Chapter 18

With and Without Oh Sehun

Warning: Longer chapter than usual.



I stared in front of me with desolate eyes as I tried to process what just happened not too long ago. My leg and whole body was trembling and shaking out of control no matter how hard I tried to calm myself down. I was still in complete fear that Irene would storm in any second and finish what she started. The toxic words she threw at me were still echoing freshly in my mind, and I felt like I was truly going insane. I have never gotten into a fight before, but never in my mind did I think that I would ever get into one. 

The thought that I was also taken complete control of and punched several times in the face while everybody else just watched made me want to never trust the world again. I was helpless with no way to protect myself, yet everybody just stood by and watched probably because they thought that I deserved it. There were several cases before where I just wanted to escape from this hell-like place and never show my face again, but right now was the most that I ever felt that way. I felt like I was suffocating in my fear and anxiety and I needed to step away from this place. However, sitting and waiting alone in a room in the school's office was probably the only safest place that I could bet on.

I let out a deep breath, closed my eyes, and bit down hard on my lips in order to hold myself back from breaking down. I was filled with regret and anger because I should have known better than to approach and talk to my ex-boyfriend in public, but what got me upset and confused the most was the whole thing that Irene threw at me. I was holding her boyfriend's hand? HE was the one who reached for my hand first! Was this something that people left out when they told Irene about it? I mean sure I still have mixed feelings towards Sehun, but I knew better than to intervene with their relationship. I knew my place, but the fact that people were twisting things around and blaming everything towards me was just plain wrong and unfair. And by this point, I just wanted to bawl my eyes out because of how confused, scared, betrayed, misunderstood, conflicted, and lost I felt.

Just then, my eyes widened and my heart nearly came to a stop when I heard the door crack open and footsteps enter the room. Who was it? I-Irene? Or was it the school administrators-

My breathing came to a sudden halt as my messy hair hung over my face that was blocking my view of everything else besides me. I stared with my eyes wide open as I tried to figure out this mysterious presence right next to me that seemed like he or she was holding something out towards me. Realizing that I can't just sit still like this forever as much as I wanted to out of fear, I gathered up the courage to bring my eyes over to see what this object was that sticking out towards me, only to then be met by a gust of confusion. Why was this person offering me this? Unable to withhold the curiosity anymore, I shifted my eyes to look at who this person was that was doing this kind yet weird deed that I wasn't exactly too fond of at the moment. 

With a clearing of his throat as if that would make the atmosphere less awkward, "Are you okay?"

I brought my unsteady eyes to look back down at the ground while gulping down my anxiety without saying a word. I was trying to determine if I could trust him after losing my trust for everyone else even though this was nowhere near his fault, but I couldn't help it. He let out a deep sigh and set the water bottle onto the table in front of me before taking a seat on the edge of the table where we were now indirectly facing each other. I continued to stare at the ground since keeping my head up required so much more strength that I didn't have at the moment.

"How's your back doing?" he continued after receiving no response the first time. 

But just like before, I kept silent. I wasn't ready to speak yet, and I was still trying to determine if I could trust him even though oddly enough, he was probably the most trustworthy person at the moment. However, this ongoing fear and anxiety that was making me sick to my stomach was preventing me from realizing that, not to mention this sharp pain to my back that I was suddenly reminded of. 

He let out a smack to his lip. "Since Irene was involved in this, I'm guessing it had something to do with Sehun?"

Good analyzation there Mr. Class President, but I'm going to continue with this silence. 

He crossed his arms and let out another sigh, but this time it was filled with a deeper breath that came with disappointment which I'm guessing was because of my unwillingness to talk. "You know, you've changed a lot Areum."

... Okay? That was a little random. 

"You used to be one of the top students in the class who was known for working hard, but lately... You sort of went down..." He dragged his words in order to cut off the rest of what he wanted to say that wasn't well suited for this atmosphere, even though I already knew what he was trying to imply. It should already be quite obvious to everyone in fact as to why I have not been the same lately, but who could blame a girl that just got out of a long term relationship?

"I understand about your situation with Sehun," he continued. "But... Don't you think you shouldn't allow it to affect you like this?"

I continued to stay silent as I thought about what he mentioned. Meanwhile, I heard him take another deep breath that caused me to become slightly confused. Why did he sound frustrated? As if there was something more that he wanted to get off his chest but was hesitant to?

"Look. I guess what I'm trying to say is..." he started again. "You should move on, Areum."

Move... On? I felt my heart come to a jump as I was also taken aback to hear such words from Kyungsoo who I never thought would be the first person to tell me this. This was something that I've been telling myself for the past few months, but I felt like I was ripped into pieces when I heard it actually come out from someone's mouth. It felt like I was being kicked into reality which is something that I've been trying to hide myself away from. 

He let out a small and awkward laugh and began to scratch the back of his head. "I know I have no right to say this because we don't really talk or know each other well, and trust me I wouldn't have, but who's going to say it if I don't? Judging by everything that's happened to you so far, it doesn't look like anyone's done it. Or maybe you're just not listening to them."

I continued to stare at the ground as I thought about what he said. As much as I did want to speak up and say something, there was nothing much for me to say right now. I couldn't defend myself and say that he wouldn't understand. I couldn't say that I have been trying. I just couldn't say anything. 

"Don't you just find it... A little unfair?" he continued slowly. "That he's already moved on while you're still here like this because of him. Don't you find that unfair?" His eyesbrows furrowed. My silence remained as I thought more about what he said. However, he uncrossed his arms and sat up straight. "You know what. Nevermind. This isn't really any of my busi-"

"Yeah, it's unfair."I finally broke my silence. I could see his head shift towards me as I said those words, and this time he was the silent one since he hadn't expect me to say that, but it was the truth. It was unfair. 

He slightly nodded his head and turned it to look straight again before dropping his jaw and waiting a few seconds to speak. "So if that's the case, then why haven't you moved on yet?"

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't taken aback to hear that. "It's not that easy," I mumbled as I dropped my head once again. 

"Well, are you even trying?"

What's with this sudden change of tone? But wait. What? Am I'm even trying? Of course I am-

"Because if you were trying, then you wouldn't be like that right now." He brought his eyes up and down to look at every little detail that could be seen in my appearance. 

I brought my eyes down to look at my bruised legs and trembling hands that he was referring to as "that" which was the result of the fight with Irene. And although I couldn't see how I physically looked like as of now, I knew I was a total mess  If I was trying, then I wouldn't be like this right now? 

"I know he's this thing that you girls like to call as a jerk, and everything that's happened to you so far is because of him, but you can't continue to always put your anger and blame on him only."

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as I asked myself if I heard right, but no matter how many times I tried to tell myself that I probably didn't, the repitition of Kyungsoo's words in my head said otherwise. I was now starting to feel slightly upset by his words and what it seemed like he was trying to imply, but I couldn't help but stay silent because of the curiosity of where he was going with it. 

"You're just at fault too you know that right?"

I felt his words knock away every single little thought and sense away from me as I spent the next few seconds in silence. My eyes were shifting left and right with my eyebrows caved in as I tried to regather my thoughts and process the meaning of his words. With what seemed like a few years that has passed when the actuality was only a mere few seconds, my mind finally came back to life. 

I could now feel my body slowly heating up with my face turning red. And despite how sore my fingers were, I could not resist the urge to squeeze them tightly out of the anger that I was starting to feel. Wasn't he the one sympathizing me not even more than a minute ago? Now he was blaming me? How exactly is this my fault? 

"Don't take it the wrong way Areum."

I let it be known through the deep breathing from my nose and a roll in my eyes that I was not in the mood anymore to listen to what he had to say. I was upset of how he just turned everything around to blame it on me. That was not what I wanted or needed as of now. What I really needed and was desperate for was support and reassurance that I was safe and not at fault. But to think that he was the one who I thought I could trust. Boy was I foolis-

"It's your inability to move on and accept that you both are done. That's why you're just at fault too Areum. Of course I don't expect you to move on in the blink of an eye nor am I'm saying that this is only your fault, but you haven't budged one bit. Sehun's already moved on. Meanwhile, look at yourself. You've missed more days of school now than you ever have in your whole time in high school. You've been falling behind and not doing as well that even the dumbest kid in the class is going to pass you soon. You've caught yourself in so many unsettling situations that caused you to lock yourself away from everyone else. And I have no idea about what really happened just not too long ago, but you even got into a fight which is why you're like this right now."

I blinked. I blinked. I blinked. Then I felt the growing anger in myself come to fade away as I also finally had the urge to take a small breath and swallow down his words. I guess I spoke too soon and my anger arrived too quickly before he could explain himself. 

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... It seems like Sehun made it quite obvious to you that he's already moved on... If you had just accepted it and pushed yourself to move on, even the slightest bit, then maybe this fight could have been avoidable. An-and possibly everything else before it."

My lips came to an unsteady tremble as my eyes began to quiver around again out of pure desperateness to not cry in front of the class president. Although I was keeping silent and burying my face under my hair, my caved in shoulders and runny nose made it quite obvious that I was ready to burst. I don't know why I was feeling like this nor know how to describe it, but never have I ever been hit by realization this hard. 

All this time, I was so busy putting the blame on everyone else but me only to then realize that there was nobody else to blame anymore but me. As I spent a few seconds to recollect my thoughts and memories, I realized that what Kyungsoo said was true. Sehun did make it quite obvious to me several times that he had already move on, but I chose to ignore it and instead do the opposite like an idiot and stay because of the glint of hope inside of me that we would be together again. I continued to put the blame on everyone else without realizing that I was also at fault. 

I closed my eyes and heaved out a deep breath to calm myself down and get myself back on track. It was as if I suddenly changed into a different person... A person for the better that is (given the state that I was in) within the course of minutes. But suddenly, the sound of something stomping onto the floor made me flinch out of my seat and turn. If I wanted to make myself into a righteous person again, then doing what I've been wanting to do was the first step. Right now was the time and I couldn't afford to lose it despite the timing. 

"Kyung-Kyungsoo. I-I need to tell you something..." I started with an unsteady voice. "It's about... Yoongi."


After a long, tiring, and rough day, I came home to the sound of my parents arguing where my mom was yelling at the top of her lungs. But of course, what did I expect? I was now laying on my bed with my blanket on top of me, acting as if that would make it harder for me to hear my parents argue. I began to chew my bottom lips and bit it even harder every time I heard my mom raise her high pitched voice while my dad's voice was yet to be found.

Suddenly, chills began to run down my spine when I noticed the footsteps coming up the stairs that replaced my mom's raging anger. Who was coming up the stairs? My mom or dad? Or was it both? Please no, I'm not in the mood- 

I inhaled a breath without meaning to and shut my eyes as a reaction to my door cracking open. I honestly don't know why I was acting like I was in some type of horror movie, but to be fair I have every right to be like this if the person standing by my door was my mom. 

"Areum honey. Are you asleep?" asked the soft voice.

I exhaled a breath of relief. Dad. But I decided to remain silent just because I wasn't ready to speak about my day yet. 

I heard the door shut close before his footsteps led him to sitting at the edge of my bed. "We need to talk Areum."

"Can we do it another time?" I mumbled. However, I realized that I should have never said a word because that only led to my cloth of security being uncovered from me. 

"I need to know what really happened. This isn't like you."

"I got into a fight dad. What did you expect? Girls always do that."

He must have been taken aback to hear me say that. "But... This is you that we're talking about here. It's just- Not like you."

"People change dad!" I yelled as I sat up on my bed and stared him right in the eyes with a heavy breathing. My enlarged eyes then began to settle down along with my breathing when I saw the shock on his face. A feeling of guilt then hit me. I don't know why I lost it so fast like that. "I just don't want to talk about it... At least not now."

I felt his weight lifted off my bed along with a deep sigh. "Well. Just tell me whenever you're ready."

More guilt proceeded to enter me when I realized how calm he was after I bursted at him. Maybe I should have just stayed calm because after all he was only worried for his own daughter. Before he could take a step out the door, I sat up quickly on my bed again and turned to look at him. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Work. Why?'

"Can I... Come with you? I just don't want to be left home alone with mom. Who knows, the house might be destroyed by the time you get back..." The smirk on his face brought a sense of relief to my heart. 

On the car ride to the police station, my mind was holding a constant debate of whether or not I should tell my dad the truth. I already told Kyungsoo, but telling my dad was just harder and more nerve wracking for some reason. I somehow came to a conclusion that telling my dad would mean there would be immediate consequences for Sehun and the others, but I was afraid of the unforseen consequences for myself

"Dad. Is Yoongi still in jail?"

Damn. Maybe that wasn't the best way to start a conversation judging by the surprised look on my dad's face. "Yes. Why did you ask?"

"Oh... Nothing. Just wondering." I then turned to stare out the window, but I knew that there was no way to escape what I had just set up for myself. 

"Areum. Is there something that you need to tell me? If so, then say it. You've been acting weird lately."

"No no. It's nothing." I brushed off. Damn it Areum. 

"Now that I think about it..." he dragged his words. "Why were you there at the police station that night when your classmates got in trouble? I know you weren't there to visit me because the last time you've ever done that was when you were still in middle school. Were you... Perhaps involved with them too?"

"No!" I cut off without realizing how that made me look even more suspicious. "Of course not. It's just that... I happened to be there at the scene and was curious about what happened. That's all."

"Hmmmm."

"I mean it dad! I missed the bus that night and decided to walk home but coincidentally came across them that night."

"Okay. Well, why did you ask if Yoongi was still in jail? Are you friends with him or something? You know your mom and I don't want you to put yourself around people like him."

"Of course not. We just sit next to each other in class. We actually hate each other to be exact."

It then went silent once again because of how badly I failed to remain calm and take the correct approach to tell my dad the truth. I was scared that if I sounded too rushed, then my dad would not believe me. I decided to spend the next half minute staring out the window to collect my thoughts and think things through this time. Did I really want to do this? Did I really want to get involve and risk myself at being a target of Sehun and the others for being a "snitch"? However, I came to convince myself that there was no point of backing out. I already told Kyungsoo, and it was only right if I told my dad. 

"About Yoongi, dad..." I slowly started with my heart pounding fast. "He did nothing wrong." I could see my dad turn to glance at me through the corner of my eyes. "I know it might sound weird and unbelievable, and I swear we're not friends, but I just feel like it's right to tell you the truth."

My dad gave off a nervous chuckle. "Well how do you expect me to believe you honey by just those words?" It was as if he did find my words too weird and ridiculous to believe. 

"Because I overheard a conversation of some of the girls who were involved. They stated that it was their friends who were drunk and started the fight. But as to whether Yoongi was also drinking I don't know. All I know is that he didn't start it and was wrongly accused."

The silence from my dad caused more sweat to form on the palm of my hands. Damn it. I should have never said anything after all. Of course, who would believe that Min Yoongi-

"That makes more sense now."

What...? 

"I found it odd that the strong alcohol smell from that night could only come from one person. But now that I think about it, it was Sehun and the others who were acting a bit off."

"So you... Believe me?"

"Of course Areum. Why would I not? It just makes more sense. Plus, everybody was so tired and gloomy that night that we didn't want to deal with anything. I guess it was just easier to put the blame on someone who's a regular at the station."

A sense of relief then overfilled my nerve wracking heart when I realized the moment that I have been wanting to do for the past few days finally occurred. I finally did it. 

I then felt my dad lay his warm hand on top of mines. "I'll handle the rest so don't worry. But as for now, I'm just glad that you told me Areum. Since after all, you could have easily kept it to yourself since this situation did involve Sehun."

Funny and oddly enough. If only he knew that that was why I kept my silence up until now. However, if only I knew how relieved I was going to feel after doing this then I would have done it from the very start. But for now and until the very end of the day, I decided to relax and do as my dad said and allow him to handle it. For some reason, I trusted that Yoongi would get justice while the others get what they deserved.

More sense of relief then filled me as I stared at the city lights that filled in the darkness. This was the first time where my heart felt at ease in a long time. It's weird if you think about it how something like getting punched in the face several times has to happen before you wake up and realize what you need to do. I'd be lying too if I said that I wasn't weirded out by the fact that it was Kyungsoo who also made me realize this, you know, the guy who's serious all the time and rarely smiles because of the need to stay "professional" as the class president.

Let me also add that this was the first time where something so horrible yet "good" ever happened within the course of one day. I know. Odd for me to say, but it's because something like this has never happened to me before. A horrible day would only consist of horrible things. I guess I count this whole realization and sense of relief of telling my dad the truth as something good. 

I only hoped that the world continues to present me days like this in the days to come with my surgery approaching, and upon my return to school after my recovery. 

 

~End of Chapter 18~

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CSanWS
#1
Chapter 47: I love both yoongi and sehun. But damn can you just let her ended up with yoongi? After she had been dumped by Sehun, eventho i love him. I can’t.
Iheartren
#2
Chapter 47: I’m finally caught up I recent stumble your story the story so far it’s interesting and I can’t wait for the next update i wonder what is going to happened next, keep up the good work 😊
Sey-ra
38 streak #3
Chapter 47: Omo ,you came back.And for Aereum don't go to the same part again.
fishaelee
#4
Chapter 46: it’s quarter to 4am now and im finally catch up with the chapters! i must say that reading this fic is such having a ride on a roller coaster. at first with the break up of sehun and areum, the pain she felt and how badly everyone treated her... also yoongi’s side story too... im pretty sure there will be a triangle love happening in the future too xD
fishaelee
#5
Chapter 29: yesss areum did it. i hope there will be justice for yoongi soon
fishaelee
#6
Chapter 28: AREUM !!!! :((((
fishaelee
#7
Chapter 27: areum don’t u dare let him slip away like that-
fishaelee
#8
Chapter 16: and how sehun started dating irene, the girl who had been the anti of his previous relationship since day one? oh man i fking hate it here, tf did u just do sehun ah
fishaelee
#9
Chapter 16: okay i’ve suffered enough with the first 9 chapters and i am just so frustrated and my heart hurts so bad for what happened to areum. I CAN FEEL THE PAIN thru the words u wrote...
Sey-ra
38 streak #10
Chapter 42: Sorry but I am still frustrated with Aerum.