Chapter 18: AND/OR

I once wrote a book and called it And/Or.

It was about choosing between either, or having the option of both.

I’m not sure why I wrote it. Perhaps it had something to do with how I looked at life. My lack of care. My indecision. I wanted everything because I didn’t want enough.

Then I met you and it changed me. For once in my life there was something I wanted. So much.

For me, that was the death of the word or; because now, there is no other. It was the end of the word, and; for I love only you.

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“I’ll pay…” Jiyong heard Dara say, right after they sat right across each other. The waiter gave them the menus, he tried to ignore her as he skims through the food lists.

“You do not need to.”he shrugged off her offer. They always get into a little argument when they dine out…alone. They’re in a small restaurant in Jeju. There are a couple of people dining too, he’s amused at how they did not even give them a second glance. But he got comfortable right away because it is rare for him to not get any attention.

“I hate owing people…So I’ll get the bill.”

“People?! Yah..Sandara Park, you’re talking to me. I am your man, not just any other person.” He sounded so offended.

“I’ll just transfer it back on your account…Dara.” He spared her a look, he can see her forehead wrinkled.

“I have money Jiyong…” she muttered without looking at him.

“This talk is done.”

Biting her lips, “If we were married it is okay to always pay for my food. We are not yet married!”

“This talk is done, Dara…I hate repeating myself.” Jiyong rarely calls her by her name, he’ll always call her by their endearment especially when alone. When he gets annoyed by her, she’s just Dara. After all these years Dara will never get used to having someone pay for her needs, or maybe she just does not want to be the typical girlfriend who wants their boyfriend paying for everything.

It has come to her attention that he used her name a few times already, might as well not press on it.

When their eyes met she gave him a smile, “Next trip I’ll pay for everything…” She can see his forehead crease and he’s about to fight back again. “My Birthday my treat.”

“If you really are pushing Dara Tour, then okay baby.” Finally, he beamed at her. “YEEEEY!!!” she clapped and Jiyong giggled.

After they dined out, they paid Monsant a visit, and Jiyong had to settle some things on the café, so she went for a stroll on the shore alone. It was the smell of sea water and the soothing air of Jeju that made her intake a deep breath, eyes closed. She hears everything; the waves, the dried leaves that swirl with the wind and even her own steady breaths. She took another deep inhale somehow having to be near the sea gives her relief. She does not know why she needs this certain kind of relief that she will never find in Seoul, maybe she’s missing Busan, her hometown. Maybe it’s just her, maybe it’s one of her “down days.” Thus, healing time.

Healing “babe” time is so much better than her regular healing trips, because first, Jiyong pays for everything, she’ll chip in because she insists but after a few minutes he’ll just transfer the money back on her account, there’s no use at all. It only starts a petty fight, some gender equality debates come through.

Relationships are ed up, you know. It’s like, you want to be with someone because the idea of having to feel that you’re needed and wanted gives you some ticklish emotions. It feels good to have someone that would want to hold you and be close to you, but after years of having to normalise those wonderful feelings you get tired. It will also make you miss independence.

It all goes down to LOVE IS A CHOICE. AN AND / OR.

There are still couples who have been with each other for years now. Forever does not deserve the slander if we look at it. Forever is a choice, it exists but people who only see love as something beautiful tends to crumble and get bitter in the end, why? We must accept that love is ugly too and it has a lot of dimensions.

Whenever someone tells Jiyong “You and Dara are still together?!WOW. DAEBAK!” he feels a sense of pride and it maximizes his ever-growing feelings for her. If he gets the chance to advice about love, he would say, INDIVIDUALITY is key. Do not lose the individuality. That sense of individuality cannot be missing.

What are some of those overused break-up phrases?!

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

“I need to find myself first…”

“I need to love myself first…”

“I need to understand myself first…”

Why is that?! Humans are selfish beings and it takes a lot of ounces of courage to commit with one person without jeopardizing your sense of being you. It sounds so twisted and complicated because it is.

If you’re a man, typically you will feel intimidated when a woman has established a certain independence that will strike as “BOI, I don’t need you, I can finance myself and I can all do the loving by myself.” Dara has that kind of vibe when you really try to understand her. It is true that she has that aura that would make you want to protect her, but she’s stronger than the image she projects. We’re talking about this smol bean who headed her family ever since she’s 18 years old, hustled in a foreign land, learned the language, then trained back in her home country, rejected but still pushed it. Now,LOOK AT DARA, she’s become an icon.

Jiyong loves his woman cold, independent and only a softie to him. Whipped. Although there are things that he wants her to do for the sake of his sanity, he knows Dara is her own person. Anyway, his woman is independent but texts him “IMISSYOU’s” “I love you’s” and her cute photos that will never be uploaded on DARAXXI. He got tons, he even has clips of her doing aegyo, and kids, it will never be uploaded because it is dangerous…Dara is too adorable, lots of men would want her…more. He hates men who would think of her in a certain way. *Note that, Dara and Jiyong opt to not join the Kwai craze because it gets uploaded automatically. They know the drills.

On cue: MY GIRLFRIEND MY GIRLFRIEND SHE AIN’T NO SIDECHICK MISTRESS GIRLFRIEND. My girlfriend my girlfriend there’s nothing in this world compared to my girlfriend.

For Dara, her man is GDragon, his achievements alone intimidate her. Kwon Ji Yong is a genius, and everybody knows that, but she knows him deeper than anyone, it gives her quite a quake on her being like he