Vierzig

Jongin had no idea how to be a father.

When he was little, he was faced with a father who watched him with hawk eyes – demanding him to be the best at everything. But there were no laughter and father-son bonding in this sort of fathering; there were no smiles and football games in the park.

The only thing that determined whether Jongin proved to be a good son was his grades, the medals he won, and the pride he brought to his family.

Henceforth, the young Jongin then thought that this was the definition of a ‘father’.

That to be demanding and to be stern was how a father was meant to be.

But then, his mother left. And his father changed.

What once was a serious and harsh figure in his life all of a sudden became afraid and cautious. There were no longer roars and punishment for not getting 100% on his tests, and they were instead replaced with disappointed sighs that seemed scared to go any further.

His father almost became frightened to yell at him, sending Jongin into a frenzy of confusion.

So what exactly was a ‘father’?

To be stern, or to be afraid? To be harsh, or to be cautious?

What does a father do for a son anyway?

“Just love him.”

Blinking out of his daze, Jongin turned his head slowly to look at Nari who was sitting on the couch, a small smile playing at her lips.

It was a warm Saturday morning, and Jongin had woken up to find a two-year old Gikwan playing by himself on the carpet in the living room with Nari nowhere to be seen.

At first, Jongin wanted to just leave the kid alone, but after going forwards and backwards for a while, Jongin then gave in and sat down opposite to Gikwan, who lifted his lips up into a smile and gurgled a laughter at Jongin. And it took Jongin almost all his effort to also lift the corners of his lips into a crooked, awkward smile.

“A-pp-a.” Gikwan’s smile widened at Jongin’s reaction and he waved his arms at his father, almost as if indicating that he wanted a hug, but Jongin remained still and did not move to hug his child. A part of him wanted to shower affection to Gikwan, but another part of him forced him to remain seated dumbly in front of the small toddler.

And it was then as Jongin stared helpelessly into the eyes of his child did he realise that he, had no idea how to be a father.

Kim Jongin, the powerful CEO who had hundreds, perhaps even thousands of employees under him, did not know how to rule one little toddler.

How embarrassing was this?

So when Nari suddenly spoke, notifying Jongin of her presence, Jongin could feel heat creep up to his cheeks. How long had Nari been sitting there? Did she witness him being completely useless as he didn’t even know how to communicate with his kid?

Nari seemed to notice Jongin’s tense expression, so she quickly spoke again.

“Oh, I just thought that you might be thinking about how to play with Gikwan,” Nari explained with a smile, “So I’m just trying to tell you that all you have to do is to love him. It doesn’t matter how you communicate with Gikwan, as long as you love him, then that’s enough.”

A dumbfounded expression crossed Jongin’s face as he stared up at Nari, and as her words sank in, a sense of realisation washed over him.

Love him, eh?

Turning back to Gikwan, Jongin then slowly reached his hand out and patted Gikwan on the head. And…it felt kind of nice. Gikwan’s hair was soft, and the warmth of Gikwan’s head seemed to evaporate into his palm like a comfortable heat pack.

So, Jongin patted Gikwan’s head a second time, a third time, a fourth time…until Gikwan’s face had turned down into a huge scowl and was trying to wriggle away from his father’s never-ending pats.

But a small fire had already sparked in Jongin’s heart, and the tiniest of smiles on his lips, Jongin continued to touch Gikwan’s head.

“MMuuggghh!” Gikwan let out a disgruntled grunt before he slapped Jongin’s hand away and quickly staggered away from Jongin with clumsy steps into Nari’s hug.

As Gikwan snuggled his face into Nari’s chest, a beautiful sound filled up the living room.

It was the sound of laughter.

To be precise, it was the sound of Nari’s laughter.

Here it was again, this pure and happy laughter. This laughter that sent flurries of flutters up Jongin’s heart, and this laughter which seemed to brighten up the entire world.

Stunned, Jongin found himself staring at Nari once again.

Nari had gotten incredibly beautiful over the past two years. She had gained back her weight and her complexion was fair and healthy, she no longer had problems exercising – now she could even carry the heavy Gikwan around the house and not get tired.

But what struck Jongin the most, was the fact that Nari laughed. The Nari, who used to cry eve