Zwangzig

Listened to Daisy (Hey) whilst writing this chapter.

Stifling silence enveloped the space of the car as I sat frigidly on the passenger seat, my back straight and my fingers wrapped together in a rigid manner.

Kim Jongin was driving the car, his expression just as equally, if not more strained than my own. Neither of us spoke as the only apparent sound heard was the light hum of the vehicle engine as it powered down the freeway.

“Why.”

Jongin didn’t blink as I finally broke the silence, my voice coming out in a suspicious, frightened whisper, and the word that was meant to be a question came out more like a terrified statement.

“You said you wanted freedom, I’m giving it to you now.” Jongin’s voice was soft, but steady, “I’m giving you your Oh Sehun back.”

I bit my lips and turned my head away from him as I dug my nails into the palm of my hand.

Lies.

All lies.

Kim Jongin would never give me my Oh Sehun back.

He was driving me to meet Sehun right now for a reason.

A reason that was clearly obvious to the both of us, but neither of us dared to say it out loud.

He wanted me to see Sehun’s state right now. He wanted me to see how much Sehun was suffering. He wanted to push me further into despair so I could marry him.

Suddenly, a sense of tight suffocation enclosed itself around my heart, making its way creepily, eerily, stealthily up to my neck until it felt like my lungs had swelled up and all air had been forcibly squeezed out of me.

It was the feeling of desperation. It was the feeling of despair. The feeling where suddenly the realisation dawned me that no matter what I do, what I say, logic reasoning would never reach his mind. Even if I jumped out of the car right now and died in front of him, he would still believe he wasn’t wrong.

It was a brick wall I was facing. A brick wall so high and tall it enclosed its sides against each other, leaving no way of escape for him. A brick wall with stones so thick it refused to let any air through, leaving me to suffocate to death in there.

Yet all I could do was sit there frigidly in the car, watching the trees fly by in a blur as Jongin drove off the freeway, and stopped in front of a small cafe. I remained motionless in my seat as Jongin killed off the engine, and when even the light hum of the engine disappeared, the space became truly silence.

“Go.”

I turned my head painfully towards Jongin, and stared into his eyes. For once, I did not allow myself to fall into the deep abyss in his eyes, and neither did I lose myself in his dangerous attractiveness. Instead, I stared straight into his eyes, and allowed the agony and suffocation killing me slowly inside to surface in my eyes, pleading, begging, screaming for him to let me go.

Don’t push me into hell.

Don’t push me into despair.

Don’t, Jongin, Don’t.

For a spilt second, Jongin’s eyes flickered for a bit, and a slight look of pain crossed his handsome features. But, despite the brokenness that surfaced his voice, Jongin still said the very words I dreaded.

“Go meet Sehun.”

Without another word, Jongin leaned over, undid my seatbelt for me before stepping out of the car. I remained still in my seat, my heart sinking and breaking into pieces as he came over to my side and opened the car door for me.

“After you.”

I couldn’t feel myself afterwards. Somehow I dragged myself out of the car. Somehow I walked into the café. Somehow I didn’t break down or cry when I saw Sehun sitting on a table, his lips twitching into a tired smile as our eyes met.

As I walked over to Sehun and sat down, out of the corner of my eyes, Jongin’s presence in the car right outside the café burned deep into my brain, and I fumbled a bit as I sat down on the chair clumsily.

“A-are you okay, Nari?” Despite the haggardness evident on his face no matter the neatly gelled hair or the classy suit he was wearing, Sehun looked worried for me. And in that instant, I knew that Jongin had won.

How could I possibly let Sehun suffer and die under the hands of Jongin now that I saw him? The dark rings under his eyes, the fake smile on his face, the crumbled pride I knew that was eating away his heart inside made my heart beat painfully against my chest, and I knew that all I could do right now was to make him hate me.

Hate me so much it would overtake the pain that I would surely cause him with my own two hands.

Nodding my head lightly as a vague answer to Sehun’s questions, I kept my eyes down as a waitress came over and asked for our orders.

“One cappuccino please,” Sehun spoke to the waitress before looking over uncertainly at me, “And one hot chocolate-“

“-Do you have an