First night, First fight, First love

A year later, we turned 13. I still remembered the first time we spent nights together in our house. It was summer that day when Mommy and Daddy left the city and went to visit my father’s province outside Seoul to celebrate their wedding anniversary. I didn’t want to come since it was their day. My parents were gone for three days and two nights. I wasn’t used to stay in our house without Mommy and Daddy. So, Mommy asked Donghae to come over to our house and accompanied me for a short span of time. Without second thoughts, Donghae said yes.

“Take good care of my baby girl.” Mommy said to Donghae as she helped Daddy placing the luggage in the compartment.

“And don’t leave the house without locking it up securely.” Daddy reminded.

“Yes, Aunt. Yes, Uncle.” Donghae cheerfully answered with a salute.

I chuckled with his action. He didn’t have to salute Mommy and Daddy. There was no way to do it.

“Jessica, darling, behave properly and be a good girl.” Daddy said as he hugged and kissed me goodbye.

“Yes, Dad, I will.” I answered.

“I love you, darling.” Mommy said as she hugged a little tighter and kissed me goodbye on my both cheeks. Her lipstick left marks on my cheeks. Though it was irritating, I loved it still.

“Have fun.” Donghae and I said in chorused as we both waved goodbye to them.

When the car disappeared in my sight, I entered our house and sat in the couch with my legs crossed. I picked up my favourite manga and started reading it. Donghae sat across me. I saw him staring at me in my peripheral vision. He asked me some questions, but I didn’t bother answering them since I was totally hooked up with my manga.

“What do you want for snack?” He queried over and over again.

“Anything will do. I’m not picky anyway.” I answered as my eyes were still glued to the manga.

Donghae fled in a snap. I didn’t even notice. After 30-45 minutes, he came back with snacks on his hands. There were bit size sandwiches and a pitcher of pineapple juice. He sat across me again. He didn’t talk and I wondered why. I closed the manga and looked at him. I saw him with his eyes closed as his head was leaning on the couch. He seemed so tired.

“Are you okay?” I said as I still stared at him. But he didn’t bother answering. I sat still with my legs crossed and hands under my chin. I pouted my lips. He remained like that—unmoving. “Hey! Are you not going to talk to me?!” I said in a high pitch of tone. “I give up. I’ll just go upstairs and have conversations with my teddies.” I said as I marched my way to the stairs.

“You’re here. But it seems like you’re not here. If things will turn out bad between us while Mommy and Daddy are away, I will just stay in my bed for the rest of the day.”I talked to myself like crazy while I took steps up the stairs.

I reached my room and locked it up. Yet and still Donghae didn’t even bother following me. Sometimes, that boy didn’t know how to be sensitive.

The clock continued ticking. And the sun just started kissing the horizon—slowly disappearing and night was about to cast darkness around. I looked out my window and I saw the orange, indigo sky turning into blackness. I heard my stomach making noise, badly asking for food. But I didn’t want to see his face. He pissed me off!

Hours have gone. Until knocks outside my door shocked me. “Jessie, let’s have dinner.” Donghae said as he continued knocking.

“I’m not hungry anyway.” I said, still feeling bad.

“C’mon. You didn’t eat the snacks I prepared for you awhile ago.” He said, insisting his want.

“Just mind your own business and I’ll do mine.” I said with peevishness.

“Don’t make things hard for me, Jessie. Please…” He said, still not giving up with my stubbornness.

“It’s not me. It’s you who make things hard for the both of us.” I said, thinking of myself only. “Get out of my bedroom door!” I yelled out as I heel tapped at the same time. I know I was being childish that time. But it was my only way to handle the further outbursts of my emotion. If I remained calm, Donghae wouldn’t stop insisting.

“Fine.” He said with a sudden saddening of his voice.

I know it made him sad. It was obvious in his voice. We’ve been together for years, I know his everything about it even the smell of his fart and I know I wasn’t wrong this time that he was sad.

I leaned closely to the door, hoping I could hear something—hoping he was still there. But I failed.

My stomach seemed to stop making noise. I walked to the window and opened it. I saw the moon shining brightly and the stars twinkling and glistened across the vastness of the dark sky. I found it amazing. I tried to linked stars at each other, hoping I could write his name. I kept my fingers crossed. I tried it for a hundredth time—still I failed. My arm felt numb and so was my neck, but I never gave up. With my determination, I find ways to make it until I did it successfully.

I was jumping with so much. I heard someone says that when you tried writing your love ones’ name using stars, you’re meant for each other. And though it was only hearsay, I still believed.

It was 9 in the evening when I decided to go downstairs and look for something to fill my empty stomach. I knew it would be the best time, thinking Donghae was surely asleep.

I turned the doorknob, opened it and slowly stepped out of my hiding place. My hard heart melted away when I saw Donghae sitting and leaning beside my door—sleeping. I didn’t know he would do that. He waited for me until he felt asleep. I sat on my knees and gently ruffled his hair. “Hae, wake up. This position will hurt your nape.” I whispered.

He made a sound as he hold his nape and stretched it from left to right. “I fell asleep.” He said with his voice a little husky.

“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble today.” I said as I sat beside him. I felt guilty.

“No, it’s fine. I understand.” He said.

“Shall we eat then?” I said as I tangled my arms around his.

“Yeah, it’s a late dinner and an early midnight snack for us.” He said, chuckling.

“Yup” I said as we finally stood up and walked our way to the kitchen.

We sat facing each other. Donghae’s cooking skill really amazed me. I ate heartily. We talked about random things until our conversation focused on our future and us.

“Do you still remember our promise?” He queried while munching veggies.

“Of course.” I replied.

“Can we keep it until the right time?” He asked.

“I can keep it. Can you?” I said, asking him the same questions hoping to hear a positive answer.

“I think…I think I can.” He replied a little hesitant to his answer.

“You think? Are you not sure anymore?” I said, furrowing my forehead. My face turned a little distorted.

“I’m sure. It’s just I’m thinking if we can make it. As days goes by, everything around us changes. I’m just afraid of the changes we both have to face.” He said, squeezing my hand that was on the table.

“We said a promise because we can stand to it. And don’t be afraid of what’s waiting ahead us, we can face it together. If we can’t avoid changes, then, let’s just change for the good of us and not for the bad.” I said, sharing some wisdom to him.

“What if one of us fell out of love?” He asked.

“If that happens, then, maybe, we’re just not meant to be.” I answered.

A moment of silence walled up between us. We were both in deep thought. I still couldn’t believe that I said those words.

“Is it really true that when the other fell out of love they we’re not meant to be anymore? What if it’s just a destiny’s solidarity test? Shall we give? Or fight and make another chance? ” I asked myself in silent.

“Hey! Are you okay?” Donghae said as he waved his hand in front of my face.

I found myself gawking for awhile. “Y-yeah.” I replied.

“Are you done eating?” He queried as he placed water in my glass.

“Yes.” I said and pretended full though I’ve never tasted the food that I placed in my mouth.

“I’ll just wash the dishes very quick and we’ll watch movie before going to bed. Wait for me at the living room.” He then picked up and piled up the dirty dishes in the sink and started working on it. I, on the other hand, followed his command and walked to the living room like a robot. I was out of my head because of our last conversation. And I was the only one who was affected on what I’ve said. I think I was thinking so hard. I tried to drop it off and think of other things.

I sat down in the DVD rack and searched for a worthy movie to watch. But I didn’t find something interested to watch. So, I just sat down on the couch and looked far away.

“I’m done. Why are you so silent tonight?” He queried as he appeared from behind.

“Just thinking of something. Uhm. . .Hae, instead of watching movie, can we just watch stars outside?”

“I would love that.” He said, smiling. He grabbed my hand and we ran towards the door.

We sat at each other’s side on the stairs outside our house. We looked up at the sky simultaneously.

“Can you write my name by just connecting the stars at each other?” I asked him as I rested my head on his shoulder.

“Of course I can.” He said with pride.

“Let’s see.” I said as I tried to dare him.

 He raised his hand and started connecting the stars. Not long after, he did it. “See. I told you. I can do it.” He said, happily.

“Do you know what it means?” I asked.

“No” He quickly replied.

“When you successfully make it, it means that you’re meant to be with that someone.” I explained tersely.

“So, we’re meant to be, Jessie!” He said happily as he hugged me tightly.

I was surprised of his sudden act. But it made my heart fluttered. It was long ago since the first time he did it yet the feeling stays the same. In his arms nothing and no one would harm me. I was sure of that.

“I will only say this once, so listen carefully.” He said as he hugged me tighter. I looked at him with curious eyes. And then my heart started beating so loud against my chest. “I love you.” He continued sweetly as he kissed me on my forehead.

Everything seemed to be in slow mo. I felt like it was an occurrence in a Disney story. I felt like I was snow white who woke up after a true love’s kiss. All doubt that was running back and forth inside my head just suddenly vanished after that lovely three little words and magical kiss.

I maybe in doubt sometimes

But my heart remains

Loving you

I maybe a little hesitant

But my heart remains

True to you

I maybe a little numb

But my heart remains

Feeling you

We maybe confused at times

But I know our hearts

Will always know which way to go

Because our love will remains strong

And we will never get wrong