Jealousy

The day when I get back to Seoul, my mom told me that Hae was looking for me. I immediately dropped a voice mail to him saying that I wanted to talk to him about something. After ages of waiting, he only texted me with the word "okay". And that word pissed the hell out of me. And because of the indescribable feeling inside me, I decided to record songs that would reflect what I am feeling at the moment and give it to Donghae when I have time.

Another relationship
Is that what this is about
Another relationship
That you would leave your own house
For Another relationship
Was that the straw that broke the camels back
Another relationship another relationship
Baby tell me what’s up with that

What does she have on me
What does she do that is so damn good that would make you give up
all the love all the trust and the stuff that you built with me
Does she know my name
Did you ever tell her that she was taking and breaking the bond that we strengthened
through blood sweat and tears over the years

                                       -Another Relationship, Syleena Johnson

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

                                   -Behind these hazel eyes, Kelly Clarkson

Your cheatin' heart will make you weep
You'll cry and cry and try to sleep
But sleep won't come the whole night through
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you

When tears come down like fallin' rain
You'll toss around and call my name
You'll walk the floor the way I do
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you

Your cheatin' heart will pine some day
And crave the love you threw away
The time will come when you'll be blue
Your cheatin' heart will tell on you

                                    -Your cheating heart, Hank Williams

I hope that in time

You will find what you long for

Love that's written in the stars

When you finally do,

I think you will see

It’s somewhere in my broken heart.

                                  -Somewhere in my broken heart, Billy Dean

Imagine a world

where no music was playing

And think of a church

With nobody praying

Have you ever looked up

At a sky with no blue?

Then you've seen a picture of me

Without you.

                                     -A picture of me (without you), George Jones                                                                             

I didn't want to think that Donghae turned into a good-for-nothing boyfriend because he has done so many good things for me. I didn't want to think that he didn't care for me at all though his gestures told me the other way around.

All I ever wanted was to know the truth. I don't want to be fooled by the man I truly and only loved since my innocence. I still hold on to the promise he made, to the promise we made, though he obviously broke it without him knowing it.

I wanted to give up. But everytime I think of doing so, I started to feel coward to do it.

I love Donghae. I love Donghae so much that thinking of my tomorrows without him beside me I would crumble. I won't give up nor let him go if I still see hope for us. But if he decides to let go of me, I'm willing to set him free too even if doing it would be a lot harder for me.

--

DONGHAE'S POV:

I decided to surprise Jessica and pick her up from work and give a drive to Cafe Maria where we supposed to meet. She told me that she wanted to talk to me. And I believe this is the right time to tell her frankly about my wrong doings.

When I arrived at the lobby of the hotel, I saw Jessica happily chatting with Myungsoo. Somehow, seeing them together like that makes me feel a little jealous. And the feeling of it gives sting to my heart.

I tried to run after them with a bouquet of white roses on my hand that I hid behind my back. I was half-walking and half-running when they suddenly entered the elevator. I was rooted on my spot while my eyes busily followed them. They were visible through the clear glasses of the elevator. They were still chatting. Jessica looked full of joy of spring in his company. She smiled lively that I forgot the last time seeing her smiled like that because of me. Suddenly the guilt slashed through my reminiscing and the love I have for my first love sparks out of nowhere—that I started to realize how much I really love her.

I quickly went to the elevator and run after them again. But when I arrived on the floor where they at, my heart felt the sting of jealousy again as I witnessed Myungsoo planting a kiss on Jessica's forehead. His action has taken me aback. My hands lose grip on the bouquet that it hits the ground.

And then I ran away without looking back. It hurts. The jealousy hurts that it leaves a small scar in my heart. I hated Myungsoo; I hated him down to my bones that if I got the chance to beat him, I would definitely do it.

--

I've been waiting for Donghae to come. He was three hours late. And though I knew he's not coming anymore, I still waited for him. I was asking the waiter for a cup of coffee when Myungsoo rang my phone.

"Are you still with Donghae now?" he queried.

"Actually I'm still waiting for him to come." I replied.

"How long you've been waiting for him?"

"About three hours and counting," I said. And the rain started to fall.

"It's raining cats and dogs. Wait for me, I'll pick you up," he said worriedly.

"You don't have to. I'll just wait for Donghae." I insisted.

"Okay. But if he's not yet there when the rain stops, I'll pick you up whether you say yes or no," he said firmly.

"Okay. Thanks! You're such a good friend."

"That's what friends are for, buddy," he laughed.

When he hung up, I dialled Donghae's number and it only keeps on ringing. I tried calling him until my thumb turns numb. I started to get impatient.

As I calmed myself, the cafe's door swung open, revealing Donghae who was totally soaked from the rain. He turned his gaze to me—emotionless. I quickly ran towards him with my handkerchief ready to dry him. "You should not let yourself soaked in the rain. You should shelter yourself when the hard rain fell," I said, concerned.

He looked straight into my eyes without blinking before he tightly gripped my hand that was holding the handkerchief. "Hae, it hurts," I whispered with a tint of pain in my voice. My eyes turned teary.

I whispered the same words for the second time before he finally let go of my hand and he exited the cafe without saying an apology. I ran after him, though the rain outside still pouring hard. "Donghae wait...”

--

MYUNGSOO'S POV:

I drove to pick up Jessica from the cafe when she didn't pick up my second call. It bothers me so I drive quickly not minding if the roads were slippery.

When I was a meter away from the cafe, I saw Jessica running after someone under the rain with her bag on her head, shielding herself from the big teardrops of rain. I quickly parked the car and run after her.

"Jessica!!!" I yelled as loud as I could. She stopped and turned around to see me. I took long strides to reach her and sheltered her under my umbrella.

"You must not come," she said in gritted teeth.

"Why not? I told you I'll pick you when Donghae didn't come. Did he come to meet you?" I asked as I wiped her face with my handkerchief.

"Of course I come," a voice intervened.

I was surprised. "Why you let your girlfriend soaked in the rain?" I asked, concerned.

Donghae smirks and then replied, "Who are you to care that much? Huh?"

"I'm her friend and I'm concern about her health," I said.

"A friend? Really?"

I didn't have the chance to defend myself as he quickly threw punches on my face hardly that I lose my balance. I heard Jessica yelling and begging for us to stop but we turned deaf that moment. I punched back as hardly as I could that we wrestled each other under the rain.

Jessica was crying when we finally stopped. Donghae and I were both lying on the wet cemented floor. Our faces were both bloody and bruised that we almost beaten each other to death.

She quickly knelt down to check my condition that almost caused another commotion between us if Jessica didn't shield herself for me.

"Just leave for now Donghae,” she uttered in between weeps.

"Are you with that jerk?" Donghae annoyingly asked as he pointed a finger on my face.

"I said JUST LEAVE!" she shouted out of vex that without another word, Donghae sighed heavily before walking away.