BACK TO LOVE
Back to Love
Attraction
The next day I tried to find Donghae around the hotel’s vicinity. I wanted to talk to him but can’t find him anywhere. I asked for the help of the receptionist on duty that day but he couldn’t provide me any details of their guests for some safety purpose reasons which I eventually understand.
I walked back to the room feeling hopeless and spent hours on the couch while Myungsoo was out for the closing ceremony of the business trip. I tried calling Donghae’s phone but it remains unattended.
It was past an hour after noon when the door opened and reveals Myungsoo. “What’s up, buddy?” he lively asked.
“I think I’m still good after what happened last night,” I replied, feeling down in the dumps.
Myungsoo quickly approached me and sat beside me. He hugged me tightly without words. We stayed like that for a minute or two before he finally detangled his arms around me. I sighed before he did. After that he asked me I’d like to accompany him for a walk outside before our flight back to Seoul and I immediately said yes.
We spent a two and a half hour around Shibuya Square. We went to different clothing stores, restaurants, and souvenir shops. It was fun enough to help me forget Donghae and the things that happened.
On our way to the hotel to the hotel, Myungsoo keeps on capturing me. I slapped his arm so hard that the camera almost fell. I’m grateful that his reflexes were fast to catch it just on time.
“Stop that, buddy. You’ve been capturing me since day one.” I squalled.
“Why? What’s wrong with capturing the most beautiful girl in the world?” he muttered while winking.
“Stop that. If I’m the most beautiful girl in the world why Donghae kissed someone else?”
“Maybe he is just too blind to see. And if he ever let you go, then it’s his lose not yours. So smile now,” he said as he took a picture of me once again.
I didn’t know what to feel that moment. But, mayhap, Myungsoo was right. I remained silent up to our room. I heard Myungsoo sighing but I didn’t mind at all. While on the road on our way to the airport, sweet music melts the ice of silence surrounding us.
--
Myungsoo’s POV:
An hour before our scheduled flight, I roamed around to find a computer shop where I could print her pictures. I even secretly brought a photo album to store all her pictures that I captured. I didn’t know if what I am thinking was right. But one thing is for sure, I love Jessica more than Donghae could do.
And it’s getting harder for me to stop myself from loving her, to pretend that I only care as a friend. I don’t think I can hold on to friendship any longer because the feeling of wanting her more than a friend is getting stronger that I thought.
I want to make her happy. I want to see her smile. I want to protect her and hug her when she’s hurt. I want to be her strongest pillar she can lean on when times gets rough. I knew it’s impossible, that I am dreaming with my eyes wide open. But if I believe and work hard on my dreams, I knew it will be possible…someday.
I walked to the place where I left her. She was busy reading again with earphones tucked on her ears. Her right foot was stomping that it seems like she was listening to a lively music that suits her mood right at the moment.
With trembling knees, I stood before her. She looked up to me with her forehead already creased. I handed to her a pink paper bag with a photo album in it. She turned off her iPod before removing the earphones on her ears. “What’s this?” she asked as she accepted it with a creased forehead.
“Just open it. And tell me your thoughts after,” I said trying to act cool.
I shut my eyes for a minute as she untied the ribbon that sealed the paper bag. My heart started to rise up and down inside my chest.
“I hope she smile after this,” I thought as I finally opened my eyes and stared at her, grinning from ear to ear.
--
I was curious about the pink paper bag that Myungsoo handed me. I quickly opened it and I was surprised to see a photo album inside it. I wondered what’s inside though I knew it was all picture. But pictures of who is what I wanted to know.
When I turned the cover, the first page says:
If one day you feel like crying,
Call me…
I don’t promise to make you laugh.
But I can cry with you.
If one day you want to run away,
Don’t be afraid to call me…
I don’t promise to ask you to stop.
But I can run with you.
If one day you don’t want to listen to anyone,
Call me…
I promise to be there for you.
And I promise to be quiet.
But if one day you call me,
And there is no answer…
Come fast to see me.
Perhaps I need you.
I started to smile like a weirdo after reading the touching poem. I never read such overwhelming poem before from someone in particular. It was my first time and I liked the feeling it brought me.
I slowly turned to the second page and it says:
“No matter how plain and simple you are,
There’s someone will surely look at you
As if you’re the most PERFECT creature ever existed.”
The third page says:
“You might be worthless and neglected by someone you love.
But for someone like me,
You will always be valued and cared for."
The forth and the fifth page says:
“Jessica, I’ve known you for quite a long time. And for that, I knew how beautiful person and lady you are inside and out. And because of those beautiful traits that you have, I can’t help myself from falling in love with somebody like you. I know this is not the right time to confess my feelings. However, I bravely take the risks because I know this is the only way to make you feel me—not as a friend but as a boy who has this heart, loving you in silent.
I know it’s not right to love someone like you who’s committed to someone else. I know you belong to someone else and I accept that. But as I witnessed you cry your heart out to someone who didn’t see your worth, it hurts me, too—for all I want is to see the lady precious to me happy with the one she loves.”
I didn’t know what to say or feel the moment I read those lines. It felt like I swallowed my whole tongue in times when I needed it the most. I couldn’t even look straight to him and utter how grateful I am to know those things."
The sixth, seventh and eight pages says:
In three days, I saw three sides of you which made me more attracted to you. The first is your y side.
The second is your bubbly side.
The third is your moody side which I find cute.
Myungsoo was the first person who captured this side of me. I seldom have mood swings and when it happens, I kinda turned into an ice princess like what my parents used to tell me.
The ninth and tenth page of the photo album says:
"These past days I spent with you, you easily got me love sick. And my heart would be sick forever if I don’t grab this chance to say what I truly feel for you. Even if revealing my heart would ruin our friendship, I’d still do it because I don’t want to feel love sick for the rest of my life."
"I love you. I am who I am when I’m with you. You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I ever wanted to have. And no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life.
Always remember that my heart is perfect because…you are inside. And I just can’t answer you if you bother to ask me to explain why I love you. Because explaining why I love you is like explaining the taste of the water. Impossible."
I finally got the guts to meet his eyes. As soon as our eyes met, I felt butterflies inside my stomach. Unexplainable feelings arises. I didn’t know what kind of feeling it was, yet somehow it made me smile.
“Jess, I hope you don’t think that I’m taking advantage of the situation. It’s just that, I can’t stop my heart for beating this way…for loving you. Jess, I’m attracted to you and that attraction grew into love. And right now, right at this very moment, I want to tell you that I love you,” Myungsoo said without a blink of an eye. He looked nervous but he managed to smile after spilling the beans he’s been hiding.
“I really don’t know what to say,” I said as I finally closed the photo album. “But thanks for revealing your heart. Thanks for the love but I don’t think I can give you the same love,” I continued.
He reached for my hands and held it tightly. He smiled though his eyes became teary and he uttered, “Its okay. Just let me love you in the best way that I can. Allow me to show you how important you are to me. In that way, I’m happy enough.”
I gave his hands a quick squeeze before letting out a long sigh. I knew that if I agree to him, it would hurt him. But if saying yes and allowing him to love me without asking anything from me in return would make him happy at the same time. “Uhm, Myungsoo, you know that that kind of idea is really complicated. You will love without getting love in return. It will hurt you, buddy.”
“It’s fine. As long as I can love you, it’s fine. And as long as I can be there for you, it’s fine.”
Without further ado, I let him love me more than a best friends while I remain loving him as my friend. I didn’t know what would happen to us the next day, but I hope everything between us would be fine.
Subscribers and comments are loved!
Author's Note:
Did I see it right? 60 subscribers!?! Wow~that's too much! I didn't expect it to be like this. Thank you very much from the buttom of my heart. All your comments are well appreciated. Sorry for the typos and all, I don't have enough time to review it.^^,
Shoutout post to everyone here!
Hello to the following fellas from different parts of the world
who supports, subscribes, and leave comments on BTL:
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Keep on supporting and reading BTL guys! 8 chapters to go before the much awaited ending.
What would be the ending, would it be MyungSica, HaeSica or she will be ended up with no one? :D
Lotsa love,
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