Dreiunddreißig

But white is the only colour which can turn black into grey, right?

Right…?

Right?

No.

No. That’s not right. That’s not fair. White doesn’t turn black into grey…black turns white into grey.

Burying my head in my palms as my mother’s words stuck to my mind, I allowed my body to lean towards my knees as my shoulders crouched forwards. I was sitting by myself on an isolated bench which looked towards the Han River, and though cold wind blew past my bruised arm, sending dull pain tingling up the surface of my skin, but my heart was in too much chaos to care about my physical needs right now.

“Nari.”

My body froze as a familiar voice spoke from in front of me, and the feeling of claustrophobic sensation came wrapping itself against my heart as annoyance and desperation I never knew I possessed before meeting Kim Jongin once again visited me like an old friend.

An old friend who desires to stab my heart countless times until it can no longer beat anymore.

“Nari.” The voice once again called out to me. The tone wasn’t gentle nor was it tender, it was a harsh, stone-cold sound that came in the form of my name. But with no reason now to please the man calling me after that failure of a plan yesterday, I heeded him no attention and continued staring down at my lap, my hands still hugging my head.

“Yoo Nari!“

A strong grip grabbed onto my wrist and yanked them off my head, forcing me to look up at him. Though his grip on my wrist hurts especially with the slight cuts and bruises, I kept my expression steady and emotionless. Fine. If he wants me to marry him, then I will.

But two can play this game.

“What are you doing here?” Despite his cold tone, his eyes were blazing with emotion, “Why did you turn your phone off?”

I narrowed my eyes and chose not to reply to him. Yanking my wrist off his grip, I crossed my arms and stared into the distance, uncaring of the painful throb that came along as my skin twisted against his hands in order to pull them away.

“Ignoring me isn’t going to get you anywhere, Nari.” Jongin’s tone had become incredulously dangerous. It seemed like he was on the edge of impatience and I wasn’t scared to test it out. What was he going to do? Slap me? Hit me? Abuse me?

It’s not like he’s not already doing it to me, so what more could I be afraid of?

With a loud, aggravated sigh as I still remained silent, Jongin reached out and grabbed my wrist again before yanking me to a standing position. Before I knew it, he was dragging me over to his car parked a few metres away from the bench.

I didn’t struggle much – though I struggled to keep up to the tremendous pace Jongin was walking at. And with my physical stamina and physical wellbeing reaching to such a fragile point at this current moment, I was mildly horrified to find myself panting like I had just ran a race by the time we reached his car.

Jongin seemed to have noticed the quick, shallow breaths I was taking, yet he said nothing and only let go of my wrist silently. Seemingly to have calmed down a little after seeing my exhausted state, he opened the door for me without a word and guided me inside the car. By the time we arrived back to the penthouse, I was ready to just lock myself in my room and sleep the remaining days until the wedding away.

Once I was inside the house, I was about to stride off into my room when Jongin suddenly wrapped his arms against my shoulders and pulled me forcibly into his chest. Gasping a little, I gripped onto Jongin’s arms to try and pull them away from me, but he only tightened his hug against my small built.

Without much stamina left to fight against Jongin anyway, I gave up and stood limply within Jongin’s embrace.

“What do you want?” My voice came out as hostile as my feelings for the man hugging me.

“I want to know why,” Jongin whispered against my hair, “I want to know why you chose to abandon me. Why, Nari? Aren’t I good enough? Aren’t I the man whom every girl wants? Why can’t you see that it’s a privilege to marry me?”

“And I can’t seem to understand why you would want to tie me to you side so much.” I snapped back in reply, “Just why are you doing this? You don’t even love me!”

“I love you.” Jongin’s arms tightened furthermore around me, so much that I felt like I would collapse under the pressure of his arms, “I love you, Nari-“

“-Based on what?” The adrenaline that rushed through my veins allowed me to break free from Jongin’s embrace, “Based on what, Jongin? You love me based on what? You don’t even know what I like!”

“Why should I base it on anything?” Jongin’s eyes widened, “Love is just love. It is merely an emotion you own, why should it even matter?”

I almost laughed at Jongin’s reply. It was so ridiculous, I almost laughed. With new found resentment towards the man in front of me, I shook my head and took a step away from Jongin.

“Aren’t you just treating me like a toy?” Taking another step away from Jongin, my voice rose a little with contempt, “You only want me because I’m resisting against you, isn’t that right? You’re only treating this as a game, aren’t you? Then after a few more years, you’ll grow tired of me and then throw me away-“

“-YOU’RE THE ONE WHO THREW ME AWAY.”

The roar that erupted from Jongin’s lips immediately shut me up, and fighting back tears and the feeling of fear, I bit my lips and tried not to cower away from the violen