Dreiundvierzig

Today was the third day. And Sehun was here again.

Again. Here he was again, sitting in that damned spot and staring straight into me with those damned, hurting eyes.

“I want to order.” His voice was quiet.

Gritting my teeth, I gave him the meanest glare I could possibly give him without my heart bursting from guilt and sorrow and turned my back to him. Ignoring his request, I turned to Jieun and waved her over.

“Sorry, Jieun,” I muttered, “Can you please take this customer’s orders? And, please also tell your father that I’ll be quitting from now on, thank you.”

Without waiting to look at Jieun’s surprised expression, and the damaged look that must be on Sehun’s face right now, I quickly took off the apron and stormed inside the change rooms. My head was in a mess. My emotions was in a mess. I, was a mess.

Fighting back tears, I cursed slightly before flinging the uniform onto the floor. But then, seeing the crumpled up shirt sprawled messily on the wooden planks, I then sighed and folded it up neatly before putting it nicely on a nearby chair.

With one last glance back at what was an attempt at freedom and independence, I shook my head and left the restaurant.

What a messed up fate this was. Just when I thought everything was starting to look up, just when Jongin was willing to release a little of his grip on me and let me work…look what happened.

Out of all restaurants. Out of all places. Out of all times…

Sehun just had to appear.

He just had to appear and shatter that hope I had held onto so strongly these past few years. He just had to. He just had to.

Shaking my head, tears began welling up again. Raising my hand, I was about to wipe it away when a strong grip grasped onto my wrist and swirled me around, pulling me into a tight embrace.

“Don’t go.”

It was such a suffocating hug that I almost thought it was Jongin.

But the broken tone that spoke into my ears told me that it was Sehun.

Gritting my teeth, I used all of my strength and pushed Sehun away from me, my breath stuck in my throat. My face contorting into an angry scowl, I hardened my stance and glared up at the broken man.

“That’s enough!” I snarled, “Didn’t you say that you were going to give up on me five years ago? You said that you were going to forget about me, so why are you doing this now!?”

Sehun looked lost. He looked lost and confused – almost as if he didn’t know why he was being this persistent. Or, perhaps he was confused as to why he even needed a reason to hug me; why even though I’m still Yoo Nari and he’s still Oh Sehun, he needed a reason to be close to me.

And in the depth of his eyes, I could see that he was trying to forget.

But not to forget me.

He wanted to forget the misfortunate happenings that just had to happen. To forget the awkwardness that had come in between us, and the wounds that was slashed countless times onto both our hearts.

He was trying to forget, and go back to how we were like before.

Forget about the tear-stained conversations, forget about our broken promises, forget about Kim Jongin…

“…But you can’t.”

Sehun jolted a little. Even I was mildly surprised by the words that tumbled out of my lips – but when I saw his baffled expression, I knew that we were thinking the exact same thing.

I guess even after all those years, we still think alike, huh?

Shaking my head, I let out a sigh.

“We can’t forget, Sehun.” My voice was cracking, I was desperate. “Don’t try to forget and go back to the past. Time can’t be revised, and the decisions we made can’t be revised so-“

“-So?” Sehun’s voice was cold, “So you’re telling me to just move on?”

My eyebrows furrowed further together. “Yes.”

A scoff escaped Sehun’s lips, and it sent shivers down my spine. I had never heard such an emotionless, bitter sound escape from Sehun, from such a warm and considerate man-

…

Well. I guess we’ve all changed.

“I did try to move on.” I was jolted out of the uncomfortable feeling by the words articulated clearly out of Sehun’s lips. They felt like cold ice crystals, though sharp but heart-wrenchingly fragile.

“I went on blind dates, I even tried dating – I found myself a new job, moved out of my old house…” Sehun stared straight into my eyes, daring me to deny his efforts, “I tried everything. But I couldn’t move on.”

“So Nari, why don’t you tell me,” A pitifully feeble smile dragged the corners of his lips up, “How else should I move on?”

My chest rising, I opened my lips to speak – but no words came out of my throat. My eyes flickering, I once again opened my lips to try give him a good comeback, but once again no words came out.

Painfully, dreadfully, shamefully…it was then, it was in that moment, that I realised I could not answer him.

I…couldn’t answer him.

Here I was, demanding for him to move on and for him to forget, but what right do I have?

When he’s tried everything to give up on me, how else should I ask him to move on?

Just for my own convenience, should I be so forceful to make him forget?

Aren’t I, in a way, trying to forget as well? To forget about Sehun, so I can move on with my life?

Seeing my speechless state, Sehun let the smile drop off his face.

“I guess I can’t blame you either,” Sehun spoke softly, “We can only blame fate. Just when I felt like I could forget you a little, I just had to bump into you again. I’m sure you hate this fate too, don’t you?”

I remained silent, and speechless. Shame was crawling up my cheeks and digging into my heart.

“Well,” The light laugh that escaped Sehun’s lips was frightfully awkward, and terrifyingly sad, “You quit the job anyway, it’s not like you’re even giving this fate a chance. You’re not even giving me a chance.”

Another silence.

“Say something,” There was a gentle urge in Sehun’s voice, “Don’t give me that silence.”

But I remained silent.

“Nari?” The urge melted to almost a plead, “Won’t you say something? Don’t you have anything to say before we abandon this fate?”

My face now so scrunched up as I tried to battle the overwhelming emotions that was suffocating my heart, I couldn’t find the stren