How does it feel like to love someone whom the world tells me I am not supposed to love?

Honestly, I don't give a single damn about those opinions.

However, I do know what it is like to love someone I cannot be with.

And well, both 'someone' in the situation so happened to be the same person.

"Yoong? Yoong! Are you okay?"

"N-Neh!"

I answered mindlessly and instead of thinking about the performance later, my head was filled with you.

"Come on! We're gonna have fun later! Finally, having a dinner with Big Bang later~"

Hyoyeon unnie was all hyped up, but I was just feeling all the way down to the pit.

Because that 'someone' was going to be there.

☆☆☆☆☆

I know how it feels to have my brain tell me one thing and my heart another.

Just like the situation I am in right now.

Seohyun was not joining us for today's performance so technically I'm the maknae and I had my make up done up first.

Then I was tasked to bring our newest album to Big Bang.

I was already in front of their waiting room, facing the door that was shut.

My mind was telling me that I couldn't do this, I would just make things more awkward between us. I could easily ask any of the unnies to do this and they would kindly accept the request.

But, my heart couldn't wait to get in and see your face. It's telling me to knock the door, to push in to see your face that I'd missed dearly. Just this one time wouldn't kill.

So, which one was I suppose to listen to?

Just as I was contemplating and I am always like this when the decision is about you, the door came undone from inside.

I could almost hear my heart beat.

I held my breath and looked up.

"Oh."

And it so happened to be you.

That 'someone', the leader of Big Bang.

Kwon Jiyong.

☆☆☆☆☆

I know how hard it is to love someone in secret.

How I wish I could step forward to give you a hug, allowing you to take away all my insecurities.

How I wish I could tell you that we'd make a really cute pair.

Lastly, how I wish I could tell you that I really like you.

But I know I can't and shouldn't do all those.

"O-Oh, I'm here to deliver the albums."

"Come in, the guys are inside."

You gave me a smile and took over the bag of album that I was holding.

I looked away guiltily. I wanted to move my legs but they weren't moving.

"Yoona's here!"

"Yoona?" Daesung oppa came into the picture and was looking at me weirdly. "Why are you staring blankly? Come in!"

"N-Neh!"

I sighed as I entered the room, this was going to be hard.

"Yoong, join us for dinner later! I bet Hyoyeon have told everyone about it, right?"

"Yas! Time for some SoshiBang bonding~"

I could feel your eyes and attention on me.

"D-Depends." I'm not in a good condition and being around you would only make it worse. I didn't want to cry. "Alright, I'm heading back. See you guys on stage later!"

I left the room without turning back.

It's hard to live with the knowledge that if circumstances had been different I would be with the one I love, I would be bappy.

If only I'm not an idol and you're just a normal person.

Not the famous G-Dragon that was too far to reach.

☆☆☆☆☆

"Yoong! Where are you going?" We had changed out from our outfits, into casual clothes with mask on.

I was about to sne