your name was always the first i heard.

my ears would perk up at the sound of your name. the words 'byun baekhyun' meaning more than just a name to me. at this sound, I would look up and see you suddenly around me, filling the atmosphere with your persona. I smiled, the phosphenes I caught in your eyes and wide smile spreading to my face. nothing was truly ever the same after I noticed you looking up at the words 'park chanyeol'. when I first realized, my heart lept more at the slight jerk up of your head than towards the person calling my name. I smiled, and you caught it. eventually, it was I who uttered the words 'byun baekhyun' and held your hand down the halls. you called out 'park chanyeol' and I would know exactly who that voice belonged to.

high school love is what we became.

we held hands and I brought that hand to my lips and kissed it, smiling against your skin while you turned away and blushed a million shades of red. 'beautiful,' I whispered, and you knew that it was meant for you. then I'd let your hand go, advancing my lips to touch yours, my fingers tilting your chin upwards, yet you still stood on your toes. we smiled into the kiss and felt the world stop. 'I love you,' you whispered, and I knew that those words were meant for me.

our love influenced our careers.

I let go of my dream to be with you. I chose to be your base, your instrument. you were the singer and I was the chord maker. our apartment dorm was filled with stray music sheets, lyric pages, and music history. it was your dream to be an idol, the figurehead of entertainment. 'your wish, is my command,' I said with lovey dovey eyes, the blush that sunk into your skin showing that you knew that I would only say those words for you. playing guitar to hear your voice blend with my strums was worth my broken dream. oh, for I was so in love with you, nothing could overpower my need for you to be happy. 'what would I do without you,' with those words you giggled and I smiled, leaning in to kiss your chapped lips.the love we shared never came to an end.

even if your voice couldn't reach the notes you used to reach, I still strummed for you, lost in the perfect illusion that we were alright. I never wanted to notice your drying lips against my soft ones. I never wanted to pay attention to your fading smile that gave way to frowns. when I found you sprawled out on the wooden floor mid summer, I knew I was an idiot. 'I need an ambulance. yes, its my boyfriend- no- he's not moving- please,' I didn't know if you could hear me still, but if you did, you would have known without a doubt those words were for you. they came and moved you to the hospital. they told me it was a tumor. a tumor they could no longer remove for it was connected to nerves in your facial area and spinal chord. 'park chanyeol, you're an idiot,' I whispered to myself, for you could no longer talk.

my love for you never diminished.

throughout the time you were in the hospital, you could not speak. you could only write to me the sentences you wished to speak. and I smiled sadly, writing my replies on the same pad of paper. the only time I spoke to you was when the nurses told me to leave. I left with the words, 'I love you,' ringing in your ears, your entire being wanting to say it back for you yourself didn't know when the lump in your mind would make that the last time you would hear the saying from my lips.

'I love you,' you thought, before I heard the words, 'code blue,' blast from the hospital speakers. I felt tears run down my face because I knew that those words were meant for you.