about Sehun and everything else. I did try to watch my Korean dramas or roam on my social medias, but I eventually got tired of it or stopped because I didn't want to risk seeing anything that would hurt me even more. To this day I still don't know if Sehun has deleted me on Facebook or not, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to find out yet. Some things were better left unknown.

The next day in the early morning I was heading to the hospital with my mom to check up on my back, and I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. I never liked to talk about my scoliosis because I didn't want to worry about it, and also because I felt a little embarrassed to be honest to have this condition. But more than that, the way that my back has been aching like never before kept me up the whole night. I didn't want to scare and worry myself, but deep inside I knew that something was wrong and my spine has worsen. I was a stupid childish person to skip out on my doctor's appointments that were there to help me, and look at where I am right now- praying that everything will be fine when it's obvious that nothing will be. 

After getting my spine examined, my mother and I waited for about half an hour in the hospital, and boy did I feel like ripping myself apart. I was bored out of my damn mind, and don't forget that we were here to check up on my spine because my back was hurting. So I found it kind of ironic and funny that they were making us wait here for a while in order to help ease my pain yet I'm in even more pain here.

However, like the hypocrite that I am, I wanted to chop the Doctor's legs off when I saw him walking towards us with a folder that consisted of the medical information regarding my spine. I was dying just minutes ago to get this over with and go home, but now here I am wanting to wait longer, and wishing that this moment would never come. I was just damn afraid and out of my mind so don't blame me. 

But the moment we entered the Doctor's office, I could see that things weren't looking good and he had bad news to present to us. Well maybe to him it's not, but to me it is. I wanted to just escape from here and hide myself and take care of my own problems myself. I really don't want to hear what he has to say, although deep in the back of my mind I had a slight idea of what was up. 

"How's my daughter's condition?" My mom asked as she sat at the edge of her seat with her purse in her lap. 

The Doctor showed us the X-Ray of my spine and right away we could already see what was wrong. 

"There's a reason why we have daily check ups on your daughter's scoliosis ma'am. Based on your last visit and now, your daughter's spine has worsened."

I gulped and stared at the ground in guilt since that was all that I could do. I didn't have enough pride or guts to look at the Doctor who was basically right all along and was now going to have to deal with more because of my stupid and careless decisions. I also felt bad for being such a brat to my mom and insisting that it wasn't necessary to go to these appointments that she eventually gave in and now had to be part of my problems. 

"I'm sorry Doctor Kim. I know. Is there something to help her now?" My mom's voice trembling. 

The Doctor let out a sigh as he took a moment to think to himself and fix his glasses. "Your daughter will need surgery."


"Don't worry too much about it honey. Just focus on school and everything else for now."

I drowned out my mom's words that weren't helping me out one bit and proceeded to stare out the car window. It was easy for her to say, but it was the total opposite for me. I didn't know how I was feeling anymore at this point. I know that there was emotions inside of me but I just didn't know how to pick them out anymore or what was what. Ever since I was informed about getting surgery for my scoliosis, it was as if my soul was no longer in me and I turned into a robot who didn't want to do anything. I guess the only thing that will push me through the day is that my back isn't aching as much anymore.

I got out of the car right away and muttered a bye before making my way towards the school. I know that I was being pretty mean to my mom when this wasn't any where near her fault and rather mines, but I just wanted to be alone right now. I was afraid that these emotions no where to be found in me were going to resurface at any given second if I talked to anyone, or anything bad of even the slightest bit happens. It was safer just sticking to myself.

I peeked my head around the corner just because I wanted to make sure that he wasn't there, although at the back of my head I knew that he wasn't going to be. As much as I want to avoid him even more now after that situation from a couple days ago, he probably wants to avoid me just as much, or perhaps even more. When I made sure that the area around my locker was clear, I quickly speeded towards my locker and began to do what I needed to do. It felt as if I was on some type of top secret mission where the world was in my hand and I only had a limited amount of time to complete it. But of course, I was just overreacting again.

But suddenly, I flinched to the sound of a locker being abruptly swung open before my face was hit with a gust of small wind, and already my day was going bad. I began to fasten myself by shoving my notebooks and papers into my locker and searching through the mess to look for my books and notebooks for class. However, I should have been quicker if I wanted no trouble.

I flinched once again to the sound of the locker door slamming hard, and at that moment I was yelling at myself in my head for not being quick enough.

"You know you have a mouth for a reason right?'

I slowly turned my head to look a Satan whose head was slightly tilted while staring at me with his burdensome eyes. I gulped. "What do you mean?"

"Don't you think you should tell me if something is canceled?"

That's right. Tutoring. I shot him a confused look which I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it. "Didn't Kyungsoo... Tell you?"

He let out a small scoff. "Would I be telling you this right now if he did?"

Here we go again with his questions to make me feel like a dumba*s. "Well if I haven't been showing up to school, then what makes you think that I will show up for tutoring?"

He stayed silent for a few seconds as his eyebrow cocked up. He was either surprise to see me talk back so suddenly, or he realized what I said was true. Or maybe it can be both. Yeah, maybe both. But just like him, I myself was also surprised, but I guess I just wasn't in the mood which triggered me to be out of my mind. But wait, is he not aware about what happened to me a few days ago?

"There won't be tutoring today," I mumbled lowly with a change of tone for my own safety. I closed my locker and walked pass him calmly although realistically my heart was ready to explode with anxiety. Did I really just do that right now? Are you in your right mind Han Areum?! When I confirmed that he wasn't coming after me and there was a safe amount of distance in between us, I heaved out a breath of relief for being alive. But at the same time I was sort of proud of myself for standing up to him and not letting him talk down to me like that. I guess these last recent events have somehow caused me to become more bold... Or at least that's what I want to believe.

After making my way to the classroom, I decided to stop in front instead of heading inside right away just because I wanted a moment to breathe and get myself together. Walking along the way here was already getting the best of me with the stares and whispers, and I wasn't ready for what I was going to hear and see from my classmates once I walk through those doors. I really just wanted a break from all the bad lucks that I've been getting, and I'm pretty much tired of it at this point.

I scrunched my fingers together and closed my eyes and took a deep breath. You will be okay Han Areum. Keep your head up. But before I could even take a step towards the door, my moment of peace was interrupted too soon.

"Awhhhh Areum you're finally back." I heard the high pitched voice said.

I bit down my lips in regret of not entering the classroom sooner or even right away the moment I got here. I should have known to check if the witch and her boyfriend was inside or not before making my decision if I should go inside or stay out here for a bit. And as if her presence wasn't already bad enough, the witch made her way in front of me and gave me the puppy eyes as if she was truly concerned about me when really it was obvious that she enjoyed the pain I was in. Her tone of voice and cringe acting shows it all. Meanwhile, standing behind her was her army like usual, but I didn't catch sight of the Devil anywhere so I guess I was in some luck here.

"We've been worried about you since you've missed school for a few days now. Are you doing okay? Is your back okay?" Yeah, I was until you showed up.

"Yeah." I shortly replied before continuing my way inside the classroom before she could say any more. Bold move Han Areum. I immediately walked to my desk without stopping to listen to what she and her army had to say since it would only do me no good. I can't help but have this feeling that the witch has something up her sleeves every time we talk, and it just scared me to be honest.

Luckily enough, Irene and the rest of her army took their seats and went on to do their own things for now. I let out another breath of relief before laying my head on my desk and facing towards the direction of the windows where I saw nothing but the bright blue and sunny sky. Every moment of peace counted since I have no idea when the world will want to attack me again.

I began to daydream and think to myself as I stared out the window while laying my head on my desk. My face was blank and so was everything inside of me. Like you know, when so much things has happened to you and you no longer know what and how to feel anymore. Ever since the visit to the doctors and being told the news, it felt as if everything has gone completely downhill, and that was the final straw. But I guess there was one positive thing that I could gain from this surgery- being away from here for a month and a half. Yeah, that sounds good.

Just then, my ears twitched to the sound of his voice, and immediately I closed my eyes and bit down my lips as if that would help drown everything out. Damn it. Not now.

"Yo Sehun! You down for a round 2 tonight after practice?!" Chanyeol's loud voice echoed throughout the room.

"Ehhh I don't know," Sehun responded. "Depends if my girlfriend goes or not."

"Come on Irene. Go! It'll be all on me." the Giant continued.

"Uhhh I don't know. Are you going to take care of him this time?" Irene grumbled.

As hard as I was trying to mind my own business and not listen to their conversation, I couldn't help but be curious about some of the things they mentioned. Round 2? Take care of him?

"It's not my fault your boyfriend is a weak sauce. You should teach him how to handle his drinks better."

"Shut up," Sehun groaned.

"You're still ing hung over bro?" Chanyeol laughed out loud, as if he couldn't be any louder for the whole school and administrators to hear.

But wait. Hung over? Is that why his disembodied voice sounds so husky and gruff as if he just woke up and was still not fully awake yet and something the life out of him? But to be more precise, he's hung over? I couldn't help but slightly lift my head and turn to look over at his direction. There, I saw his right elbow on his desk where his hands were supporting and holding up his head that was resting on it. His eyes were also shut, and for a moment I wondered if he fell asleep within the course of not even 10 seconds since he last spoke.

His hair was more on the messy side, although not too messy. It still looked better than half of the other guys' hair in this class. His shirt wasn't tucked in properly nor was his tie even around his neck. He did look out of it, and it was obvious to me at least that he wasn't just tired but instead hung over like I just learned.

Although I had no right to listen to their conversation or even care about it, this whole new image of Sehun that I was staring at was new and shocking to me. Never have I seen my ex-boyfriend look this way before nor did I ever think that I would see him this way. And despite the fact that he was my ex-boyfriend who was the biggest jerk that anyone could be and we no longer had any business with each other, I could not help but feel disappointed. I understand that it's somewhat normal and typical for teenagers in high school to drink and party, but it was hard to see it partially unfold before my eyes. 

 

~End of Chapter 13~

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CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.