Chapter 22: The One

I don’t want you to love me because I’m good for you, because I say and do all the right things,

Because I am everything you have been looking for.

I want to be the one that you didn’t see coming.

The one that gets under your skin. Who makes you unsteady. Who makes you question

Everything you have ever believed in love.

Who makes you feel reckless and out of control.

The one you are infuriatingly and inexplicably drawn to.

I don’t want to be the one who tucks you to bed—

I want to be the reason why you can’t sleep at night.

Sandara Park buried herself to work when Kwon Jiyong enlisted. She’s become reckless, saying yes to all the commitments in and out of Korea, even Yang Hyunsuk texted her “Yah!Are you trying to kill yourself?”

“I’m trying to kill the time, sajangnim.”

“You’ll manage to die first before killing the time, Dara-yah…”

What is a girlfriend ought to do while waiting for her boyfriend to finish without being unscathed? Nobody knows how she felt empty and lonely when she came home from her apartment on the night when Jiyong entered his training base. It was stupid how she entertained Jiyong’s idea of a week of practice—does he not know separation anxiety does not care about practicing? If it hits you, it will blow you up—anytime, anywhere. Although they’re not officially living in together, usually nights after a long business trip outside the country, she would be in his apartment drinking wine with him, while he’s into a new book, or when he rereads some of his classics. Or re-watching their favorite movies while both snuggle under the covers in his couch.

Even after his multiple protests, she will put a face mask on him, “Yah!Jjinja, smoking and sleeping late makes your skin ugly, just put it on!!!”she’ll nag.

“Not everyone is as poreless as you ahjumma!”

She’ll flick his forehead for being stubborn, “You look older than me!” At the end she’ll manage to put it on his face. Seconds after she’ll hear his light snores, “Look at this boy…really.” She steals a kiss on the part where she flicked, then mutters her goodnight, “Dream of me..”

“Always…”

How cruel reality sometimes is, it brought her back to her empty apartment, but with a heart full of longing and nostalgia. Yet, still empty. Yet still lonely. Nobody really knew how she curled up in her tub, trying to drown her sadness. Jiyong sent her a text which she hasn’t read yet, in her mind, the torture of how she’s missing him stopped her from reading but her heart knows, it will heal the hole he left. She’s so tired from her Bangkok trip because nobody knew how the four corners of her hotel room heard her wails after that one last facetime with him.

“I want to fly back now…Yah! HOW COME TOP CAN SEE YOU OFF!?!” her nose was red from crying. Jiyong’s eyes were so droopy, he’s trying not to shed any tears because Sandara can call a chartered plane to Korea, she’s got connections in Thailand, she can if she wants to.

“Because we’re GD&TOP!!!” he tried to humor her. “Yah, you know you’re the only one that can visit me during the weekends though? Stop the tantrums now, you’re being cute I might buy your ticket.”

“THEN BUY IT!”

“I don’t know why you’re being so dramatic ssantokki! After five weeks you can visit me, and I heard we can use our phones…” he explained, he can hear her sobs.

“It’s not the same, you know that!!!”

“Send me nudes…so”

“Shut UP!”

He was cut off, “Be serious Jiyong!!” She continued to call him all the names she could think of, asking him why he cannot be mature, “What if you get tired of me?!” she asked suddenly.

“Ask yourself that. What if you get tired of waiting?”

“Why didn’t you ask me to marry you then!”

“I was going to!For a lot of times! You just run away—you’re funny Sandara!” But nobody was laughing.

The wails started again, he smiled at her, teasingly “I love you…”

“I can’t breathe,” she managed to say in between her sobs. “What if there is a pretty officer, and she happens to be a fan of yours, then you’ll forget this old woman…Ommooo! Jiyong-ah.”

He thought her pout is so adorable, “She’s not my Sandara anyway—my love relax, I only wanted you.”

“You say that now—but once new girl group members visit your barracks you’ll be in a dating rumor again!”she continued to rant how she hates it when she reads girl group members’ message him with “Gdragon-sunbaenim we’ll be waiting!”

“ARE THEY CRAZY?! I don’t like women like that, jjinjja.Why would they wait for someone else’s boyfriend? Are they allowed to date now, kids these days really!!!” Dara might look like a softie but she’s way tougher than everyone expected her to be. She’s stronger than him, and he knows that. Dara protected him from himself when he made a very bad decision once. She never left him. The measure of how great her love can stretch has not been discovered yet, but he’s sure that it will be endless.

“Hey…I love you. Only you, Dara. It’s just you, always remember that. I’d refuse to love someone else, if it’s not you. There will be no one else.”he said so smoothly that the ache she’s feeling was tickled, his words are the cure to her bothered heart,

“Promise?!”

“I’m yours, my love.”

This spring night is colder than the winter that just passed. She can hear her deep exhales, her whole body ached from exhaustion, but her heart is a troubled part of her making her physical container let her sad soul out. She once read a book about being in two places at a time, astral travels and some metaphysical . She wanted to be a living ghost, pack her bags to Cheorwon, Gangwondo, and visit him in his dreams— “I;m being weird Jiyong-ah. Your absence is making me lose it.” Then she just talked to herself confirming that she’s at the last thread of her sanity.

“The night sky is clear…the bright superstar is shining in Gangwondo…” she whispered to nobody. Sleep did not visit her that night. Her eyes were shut but her mind was somewhere else, is this what you feel when they say I miss you so much it hurts?!

For the five weeks of his training he’s not allowed any outside world contact, so what she did to bridge the gap was to sleep in his place, she keyed in his code, she was surprised when Kwon Dami almost bumped into her, “Omoo!Dara-yahh! You missed him too?”

“I guess—”

Iye purred and rub his head to her legs, “Your omma is here Iye-ah.” Dami chuckled at how the sassy little cat turns into an adorable cutie fluffball when Dara came in. Just like his master…even to Jiyong Iye can be as diva as he wished.

“Are you going to sleep here?!” his sister asked. Dara let out a nervous laugh, “Neh.”

“You really miss him huh?!”

“More than I imagined it to be…” Dami smirked and stepped into his kitchen, getting the liberty to open one of his vintage wines. “Jiyong still has some caviars and truffles—I’ll make out something out of these foods, you know like, the way he likes it with his wine…” Dara nodded and carefully walked her way to his room, the eerie silence welcomed her. Like how he is, his bed was neatly made, but his desk was left with his opened notebook with his penned lyrics…She flipped the pages and saw how he uses her polaroid picture as a bookmark, “I love you more than I miss you,” he wrote in his usually sharp penmanship.

“Me too.” Her thoughts screamed. Lost in her thoughts as she skims through his stuff only to be interrupted by Dami’s knock, “Dara-yah come let’s have some wine. Finally, it’s just us two!!” Jiyong will always be “third-wheeling” them most of the times. Dami always claims that Sandara is the sister she wished she had—she’s pretty, and so small.

With legs folded on Jiyong’s couch, they shared a half-full glass of wine, the first sip was so smooth, so delicate, “This is a good wine,” Dara muttered, then she grabbed the bottle, “OMO!!!A 1984 Classic…” It is a 1984 Nuits saint Georges Clos des Corvées Jadot, her eyes widened, quite surprised that he collects vintage wines that are not of his birthyear, “He buys vintage wines that are not 1988?”

Dami chuckled as she observes Dara’s, “1984 was the year you were born—do the math…”

“Eyyy. NO way!”

“My brother loves you so much…” Dami softly mumbled, “Have you seen him buy his vintage wines? If they do not have a 1988, he’ll ask if they have an 84…”

“He’s such an idiot…” Sandara felt her heart jumped a little more than the usual beatings, it is such a little thing to get crazy about. These little details that she sometimes misses because Jiyong gives her more. As the night deepen, and the vintage wine is almost half empty. Two drunken middle-aged women shared endless laughters, stories to fill each other up, as both are busy women in their own careers. Both cheeks are alcohol-flushed, “Don’t you have any schedule tomorrow?!” Dami wondered, Dara is careful of what she eats when she films the next day, “I do—actually, but you know…I am surprised that I don’t care…I miss him…”

“Aigoo…Dara-yah…” Dami called, “I just wanted to ask this, and answer me honestly, not just because I am Jiyong’s sister but as your long-time friend.”

Dara straightened up, the wine made her tipsy but Dami’s tone forced her to be sober, “Omoo—what is that?”

“Are you not sure about my brother?” she observed Dara’s face, the latter bit her lips readying herself of the things that she will say next, “Like—why do you keep on hiding what both of you have? Because honestly, I am not getting it now…Both of you are established people…Sorry, am I being nosey?!” Dara bowed her head down, “It’s just that I thought both of you will come out clean when he head locked you in public, but